Monstaville Book II. Chapter 1

1

“If something ails or bothers you it is not the thing itself but the importance you attach to it - and that you have the power to change at any time.”

- Marcus Aurelius.

Angel Card: Grace - amidst hatred and ignorance.

Some serious shit flying around where I live - no wonder I forgot my house keys last night. Perhaps I didn’t want to come back to all this. The young souls resent my potential power and wisdom, afraid or jealous or just thriving on their physical and worldly power. I’m surrounded by them. Today was the sunniest day of the year. The Jamaican people at the back played fairly loud music so I wore ear plugs during tai chi then the father of the family next door deliberately mowed his lawn! They’re all bullies! I had to think - don’t resist evil. But also, today, I am aware that if ever there was a time I might commit suicide for real this is it so Beware! I can’t shoot the neighbours and I can’t endure a renewed harassment campaign [in my recently weakened position]. Tai chi was very slow, powerful and wonderful today apart from that (if I’d been stuck outside all night and couldn’t get home none of this would have happened).

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” - Buddha.

Loud music with the doors or windows of a house or car open is ‘fuck you’ violence and a clear sign that people don’t care about anyone but themselves. I’m sorry, English people might generally be too well behaved but, here, the place I’m living in is zoo!

“If I had no sense of humour, I would long ago have committed suicide.” – Gandhi. 

Two Wolves - A Cherokee Parable.

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life. ‘A fight is going on inside me,’ he said to the boy. ‘It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt and ego. The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too.’ The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf will win?’ The old chief simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’

"The process of fighting something only feeds and strengthens what we are fighting." - Jiddu Krishnamurti.

AThose with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.@ - Gandhi.

Very old Pigsy notes.

1. One day, this guy will regret what he has done, perhaps after this lifetime is over. He may struggle to forgive himself. He’ll suffer karma, etc, owing to identification with all this as reality. So, have sympathy - open your heart and forgive. Think of his future misery. He will suffer enough without you rejecting him, writing him off as you do to aggressive people (and probably shouldn’t...haha). Reject no one. Personne. All are God’s children. Be gentle and let him off as his karma is already sewn, his future lessons in the mail.

2. Know the light but keep the dark: be your true self - light - but allow the dark to exist outside without engaging with it or letting it affect you. Let it be. Don’t feed it. It seeks to feed on your energy and reduce your light. So you have to retain your light and increase it. Ignore the pestering and attacks and prove yourself ever more pure and bright. Shine with your being instead of wasting energy engaging in petty battles with your persecutors. Let them do as they wish. Keep an open heart, be your inner light and be modest, humble and yielding on the outside. Or still - unmoved. Then they get no energy from you and they keep away from you because you have no fear and remain confident and powerful. Your power doesn’t feed theirs, so it remains that of light.

“I am already given to the power that rules my fate. And I cling to nothing, so I will have nothing to defend. I have no thoughts, so I will see. I fear nothing, so I will remember myself.” - don Juan (Tales of Power by Carlos Castaneda, Pocket Books, New York, U.S., 1974).

March 2003.

You must always treat others the way you would want to be treated yourself regardless of how they treat you. That is the law of the celestial land, the Way of Heaven (which is founded on love). All are One and, if you know this, you must express that reality irrespective of others’ destructive projections of illusion, of the subconscious, the ego and the lower self. You must rise above that level of consciousness in yourself. Always strive to free yourself from it and love others equally, conveying power creatively and wisely.

“I would like to explain the meaning of compassion which is often misunderstood. Genuine compassion is based not on our own projections and expectations, but rather on the rights of the other: irrespective of whether another person is a close friend or an enemy, as long as that person wishes for peace and happiness and wishes to overcome suffering, then on that basis we develop a genuine concern for his or her problems. This is genuine compassion. Usually when we are concerned about a close friend, we call this compassion. This is not compassion; it is attachment. Even in marriage, those marriages that last only a short time, do so because of attachment - although it is generally present - but because there is also compassion. Marriages that last only a short time do so because of a lack of compassion; there is only emotional attachment based on projection and expectation. When the only bond between close friends is attachment, then even a minor issue may cause one´s projections to change. As soon as our projections change, the attachment disappears, because that attachment was based solely on projection and expectation. It is possible to have compassion without attachment, and similarly, to have anger without hatred. Therefore we need to clarify the distinctions between compassion and attachment, and between anger and hatred. Such clarity is useful in our daily life and in our efforts toward world peace. I consider these to be basic spiritual values for the happiness of all human beings, regardless of whether one is a believer or a nonbeliever.” - The Dalai Lama.

“Every day...in each moment we have a choice to make. Do we project to people a made up image of a person that we really are not, or do we show them our ‘real’ self. I suppose that I would say that healthy relationships cannot be maintained with family, friends and co-workers, if we are just on a stage - acting. I mean, how many lives to we have? We don't live forever. Maybe it would be best to be real with ourselves and others.” - Jaye Morris, Curator.

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed." - Dr. Wayne Dyer, PhD.

24 March 2003.

Important combination of realisations that took me to a new level of understanding, and vision of ideal simplicity and relationship to the world of illusion...Just as I thought I was about to break through to a new level of awareness and state of spiritual realisation and detachment, I lost it!  And I have gone back several steps, though perhaps growth is just that - three steps forward and two steps back, a gradual process.

"A wise man, recognising that the world is but an illusion, does not act as if it is real, so he escapes the suffering." – Buddha.

1. Richard Gere, in a documentary, says Buddha’s last words are reported to have been ‘tame the mind.’ A Buddhist priest was interviewed and one could see his concentration and control of his mind. We should all strive to achieve that level of self-discipline and mental poise. Richard Gere mentioned the Dalai Lama laughing in his face that he considered the tears and laughter he enacted in his work as an actor to represent real tears and laughter in human life! Because they weren’t real either! So, he was acting acting parts, not reflecting reality, just mirroring illusion we think is reality.

2. Paco Rabanne (Journey. From One Life to Another, Element Books Limited, Dorset, U.K., 1997).

On humility (p.157): “The secret which allows us not to judge is humility, that queen of virtues, so simple and yet so rare. Rare because the whole of our personality opposes it; simple because reason itself has convinced us of the need to be humble. For we are all, every one of us, a parcel of the whole, a cell of the divine cosmos. Why should one drop of water despise the next drop of water? They are strictly identical, a part and a reflection of the ocean in which they find their reason for existing. When I find myself before another person I know and I feel that in spite of superficial differences, we have the same origin, the same hope to solve the unease which is our condition on earth.”

I read the first bit in the morning after not reading the book for a couple of days (I’m a page or two from the end) - as if waiting for this time, as if it’s related to my downfall the next morning. I was thinking, how can a former Egyptian priest now be a Christian, and how can such mortality, albeit powerful, be an advanced level of spiritual growth and maturity than that? Well, perhaps now I have my answer. Being fleshbound, living in our kind of material-oriented society, not working as a priest or living as a monk, reminds us of our vulnerability and this may help to open the heart (it is not done for us; we must blossom as individuals). A higher level of power is sacrificed. The higher energy fuels our desires, vices, pride and conceit if we have not learned to control them and tame the mind. And this may take a lifetime. Once we have power, if we cannot maintain stillness and self-control, it is harder for us to develop self-discipline. The mind is energised. We are more confident. When we follow the senses, there is more of us to be lost and engulfed in the world of illusion and the Higher Self won’t be dragged down into it! That’s why we lost our wholeness in the first place, divided by the flesh, to reduce our power so we’re less of a danger to ourselves and the universe.

If we centre ourselves in illusion then our attachment separates us from the divine. The Self does not recognise illusion or negativity. It stays where it is - as eternal reality. If we cannot leave the earthy nest and fly then we’re stuck there. The Mother Goddess will feed and sustain us with morsels of energy and spiritual peace, love and joy, but we must fly up to the Sun. We must leave the world of illusion ourselves, using our own strength and wisdom, our own wings. The Sun does not, cannot, come to our rescue and remove us from the world of matter. Perhaps it could, but then we would remain weak and fall back down again. We must be tested and learn to use our wings, to stand on our own two feet and fly in the lofty heavens. God will help inspire and uplift our minds temporarily but we must raise our will to centre ourselves there permanently. Otherwise, we’ll keep falling down and scrambling to our feet, never going anywhere, never flying away from the nest of illusion. We must be motivated, clarify our intent and love infinite Reality, the garden of peach blossoms above this murky little ditch we’ve rolled into.

If you get down and quarrel everyday
You're saying prayers to the devil, I say
Why not help another on the way
Make it much easier
Say you just can't live that negative way
You know what I mean
Make way for the positive day…

Rastaman Vibration yeah! Positive
I and I vibration yeah! Irie Ites
Vibes, got to have a good vibe
Picking up.
Are you picking up now

- Bob Marley (‘Positive Vibration,’ 1979).

3. I watched Episode 27 of Monkey today. Buddha explains that the monk’s disciples must not argue and fight. He shares the realisation that we choose our challenges on Earth because we need them for our growth. If we could escape from them, we would soon beg for their return so we could find our way to fulfilment.

There is a general feeling that all is illusion and of the mindfulness of the Buddhist adept (that is, no dependency on the world of matter). In fact, the simpler one’s life and existence in the world, the more of one’s mind is freed up to embrace and enjoy the eternally joyous true self, the Buddha nature!

“All the experiences of life have their purpose and are stages which must be passed through, but when the experience is completed, he is at fault who lingereth and faileth to pass on to further tests and greater endeavours.” - St. Francis (The Shining Brother. Recording the spirit return of St. Francis of Assisi and its sequel Francis Speaks Again by Laurence Temple, Psychic Press, London, U.K., 1941/1970, p.187).

My heart is hurting a lot more than it was from Pigsy knocking on my door.

Peace and love, man...

Keep up those good vibes. Easy Rider - ‘We blew it’ - means that they didn’t quite stay positive and didn’t have pure ideals or remain true to themselves. They were too worldly and animal. Having not freed themselves inwardly from the world, the external freedom of having made a lot of dosh was meaningless. They were still in the world yet vulnerable because they weren’t totally in it. So, those who were totally identified with their animal natures bullied and finally killed them all. After George’s death, they went to party, to the whorehouse and Mardi Gras, and took acid. Caused stress, used their freedom for sensual pleasure and thrills, emotions, etc. Still on a human level. That’s why the rednecks shot them. They weren’t careful enough. They didn’t find their own peace in which to conceal themselves. They left too many traces - their attachments - and were easy prey, living targets. Smile, relax: everything’s cool! It’s all funny. Chill. Nothing is so serious or miserable.

Before the film, I was walking behind a tall man in Liverpool Street Station. His energy was all physical like Pigsy’s and he walked like an animal. I just thought, ‘That’s someone to avoid.’ Alien to me. I’m delicate physically and that makes me more centred in my mind (and vice versa). That’s why my body’s like this, more feminine. You just keep away from potential monsters. Even when they’re your neighbour, live in the same house or on your doorstep as in Bloomsbury! [When the junkies hung around that area after being moved on from Kings Cross]. Same goes for Pigsy: mentally, you’re strong enough to combat him so you must use your mind at a distance to keep him away physically and ensure that you avoid him. He can only cause damage with his physical strength and confidence so he wishes to use that - but you prevent him. It’s an effort and stressful, but that’s just the way it is. In the same world, but opposite realms. Closely located physically but with as much space as possible between us. He lives upstairs and I live downstairs. It’s not forever. We need never meet again. I can control the distance with my will.

“The most valuable possession you can own is an open heart. The most powerful weapon you can be is an instrument of peace.” - Carlos Santana.

Pigsy is cunning too, like Robert Elmer Kleason’s description of a psycho killer: “very evily crafty”! Bullies are sneaky.

Caine (David Carradine): Master, do we seek victory in contention.

Master Kan (Philip Ahn): Seek rather not to contend

Caine: But, shall we not then be defeated?

Master Kan: 'We know that where there is no contention, there is neither defeat nor victory. The supple willow does not contend against the storm, yet it survives.’

                - Kung Fu (Season 1, Episode 1, ‘King of the Mountain,’ 1972).

Caine (David Carradine): I do not know your Bible, but our sage, Laozi, has written, ‘A wise man does not contend; therefore, no one can contend against him. Yield and overcome.

                - Kung Fu (Season 2, Episode 7, ‘The Tong,’ 1973).

[P]: Flexibility. Said don’t just stick to one thing. Be light on your feet (that’s how he saw me). You’re able to do different things then. This is a problem. I never know what it means (like the Mandarin saying I’m wearing blinkers and not open).

It may mean not sticking to one thing (like the tai chi class...you can do other classes). Do each or leave and go and do other things.

“All conditioned things are impermanent. Work out your own salvation with diligence.“ - The Buddha's last words.

Everything is symbolic. Be it imagined or manifest on the outside world.

Perhaps Tigger in Winnie the Pooh is a very generous, Christian representation of rough, violent psychos: anyone who is aggressive which is simply immature, undisciplined behaviour really. It’s a story about a group of friends, each with different natures: an Aquarian brotherhood which excludes no one. Tigger is a pain and an annoyance because he is too aggressive, too highly-charged and doesn’t know how to channel his energy in a disciplined, productive manner. He means no harm. He’s just expressing his nature - bouncing people and knocking them over ‘because that’s what tiggers do.’ He bounces them because he can. It’s selfish and thoughtless but he enjoys it! Does he have any value collectively? Maybe not, but he is accepted, just with a bit of avoidance. He doesn’t think. He’s unintelligent. He just has fun being a tiger and freaking people out with his fierce behaviour, his overabundant physical vitality.

Fire signs tend to embody and identify with their experiences and personal perceptions because that way they can turn them into beingness, add them to their self-awareness. So they [erm…specifically, males with the Sun in a fire sign] assert/express what they believe or know, as who they are, in order to become more of themselves. That can make them quite proud, pompous, self-centred or conceited however.

April 2003.

Faith: if you have a good life, it is encouraging so you tend to have faith. If it is a bad life, you have to work on faith, have hope for the future.

“Doubt makes the mountain which faith can remove.” – Proverb.

“I feel like committing suicide, but I’ve got so many problems, that wouldn’t solve them all.”

(Anything Else, written and directed by Woody Allen, 2003).

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): I'm sorry, I think I've got to get out of here!!!

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Well, I have a cunning plan, sir.

Blackadder: All right, Baldrick - for old time's sake.

Baldrick: Well, you phone Field Marshal Haig, sir, and you ask him to get you out of here.

Blackadder: [Stands] Baldrick, even by your standards it's pathetic! I've only ever met Field Marshal Haig once, it was twenty years ago, and, my god, you've got it, you've got it! [He kisses Baldrick's hat]

Baldrick: Well, if I've got it, you've got it too, now, sir.

Blackadder: I can't believe I've been so stupid! One phone call will do it - one phone call and I'll be free. Let's see, it's 3.30 a.m.; I'll call about quarter to six. Excellent, excellent. Well, I'll get packing.

- Blackadder Goes Forth (Series 4, written by Richard Curtis and Ben Elton, BBC TV, 1989).