The Time of Global Shift

By Scott Mandelker, PhD

From the Seminar Transcript, 28 April 2002, in Louisville, Kentucky, US

“RA also said, that ‘for the perfectly balanced entity, no situation would have emotional charge, but would be a situation like any other in which they could observe an opportunity to be of service.’ This is also a very important teaching. They're saying that when we're in balance then no situation would be seen or felt to have an emotional charge, and further, that situations in and of themselves are not emotionally charged. Me losing my address book, or your spouse doing what they do is not a charged situation, though you might feel charged, and if you do feel charged it is definitely your own problem.

It doesn't mean we should blame ourselves, but first of all, we need to take responsibility for our side of the situation. So we can definitely learn to take responsibility for everything we need to in our lives, without blaming yourself or anyone else. That's great, isn't it? It's a real challenge, very, very subtle, right? To be able to say that, ‘I made this personal conflict, or at least I co-created it.’

 

You know, in reality and beyond our illusions of me and you, if you want to speak about evolution from the perspective of the Law of One and true unity, then you have to realise there's no one here but you. And so there can be no ‘other’ out there to do things to you, no matter how much it appears to be so. In the view of unity, the self makes it all, and reality does not fit with the ideas that, ‘I did this, and he did that, she has this, and they have that.’

All these may well be clear and useful karmic reflections, understanding the causal chain of why things happen to us and around us - but from a non-dual perspective, we don't even say that, ‘this is my field, and this is yours, we're connected!’ Frankly, that's not real unity at all.

In the view of non-dual fusion, the Law of One in soul-awareness, what I call your field is also my field, so you are not a separate ‘you,’ but instead, you are of this greater unified field in which all things can be seen as One Thing. And it's the same from you to me: I am Scott, but I am also you appearing as Scott. Of course, if you take this too far that is how people go insane, so you have to be careful with all this talk of unity! (laughter) Such distortion of unity can be called megalomania. I am good at that one.”

www.scottmandelker.com/TGS/SemTrans/ScottMan.html

It Ain’t Cool

You think it's cool to make me wait with bated breath for what you'll say
You think it's cool to be the overlord of all that you survey
You think it's clever being clever that you wear your fortune well
You think it's cool to be the foxy one, but time alone will tell

That it ain't cool
(It ain't cool)
It ain't cool
(It ain't cool)

You think it's cool to be the comic, making cracks at my expense
You think it's cool to sit in judgement when I ain't got no defence
You think it's witty being witty when you know my tongue is tied
You think it's cool to be a prankster but your jokes are passing wide

It ain't cool
(It ain't cool)
It ain't cool
(It ain't cool)

It ain't cool to count your blessings one by one (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool to say you've done what you ain't done (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool to claim your winnings when you poop on your beginnings
And another person's innings has begun

You think it's cool to be a sharpy as you cut me down to size
But it ain't cool (it ain't cool)
You think it's cool to brush aside the little people you despise
But it ain't cool (it ain't cool)
You think it's nifty being nifty, and you think you're no-one's fool
But you ain't cool (you ain't cool)
You think it's cool to hold your victim up to cruel ridicule
But it ain't cool (it ain't cool)


 

It ain't cool to be a cucker
It ain't cool to be a crut
It ain't cool to make your mucker
Wait upon their if, you, but
It ain't cool to think you're pucker
When you're tearing off a sheet
It ain't cool to make a sucker out of everyone you meet
It ain't cool (it ain't cool)

It ain't cool to count your blessings one by one (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool to say you've done what you ain't done (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool to do subtraction, when you're checking every fraction
Now your little piece of action has begun

It ain't cool (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool (it ain't cool)
It ain't cool

-       Lyrics of the song by Ian Dury and the Blockheads (featured on the album Ten More Turnips from the Tip, 2002, www.iandury.co.uk).

If you're going through hell, keep going

Interview with David Wilcock (extract) on Coast to Coast AM with George Noory

19 June 2007, Part III

Jeff: My name’s Jeff. I need some help getting my mind straight. I’m going through a divorce that I don’t want. I can’t seem to focus. All I...everything that comes to me is negative. I don’t want to live like that. That’s not my...that’s not the way I live. But I can’t seem to, to stay focussed. And I just wondered… how could I block out the negativity, and bring in the positive?

D: Well, that’s a really good question. I’ve been through three major relationships in my life, each of which ended in a separation and great depression and unhappiness.

Jeff: [flat] That’s where I am right now.

D: Yeah.

G: You know what? They say it takes at least a month for every year of the relationship.

Jeff: [sombre] This is over 13 years.

G: Yeah. So it’s going to take you at least a year to get over this.

Jeff: [fatalistic] I don’t know if I have that much time.

G: Oh, you’ve got to. You’ve…

Jeff: [crushed] I can’t stay like that for a year, you know?

G: You have to dig down, because one day you’re going to wake up in the morning, and David will attest to this, you’re going to wake up in the morning and go, “Why did I stress myself out over this?”

D: [crosstalk] Well Jeff, I can tell you something…

Jeff: I got less of, you know, all the bills and all the animals. I’ve had two spinal surgeries in the last two years. I can’t work right now, so I sit home all day alone, just dwelling.

G: Well, that’s the problem! First of all, Jeff, you’re dwelling on this stuff.

Jeff: Yeah. That’s what I do!

D: Okay. There’s one thing I want to point out that might not otherwise be mentioned. Part of the problem can become a chemical problem.

I noticed that when I was going through these periods, I would be stress eating. It’s really important that you get some kind of superfood, even if you don’t think it’s going to do anything. Some kind of super blue-green algae, chlorella or something like that.

G: No sugar, right, David?

D: Right, exactly. But take this superfood every day, like even two or three times a day. It’s loaded with B vitamins and all these things.

What happens is emotions are created by chemicals in the brain. If you don’t have the chemicals for happiness, which can happen in extreme stress, then you can’t feel happiness, because your brain doesn’t have the chemical anymore.

So you can rebuild…

Jeff: [crosstalk] What do you mean by superfood?

D: Okay. You go to the health food store. You find some kind of powder that’s green, and you mix it in whatever drink you want to have it in.

G: You know what? Water is the best thing.

D: Right. Exactly. And that, I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but you combine that with also taking something like tryptophan, it’s called. Another form of it is your B vitamins.

The most important thing of all is actually called essential fatty acids - EFAs, Omega 3, 6 and 9, specifically, and more important than that, even, is the superfood.

All I can tell you is that as far as emotional grieving, I recommend journalling. I recommend not trying to run away from the pain, because that’s what we end up doing.

We indulge in addictive behaviour where we’re basically watching TV or trying to not face it. I recommend going into it, writing about it, experiencing it, letting yourself have it move through you.

What you’re actually running away from, ultimately, is a projection of yourself. We bring these people into our lives as exaggerated representations of parts of ourselves that we still need to heal.

When we eventually get enough processing behind us, we realise that we were actually on a timeline where we were going to have to grow out of that relationship. Eventually we can see that it was beneficial.

But, as George was saying, man, it takes work. You have to just commit to yourself, and realise that life is worth living.

If you actually did commit suicide - I’m not saying you’re suicidal at all, but some people might be - that causes an immediate reincarnation [Note: I don’t believe this to be true personally], and you have to go through the same thing all over again.

So, it doesn’t solve anything. What you can do to solve it, though, is to get your nutrition up. Get some exercise. Get out in the sunlight.

In fact, the rods and cones in the eye are connected to the endocrine system. If you don’t get full-spectrum light at least 15 minutes a day, which means sunlight without sunglasses, then your endocrine system gets all screwed up, and you can’t re-absorb those stress hormones.

So, it’s a complex procedure, but the short and sweet version is: journal about your pain, write it down, try to stay in a meditative state, try to feel for the love and light, try to look for the good whenever you can.

Do things to distract yourself, if need be, that are non-chemical in nature. Take the superfoods, and really just try to be at peace with yourself, and rediscover yourself if at all possible.

G: And get away from any negativity. As difficult as it is right now.

D: Absolutely.

G: But the day will come. The day will come, Jeff. You’ll wake up in the morning and go, “Whoa! I can’t believe I went through all that!” You know?

D: It’s layers. You peel up the layers, and you keep going through the pain. And then you think you’ve got it, and then something triggers you and you get hit again. And you have to move through it again.

You know what? After a while, if you keep doing that work, you might get triggered again, but there’s this part of ourselves [that is making irreversible growth, and eventually we realise that it just doesn’t hurt as much, or last as long, anymore.]…

www.divinecosmos.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=345&Itemid=7

Adversity


"If you're going through hell, keep going." ~ Winston Churchill

‘Thank you God for helping me to understand that this problem has already been solved for me.’

Neale Donald Walsch interviewed by Lilou Macé, 2011

Neale Donald Walsch: You know, my favourite prayer is this one: ‘Thank you God for helping me to understand that this problem has already been solved for me.’ Has already been solved for me. So, instead of trying to call a solution to us, instead of asking God for help, or trying to bring a solution to us, we are announcing that the solution is already here. And our opportunity is to step into it and to step into it fully and, I want to say, immediately, as quickly as our mind will allow.
 

Lilou: Even if all the outside doesn’t show any…

Neale Donald Walsch: Especially for the outside. You see, judge not by appearances. The mind will create one story after the other to convince us that what is really true on a spiritual, metaphysical level is not true. We’ve fallen down the rabbit hole and we’re listening to the Mad Hatter. He’s pouring tea into a cup that has no bottom. And he is swearing that what is so is not so and what is not so is so. And we’ve bought into the illusion. We’ve taken the blue pill instead of the red pill. We’re in the Matrix. And we are believing what the Matrix is showing us rather than what we know to be really true. So, especially, especially if the appearances are dire and horrible and look like there’s no way out. But the question’s larger than the question you’re asking me because it isn’t just about how to solve the problem of how to get out of this mess. The real question is how to deal with this mess while we’re in this mess. And that is a process by which we recontextualise the whole experience. It is about taking what is happening to us right now and changing our mind about it, changing our thought about it. 

Lilou: And about ourselves too.

Neale Donald Walsch: Exactly. It’s about holding it in a new way. It’s about embracing the present circumstances just the way it is without it really needing to be any different and beholding the opportunity in that and beholding the gift in that. Because, as Conversations With God says, what you resist, persists. But, what you look at – and I man look at with the eyes of the Soul – what you look at disappears; that is, it ceases to have its illusory form. And, when we see what’s going on in our lives for what it really is and when we really get in touch with what’s important in life, suddenly our situation doesn’t feel so dire. It doesn’t feel so terribly, terribly desperate. And when that feeling of desperation, that feeling of panic, that feeling of ‘Oh my God, what am I going to do?’ - when that feeling leaves us, the energy shift inside of us is quite remarkable. And even just that energy shift alone begins to set up an energy field – what I call a contextual field – that creates the possibility of something other than what we’re now experiencing showing up in our life and being created in our life though the process of non-resistance.

www.nealedonaldwalsch.com and www.juicylivingtoour.com

In God’s Reality, pain and suffering cannot exist

By Saul

Channelled through John Smallman, 6 November 2011

The waiting is almost over as you prepare to terminate your support for the illusion and allow it to dissolve into nothingness.  It was but a brief idea with which you played for a moment and is soon to be forgotten; and yet while you have entertained the idea of it, it seems to have lasted for eons, and that is what you have been experiencing.  Be glad that you have chosen to awaken and withdraw your support from it.  By ceasing to play games driven by fear and anxiety, you open your hearts to the divine Love field that has always been there for you and you realize that Love is everything and contains everything.  You could compare It to the air that you breathe (as you occupy your bodily forms), in that It is all pervasive, but Its vastness is far beyond anything you can conceive of, and It could never be contaminated in any way because It is the perfect divine and limitless environment in which all of creation has its existence.

Because it appears to you that the illusion is very solid, very real, and very ancient, and because you have become very familiar with the pleasures and pains that it offers, your major hope has always been for an enormous improvement in the way that you experience it.  You believe that if you can clean up your act by treating the environment with respect, greatly reducing pollution, ending wars, and honoring all people that you can achieve this.

Undoubtedly this is a great project, and as you release more and more of your unloving attitudes and beliefs, much can be achieved.  Nevertheless, what you are presently experiencing is illusory, and when you awaken into Reality the issues and problems of your illusory world will be gone forever.

To awaken is your destiny; it cannot be avoided, and for this be thankful because what it offers you is eternal bliss.  In Reality, fear, doubt, anxiety, loneliness, conflict, and the large selection of other unpleasant states that give rise to pain and suffering just do not and cannot exist because it offers them no space in which they could develop.

Reality is Heaven, Paradise, the Home of God.  It is limitless, boundless, and contains all of creation, all that exists.  There is nowhere and nothing else, and so, even as you experience the illusion, you have your eternal existence in this moment and in every moment permanently within God’s divine Reality as essential and inseparable parts of It; there is nowhere else that you could be. You are perfect divine beings forever ensconced in Heaven.

The nightmare of the illusion, which appears to hold you within it, is in fact something quite ephemeral that you have chosen to hold within your own minds. And you are changing your minds because you have decided that you no longer want or need an illusory place in which to play what are basically rather unpleasant games.  You have decided that the time for playing games and hiding from God is no longer appealing or of interest, and so you are choosing to awaken to experience once more your Father’s heavenly Reality.  It is a very wise decision, and one that you will never regret.

To awaken, after burying yourselves so deeply in the illusion, is a very demanding task, and, as in a dream, it appears to have been an extremely long and drawn out operation.  Even now the illusion seems very real as you make your ways most effectively towards awakening.  Refocus on releasing all unloving attitudes and behaviors, and ask for help from your enthusiastic guides and angels to embrace only attitudes and behaviors that are totally loving.  In your quiet times of relaxation and meditation put yourselves in mind of those you love and release or let go of any thoughts that distract you from this.  Love is all there is, so remind yourselves of this and of how dearly loved you all are as God’s divine children, and the time until you awaken will pass easily and swiftly.

With so very much love, Saul.

www.johnsmallman.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/in-gods-reality-pain-and-suffering-cannot-exist

"Wanna make a monster? Take the parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable — your weaknesses, bad thoughts, vanities, and hungers — and pretend they’re across the room. It’s too ugly to be human. It’s too ugly to be you. Children are afraid of the dark because they have nothing real to work with. Adults are afraid of themselves." — Richard Siken.

♥ Love is all there is ♥

You demonstrate what you believe

By Saul
Channelled through John Smallman, 30 October 2011

Despite any doubts you may have, the moment for humanity's awakening into full consciousness is getting ever closer, and it will not be delayed or prevented. As light- bearers your task is simply to do as you have been doing and hold the light on high so that all may see it.  Many are looking for it, and as it is the divine intent that they find it, then they will.

To hold the light is to demonstrate loving attitudes at all times.  Of course, as incarnate beings in the illusion, your capabilities are limited and your egos can and do interfere, causing you to sometimes think, speak, or act impulsively in ways that you may later regret.  Do not judge yourselves harshly for errors occurring in this way.  If an apology would be appropriate, make it sincerely and move on.  Be aware that admitting to another that you have made an error is healing for you, and can be very inspiring for the other.  If the other chooses not to accept your apology it is of no real consequence; what matters is that you corrected your error, which is in itself loving behavior, and that is what you are intending to live and demonstrate.

To demonstrate is to teach, and you demonstrate what you believe.  This can be very revealing when a belief is claimed and something different is demonstrated by behavior and lifestyle.  Make sure that what you demonstrate is what you want to teach; if it is not, then you need to reassess, reevaluate, and revise your beliefs to correct this imbalance.  Many claim honorable beliefs but are unable to demonstrate them in their own lives, and when you notice this kind of conflict between belief and display it can serve as a useful reminder to check and confirm that the beliefs you are demonstrating are those you intend to demonstrate.  For instance, it is very easy to slip into unloving behavior by just failing to pay attention when rushing somewhere to avoid being late.

In the illusion, life is confusing, because you want to behave lovingly and yet frequently you find yourselves in situations in which it appears that to do so will cost you respect and honor because you will seem weak when you are expected to be forceful.  But that is not the case: it is easy to be forceful because being forceful is endemic.  But it does not lead to agreement or resolution as it causes defensiveness, and often issues that need to be addressed are avoided or passed over.  Whereas to behave lovingly is strong; it requires and demonstrates courage, and provides a space in which meaningful discussion can take place.

When you awaken into full consciousness, all behavior will be loving so that the highest good is always sought and achieved.  When people believe in and demonstrate loving attitudes there is no need to consider the possibility of deceit, betrayal, or hidden agendas, because those are issues which never arise.

As light-holders, you are demonstrating the effectiveness of loving behavior, as in the space provided by those attitudes, free and open discussion can and does occur, and remarkable resolutions to difficult problems emerge.  More and more of you are doing this all over the world with amazing results, encouraging others to do likewise.  This is an unstoppable wave of spiritual evolution that is spreading across the planet as you approach the moment of your awakening.

Love overwhelms all that would dishonor or disparage It because It is the divine energy field that enfolds creation in Its irresistible embrace.  Humanity is to awaken into the wonder of this divine Reality.

With so very much love, Saul.

http://johnsmallman.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/you-demonstrate-what-you-believe

Maintaining A High Vibration

By Lord Melchizedek

Channelled through Randall T. Monk, January 2009

Greetings beloveds. When basic needs are barely met and/or you are faced with other life challenges, you are in a perfect space to raise your vibration and the vibration of All That Is. Your first inclination may be to get caught up in fear. We invite you to look at your predicament in a new light, from a different perspective. First of all, we suggest that you embrace the fear rather than avoid it. Fear is merely energy - a vibration, a thought form. As a human you have the ability to change your thought forms, and thereby change your feelings, which will change your vibration and your connection with All That Is.

This may not be an easy task when you first attempt it, but it will become easier as you put it into practice more often.

What you have with challenging situations are opportunities. Challenging situations are opportunities to increase your vibration. We have told you previously that you are never given a challenge without the solution. The solutions to your challenges are always available.

Of course if you are focussing on the challenge you may not see the solution, so it is of paramount importance to focus on the solution.

As you focus on the solution you will receive guidance, which can come from many different sources. If you are able to see images you may get a mental picture of the solution. It may come in the form of an idea. The solution may come from something a friend tells you. It can come from anywhere; so we ask that you remain vigilant, remain aware and be present.

You are moving through a time of unprecedented opportunity for personal growth and spiritual development.

We encourage you to embrace your power and accept your role as the powerful human you are. We ask that you accept your role as the powerful spiritual being you are. Of course, we ask this only if it feels appropriate for you.

Will it be easy? Probably not at first, but it will get easier, especially if you ask to move through this phase of your life with ease and grace. It can be difficult and/or it can be easy; it is your attitude toward the situation that makes the difference. Do you look at your life challenges with dread or do you look at your life challenges as an opportunity to grow - an opportunity to raise your vibration?

Your attitude changes everything. Your attitude determines your vibration. Different things happen when you carry a high vibration rather than a low vibration: your world changes.

Peace and confidence about your ability to handle anything presented to you is available. You have the capacity to manage any challenge that comes your way. You are not given an obstacle that you cannot overcome. We ask that you reach inside and find the strength and determination to meet your challenges.

You have reserves available that you haven't tapped yet. You also have help available to you from the other side of the veil when you ask for assistance. When you take that first step, we will be there to assist you when you ask for our assistance. Once again, you must be conscious and aware of the guidance you receive.

You are on planet Earth by choice. You are here because you wanted to be here during this time to assist with the raising of the consciousness of your planet. All of the answers and abilities you require to move through this are already inside you, waiting to be released via your vibration.

Ask yourself periodically what kind of vibration you are emitting. Are you radiating a high vibration or a low vibration? Are you sending a vibration of strength and power or a vibration of weakness and defeat? Are you sending the vibration of one who knows that you are creating your reality, and accepts responsibility for it, or the vibration of a victim, thus avoiding responsibility for your creations? Are you worrying about the future or are you grateful for the present? Are you concerned about where your next meal will come from or do you appreciate the food you are eating now? We ask that you be present and appreciate the air you breathe, the water you drink and whatever else you have to appreciate. Are you worrying about your future or are you appreciating the beauty in your day, the smile of another person, the beauty of a sunrise or sunset, the beauty of the landscape, etc?

You are more powerful than you know. You are more capable than you know. Your willingness to accept and exercise your power and move through your challenges with a high vibration does more good for you and others than you know.

We ask that you embrace your power and consider looking at your world (which includes your challenges) with new eyes and a new approach. Rather than succumb to life's challenges we ask that you resolve to find your power and exercise it for your highest good and the highest good of all.

We remind you that you are a POWERFUL being and ask that you consider accepting your power.

We encourage you to embrace fear when it comes up and focus on the solutions to your challenges as you anticipate receiving guidance.

You are loved beyond your knowing.

I AM Melchizedek.

www.timelyguidance.com/melchizedek.html

Conflict Resolution on the Higher Planes

By James Clair Lewis

If a conflict is resolved on the Higher Planes, then it will cease to exist in the Material World. This is especially important to comprehend with severe conflicts, which if they reached down to manifest on the Physical Plane, would result in violent combat. This technique does not violate another person's free will, nor impose anything upon them, because what is being explained here is actually just a form of communication.

All of us exist simultaneously on all planes of existence. That some people are not aware of this, is the reason why we have conflicts in the first place. That a person isn't aware of their simultaneous existence on the physical and the higher planes, is no reason why you cannot reach them there. When you contact a person through the Spiritual Plane to hash out your differences, they have to listen to all that you have to say, and you have to listen to all that they have to say. There is some wisdom in all of us, even in the most foolish and barbaric. Comprehending where they are coming from, is an important Key to Spiritual development, because it will enable you to more fully encompass all of what we are.

When you use this technique two things will happen. First you will see that the person you have a conflict with, will have changed their attitude somewhat, and that things will move much more smoothly. That they probably won't know why, is their problem, not yours. Isn't it better not to have a conflict going on?

The second thing that will happen, is that your own attitude will have changed, too. You will have a wider scope of understanding from which to deal with the world. There certainly can be nothing wrong with that!

The technique is quite simple, and there are two ways of going about it. The direct way, is to focus upon the essence of the person you are in conflict with, and to initiate communication on the Spiritual Plane. You visualise the relationship, and indicate how you want it changed. Pay attention to their Spiritual response, because we all have agendas & needs. Adapt your point of view to accommodate everything involved. Major changes in relationships & situations can be effected in this way.

The indirect method is also quite effective, and recommended if you find the first method too difficult to achieve. Before you put your body to rest for the night, bring to mind the situation, and make the point that you want to contact that person that night to resolve your conflicts. Then simply go to sleep, and it will all be dealt with on the Astral Plane. You might even dream about it...

The advantage of conflict resolution on the higher planes, is that you get to deal directly with the other person's higher nature, instead of merely their Ego (or your own). This gets around all the mundane issues that cluster around the Material World, like actually hearing what they have to say, and getting them to actually hear what you have to say. This can save you a lot of time, grief, suffering, and in extreme cases, even physical combat which might lead to somebody's death.

www.jamesclairlewis.com/pages/metaphysics/conflictresolution.html

Argument Clinic

Man looking for an argument (Michael Palin): Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
Receptionist (Rita Davies): Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
Receptionist: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
Man: Well, er, what would be the cost?
Receptionist: Oh yes. It's five…it’s one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
Man: Mmm. Well, I think it’s probably best if I start with the one and see how it goes from there. OK?
Receptionist: Fine. I'll see who's free at the moment. Er… [Checks her book] Mr. Du-Bakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Yes, er, try Mr. Barnard: Room 12.
Man: Thank you.

[Walks down the hall. Opens door]
Mr. Barnard (Graham Chapman): WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Man: Well, I was told outside that...
Mr. Barnard: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
Man: What?
Mr. Barnard: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type makes me puke! YOU VACUOUS, TOFFEE-NOSED, MALODOROUS, PERVERT!!!
Man: What? I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT!
Mr. Barnard: OH! Oh, oh I'm sorry, this is abuse.
Man: [Relieved] Oh. Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Mr. Barnard: Oh no, you want 12A, next door.

Man: [Very polite] Oh, I see. Sorry.
Mr. Barnard: Not at all. No, that’s alright.
Man: Thank You.
Mr. Barnard: [Under his breath after the man closes the door behind him] Stupid git!!

[Walks down the corridor]
Man: [Knock]
Mr. Vibrating (John Cleese): Come in.
Man: Is this the right room for an argument?
Mr. Vibrating: I’ve told you once.
Man: No you haven't.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I have.
Man: When?
Mr. Vibrating: Just now.
Man: No you didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: Didn't
Mr. Vibrating: I did!
Man: Didn't!
Mr. Vibrating: I'm telling you I did!
Man: You did not!!
Mr. Vibrating: Oh, I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
Man: Oh! Ha. [Relieved] Oh, just the five minute one.
Mr. Vibrating: Fine. [Makes a note of it] Thank you.

Man [Clears his throat and sits down enthusiastically]

Mr. Vibrating: Anyway, I did.
Man: You most certainly did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Now, let's get this thing quite clear; I most definitely told you.
Man: You did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: You did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: Didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: Didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: Look, this isn't an argument!
Mr. Vibrating: Yes it is.
Man: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: Yes it is!
Mr. Vibrating: It is not.
Man: It is. You just contradicted me.
Mr. Vibrating: I did not.
Man: Oh you did!!
Mr. Vibrating: Oh, no, no, no.
Man: You did, just then.
Mr. Vibrating: No, no, no. Nonsense!
Man: Oh, look, this is futile!
Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: I came here for a good argument.
Mr. Vibrating: No you didn't; you came here for an argument.
Man: Well, an argument’s not the same as contradiction.
Mr. Vibrating: Can be.
Man: No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements to establish a definite proposition.
Mr. Vibrating: No it isn’t.
Man: Yes it is! It isn’t just contradiction.
Mr. Vibrating: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
Man: But it isn’t just saying 'No it isn't.'
Mr. Vibrating: Yes it is!
Man: No it isn't!

Mr. Vibrating: Yes it is!
Man: Argument’s an intellectual process. Contradiction is just an automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: Yes, it is.
Mr. Vibrating: Not at all.
Man: Now look, I’ve… [Points his finger]
Mr. Vibrating: [Rings bell] Thank you. Good Morning.
Man: What?
Mr. Vibrating: That's it. Good morning.
Man: I was just getting interested.
Mr. Vibrating: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
Man: That was never five minutes just now!
Mr. Vibrating: [Smiles] ‘Fraid it was.
Man: [Encouraged] No, it wasn't. [Smiles]
[Pause]
Mr. Vibrating: Sorry, I'm not allowed to argue anymore. [Looks away]
Man: What?!
Mr. Vibrating: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
Man: But that was never five minutes, just now. [Pause] Oh, come on! [Pause]
Mr. Vibrating: [Looks up at the ceiling]
Man: This is ridiculous.
Mr. Vibrating: I'm very sorry, but I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
Man: Oh, alright. [Pays money] There you are.
Mr. Vibrating: Thank you.
[Pause]
Man: Well?
Mr. Vibrating: Well what?
Man: That was never five minutes, just now.
Mr. Vibrating: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
Man: I just paid!
Mr. Vibrating: No you didn't.
Man: I DID!
Mr. Vibrating: No you didn't.

Man: I DID!
Mr. Vibrating: No you didn't.

Man: I DID!
Mr. Vibrating: [Indecipherable]

Man: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
Mr. Vibrating: Well, I’m very sorry but you didn't pay.
Man: Aha! [Pointing] Well, if I didn't pay, why are you arguing? Got you!
Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
Man: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
Mr. Vibrating: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
Man: Oh I've had enough of this.
Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
Man: Oh Shut up.

[Storms off. Walks down the stairs. Opens door]
Man: I want to complain.
Complainer (Eric Idle): [Sitting in his chair with one foot on the desk] YOU want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had ‘em three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
Man: No, I want to complain about the man...
Complainer: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother… [Gives up and leaves the room] and my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.

[Walks down corridor]
Man: [Opening the door] I want to comp... [Spreaders is already standing at the door and clobbers him on the head with a large comedy mallet] OW!!

Spreaders: Hold your head like this and then go Waaah. Try it again. [Hits him on the head again]

Man: [In agony] Wouuuwwhh!!

Spreaders: Better, better, but Waah, Waah! Hold your hands here.

Man: No.

Spreaders: Now… [Hits him on the head a third time]

Man: Waaaaah!!!

Spreaders: Good. Good! That's it! That’s it! Good!

Man: Stop hitting me!!

Spreaders: What?

Man: Stop hitting me!!

Spreaders: Stop hitting you?

Man: Yes!

Spreaders: Well, ah, what did you come in here then?

Man: I came in here to complain.

Spreaders: Oh, I’m sorry, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.

Man: [Places his hands on his hips] What a stupid concept.

-       Monty Python’s Flying Circus (Episode 29, written by the Monty Python team, BBC TV, 1972).