Monday, 30 April 2018

Lost All Hope

A good website which discusses the ins and outs of committing suicide.

Years later I put together this site. In doing so I researched suicide forums, books, blogs, newsgroups and websites. I am no longer surprised I failed. Because the more I read, the more I see how many ways there are to screw up killing yourself. The research would point to painless suicide being the problem. People that hang themselves, shoot themselves, throw themselves off the top of a building or cliff, don’t seem to engage in so much chat about how to do it.

The people who discuss suicide the most, think about it for the longest time, attempt suicide the most, yet fail suicide most often, are those looking for peaceful and painless methods to go. This site was designed to help people thinking of killing themselves. That help might consist of informing of the dangers of particular methods. And there are, many dangers, in many methods. They aren’t on this site to dishearten you, or overwhelm you with information, it is just the facts. A successful, painless suicide takes a lot of research and preparation. And, if you read as much information as I have, you will realise it does take effort.

I am glad you are reading this, because if you are, it means that at least some part of you believes there is a chance you can be helped. I hope you can spare a couple more minutes to read to the end of this page. If you can't, please at least read Surviving today before you go back to looking at ways to kill yourself.

I know what it is like to feel there is no hope left. To feel like there is nothing worth living for. To not be able to face the rest of your life. I know because I felt it myself, and I am truly sorry you are in that place. It probably means you are past caring about anybody or anything, and don't believe it's possible to change how you feel right now.


Think for a minute. Have you always felt like you do right now? The chances are, there were times in your life when you did not. Which means something in your life changed to get you where you are now. But that also means that something can change to get you away from where you are now. Seriously - life is changing all the time - yours included. Surely there were other times you felt really low and something happened to make you feel brighter?

People think about committing suicide as a solution to a problem they see no solution to. But here's the thing - even if you don't think there is a solution to your problems right now, that does not mean it does not exist. It just means that you can't see it right now.

Sunday, 29 April 2018

Kind Hearts and Coronets

"Kind hearts are more than coronets
And simple faith than Norman blood."
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, the leading poet of the Victorian age.

"When she marries for love, a woman is disinherited by her titled family. After her husband's death, she struggles to raise her son Louis (Dennis Price), always reminding him that he has been cheated out of a dukedom. The death of Louis's mother, an insult from a cousin, and rejection by his sweetheart Sibella all lead Louis to plan to kill the rival heirs to the title (all played by Sir Alec Guinness. He sets about his mission carefully, getting to know each of his relatives (who don't know who he really is) before murdering them." - M. Faust, Common Sense Media.

Directed by Robert Hamer, 1949
Based on the novel by Roy Horniman

Screenplay by Robert Hamer and John Dighton
Screenplay revisions by Nancy Mitford (uncredited)

Louis Mazzini's mother belongs to the aristocratic family D'Ascoyne, but she ran away with an opera singer. Therefore, she and Louis were rejected by the D'Ascoynes. Once adult, this distant poor relative of the Duke of D'Ascoyne decides to avenge his mother by becoming the next Duke of the family. Murdering the eight other heirs who stand ahead of him in the line of succession.

Starring Dennis Price as Louis, Valerie Hobson as Edith, Joan Greenwood as Sibella and Alec Guinness as the D'Ascoyne Family: The Duke / The Banker / The Parson / The General / The Admiral / Young Ascoyne / Young Henry / Lady Agatha


~ FILM ~

[first lines]

Warder in Jail: Good evening, Mr. Elliot.
The Hangman: Good evening.


Murder on his mind. Dennis Price stars as a distant heir to a dukedom intent on dispatching all the relatives keeping him from his inheritance in the black comedy Kind Hearts and Coronets.


Louis Mazzini: I made an oath that I would revenge the wrongs her family had done her. It was no more than a piece of youthful bravado, but it was one of those acorns from which great oaks are destined to grow. Even then I went so far as to examine the family tree and prune it to just the living members. But what could I do to hurt them? What could I take from them, except, perhaps, their lives.

Sibella: Lionel will be very rich one day.
Louis Mazzini: I might be a duke one day.
Sibella: Pigs might fly.
Louis Mazzini: No, I might. Really I might. You see, Mama was the daughter...
Sibella: [yawning] Oh yes, I know. Well, when you are a duke, you just come and show me your... crown, or whatever it's called, and then I'll feel awfully silly won't I?


Louis Mazzini: I couldn't help feeling that even Sibella's capacity for lying was going to be taxed to the utmost. Time had brought me revenge on Lionel, and as the Italian proverb says, revenge is a dish which people of taste prefer to eat cold.

Sibella: What would you say if she asked you about me?
Louis Mazzini: I'd say that you were the perfect combination of imperfections. I'd say that your nose was just a little too short, your mouth just a little too wide. But yours was a face that a man could see in his dreams for the whole of his life. I'd say that you were vain, selfish, cruel, deceitful. I'd say that you were adorable. I'd say that you were...Sibella.
Sibella: What a pretty speech.
Louis Mazzini: I mean it.
Sibella: [seductively] Come and say it to me again.

Sibella: Oh, the Italian men are so handsome...but I could never get away from Lionel for a moment. But, I was forgetting... you're Italian.
Louis Mazzini: Half.


Louis Mazzini: It was not a piece of news that I was looking forward to breaking to Sibella. She had no rights in the matter, but women have a disconcerting ability to make scenes out of nothing and approve themselves injured when they themselves are at fault.

Louis Mazzini: [after murdering his cousin along with his cousin's mistress] I was sorry about the girl, but found some relief in the reflection that she had presumably during the weekend already undergone a fate worse than death.

[Louis Mazzini just murdered his relative, Lady Agatha D'Ascoyne, who was distributing suffragette literature from a balloon over London]

Louis Mazzini: I shot an arrow in the air; she fell to earth in Berkeley Square.

"Sang doesn’t come much more froid than in Ealing Studios’ tartest and perhaps most sophisticated achievement: ‘Kind Hearts and Coronets’ is at once a witty comedy of manners, a grotesque serial-killer caper and an acerbic satire on the class system. Louis Mazzini (Dennis Price), scion of the D’Ascoyne clan by blood but denied his ducal due on account of his mother’s marriage to an Italian commoner, sets out to murder his way to the title he considers his birthright. His targets – all eight of them – are played by Alec Guinness in a succession of beautifully wrought miniature turns, from bibulous cleric to strident suffragette. But it’s Price who holds the piece together, endowing Louis with a feline mix of charm, taste and ruthlessness that anticipates Tom Ripley and Hannibal Lecter; as in their stories, the general ghastliness of everyone else makes it all the easier to root for his success. Credit is also due to Robert Hamer for his elegant direction and a screenplay (adapted from Roy Horniman’s novel) that is lean, sprightly and bristling with thorns." - Ben Walters, Time Out, 2011.

Louis Mazzini: While I never admired Edith as much as when I was with Sibella, I never longed for Sibella as much as when I was with Edith.


Sibella: I've married the dullest man in London.
Louis Mazzini: In England!
Sibella: In Europe!

Louis Mazzini: The next morning I went out shooting with Ethelred - or rather, to watch Ethelred shooting; for my principles will not allow me to take a direct part in blood sports.

Louis Mazzini: I want to talk to you for a minute. If you make a noise, I shall blow your head off at once. By the time anyone has heard the shot I shall be running back toward the castle shouting for help. I shall say that you stepped on the trap and your gun went off as you fell. So be quiet.

[lights cigarette]

Louis Mazzini: When I've finished I shall kill you. You will be the sixth D'Ascoyne that I've killed. You want to know why? In return for what the D'Acoyne's did to my mother. Because she married for love instead of for rank or money or land. They condemed her to a life of poverty and slavery, in a world for which they had not equipped her to deal. You yourself refused to grant her dying wish, which was to be buried here, at Chalfont. When I saw her poor little coffin slide underground, saw her exiled in death as she had been in life, I swore to have revenge on your intolerable pride. That revenge I am just about to complete.

Louis Mazzini: I considered it both seemly and touching that my dear wife should visit me as she did this morning, to make her farewells. Your arrival on the other hand, appears to me unseemly and tasteless in the extreme.
Sibella: I couldn't bear my last sight of you to be that look of hatred you gave me as you went out from the trial.
Louis Mazzini: In view of the fact that your evidence had put the rope around my neck, you could hardly expect a glance of warm affection.

Sibella: All of your cousins seem to get killed. I really wouldn't be the least surprised if you murdered them all.

[last lines]

Tit Bits reporter: Your grace. I represent the magazine Tit Bits by whom I'm commissioned to approach you for the publication rights of your memoirs.
Louis Mazzini: My memoirs? Oh, my memoirs. My memoirs. My memoirs!

[Mazzini suddenly realises that he has left his memoirs, in which he confesses to killing all his relatives, in the condemned cell after being released from prison]


The Parson: The port is with you.

Watch it!

Because Google and YouTube are engaged in a concerted campaign to deprive us of our rich heritage.

Friday, 27 April 2018

Forget What You Look Like

Netsky (feat. Lowell)
Pola & Bryson Remix



Open the door, get on the floor, it’s a selfie of a dinosaur


I just want to get high
Forget what you look like
I just want to get high
Forget what you look like
I just want to get high
Forget what you look like
Forget what this feels like
Forget about life, forget about life

I just want to get high
Forget what you look like

Pass me the tray
Cause I can't wait
To take you away
To a better place
And heaven can wait
Cause it's right here
The light aligned and it felt so near
And oh, I'm higher and higher
And oh, it's taking on water
And oh, it's hitting me harder
And oh

I just want to get high
Forget what you look like
I just want to get high
Forget what you look like
Forget about life, forget about life 

Thursday, 26 April 2018

Yes Or No

An excerpt from an interview with Dr. Jonathan Young, who was Joseph Campbell's assistant for many years.

"In The Power of Myth Campbell talked about suffering. There are all of these terrible things happening in the world and what do you do? How can you say 'yes' to vulgarity and cruelty?

You have to say 'yes,' but that doesn't mean being passive. It means accepting life and the world and avoiding the temptation to view things in opposites, to fall into dualistic thinking. This is good, that is bad; this is mine, this isn't mine; this is masculine, this isn't masculine. As Campbell put it, to be between the pairs of opposites is to embrace the range of life. Psychotherapy is about this, and wise political leadership is about having a larger vision.

What do we do with these seemingly unbridgeable differences that must be bridged? We have to say yes to the things we find most unacceptable. This is the individual's big challenge, to acknowledge these things in us that we consider garbage. We say, that's not me. But if you say this, it doesn't go away, it just goes unconscious. In stories, many times the magical character wants the garbage. When the Fairy Godmother shows up to help Cinderella, she says, 'Okay, we can get you to the ball, but I will need some mice, a couple of lizards, a rat, a pumpkin...' - she wants garbage. Psychologically, she wants the part of us we wish we could get rid of and then works with those to do magic: as if to show us that everything in there is made by the sacred energies - and they don't make junk."

Kindred Spirit (magazine), Issue 39, Summer 1997.


Wednesday, 25 April 2018