Monstaville Book III. Chapter 18

18

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.

Only through experience of trial and suffering

can the soul be strengthened,

ambition inspired

and success achieved.

‑ Helen Keller.

Extra notes during this period.

So, after I invite her for tea and a chat and mention my book, El Phaba makes loud noises and walks around in shoes again. And, after I ask her to go back to being quiet, as she does for months on end and did for practically a whole year in the beginning, she makes even more noise - a lot more noise.

Yeah, this got a bit heavy. After that day when she read my letter, El Phaba was making as much noise as possible and it was unbearable! She was wearing her shoes at home and dropping things on the floor again (as well as slamming the front door) since we spoke. She was also doing this after I sneezed or she heard me do something else. She was putting shoes on at various times, not to go out, and stamping hard with the heels as she walked even without shoes. It could be quiet for most of the day or evening and then she would put her shoes on for a while. Afterwards, I could hear her walking quietly again (if she puts her shoes on to keep warm why does she remove them again? LOL). There is a difference between stomping around in bare feet or socks and walking very loudly wearing shoes. She was wearing shoes a lot.

El Phaba was really going for it now! She was very destructive. I ended up shouting and throwing things at the ceiling! I therefore found myself surrounded by irritation once again. Perhaps she was offended by the accusation, or suggestion, that she had been wearing shoes indoors intentionally whether she was or was not. She might also have perceived me as being soft and unable or unwilling to defend myself. I don=t think El Phaba realised I wasn=t going to stand for her going on a power trip. If she hadn=t made SO much noise I would probably just continued to have endured it. Perhaps she wanted to see what would happen. So, basically, what she meant was she is entitled to make as much noise as she likes when she walks around. She has made it very clear that she intends to make as much noise as she wants. It=s not >intentional= - oh no! It is deeply selfish, ignorant and inconsiderate. Her attitude says, >Fuck you. I don=t care how much it disturbs you= (exactly as I speculated somewhere in my letter). She is no longer being inconsiderate but downright nasty. She said that she was not doing it intentionally but the fact that she=s doing it intentionally now suggests that she was being consciously inconsiderate previously, that she absolutely feels she has a right to make such a racket at my expense and, basically, that she is as selfish and ignorant as I suspected, although much more so. I was not accusing her of that. I just wondered if she was being inconsiderate and not caring. This is more than an aggressive reaction to my letter and an excuse to unleash some of her own anger by taking advantage of my supposedly weaker position on the ground floor.

4D warfare: people can generate an incredible amount of tension and negative energy by making loud noises in this kind of environment. It is a form of psychological torture which is actually employed by the military. If it is conscious and intentional then it is born of hatred, anger or aggression and inflicted on others who are, surely, perceived as being vulnerable and defenceless victims (and, in our so-called >civilised society,’ not protected by any law). Shoes can be used as weapons as can TV and even babies! The sound of someone plodding about upstairs wearing shoes (if the ceiling is >thin= or insufficiently insulated) is nightmarish. Such behaviour is ignorant, selfish and downright mean. Millions of people around the world are enduring this kind of disturbance, without knowing what they can do about it, without pooling their solutions and awareness, without being united. Connecting with each other would result in an improvement to their situation of some kind at least. I am sure that online networks must be evolving out there by now.

”The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your action will be.” – The Dalai Lama.

I am just so glad I did not ask El Phaba if she would mind removing her shoes at home months ago if this is her response! People who don=t like being asked to behave more reasonably and responsibly because they feel morally superior or free to give no consideration to others are perhaps afraid of change; that is, they don=t want to change or to consider that there is room for improvement! They feel that they are beyond reproach even though they are selfish or ignorant in some way and react defiantly without love or compassion. They are closed, not open. It then becomes a matter of, >Well, if you carry on that way, these are the consequences because it will be necessary for me to launch my deterrents, however effective they are, or to release the tension you are causing or triggering in me.=

To see someone whom you know and have connected with harmoniously in the past behave so despicably is so sad. It does cause me to feel a degree of compassion. Walking around so loudly in shoes, dropping things, laughing at me, as if that will hurt me in some way. It is also another reminder that I should not even be living in this place. I do believe that she might have become hardened by the loss of her old job and that she is now all out for herself, as they say, focusing on her career ambitions, her desire for money, power, security, whatever. You know, you have to take into consideration what they are doing to themselves as well. What underlies their need to project their unhappiness on to you or makes them act so selfishly? Either they don=t feel that you count or that they simply can=t get past their own limited, separate egos even on this level; a little breathing space and a modicum of awareness and courtesy. Some people who don=t feel special or important themselves, who have low self-worth, appear to walk over others just for kicks, just to feel more important than someone else by comparison to the strife or lower quality of life they themselves may have caused or added to.

Oh yeah, I ended this period of madness after a few weeks by playing very loud (mostly goth) music for half of that time; that is, I tried less extreme methods of persuasion initially but they had no effect. Great chance to get really into Southern Death Cult again actually and dance around like a maniac. Once Fabala stopped making such a noise I felt it was in my best interests overall to quit the habit. Sure, I was enjoying myself at her expense and that of the other neighbours, but I prefer a quiet, mutually-respectful existence. Of course, if I had the money to go and buy a house some distance from other people (and lived alone) I would just let rip sometimes because there would be no one else to consider. One needs to behave according to one=s circumstances, to respond in the most appropriate and mature and intelligent way - with integrity and awareness. I choose harmony over conflict and I prefer civilisation to chaos, although balanced civilisation, not one in which people are forced to relinquish their freedom and are controlled through fear.

"'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.

'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat. 'We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'

'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.

'You must be,' said the Cat. 'Or you wouldn't have come here.'"

                - Lewis Carroll (Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Macmillan and Co., 1872).

British people, I feel, are such split personalities culturally by Order of the State. I am certain that some kind of deal, be it conscious or unconscious, was negotiated with the robber barons in the centuries following the Norman conquest. The arrogant aristocracy established a superiority complex which ensured their survival and gave ample momentum to its power, gathering all subsequent generations like a rolling boulder flattens anything in its path and prevents anything green from growing on itself at the same time. In a feudal society, the ruling classes not only control and exploit the masses but apply pressure to their own kind to conform and toe the line even if you wish to rebel against the System. >United we stand. Divided we fall= has been the motto of all empires. It is the principle of power at a price, power over others not only at their expense but also through a degree of personal sacrifice in terms of identifying with the War Machine, or Club or Corporation. Of course, if you=re a complete bastard (megalomaniac) and care only about power anyway (as many a pompous patriarch have), you will not mourn the loss of piety and petty, feminine concerns and qualities such as conscience, inner peace, feeling, love (particularly true self-love), wholeness, dignity, truth and collective unity.

AYou gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.@ - Eleanor Roosevelt (U.S. diplomat and reformer, 1884‑1962).

The consciousness of the British is torn between duty and independence, fear and freedom. We have inherited a deeply ingrained >understanding= that there is a heavy price to pay for our space and freedom but that it is worth the sacrifice. We are an enslaved people doing our best to survive under oppressive conditions which would be much worse if we behaved more defiantly. We have accepted that we are slaves for eight hours (or more) a day during which time we identify with the System as required by our rulers. In return, we have traditionally compensated for this agreement by preserving and taking pride in our personal pastimes - not that everybody wants or allows themselves to particularly for the purpose of self-protection since the promise of pleasure, purpose and peace in contrast to the prospect of pain and oppression of dedicating such huge chunks of our days to someone else=s regime while those in a privileged position enjoy the best of both worlds. Viewed from this perspective, the saying, >an Englishman=s home is his castle= implies that those who actually live in large, comfortable homes extend a degree of empathy to those who do not. Rather, they understand that we islanders can be controlled more effectively if we feel or believe that we are expressing our potential or enjoying ourselves outside of work, at home in the evenings or going out at the weekends. Although the powers that be also do everything they can to rob us of our money, freedom, power, hearts and minds in our spare time as well and they have shared and used technology most effectively towards this end in recent decades.

AIn most countries, when they finish a house, architects move on a little farther and build another that is different. But in England, when they=ve finished one house, without wasting an inch of space, they promptly stick an identical one right next to it - with the same bricks, the same bay window, the same little garden, the same doorway and the same furniture. In fact, only when he sees his wife=s face - and even then assuming he hasn=t stopped at the local on the way - can an Englishman be sure he=s really home.@ - Pierre Daninos (The Land of Hide and Seek, quoted in Laughter is the Best Medicine, The Reader=s Digest Association Limited, London, U.K., 2005, p.108).

A row of Victorian terraced houses like the one I lived in

El Phaba went back to removing her shoes at home until July when she decided, for some reason, to mount the bulldozer again. In June, >when it was all quiet on the Western Front,= I was starting to relax and feel more compassion for her, more concern. I reflected on the fact that she has been quiet in other ways. I still did not really know if her periods of thumping around were >intentional.= As my heart opened more towards her I gave her the benefit of the doubt and put the past behind me. I wanted to make amends and restore some of the harmony that was once here. So, on 21 June, I decided to write and apologise because I had assumed that she had remembered me telling her how loud she was in the mornings (in which case she would have been inconsiderate and stopped caring). I felt that perhaps I had been a bit paranoid and would have been better off mentioning the disturbance sooner (unless, of course, her reaction would have been the same anyway). I apologised for including a bit of complaining whilst stating my request in the letter I had sent her in March. I told her that I was not >accusing= her of anything. I wrote something like, ‘I mistakenly believed that what I=d mentioned ages ago about the noise that wearing shoes created down here had registered with you and I wasn=t sure if you=d forgotten or simply didn=t care. I didn=t mean it was actually intentional. I=m a bit slow - it=s only after we spoke that I realised my mistake and then your subsequent actions meant that I withheld my apology. I=m sorry if I offended you. I never meant that.’ I wrote the brief message in a pleasant little card bearing a pretty maroon and yellow flower (a pansy, I think...haha). On the day after leaving this card for her on the stair where I leave her mail, El Phaba dropped a heavy object on the floor at 9 a.m. which was very, very loud! I didn=t know what to think! It was a clear statement in response to my card and it didn=t >sound= too benign!

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” - Mark Twain.

In the meantime, St. Germain had advised me to dance naked to some of my favourite music each day (just to one track) as loud as I wanted to! Initially, I thought this suggestion absurd partly because it would surely provoke another war with the next-door neighbours and lead to the necessity of playing loud music for much, much longer! However, when the cacophony of footsteps resumed I decided to confine myself to this plan of action whilst wearing headphones at other times. So, on most mornings, soon after rising - and before the woman upstairs got up – and before getting dressed! (the advice was definitely aimed at this time of day since one is hardly likely to take one’s clothes off for a 4-minute tune in the course of one’s daily activities) - I played just one track that I wanted to dance to: usually either >Red Alert= by Basement Jaxx (the really cool Steve Gurley Mix) or a Southern Death Cult song (I particularly enjoy dancing and pogoing like a maniac to >God=s Zoo,= the first track on the Death Cult album). I finally clicked, realising that the intention was for me to spend five minutes of quality time with my Inner Child each day. It was a fine way to start the day anyway, being so open and free, playful and innocent, in the warm weather anyway! 

"The soul. Like the moon, is now, and always new again. My teacher told me one thing, live in the soul. When that was so, I began to go naked and dance." - Lalla.

St. Germain, of course, knew that Michael Jackson did not have long left on the planet and was well aware of the connection between us. After Michael=s death I went back to wearing headphones for this daily ritual because one song was not enough. His music, for me, is the best music in the world to dance to. I would dance to several songs and ditched the nudity aspect at some point. I was sending pink and gold light to him as I danced. I then joined a channelling circle for a couple of months and one of the channellers started receiving communication from Michael who had only required a few weeks of preparation for such activity because, being so spiritually evolved and having expressed unconditional love throughout his life he is right up at the top of the astral planes, almost in the fifth dimension. Consequently, I have been communing and bonding with Michael Jackson whilst dancing to his tunes pretty much on a daily basis. I was also advised to ask, before going to sleep, to go and meet him at night. Another consequence, is that I now dance with my head a lot! Haha. I saw him very vividly again one night when I could not sleep, or kept waking up. It was actually the night before some bad news arrived and stress courtesy of the neighbours intensified dramatically. I saw him as he was around thirty years-old I suppose and he was beaming brightly with a broad smile that made it very clear he was in >Heaven= and filled with happiness, some of which rubbed off on me for a spell naturally. It was really like there was no dimensional veil between us. I felt very inspired by the experience even though it had lasted only briefly. So, he is around me at times and I know he communicates with me via his songs playing in my head, the lyrics often being pertinent to the occasion. Desiring to share the good vibes, I tried to persuade a couple of his fans on MySpace to tune into him similarly but, of course, they thought I was stark raving mad! We ain=t quite out of the Dark Ages yet. I highly recommend this practice anyway, if you=re interested.

 Retrospective notes.

“Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” - Joseph Campbell.

I feel that this advice to dance naked to one song I enjoy dancing to each day, as loud as I want, was provided as a positive experience for me whilst, at the same time, helping to remedy the neighbour problem (Bashar and others, by the way, counsel us to use the word ‘challenge’ instead to make the energy more positive and to raise our consciousness). It took me a few weeks to resort to doing this; that is, I was eventually motivated by the prospect of restoring peace and quiet to my abode the rest of the time. And, it was not until November that I actually gave myself permission to behave so selfishly each and every day. But it does me the world of good in terms of energising me for the day. I believe that it clears me out a bit, centring me in my conscious identity before I have a chance to sleepily wander around at the mercy of my subconscious. The positive energy that this practice, or ritual, generates helps to kick start the day. Yeah, it serves to energise and wake me up more partly by remembering how good it can be to feel alive and actually want to be on the planet! That initial experience each day. It was also recommended because, since the Spring, the first thing I do after opening the curtains is to stand with my arms held out and repeat a few brief dedications and decrees at the window.

“Dancing is not just getting up painlessly, like a leaf blown on the wind; dancing is when you tear your heart out and rise out of your body to hang suspended between the worlds.” - Rumi.

This is also reminiscent of the kinds of ‘tricks’ that Osho used to help his sannyasins look beyond the illusions of the adult ego. Dancing in the nude is not something I would do instinctively and I can’t say that I am totally comfortable doing it either although that is compensated by the fact that I feel the experience is doing me some good on some level (yes, a bit like taking my medicine except that I get to enjoy myself at the same time and go a bit wild for 5 minutes!). I realise that our outer garments help to reinforce the identity of the ego and therefore also help to keep us attached to it. This is a way to centre myself in my body and emotions (Inner Child) before my mind and old identity start taking over. This means that some fresh energy enters my system to enable me to move beyond the past before it takes hold. It helps to prevent some of the old patterns from simply taking up where they left off and regaining control. In a sense, I am a newborn baby on some level for a few minutes each morning and this supports the new crystalline body that I am gradually activating as well as my spiritual rebirth.

Knowing is not enough; we must apply.

Willing is not enough; we must do.

- Bruce Lee.

I believe that the Ascended Masters know about the secret connection between El Phaba and the people next door. So, it’s no longer just me trying to deal with all these people – who probably know each other – alone. The cavalry have arrived on the battlefield except that they don’t fight and they point out (with a knowing smile) that it’s all an illusion! Nevertheless, they do a little bit of empowering and then step back again. On many a Friday night when she doesn’t have to get up in the morning, El Phaba has suddenly put her shoes on and walked around for a minute or two after 11.30 p.m. or 12 a.m. to make sure, I believe, that I’m awake. The reason is that she wakes me up at 7 a.m. each morning and I had told the woman who lived upstairs previously that I cannot survive without at least eight hours’ sleep, so the conspirators next door probably have that vital piece of information. Well, my new spiritual practices and the fact that I set my alarm for seven each morning mean that this is no longer relevant. That is to say, it is my intention to be in bed by midnight (preferably by 11 p.m.) each night and to rise at 7 a.m. (preferably a bit earlier).

I posted a MySpace comment to friends which included a version of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s words, ‘Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds,’ replacing ‘men’ with ‘we’ and ‘their’ with ‘our.’ A woman created a little blog for me and invited me to go and read it! The blog included the following: “Fate or destiny or choice? ‘We are prisoners of our own mind?’ ‘Freedom lies in being bold.’ Although...what about our life lessons that push us to make a change in one way or another, ehhhh? Too narrow minded. Take down those Walls, immediately...happiness is freedom.” I thought it was ridiculous at first but, whilst being reluctant to respond, I soon found it to be an interesting challenge. What did FDR’s words mean to me? This was my response:

               

“LOL Where am I...Room 101?! Well, yeah, the third dimension is a learning plane, a school. We are constricted in order to concentrate on certain lessons, certain areas where we are not fully conscious or awake. So we are locked in a prison cell so-to-speak by karma and confined to thought patterns and often stuck with challenging circumstances we have yet to free ourselves from. For example, it is certainly not easy for me to be happy right now when my selfish neighbours are being noisy as Hell. Part of me is, deep down, but here, right now, no. So, all this nonsense about living in the Now bringing happiness...for me, it depends also on one's circumstances. To say that happiness is not dependent on circumstances is to refer to a higher state of mind than I have attained. I can try to be happy in this moment but my mind is affected by the disturbance from next door (and they're doing it deliberately btw...lol). There is no escape from them just as there is no escape from my mind which is affected by the noise.

                Haha. I've been thinking about this for 10 years and I still don't know what the life lesson is! I expect there are many lessons involved but none of them lead directly to happiness! But they say that the soul sees how we are growing and therefore looks upon our suffering with delight. I believe that can only mean that when you're sitting in a prison cell and feeling like a wretch you are less likely to attach yourself to your ego. You don't want to be that person who's suffering so you are gradually letting go of your personality. The old skin is dying and the new pattern, the new consciousness, is slowly developing and emerging. But perhaps you have to wait till the dying corpse is finally dead to be released and reborn...My options are limited. There’s little choice but to endure this impotence, this imprisonment.”

After that, she posted a comment on my St. Germain blog, saying, ‘Yes I agree, the key to eternal life is LOVE!‘ 

So, is my statement a judgement, a construct of my mind, or is the racket really affecting me? If I think and feel love, does the feeling of disturbance and tension disappear? No. But, I guess, if I weren’t trying to concentrate on my work all the time, the effect of the rowdiness wouldn’t be quite so acute. Perhaps it is a prompt for me to feel more, even if it’s torment, and ultimately to remember to feel love. It might be wise to go with the low and stop what I am doing, at least take a short break. I could go and do some bagua or a standing pole meditation for five minutes and just be conscious and feel…possibly feel the joy and love beyond the tension that has been caused. A way of using the disruption for personal gain and finding a balance. But, the shouting, jumping and talking loudly aren’t really such a problem. It’s gone from being an occasional to a daily event and I am sure they believe they are disturbing me more than they actually are. I can cope with that as long as it’s not all the time. It’s unpleasant after a while but people are entitled to live! (and perhaps I am doing them a favour by encouraging them to do something other than watch television!). Even if they are doing it because I respond aggressively when they turn their TV up loud nearer to the back of the house. I much prefer this form of disruption; it’s by far the lesser of the two evils. I read something by Daniel Jacob online yesterday saying that the Atlanteans eventually developed their technology beyond the point where it accounted for human feelings, likening them to the Borg collective. Evil is only ignorance, just the result of entities who do not know how to Live and have everything back-to-front because they are not conscious enough. Technology in ignorant (selfish and irresponsible) hands certainly is a menace.

One’s primary focus each day, I expect, should be love so that thinking is reduced, or at least balanced, and one feels more…feels more…feels more…feels more…You can know Being through feeling (experience) and through pure awareness but not through thinking, which is simply a tool for connecting and relating to the external world. At a higher level, thought, feeling and being are simultaneous and indivisible.

Don’t dwell on things people do. Deal with it and forget...or forgive and forget.

“HOW DO I STOP EMOTIONAL CHAOS IN MY LIFE? Spot your lessons early. If you react to a person or situation, be are of it and let your reaction go. If you don't let it go or you fail to notice your reaction, you will continue attracting tougher and more traumatic situations, until you get the message! Spotting it early means you don't get into horrendous traumas! Don't bury or suppress your emotional reaction. If you do, you'll have to create more situations to bring them to the surface again.” - Sandy Stevenson (‘Is Ascension really happening?’ 9 September 2007, www.lightascension.com/arts/isascensionhappening.htm).

"All Existence is relative, yet each person creates his own world and perceives the world according to the state of his own mind." - Hakuun Yasutani Zenji Dai Osho.

"Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole." (Bumper Sticker)