Wednesday, 31 December 2014

America in Black and White

Eric Phelps on the situation regarding whites and blacks in America

Excerpt from an interview, 2 September 2008

Note: Phelps avoids pointing a finger at fundamentalist Christians and their hateful racism though!

“The most wicked men in the world are white. Therefore, this is a war between white men, righteous white men versus wicked white men. And the blacks can either side with this, submit to us and help us or they will side without oppressors as they are now.
            I have been called a racist. I’d like to define the term. There is such a thing as a hateful racist. This is what we’re all familiar with. The Klu Klux Klan first come into mind. The Nazis next come into mind. But we forget about the Nation of Islam. Those are black, hateful racists and they don’t get any bad press for the most part. The new Black Panther Party, they’re hateful racists. But hateful racism always springs from an injustice to that race by the race that they hate.
            So you have the Klu Klux Klan arising as a result of the Northern yankees coming down and inciting the blacks to commit rape and murder to many thousands of white women. So the white men of the South said, ‘We’re not putting up with this. We’re going after these carpet baggers, those Southern traders. We’re going after these yankees and we’re going after these savage blacks that are raping our women. And I would have been in the first Klu Klux Klan. The first Klu Klux Klan started in 1866 and it ended in 1869. Nathan Bedford Forrest was a nominal Mason but he was not a practising Mason, just like George Washington…Nathan Forrest was the greatest calvary man of the Southern Confederacy. He refused to watch the South be plundered by the Yankees and those white people forcing [?] with the blacks.
            So that’s why you had the first Klu Klux Klan. It was dissolved in 1869 because Nathan Bedford Forrest said it was too violent. And, so, he formerly did away with it. Well, who picks it up? Albert Pike.

[Note on video: “Albert Pike was a high-ranking Freemason and a Southern Confederate General who, in the closing days of the Civil War, helped started a ‘terror’ campaign against black slaves.”]

That filthy, rotten Luciferian Protestant-murderer. Remember, he used Sioux Indians to kill, what, 800 or so Lutheran Protestants up in Minnesota. He was convicted for treason but was pardoned by President Johnson. Albert Pike should have been put to death. And yet this is the very Albert Pike who has a statue in Washington D.C., in black Washington D.C., where Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, those Freemasons, are not picketing the place and saying, ‘Let’s get rid of this statue of Albert Pike in Washington D.C. They ought to. I’d go right down there with them. Let’s just get rid of it now! But that abomination is down there in Washington D.C. He was a hater of black men. He was the most powerful Freemason of the 19th century in America. And he can do no wrong because no one’s going to go after his filthy name.
So, that’s your original Klu Klux Klan. But then the Klu Klux Klan was revived in 1950. And why is it revived in 1950? Because the blacks of the South are attempting to be used by the Jesuits in the North to vote against the white people of the South. So, they’re trying to use the blacks against the whites of the South and this is creating a racial conflict.
            That’s what’s coming in the future. What should have been done was this. And see Lincoln said himself that white people and black people suffer when they live together. He wrote this in 1863. I have the book. I have a Jefferson quote right here that says the white people and black people cannot live under the same government, that they’re equally free. They can’t do it. And I have quoted from there. It’s the second section of what was supposedly written on the Statue of Liberty. I use this quote a lot. And I have it in my series, Averting the Race War.’ You may have heard that. OK, on page 62, this is what Carl Putnam writes in his view ‘Race and Reason. The Yankee View.’ And this as the President of Delta Airlines. And it was published in 1961. Here’s what he writes on page 62:

‘On a marble panel in the Jefferson Memorial in Washington is a fragment of one of Jefferson’s sentences. As inscribed on the panel, the words are, ‘Nothing is more certainly written in the Book of Fate than that these people, the negroes, are to be free. As written by Jefferson, there was no period after these words. There was a semi-colon and the sentence continued, ‘nor is it less certain that the two races equally free cannot live under the same government.’

That was omitted because the purpose of the Jesuits is to formerly and forcefully amalgamate this country as to bastardise and mongrelise the white race so that the white race will never rise up again in revolt against the power of the Jesuit Order. A…mongrelised race can’t do it. They have never done it in history. The Jesuits know this because we have the curse of Canaan.”

Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Monstaville Book II. Postscript


“…one of them suggested that it was the start of the dark night of the soul. When I asked about this I was told that it is when your darkest days beseech you and you start to become purified by way of your energy returning back through your emotional body. The energy carries with it the emotions that previously somebody else was the target of.” – Gary Bate (Becoming a Christ. A Layman’s Journey of Self-discovery, Blue Light Publishing, Dyfed, U.K., 2003, p.49,

A friend on Facebook told me that, since we are all one, every last one of us is Irish! It was St. Patrick’s Day and I was protesting a little about tacky green tags being posted here, there and everywhere, reminding people that I am not Irish! I replied: ‘Then we'd have to all be everything...put it all in a soup and swish it around...and we’d find that we're none of it. So why go through all the trauma of multiple personality disorder for bazillions of years to reach that point?'s all a question of our preferred point of focus as unique sparks of divine Light inhabiting a very crazy world!’

“Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it.” - Buddha.

If you live in close proximity to other people and the walls and ceilings do not offer much in the way of protection from noise, please show some consideration for your neighbours. If you want to be noisy in any way after ten o’clock at night and have no intention of respecting others’ space, please…go **** yourself! I mean please understand that we are all one and therefore interconnected and interdependent and that rolling about in the mud (lower density) is neither your true nature nor a key to happiness on any level. So please…love yourself!

“So many of you are struggling and suffering great sorrow; enduring many trials and difficulties. Yet all the problems of sickness and want and poverty (and even the problems of wealth) can be solved, if only humanity will give themselves to studying, to endeavouring to understand the law of love. What a time is this for hope! What do you hope for? All kinds of things. You are hoping that human kind will awaken from its nightmare and see the true purpose of living. You are hoping, as you do at the end of winter, that very son the bright days of spring will come along, that soon the buds will break and the green leaves open. Why do you hope? Because you have confidence in nature. Why do you hope human kind will awaken from its nightmare and seek to establish brotherhood and goodwill on earth? Because you know that in every man and woman is a divine spark. Hope is confidence in the invisible power and confidence in God.” – White Eagle (The Light Bringer. The Ray of John and the Age of Intuition, The White Eagle Publishing Trust, Hants., U.K., 2001, p.54-55).

“Your sacred task is to release any attachment to the appearance of disharmony, but to hold to the love inherent within all things, especially yourself. As you do this it will bring more Light to the planet. This job is yours if you choose. Come, heed the call and rejoice in the New Earth you are creating.” - Archangel Gabriel (channelled through Shanta Gabriel, ‘Terra Nova - Fulfilling Your Mission on Earth,’ 15 April 2011,

“The New Age is an aspect of yourselves, of each individual, that shows itself as love, respect and compassion for all with whom you interact, and it leads unerringly to peaceful and harmonious exchanges of ideas that will bring an end to the suffering and deprivation that has been endemic on Earth for eons.  And as a result trust among you will grow, be honoured, and become the norm, just as it should.” – Saul (channelled through John Smallman, ‘There is an incredibly bright future ahead of you,’ 2 January 2013,

"The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don't wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy." - Thich Nhat Hanh.

Monstaville Book II. Conclusion Part 2

Conclusion contd

As I said in the Introduction to this book, I hope that by sharing my experiences and insights, these memoirs might provide inspiration to those in similar situations and facing related problems. We cannot expect a government manual to be issued on this subject whilst denying the existence of such problems. We must connect and increase collective awareness by taking responsibility for our own lives as far as we are able to. We are all part of the human (and cosmic) family and, where there is darkness, we must shed light; where there is ignorance, we must bring truth; and, where there is animosity, we must expand our spirit in generosity but, again, to the degree to which we are able whilst also loving ourselves and feeling centred and knowing the contentment that is our right. You know, we don’t have to take any shit from anybody. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, it is important to send a clear message that we’re not going to stand for others’ behaviour. Feelings of powerlessness are like stagnant rivers of emotions that need to be shifted somehow. So, we must find a way that works for us. We owe it to ourselves to be free and we must realise that the shift must be within ourselves first and foremost and that the other players in our lives are in place to teach us to move energy and allow feelings to flow freely. The world of duality is not going to disappear overnight but a new consciousness, an energy of love and unity, is emerging from within and slowly dissolving the density, in which we have been trapped for aeons of time. Love, awareness and creative intelligence are the new Sun on the horizon, the new Day, the new Golden Age.

“Now those who will talk of problems…but, indeed, as you start looking for the solutions, not in the old way, of the linear scope that you’ve always looked – begin at the beginning and find some logic – but, rather, in [an] exponential way, of reaching for the fact that, first of all, there is a solution. And, ‘my job is the curious one of discovering it.’ And as you will see your world as a global community for which you are partly and more so and increasingly responsible. And as you will see that the problems that seem unsolvable are simply problems to which solutions have not yet been considered and…start considering them. Then, in that you can feel that personal, wonderful gift of knowing that you have chosen to have the world be a more positive and a more loving place. And you can be very responsible and say to yourself, ‘I was partly responsible for this peace, for this wonder.” – Lazaris (channelled through Jach Pursel on The Merv Griffin Show, U.S., 25 July 1986).

The tiger has not had a chance to roar much in this present lifetime. It has been buried under an avalanche of childhood oppression and the subdued state that resulted. Unable to express power, I was conditioned to repress it, and became inhibited and not assertive enough. It was finally time to become conscious of all facets of myself, to become all that I could be. Knowing the dark aspects of ourselves, we are able to transform them, or balance them once there is sufficient awareness, love and Light…like entering the cave once we have found the torch. We can then see them for what they are and understand them, view them from a higher perspective, channel them positively and make use of them. Denying and repressing them means that they come out in other ways, particularly through other people via the resonance of our beliefs, attitudes, expectations, values, needs and desires, and so forth. The more unconscious these are the more negative they are likely to be. The more conscious, the more they are likely to be integrated with the complete beings we are becoming. Then, they are less likely to be expressed in isolation, or to pounce in reaction by themselves and either have to be retrained (repressed) or else cause more immediate mayhem. This resonance exists whether we like it or not. And, according to Lazaris, this truth has now shifted to the foreground as a result of the increased Light and is replacing the old 3D cause and effect paradigm. This means, he explains, that we are now in a position to create “Optimal Futures that you can lay in the pipeline sporadically or purposefully, because the future is now creating the present. You truly can walk away from the past, taking the gifts, the treasures and the power with you, because those belong to you. And then…let the past go.” (The Sirius Connection. A Workbook, NPN Publishing, Inc., FL., U.S., 1996, p.87-88). Our lives are both what we create consciously and what we allow by ignoring our unconscious patterns and drives because they exist too. They are energies that have an effect on our lives.

Holding onto our baggage suggests that we are being lazy or fearful and do not feel ready to deal with it or need a push to draw our attention to the creatures that are lurking in the dark or have been locked away somewhere. However, the increased energies on our planet are bringing these hidden, or stubborn, aspects of ourselves to the surface. Our learning process has accelerated. The preparation period is over. We are sitting our exams and are obliged to concentrate. We are free to walk out any time but if we want to enter the new world, we must do the best we can. We owe ourselves this much. We are being rehabilitated, reconfigured in our DNA and chakra system and given a golden opportunity to graduate to Light and join the cosmic community as co-creators. The projections that have been rife for so long cannot be replaced by a deepening richness and refinement of consciousness.

“In the past three years, I have found myself working more and more with DNA structure – sometimes quite unexpectedly. Whenever we change our beliefs, attitudes, desires or emotional patterns, it is far more powerful and lasting if we ask for that change to be absorbed into our DNA, since our DNA carries the blueprint for our future. Simply ask for it to happen and the process begins. Our DNA is not a fixed blueprint, but dynamic and ever-changing. Whatever we want to change about our health, our body, our lives, we simply have to ask – and wait for guidance. We have scarcely begun to glimpse the potential of our human consciousness.” - Gill Edwards (Stepping into the Magic. A New Approach to Everyday Life, Piatkus Books, London, U.K., 1993, p.128).

There is definitely a killer in me. We have all killed in previous lifetimes. It appears that this needed to be released through having it surface and making more mature, responsible loving choices. It is as though I have gone through different levels of an initiation – a learning experience - to surrender this part of myself to the Will of Heaven. It was there in my unconscious reacting when I had been provoked far enough. When Mars progressed to my Aquarian Ascendant (which progressed into Aries at the same time) at the age of 26, my ‘inner barbarian’ was reborn. Male aggression had been hidden from me like a tiger kept in a cage or living in a cave, growling in the background, unseen. I’d had a degree of psychic aggression but never considered myself remotely aggressive. I was gentle and quite docile, with placid, sensual Venus perched above my natal Ascendant like a bird of paradise, or like the vibrantly coloured plumage of a peacock produced from all the poisons it has ingested (it’s in Capricorn). I was a peaceful rebel, an artist. As an intuitive female friend told me at the time: ‘Perhaps you’re not as easygoing as you thought.’ The tiger was released back into the wild, but only as far as this reservation in which it could be carefully monitored and guided (from the spirit world). Ultimately, the goal of this operation has been inner harmony. I’m still a sensitive, kind person but now I walk with my tiger alongside me, out in the open. Together, we are more like a lone leopard, a black panther, living free without hurting anybody. There are occasions for self-restraint and there are those times when a bit of growling is needed. There’s also much friendly fun, too!

Being spiritually-inclined, I am keen to tame the tiger. Its power is needed but I have no desire to sink into an animal state and scrap with those who try to provoke it or whose own aggressive natures eventually awaken a rumble in the jungle of my unconscious. That ruthless, savage beast is there. I know because it has pounced on several occasions since living here. Most often it has pulled me to the ground and mauled me but increasingly, it has reacted to loud, aggressive or ill-meaning people more directly. [Retrospective note: The only reason people yell, explains St. Germain, is that they do not feel that they are heard and believe that if they raise their voices people will hear not only what they are saying but what is alive inside of them. Many people who don’t like others yelling, he says, yell to communicate this and attempt to drown it out with their own voice.] This, however, has most often been accompanied by consciousness, which is a bit like saying that the tiger has been moved from a cage in a zoo to a wildlife reservation. There, it has more space in which to roam but it is still prevented from causing anyone any harm. This park is known as ‘Wisdom.’ Yes, I’m older and wiser. Living in this flat has encouraged me to give the tiger some attention, to study it, to love and appreciate it, but, most importantly to give it direction through awareness. It feels like this is the reason for my moving to this place. I had unresolved issues, namely a tiger that had been kept in a cage for so long and which, if released into the wild, would have been free to follow its own nature and react unconsciously. Through increased awareness this power can be directed more consciously, creatively and positively. It is, after all, only a part of me.

This hidden aggression (which did not appear to be there before because it was crouched behind some bushes as it were, banished even) I expect, springs originally from fear and anger many lifetimes ago which set thought and behaviour patterns in motion leading to a vicious circle. Once you’re on the ride, on the tiger’s back as it were, you’re too involved in your illusion to listen to anyone who says, ‘Stop! Chill!’ You are driven by unconscious energies that keep your heart closed so your heart is not open enough to feel the unconditional love and eternal joy that you are in Reality, as God. The tiger has then been brought out into the open (in reaction to challenging experiences) for me to acknowledge its existence and let it go, let go of the past. This has been about bringing darkness, the repressed energies that the tiger represents to Light (into awareness) in order for energies to be released and dissolved. This is about learning not to hold on to emotions. I have been learning to let them out rather than keep them in, and channel them positively and creatively without being destructive either to myself or others, using such simple techniques as breathing, drinking water and applying awareness, love and imagination as well as welcoming assistance from Masters and angels on the inner planes who are only too keen to help. Looking back, the return of this tiger occurred during the first few years of moving to London. My troubles here brought a lot of anger to the surface and this inner anger then drew angry people into my life through the law of attraction I suppose. Holding on to that anger, identifying with it, could never improve the situation. It needed to surface and to be released. Consequently, these people came to reflect it on a daily basis to help me to see and acknowledge it and, potentially, release it and move on as well.

“Just let go. Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.” - Caroline Myss.

There can be no doubt that I incarnated partly to become more in touch with my feelings in order to fuse love with power. My will had to be locked away for some years and then mastered once it was finally activated in this lifetime. Mikos, speaking from the Hollow Earth, assures us that living in peace, having the intention of living peacefully with each other, is the secret to immortality. We need only make up our minds, he says, and the Universe will support this intention. A commitment. “Yes, our cells radiate our Light and it is very visible to the eyes,“ he explains. “Once you are living in a peaceful state on the surface, you too will be radiating this Light from within your cells, and this light will encompass all around you and you will Light up the surface for all to witness.” We must be the peace we wish to create and spread it to everyone around us, advises Mikos. If we play this part well all our dreams come true. “So dream your life away…it is the quickest route to Immortality.” (

The rebellious Monkey King is released from his incarceration under the mountain that Buddha threw onto him because, by this time, the gentle, kind and peaceful monk was ready to make his pilgrimage to bring back the sacred scrolls to China and civilise the country of consciousness. The will is an essential part of every human being, but it tends, by its very nature, to want to run wild. It has its own sense of justice! It must, however, abide by the compassion represented by Kuan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy. Ultimately, it must learn to obey the higher will, the Will of Heaven. It is its separation from its very own essence as creative Being, as God, that keeps consciousness in a disorderly and fragmented state. The gluttonous Pig Monster, equally savage, is but a lower reflection of the eternal abundance of the Self. And, the negative Fish Monster is but the emotions which are a lower reflection of our deeper feelings. All are held together by the monk’s love, by the Higher Self who is determined to succeed in returning home with the scriptures; that is, achieving enlightenment in the physical vehicle on Earth and liberating, harnessing and transforming these wayward aspects of ourselves and returning all to Light. The monk lives by the principles of love and chooses forgiveness and peace over war. Yet, his three companions have been placed into his care because they are vital to the success of his holy mission. He cannot afford to repress emotions, forsake passion, forget about expressing power or deny the need to take action when necessary. These aspects of oneself are unified and focused creatively and wisely when they are accompanied by consciousness and centred in love.

“The totality of spirit has no opposite because it embraces everything. To choose the second path, you have to be willing to renounce your struggle against evil. This is the way of the wizard. There is no doubt that when we see evil we react with fear and anger. From this reaction struggle is born, and because people want evil to go away, the struggle seems to be legitimate. But what if fear and anger are the cause of evil? What if our reactions keep breeding the same cycle, which never ends? With these questions the second way was born. It isn’t that struggle is wrong, that we must submit to evil.  But the end of evil is a serious matter, and wizards have stepped into the arena of discussion to propose that an end is possible, albeit not through the means we have used for so long.” - Deepak Chopra (The Way of the Wizard. 20 Spiritual Lessons For Creating The Life You Want, Rider Books, London, U.K., 1995, p.127).

When I resolved to ask my Higher Self what this is all about, what I am supposed to be learning, the following thoughts surfaced:

One thing I have observed, increasingly, is that I have been learning to react, not stop reacting...or at least not to suppress the reaction. This is because many years of self-repression had buried my power. This release from captivity is accompanied by lessons of love and responsibility. It’s like a spark that set light to one’s unconscious reserves of gas (emotion) and causes destruction within if it repressed and to others if permitted to explode. I have been discovering wise, appropriate and harmless ways to respond, intelligent strategies as a relatively effective statements or deterrents. It is not so much about the situations themselves. These are simply the learning tools. It is more about finding ways to channel tension and emotions without causing harm to oneself or others.

So, really, I have learned to allow the flames to surface and be released. Not simply to let the energy to explode blindly as unbridled power. Not a show of weakness but of strength. Not simply unconscious but consciously allowing the inner emotions to come out and letting them go, acknowledging them but, like the older and wiser parent, knowing which actions are required. This is preferable to simply feeling fear and considering what to do. The child is fearful and the adult is in control but not repressive. The child’s fear is destructive to self and/or others. If the adult does nothing then that insecurity is all there is so the adult must be strong and wise and make conscious and creative decisions, be patient or take decisive action, when the need arises or when appropriate.

“Try to hate somebody consciously and you will find it impossible. Either consciousness disappears, then you can hate; or if you are conscious, hate disappears. They can't exist together. Light and darkness cannot exist together, because darkness is nothing but the absence of light.” – Osho.

We ought to honour the Light of our higher natures since that is the Eternal Being and Reality. The negative ego is but a learning phase, a kind of adolescent growth of part of ourselves, a stage that we grow out of in order to move on. I’m having to face and deal with my shadow because, up till now, I have denied and disowned it. It is the only way to become whole. We move beyond duality by balancing polarities in this realm. We do this by loving ourselves layer-by-layer, starting with those which are right before our eyes but we have been refusing to see. Loving that which we may not like transforms it and opens us up to deeper layers of ourselves. By loving what we are in our present state of consciousness, however limited it may be, we warm and expand it to reveal deeper layers of ourselves – to ourselves. We find more of ourselves; we know more of ourselves; we express more of our potential; we have more to share with the world; and the more we have to share the more love can flow, the more of our true nature as the Creative Source we can be consciously and the more joyous we can be.

By loving rather than judging ourselves, or our negative ego, we are able to see beyond the wall, the boundary, of our limited ego identity. When we realise how rich and beautiful we really are, how divinely majestic, we celebrate who we are and we shine in all directions just like the Sun itself. Indeed, just like God – as God, that which we Are. We develop a more expansive awareness of ourselves, a deeper sense of identity, which can be termed the higher ego, the positive one which is rooted in divine Reality. If we are to look up at the sky of oneness we cannot avoid looking at what is before us as we raise our vision. To avoid the dark we must look sideways at the equally finite and illusory light. We then identify with it and stand in opposition to the dark, to that which we do not wish to see. We are stuck in duality and forget that we came here to raise our sights to the heavens, to look up at the big blue sky and know the Sun, the Source of all being.

“From behind the mask of negative ego, you want to make loving difficult so you can justify and rationalise the lack of it in your life. After all, in your Faustian relationship with your negative ego, you have convinced yourself that if you let it run your life, it will deliver everything. Negative ego never delivers love. The only thing it does deliver is unkept and broken promises. It never delivers love. ’Where is the love?’ you ask, and your ego tells you how hard – how impossible – it is. Your negative ego tells you how much love hurts. When you find out just how available love really is, you either want to deny it completely as you protect your negative ego’s position – or you feel so stupid for having shut love out for so long that you do not think you deserve it now. Either way, you (not your ego) lose. When you discover how easy it is, do not run away. Do not punish yourself. Do not postpone it any longer. Start loving!” – Lazaris (channelled through Jach Pursel, The Sacred Journey. You and your Higher Self, NPN Publishing Inc., FL., U.S., 1987, p.109).

When we accept and trust our emotions we are able to tap into the wealth of feeling beyond them. Similarly, I believe, when we see and acknowledge the ego, or lower self, for what it is, our awareness can be raised to a higher level so that we may know the Higher Self to some degree. We deny that which we do not wish to look at in ourselves because we are reluctant to let go of who and what we think we are or want to be without having to change and become more of ourselves. We must love ourselves fully on all levels. The shadow that follows us around can then be illumined if we manage to eventually integrate and transform this part of us into who and what we really are and who and what we are becoming.

I have slowly learned that my troubles have not been about other people but about how I manage my own emotions and reactions. It is being done by a higher part of myself which has not been separated from our Creator, or which is more highly evolved. The ego is stuck in the middle between the spirit (Higher Self) and the soul (or Inner Child). During my trials the Self, and the Will of Heaven (represented by Pluto), was applying pressure to my Inner Child (Moon) so much that my ego had to learn to deal with this pressure in a better way. My attention was brought to the need to express emotions, to consciously feel, and then to clarify my intentions and take appropriate action if required, rather than oppressing or being at the mercy of repressed energies. Pluto has facilitated (or represented) a slow release of the tiger. It was too powerful and dangerous to be let out all at once. Stripe-by-stripe, starting with the tiger’s tail, this concentrated but buried energy has been transmuted. By the time it reached the head, with the accelerated energies here, St. Germain appeared ‘as if from nowhere’ and stood fearlessly and lovingly before the tiger to confront it and finally bid it farewell. These illusory features, the sharp teeth and glaring eyes, were released back into the wild, returned to oblivion from whence they came, accompanied by some cathartic roaring.

With the movement of my Ascendant, by progression, into Aries at the age of 26, and the subsequent entry of my progressed Mars, into the First House in my birth chart, an old warrior friend had returned to stir up some trouble and make me more driven, more active and dynamic. But, first there would be a period of tension and strife as I slowly integrated this masculine energy into my unfolding character. My move to London was a direct result of this new, dynamic Martian energy and Mars is still prominent now. This scenario is reminiscent of the sudden appearance of Captain Kirk’s old foe, Finegan, the Irish man who is always picking on him and starting fights in ‘Shore Leave’ (Episode 15, 1966). He says to Captain Kirk, “You never know when I’m going to strike you. Huh Jim?” Embracing Kirk’s shoulders, he then laughs wildly and suddenly punches the captain in the jaw. Still laughing, Finegan beckons Captain Kirk to fight him: “Come on, come on. It’s me, Finegan. Alright Jimmy boy…” [more crazy laughter]. “Go ahead. Lay one on me - because that’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” He laughs again, egging the captain on. “Come on, come on.” More laughter. “Come on, come on.” Finegan resembles the planet Mars (astrologically) stirring up trouble for the Sun (Kirk), challenging the ego to grow through the stimulation of antagonism.

Dr. McCoy has beamed down to a paradise of a planet with a few colleagues to find out if it would be a suitable place for other crew members to spend some time relaxing. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock join them when violence rears its ugly head despite the beautiful environment. It later turns out that this ‘bizarre planet of dangerous illusions’ was created by a highly evolved race as a holiday resort for fun and adventure. Once they learn that they can experience anything they want just by thinking about it the crew of the Starship Enterprise decide it’s an ideal recreation spot. All they have to do is think of what they do want and avoid dwelling on those experiences from the past which they do not want to repeat. On Earth, whether we find ourselves in beautiful or ugly, serene or hostile, surroundings, it is vital not to give too much attention to those people and situations we do not wish to keep in our lives.

For me, this episode of Star Trek not only prophesies the awakening of humanity from its sleep of ignorance and unconsciousness to the truth of conscious creation but also shows that we, as individuals, learn to be more vigilant with regard to what we are thinking and giving our attention to once we realise how powerful our thoughts are. If we wish to enjoy quality of life, we must quit the habit of allowing negative thoughts such as worrying, reacting, fearing and even tempting fate by daydreaming of incidents that, although we may desire them on some level, might be more dangerous for us if they were to manifest physically right before our eyes. Such content in the mind resists the flow of eternal joy and abundance like clouds blocking out the Sun. Instead, we ought to focus on what we do want, as Abraham teaches.

You can be spontaneous when you drop this trip of the ego. When you say I am like I am - bad then bad, good then good. I am just as God made me. I will not needlessly put on a veil and hide myself…Expose yourself exactly as you are within. Then you will be spontaneous. Drop your fear. What's the fear? That people think badly of you? What is the harm? If people won't pay attention to you, will not respect you, what is lost? What do you get from their respect?” - Osho.

It is because not enough human beings think positively or express power consciously and direct it positively that the more selfish, aggressive people get away with so much. We have created a vacuum in which wild savages and greedy, violent and manipulative criminals have take control of our lives. We need to raise the sword of creative will, to dance with it elegantly and integrate it in harmony with other aspects of our characters. We need to understand how to use this sword effectively and skilfully so that, whatever comes along, we are mindful and either consciously keep it in its sheath or consciously use it in battle when challenged and we feel we have no choice but to engage (to my mind, selfish, loud or aggressive behaviour is a challenge on some level). It is necessary to avoid harming our own spirit by preserving our own integrity. With wisdom and compassion, love and awareness, the sword of power moves swiftly and gracefully in accordance with the principle of achieving maximum effect using the least amount of effort. We may then disarm other people without hurting them. As with most of this book, I am speaking more of psychological conflict, of battle between minds, for which it is vital to draw upon the strength of our spirit. In essence, all that exists and takes place on a physical level is symbolic of threads of consciousness on more subtle levels.

Caine (David Carradine): Master, I do not understand all that has happened.
Master Kan (Philip Ahn): No one knows all. We were challenged by a festering anger. The challenge was accepted and, in the end, the seeds of hatred destroyed themselves as they always do, as they always will.
Master Po (Keye Luke): Battles are waged on the Earth and in the heavens, within the mind and within the soul. This battle has been won.
- Kung Fu (Season Three, Episode 8, ‘The Devil’s Champion,’ 1974).

We may come up against champions of physical strength, cunning and dexterity who, through their weaknesses, are manipulated or possessed by dark forces bent on opposing the Light. It is through such ordeals that our spiritual strength is tested and our wisdom stretched. And it is love which balances power and wisdom by centring us in Light and conquering anger and fear within us.

"What is needed is a realisation that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anaemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love." - Martin Luther King Jr.

We may have to be patient and loving, and practice wisdom in action, because our efforts may not be a ‘permanent solution’ but simply a natural response. Being passive, doing nothing and allowing people to walk over us is not ‘going with the flow.’ This isn’t about allowing people to be abusive or about accepting selfish behaviour. Taking appropriate action with love, faith, courage, honesty and confidence is an important part of life. But, so too is forgiving, relaxing, playing, laughing, being patient and compassionate and rising above lower vibrations. It’s called a balanced perspective. Using our intuition and reason, feeling and understanding, we may see people’s projections for what they are.

Our experiences teach us self-mastery. This has been one process, one lesson, in my own ongoing journey towards self-mastery. Owing to indirect communication, this has been a purely internal process. It has also assisted me in dealing with people more directly as result of adjusting my own attitudes and understanding, changing my own consciousness. Such changes are not easily defined or explained, but a journal is, I believe, a good place to start.

One reason it is important to reflect on these issues now is that the quickening energies could cause volatile behaviour and reactions in some people who have not been gradually prepared and for whom negative emotions may surface dramatically. It is possible that this is the primary reason that I have been inspired to share my experiences and insights in this book at this time. When we are conscious of our actions we can minimise the drama and avoid hurting others. This subject is worthy of our attention and contemplation as we move towards increasing love and Light. Let us all love more, play more, laugh more and endeavour to ‘live lightly on the Earth plane.’

“There is a wave of Light reaching over the world, the collective realisation that love is the only reality. Simply accept this place as home. In your physical incarnation, you have made the promise and have now the obligation to hold the Light of compassion, understanding and joy, to restore Heaven on Earth…The wave of golden Light rises up through the chakras of each soul and the Earth’s soul as the spirits obtain clarity of the connection and agreement to channel energy of the Golden Sun into manifested experience.” – From a GoldRing video (

Time is being compressed and manifestation is occurring faster and faster, apparently. Consequently, if we do not let go of our fears, more negative experiences may manifest in our lives. Realisations arrive more quickly too which is the whole point. Ultimately, we must learn to master our thoughts, our emotions and responses. The time of self-awakening is here. Each of us has an unprecedented opportunity to raise our frequencies and attain a higher state of consciousness where we are free from turmoil and limitation and know greater peace and joy as the beings of Light that we truly are. It is particularly important to gain control of our minds, allow our feelings to flow and direct our thoughts with positive intent, to trust in life and know that love is the energy which connects us to our divine selves as well as to the universal community. We are all extensions of one Creative Source.

As for me, perhaps I’m just a renegade soul here to ruffle a few feathers and shift some energy both within myself and others. I present this book with the intent of reaching out to other renegades and widening the ripples of love, truth, freedom and self-empowerment as the old paradigm of fear and frustration and feelings of helplessness start to recede in our world.


Millions of souls to whom the Pleiadians refer as “renegades of Light” have returned to Earth to “stage another raid of consciousness” because working with the energy of Source was likely to provide a boost to everyone’s consciousness. We are anchoring cosmic energy in our bodies and those who like drama cannot help but be affected; they react, causing light to spread. We are working closely with the Original Planners, they say, to take back this world form the raiders. Light on this planet increases as more of us remember who we Are. The Pleiadians say that we came to Earth as a challenge to create harmonic defiance. In other words, through our inner harmony we would defy the old world (which relies on identification with external discord) and its vibrational frequency. They say that friction is being caused with other people because they are not coded for this impulse to actively evolve and bloom at this time, or even at all in some cases. Consequently, they are resistant to the way we are responding to and participating in this great frequency change. (Bringers of the Dawn. Teachings from the Pleiadians by Barbara Marciniak, Bear & Company, Inc., Santa Fe, New Mexico, US, 1992, p.52-53 and 114-115).

Ahh…deep breath. Let it all go. Place your right hand over your heart and just feel. All of the pain is caused by the mind. Love is life. Love is you and love is me. As St. Germain says, we are inside, not outside, our true selves, and we are all inside each other because we are all love and we are all one. ‘All I see is a part of me,’ as he likes to remind us. Only love remains because only love doesn’t change. Love is.

Monstaville has been something of a purge. I can see that, as I developed my philosophical mind over the years, I became more and more confined to my mind. To say that I feel like a kind of prisoner where I live and that this is a reflection of having become a prisoner of my own mind is probably closer to the truth than I imagine. It could well be that I needed to experience this descent into self-sabotage in order to understand the true value of the heart. Contrast can be incredibly awakening. Never before have I appreciated what it is to feel to such a degree. Never before have I felt such gratitude for everything. Never before have I understood how much I am in love with everyone, with humanity! Deep down, each of us is in love with humanity because we are expressions of the One God/Goddess.

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“Anything that you give your attention to will become your ‘truth.’ The Law of Attraction says that it must. Your life and everyone else’s too is but a reflection of the predominance of your thoughts. There is no exception to this.” – Abraham (Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks, Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, CA., U.S., 2008, p.87).

I have no enemies. I’ve never had any enemies. It was all in my mind. I am even in love with my neighbours, even with the Pig Monster! Perhaps that is why I gave him such an affectionate, humorous name. Everything comes from the heart because that is where the true mind and the Light of our Being resides. Look at it this way: whatever is in our lower mind is projected onto life like shadows on a wall, obstructing – or distracting our attention from - the Light of the heart. The shadows are illusions, not the reality. They show us our limitations and, ultimately, remind us to enter our hearts again because chasing those shadows on the wall never leads to happiness. Yet, lifetime after lifetime, we get caught up in the world of shadows. Round and round we go, chasing our tails. Round and round we go, trying to jump on them, trying to catch them, losing ourselves, forgetting who we really are. Round and round and round…feeling so dizzy! Yet, what a bounty of love is here in our world now. Do not look at the world with your mind. Much pain is being released and that is why we see only misery. A new day is dawning, a return to love, and to freedom and happiness. Feel the call. Respond to the love of the Ascended Masters, to the love of Sai Baba, to the love of the many great beings who have come to assist in our return to Light, to the love of God/Goddess/All that is. Open and receive. Feel it and be it. Reach into your pocket and you will find the return ticket there. We each have one. We are all being called. ‘Come, let us help you to remember who you are,’ they say. ‘We are love and You are love. We are Masters and you are Masters.’

St. Germain jokes that, when we do not live from our hearts, the mind makes a mess and the heart says, ‘OK, you make a mess if you want and then I will come and clear it up.’ My heart has a lot of clearing up to do! It’s wonderful! Spring cleaning is inspired by the energy of the Sun. We feel motivated to take action, to live more fully again. We enjoy getting our lives back in order. It is an external symbol for the birth within. It is really inside ourselves that the cleaning process is taking place. We are ready to live in the moment, to embrace to dawn and move forward into the Light, to live our lives from within just as the flowers start opening to release their beauty and fragrance into the world. Accepting and witnessing are the same, says St. Germain. They are an appreciation for the beauty that is beyond opinion, beyond judgement.

(We don't need) We don't need trouble…
Seek happiness!...Oh...!
Come on, you all and speak of love...Oh, yeah!

We don't need no trouble;
What we need is love, now (what we need is love!)
(We don't need) Oh, we don't need no more trouble!

- Bob Marley (‘No More Trouble,’ 1972, from the album Catch a Fire).

Yes, there are and have been disturbances but perhaps I placed them there to remind myself to feel more. Perhaps they have been trying to bring down the prison wall. I’ve heard them outside and when I have looked out of the window I have freaked out because they keep setting up the dynamite right next to me. I protest when they ignite the fuse and do whatever I can to extinguish it. For, to be sure, I cannot tolerate such violence and I am not obliged to allow it. However, I also do not have to react solely with my mind either. These assaults are reminders that I need to feel the love that is always there in my heart. Yes, I put out the fuse but I also thank the perpetrators for reminding me to feel, to love, to be. And, slowly, as I devote myself to being centred in my heart, I can feel the prison walls crumbling. Handfuls of dust fall to the ground here and there. It’s a bit scary! Returning home to love, to true being, is scary. Why? Because all the pain inside us is released and we feel it as it surfaces. When people cry they are releasing the pain. Remembering, feeling, the pain as it comes out can either prompt a bout of self-pity and therefore more misery or it can be celebrated as the return to joy, and to love, that it is. Laugh or cry. Release the emotions. Free your mind.

This is a neighbour conflict, a civilian war, a modern war that is taking place in homes around the world. It is therefore not a war that can be won by either side because neither can go to physical extremes only mental and psychological extremes. Therefore, no one can win outright and the aggressors are always free to launch another round of attacks for whatever fucked up reason after they have seemingly tired of a few months (or weeks) of peace - it not really being in their capacity to appreciate peace time for too long since they are then faced with themselves, the source of their fucked up projections!

"At the end of the talk someone from the audience asked the Dalai Lama, 'Why didn't you fight back against the Chinese?' The Dalai Lama looked down, swung his feet just a bit, then looked back up at us and said with a gentle smile, 'Well, war is obsolete, you know.' Then, after a few moments, his face grave, he said, 'Of course the mind can rationalise fighting back...but the heart, the heart would never understand. Then you would be divided in yourself, the heart and the mind, and the war would be inside you.'” (

Right, so no one can win. The name of the game, the goal, is to stay on top of the situation using whatever methods that come to mind and do not eclipse one’s conscience. ‘Staying on top’ means, essentially, not letting the bastards grind you down, not allowing others to seriously disturb your peace of mind or quality of life. And, this requires that one employ both direct and tactical measures, subtle and tangible, passive and assertive, always seeking the truth of what will be the most effective deterrent, always intending to know what action to take or inner resource to draw upon in order to maintain one’s own equilibrium and sanity. Adapt or die. Increase your awareness and strategic capability or remain powerless and allow the ‘enemy’ (not a word one ought to use really since it reinforces the illusion of duality and separation) to slowly, even imperceptibly, destroy you from the inside out. And in a perfectly legitimate way too! ‘Oh, me? I have a cough!’ ‘There’s no law against walking around in shoes.’ Whatever.

“An essential aspect of any civilisation's progress out of third density is experiencing duality; realising that its divisiveness prevents living peacefully; and ultimately reconciling differences harmoniously within communities, countries and internationally. By so doing, the peoples advance in soul growth sufficiently to enter fourth density. The intensifying light has been bringing about this realisation - conscious-raising and spiritual renewal - and it will continue to do so until the last vestiges of duality end in global reconciliation.” - Matthew (channelled through Suzanne Ward, 6 November 2010,

Since committing myself to the Cosmic Ascension process at the end of 2008, I have realised that this is about staying on top of one’s own negative emotions. That includes raising one’s vibration and feeling generally positive and happy(ish) by doing things one enjoys, by having fun, by dancing, by laughing, by being creative and purposeful in one’s life as well as sharing love with people be they close friends or complete strangers, or somewhere in between. One is then less likely to be affected by negative vibes from outside. It also entails releasing the tension and negative emotions as they surface through breathing, through feeling, through shouting, using the violet transmuting flame, asking for help from angels or guides or whatever works best for us.

“If anything happens in your life which you would prefer didn’t, you catch it quickly and ask, ‘How does this serve ascension?’ Once you find out, the situation generally changes very quickly.” – Serapis (channelled through Tony Stubbs, An Ascension Handbook, World Tree Press, Lithia Springs, GA, U.S., 1991, p.75-76).

We must be mindful of the likelihood that these circumstances have been placed there specifically to trigger these emotions and provide an opportunity to release them. It is kind of like a tap. Imagine that there is a rusty tank containing old, mucky water sitting there in lives past that was left behind with all the emotional bodies we had. Disruptive external events can create enough pressure to turn on the tap. In other words, someone is reaching into our kitchen and trying to turn on the tap. We can prevent them from doing so because it is our choice to open up and release some of the water, the negative emotions that fester within us, in the tank in the loft of our unconscious (all that we have conveniently forgotten, dumped or denied). But, then we do not release any of the water and we are avoiding the taps ourselves because we do not want to know what’s in the tank. We might blame the plumbing but even calling in the plumber (therapist) might not help much because the problem runs deeper than the pipes and the tank is hard to access. Also, the plumber might just not have trained for that level of catharsis or it might require too many visits making it unaffordable.

It is not the pipes but the tank that has rusted and needs clearing out and cleaning up or replacing if at all possible. Since we are either reluctant or unable to turn on the taps and face and release all this mucky water ourselves, we have, on a higher level of ourselves, arranged, or ‘conspired,’ for someone to play the role of devil’s advocate, provocateur extraordinaire! Their proximity gives them access to our taps somehow. They seem to know exactly what kinds of noises trigger them, what kind of pressure is required to turn them from the neighbouring residence. Such proximity allows them access to our psychic space since they share it intimately unless they are highly conscious and creative and centred in expressing their own individual purpose and identity without concerning themselves with what others are doing, might be thinking or how bad they want them to feel so they feel better about themselves for a few moments of deluded self-righteous satisfaction. They might seek drama as a source of emotional excitement to either stir up their tedious existence or stimulate them in negative ways to which they are addicted and simply cannot resist if the opportunity is there. Perhaps, indeed, they enjoy indulging themselves by turning on their own taps on a regular basis even though it is not safe to do so because there is nothing to contain the mucky water.

The more obstinately ignorant a person is the more wilful is their resistance to truth, the more instantly dismissive they are and the more insistent they are that messengers of truth are themselves ignorant. No doubt any drama is better to them than the composure and inner reflection which allows truth to settle and be digested. The reason is that once the door to truth opens there is no turning back. And one who is rooted heavily to the spot, weighed down by density, devoid of depth, knows unconsciously at least that when self-transformation does eventually occur, the colossal upheaval will be painful indeed. They believe, for the purpose of self-protection, that it must be postponed indefinitely. For, everything shall be turned on its head and they will have to be reborn and start all over again from a place of innocence and openness like small children. How humiliating that must be for someone who prided themselves on knowing everything as an adult. Alas, just being a human adult does not mean one knows anything at all. And, since consciousness is everything, there is no end to learning, or inner-tuition.

“People have a habit of inventing fictions they will believe wholeheartedly in order to ignore the truth they cannot accept.” - Libba Bray (The Sweet Far Thing).

As with my current upstairs neighbour, they might be using a shower attachment in a bath that has not been properly sealed around the edges. They neither no nor care what effect they are having on the poor fellow living below. They simply turn on the taps and don’t look consciously at what they are doing or they are doing it on purpose, hoping to dump their own tank of negative emotions onto someone else. It is probably a bit of both, an unconscious desire to offload and a semi-conscious allowance to relieve themselves at someone else’s expense on a regular basis. Like they have assigned their very own therapist to take all the crap they have inside themselves. ‘Here, you can have it,’ as St. Germain says. The idea is to purge ourselves of negative emotions completely, to face and brave the flood of emotions and release them, accept them, allow them, breathe them, observe them, transmute them using spiritual tools and love them if possible and send them on their way.

Eventually, the old mucky water that built up in the past will have been released and fresh water will start pouring into the tank and course through the pipes whenever we wish and choose to access it. Pure feeling, refreshing clarity and the sweetness of love. For, it will then be worth our while installing a water filter to have those feelings pour first through a clear and loving heart. Smiles all round. ‘Feeling is healing,’ as St. Germain says.

“For those of you who are experiencing the increasing vibrations in adverse ways, we would like to remind you that only resistance causes suffering. Surrender yourself completely to what is and you will be free to experience what’s next on the upward spiral of your personal evolution. When you hold on to fear, doubt, uncertainty or frustration, conflict ensues. Any lingering feelings of strife must be released in every now moment to make way for more love, more light, more joy, more creativity, more laughter, more freedom and more fulfilment.
                In these rapidly moving energies, it is vital to realise that you have increasing power in each moment to shift your perspective to a place of peace. Release what was, embrace what is, and know that what will be is always your choosing. You have always the creator of your reality...
                Beloved warriors, there is a dynamic and multidimensional playing field that is opening up for you to explore. The height of your creative imagination will begin to soar as never before and you may find that arbitrary moments of bliss overcome you in an instant. These increasing levels of electromagnetic energy will wash over each grounded and clear vessel of divine love as waves of joy and inspiration that consequently fill you up and tantalise your newly developed senses as you become whole again, satiated, and fulfilled in deeper and more profound ways.
                This wholeness is here with you now, within your reach, and we encourage you to focus on and feel the entrance of divine love enter your lives and bodies. Be astute, for everything in your reality will soon shift to serve you, so much so that you may not even recognise the clothes you wear! As the true you, the authentic you, bleeds through your new self-created hologram, you will change in ways you never dreamed so.
                Embrace these changes with a full heart, for you are becoming multidimensional beings of light capable to simultaneously express a multitude of divine gifts.
                Are you beginning to understand the level of joy that you are coming to know?”
- Metatron (channelled through Lauren C. Gorgo, ‘Emerging from the Cocoon, Embracing Divine Love,’ 14 August 2009,

A magical awakening is taking place inside me and a magical awakening is taking place inside humanity. Thank you for being you.

“As a Zen Master said, ‘Nothing is left to you at this moment but to have a good laugh.” - Alan Watts (The Way of Zen, Thames & Hudson, London, U.K., 1957).

Monstaville Book II. Conclusion Part 1


“...a ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ is a time when a dysfunctional belief is brought to our attention in order that we may change it. This process will always include some or all part of our lives being destroyed. One could say, a prop or all the props of our life are pulled from under us, leaving us with a life in shambles. Such a situation triggers extreme it is meant to do so that we have the opportunity to integrate that fear. We cannot integrate what we have not experienced.”
- Jelaila Starr (‘Planetary Dark Night of the Soul,’ 29 December 2008,

Left: Ascended Master St. Germain painting commissioned by AFW

After finishing the current book, I found myself being swept along with research for other projects (and this coincided with a tidal wave of information sharing on the net). It now feels as though the Conclusion I wrote for book one served as a foundation for a new perspective on the issues I have been relating and discussing. In other words, I hadn’t quite finished because there were further experiences and insights awaiting me. Consequently, as this book ends so does an entirely new phase of the journey begin. The roulette wheel is in motion and, as it slowly grinds to a halt, so will the direction of my thoughts on my experiences in ‘Monstaville’ become clearer.

Socially, I realise that I did not appreciate what I had in Colchester enough. It is only recently that I have found myself embracing people more. I have had to change my consciousness with regard to accepting a lack of abundance both financially and socially. I have had to reject certain limitations within myself and in my life. I no longer accept them. But I still find myself stuck down the same pit although, once free, I doubt if I will ever end up in one again. I believe I was simply too passive for many years and that what I considered to be self-control was partly the result of a deep feeling of helplessness which robbed me of my power of self-expression. In fact, I would say that the experiences and learning processes reflected in this book are all about developing greater flexibility and self-control. Permanently slamming the lid shut is a crude and destructive form of self-control and the lid simply covers all the drives and issues one wishes to ignore. They manifest in some way, sooner or later, and they can be very crippling. Asserting oneself and expressing one’s power are themselves examples of self-control.

I have discovered new outlets for releasing tension and channelling energy and they all add up. Each has great value to me. Life is a complicated business and I feel that I have been learning been learning to balance responsibility towards myself with responsibility towards others. I have also learned to balance love and acceptance (surrender) with power (the effect of which, alas, is limited unless it is shared by more than one person). Love is part of the solution, not the whole answer. I’m sure that is the reason I ended up in a situation where I have been at the mercy of assaults from both of these directions: financial and psychological. My sense of security has taken quite a beating. My all-or-nothing approach to life has also mellowed, at least in some areas. At least…this is the best I’ve been able to do thus far! We are all capable of blessing our enemies too. So we can experiment and see if it works for us. I have a feeling it is more powerful and effective now that the Ascended Ones are here to assist us.

I also sense that the reason it is I who am writing about this subject is that my rebellious tiger has been particularly obstinate and aggressive in relation to injustice over the course of many lifetimes (and possibly arrogant and self-righteous too). Reaction may have become a bad habit which I still have. Evidently, by design, being paralysed by extreme sensitivity (plus nervousness and an ‘attention deficit’ resulting, at least partly, from Psychic energy) through childhood trauma prevented me from being able to react thus cutting my consciousness some slack to rehabilitate me. I had to get used to not being able to react so that when I rediscovered my power and was freed from the ‘box’ I would, by then, respond in a higher way. So, I have been installed with an Inner Child who has been traumatised and paralysed through fear during childhood. Consequently, I was rendered incapable of defending myself – forced, in other words, to seek alternative options for surviving in this world, and now, in this environment, this grotty Monstaville chunk of terrace. Gradually, now, a new inner peace is replacing karma with being calmer. The tiger is not reacting and I feel more powerful and capable of making conscious choices and responses that are in keeping with my own feeling of fulfilment.

I tend to concur with whoever it was who observed that ‘love doesn’t work with the ungodly because they have not agreed to acknowledge spiritual law.’ The saying, ‘Love is the only way even in the face of adversity’ is no doubt true but easier said than done! It appears on the pages of of which Trey Abernethy is a member. He explains: “When we constantly maintain a loving vibration, we experience a rise in vibrational frequency.” (3 April 2009). I haven’t enjoyed laughing at myself so much since I started reading information about Ascension. It is now a regular event. It seems to be such a tall order to unplug ourselves completely from the Matrix.

“Love is the long-sought-after ‘Elixir of Life’ which is capable of transmuting pain to joy. Symbolically, the alchemists say it this way, ‘We can change lead (pain) to gold (joy).’ With the present exploration of the whole-brain consciousness, a great awakening and soul-searching is occurring.” – Faith Javane (Master Numbers. Cycles of Divine Order, Whitford Press, Pennsylvania, U.S., 1988 p.147).

My own spiritual experiences and studies are not the subject of these books. As I have pointed out, the entries from my journal included here formed a specific thread amongst my ongoing spiritual studies (I have been a serious student of mysticism, philosophy and the occult all my adult life). I would just like to share something with you in this regard. Much of what I was studying at the time related to Daoist alchemy (I have such a deep love for Ancient China and its arts, culture and philosophy). In terms of my actual practice, however, I did not really make much progress. During that period, which lasted for a few years, I found a wonderful and fascinating second-hand book channelled by St. Germain on ‘the blessed divine science of spiritual alchemy…the science of the mystic.’ [1] I read avidly about the recommended technique which sounded so simple until I arrived at the warning to use it only if one could maintain positive, loving thoughts constantly. Otherwise, it would be dangerous for the would-be alchemist. At which point, being so familiar with the disruptive effect my neighbours had on me, I decided most emphatically not to embark upon such a perilous path! When you have experiences like this where you are challenged to express more love and more power (and wisdom) than you appear to have, it can knock your sense of spiritual self-worth (as, too, can other experiences of course). I made a mental note to pick the book up again only if and when I was able to move to a quiet location in the country. And that was that, or so I thought.

Well, this story has now taken on a surreal twist! I was not going to mention this…I do keep personal experiences to myself generally and this book, as you are aware, would not have come about had it not been for the volume of entries relating to my neighbour conflicts…also, these Ascension studies would have remained private if it weren’t for the fact that they seemed to fit naturally into Monstaville, not least because they shed light on the meaning of the emotional cleansing we are experiencing at this time…so I hope that I have offered a basic but digestible introduction to the subject at least...but, hey, now that we’re on the subject…I recently attended an evening with St. Germain channelled through Ashamarae McNamara. In a brief personal ‘interview,’ the Ascended Master implied that ‘they’ (the Ascended masters) had been watching me for several years and ‘knew who I was.’ He affirmed that I was in the ascension process, that I was now ‘doing it’ and informed me that the result was going to be much more than I am anticipating. I told him I knew of him through the book I had read and he noted that he had brought the book to me. I found the stories of his life on Earth very inspiring and they reminded me of one of my favourite films, Munchausen (directed by Josef von Báky in 1943), about an aristocratic adventurer who attained immortality. The latter is based on the tall stories of a retired army captain and contemporary of the real, if mysterious, long-lived 18th-century adventurer (der Wundermann – ‘the Wonderman’ or the “man who knows everything and who never dies," as Voltaire described him).

I have written a note in pencil on the first page of the book: ‘The Christian path of blind faith and obedience is [potentially] the quickest way to God but it’s not for everyone (it’s very masculine and direct) and because it is so simple and direct it is easily misrepresented and used to keep people in a state of ignorance.’ [2] The science conveyed by the Master Alchemist appeals to one’s reason as much as the legendary life of the Count was colourful and is therefore attractive and engaging, inviting us to become bold, fun-loving and enthusiastic explorers ourselves (which we can all be once we manage to overcome our mortal limitations!). It is no wonder, then, that he is referred to as the ‘Hierarch (or Earth Guardian) of the Aquarian Age’ (as Jeshua was for the Piscean Age). He lived for humanity rather than himself and he continues to dedicate himself to humanity’s freedom. How can we not love such a supportive friend as this advanced soul, this God-man? He may not feature in our exoteric history books (and their many ‘cooked’ accounts) but he played an important role in humanity’s progress and is here with us and reaching out to those who seek to enter this quantum leap and ascend to a higher state of consciousness, to return to genuine freedom and joy.

For those whose beliefs and rigid mindsets do not allow them to entertain the possibility that there exists anything beyond the material illusion with which they identify as absolute reality St. Germain is not so much of a mystery as a charlatan. As such, they write him off with such ease and certainty that I could imagine him disappearing before their very eyes and they would explain the incident away without blinking an eye. Nancy Mitford, for example, in her biography of Madame de Pompadour, the official mistress of King Louis XV (for five years), tells us that St. Germain merely ‘amused and distracted’ them. She writes that not much has ever been known about him “except that he was very rich and spoke every European language.” (Madame de Pompadour, Hamish Hamilton Limited, London, U.K., 1954, p.213). She adds: “But his own claim to fame was that he had lived for thousands of years and had known Jesus Christ.” (ibid. p.213-214). In fact, it appears that St. Germain allowed people to speculate that he had lived for 500 years. In the meantime, he himself confirmed that, although he retained the appearance of a man aged 50, he had certainly lived much longer than 50 years but not such an incredible length of time).

Mitford records only that St. Germain wandered from one European court to another, not that he had attempted to unite Europe through its individual monarchies let alone that, upon failing in this endeavour, he played an important role in the founding of the United States of America, or at least the preparation and signing of the Declaration of Independence (again behind the scenes). Mitford notes that “Madame de pompadour and the King were seeing a great deal of that curious personage the Comte de St. Germain.” (ibid. p213). She assumes that they “forced themselves to believe in him, rather as children force themselves to believe in conjurers, to heighten the entertainment value.” (ibid.). [3] She also provides definite dates for St. Germain’s birth and death. In reality, no one really knows when he was born and an acquaintance recorded that, at some point, St. Germain had eventually declared it time for him to leave the society of men. If he did not go back to the Himalayas and remain there for several decades to recharge his body, he said, he would not be able to remain in this world.

One website explains: “Saint Germain has spoken through several channels and by all accounts he is described as a wonderfully loving, quick-witted, humorous, intelligent, fun-loving and very powerful being. Call upon Saint Germain to assist you to transform your consciousness to become a pure reflection of the I AM Presence/the God-within/our true self. He can help all who wish to achieve this goal. Call upon him to help you to make conscious use of the violet consuming flame. Saint Germain’s message to the world is: Don’t take everything so seriously. Be well, have fun and laugh. Let go of the past. Stand in your own power and use your power in love. Let your own mighty I AM Presence be your guru. Connect with this part of yourself every day. Call upon the violet flame to consume all discordant creations of your past. Find your freedom through love.” ( Deep inside each of us is a desire to know God/Goddess. St. Germain invites all to call upon him for assistance in their spiritual life (yet, it matters not which Ascended Master(s) one chooses to focus upon since they are all joined as One like individual flames in the divine fire of God-consciousness).

“Love will enter immediately into any mind that truly wants it, but it must want it truly.  Love, which created you, is what you are. To create is to love. Love extends outward simply because it cannot be contained. To think like God is to share his certainty of what you are and, to create like Him, is to share the perfect Love He shares with you.” – A Course in Miracles (The Foundation for Inner Peace, CA., U.S., 1976).

One other thing I would like to mention is that, a few years ago, I experienced a very powerful and intense feeling of love (a magical energy) in my heart for near enough a whole day. It was a supernatural sweetness the like of which I have never experienced since. It opened me up to a deep desire to serve humanity. Indeed, I felt compelled to take action. When St. Germain says that once you have experienced that sweetness you won’t want to go back, he means it (for a start, as he counsels, sugar, at least in such excess, closes the heart which means that the day after one has drunk alcohol, even just one beer, that inner feeling that leads to rich spiritual experience will be constricted). In his Mémoires de Mon Temps, S. A. Le Landgrave Charles, Prince De Hesse, reported that St. Germain “was, perhaps, one of the greatest philosophers who ever lived. The friend of humanity, wishing for money only that he might give to the poor, a friend to animals, his heart was concerned only with the happiness of others.” (Copenhagen, 1861, p.135. Quoted in The Comte de St. Germain by Isabel Cooper-Oakley, Theosophical Publishing House, London, U.K., 1912).

Alas, what I experienced did not appear to relate to anything I had done so I did not imagine that there was any way for me to repeat it let alone maintain such a state. In actual fact, I assumed that it would still be there in the morning! I felt that I had been born again or something. I can, however, imagine how compelling it would be to feel that divine love and preserve it in any way possible if one knew how. To this effect, I wish to share a prayer offered by St. Germain (channelled through Ashamarae McNamara, which I have been repeating (and paraphrasing from memory) daily - the reason being that I know from personal experience that nothing compares to that feeling of divine love when it arises naturally and fully in one’s heart:

"Take a deep breath and know that we speak in this moment from direct experience. That which you call God loves beyond a way that you can comprehend, is an all-encompassing sweetness, ever expressing joy and serenity. And all that which is, is yours in this moment.
We offer you this prayer, for it is one that we, the Ascended Masters, have used for millennia. Use the simple prayer daily, as much as you like and watch your life change:

Beloved God, I am here. I long for a love that I have not known in this life. Reveal to me, reveal through me, the tenderness of the heart. That in this moment as I breathe in and breathe out, that love shines, that I be open, that I allow and I surrender to that which you are pouring forth in this moment. For it is said that we are one, yet reveal this to me Lord. Open me. I surrender this moment. Thank you.

Take a deep breath. For the next 3 minutes be still and feel in your heart.

I have since realised that this overwhelming energy that came forth from within me and which I experienced for one whole day in 2005 or 2006 was the Christ. When I asked St Germain if he could help me find it again he said that was nothing. I replied, 'It was pretty overwhelming!' There is Love and there are temporary excuses for love which are illusory projections, kind of like chasing our own tails. Hence, they say that 'love is for the young.' There is a difference between being loving and being Love. We're here to be atomic Christ-suns! It was a taster but, honestly, others I've met who have had this experience feel the same way as me about it: it's like, 'Oh shit! I can't afford to be in that state all the time.' Haha. Because it takes over. It's like an atomic love explosion and the only thing you care about is helping, or serving, everyone any way you can. I made these big and stupid plans that day and when I woke up in the morning it was gone. It was a relief and yet I knew that was the only happiness that exists. Basically, that Light is reality and the rest, all our ego projections and lives, it's all a dream. I did not wish to be of service anymore with that much intensity. I'm a busy man! I found it inconvenient in a practical sense. And, besides, I did not really have a viable outlet and was unprepared. I'm no Christian. I was not seeking that experience. I injured the ring finger of my right hand in a martial arts class! That triggered it because, as St Germain explained, there is a meridian that connects this finger and the heart. In fact, I felt that the ascended masters were responsible for a cut on the ring finger of my left hand whilst I was playing Frisbee during the summer of 2009 (the Frisbee was broken and the inner ring was made from hard plastic). That is why mentioned it. In fact, I said to him, 'Can I have that love back?'

Alchemist St. Germain painting (18th century)

Ah, yes, the day I met the one whom I’ve described as the coolest man in the West [after me]! Scholars of Freemasonry and Western alchemy have been baffled as to how St. Germain acquired his youthful appearance and magical powers. He was himself a Freemason for a while and “was one of the selected representatives of the French Masons at their convention at Paris in 1785,” as Rosicrucian Grand Master Raymund Andrea explains, but he warned that it was being corrupted by the Illuminati (a term which I may or may not be employing accurately, and Andrea also states that St. Germain attended the Congress at Wilhelmsbad which was designed to “bring about a conciliation between the various sects of the Rosicrucians, the Cabalists, the Illuminati, the Humanitarians”). I have come across claims that he entered one of the powerful stargates that are said to be located in the south of France. St. Germain himself says that he did it through love. At any rate, love clearly played a major role in his ascendency to multidimensional consciousness and God-realisation. Freemasons know him as Master (or ‘brother’) Rakoczi which was his real name, ‘St. Germain’ being one of many names that he employed to suit his purposes. In a wonderful article written for the July 1912 issue of The Mystic Triangle, Andrea affirms insightfully, “Undoubtedly the Comte is one of our Great Brothers of the Great White Lodge.” He writes:

“The Comte when he appeared gained precisely the same kind of reputation he would be assured of were he to appear today. He was a romantic, a charlatan, an adventurer, a liar and a swindler. When a man receives a galaxy of titles of that description he is usually a character worth investigating. Those who investigated the character of the Comte testified that he lived according to a strict regime; that he had a charming grace and courtliness of manner; that he was an excellent musician and demonstrated powers which were incomprehensible and amazing; that he painted beautifully, and spoke the languages of half a dozen countries so perfectly that he might have been a native of either. He adopted various names the better to execute his mission; a custom which we thoroughly understand, but which to his contemporaries was a most damning reflection on his character. He conversed with people when they were young and met them again when they were old, but appeared not a day older himself. They could assign a sinister reason for his numerous names; but when he appeared at the court of Louis XV and encountered those who had met him in Venice 50 years before, reason failed them. The Countess v. Georgy called him ‘a most extra-ordinary man, a devil!’" (The Comte de St. Germain. Mystical Facts About a Famous Rosicrucian,’ from The Mystic Triangle, July 1928).

Religion might be uncool but love most certainly isn’t. Love is everything. All is love. It can feel so blissful because, in its essence, as energy, it is the flavour of our true beingness. Love has been called the beauty of the soul. ‘’Beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all ye know on Earth, and all ye need to know,” the poet John Keats once stated. Predominantly rational minds believe that truth takes God out of the equation. Yet, the truth cannot be dissected, boxed and labelled like mere facts (facets of existence) but leads to God (Divine Reality) through direct experience and intuitive knowing. Whereas the message and teachings of the Nazarene have been suppressed and disported beyond recognition by the Church, we now have access to so much unadulterated truth. We now have a golden opportunity to experience the joy of applying our creative intelligence, of fulfilling our true purpose and becoming all that we can be. Can we afford to waste it? For many British people, religion has such a stigma attached to it because we are reviled by the traditional dogmas of morality and obligation. For myself, as a free-thinking individual, this extends to much of science and popular culture too. Yet, people have allowed this repulsion to close the curtains to the plane of spiritual exploration and even to their psychic consciousness. This deluge of ignorance is now subsiding as the waves part, if you will. The focus of love by both St. Germain and Jeshua does not curtail the expression of universal truth. The beauty of the New Age is that truth is returning and with it the truth of love and Oneness on a level never before seen on Earth. The Ascended Ones have no interest in depriving us of the truth of who we really are, of how we have been tricked and controlled, of our Atlantean and Lemurian roots, of our chakras and subtle bodies, our power and higher potential and other esoteric truths (and tools).

We do not have many spiritual role models in the West, not on the level of true mastery at least. Who but St. Germain can inspire Europeans (and many Americans too) to awaken from their slumber? He’s the ‘man.’ Whoever he is and was, the fact is he was and still is at the forefront of raising consciousness in the west. I have accumulated much cynicism, disillusionment and lethargy as well as some bad habits over the years. Whenever I tried to elevate myself to become resolutely and permanently centred in the Light, I would fall down after a year or two, not realising that I was weighed down by baggage from childhood, unfinished business. I now realise that I had awakened (or attuned) to 5D Light and flapped my wings a bit but failed to take off. I had, at least, stood in the gateway. I was pulled back down by my shadow self into the fourth dimension, back into the polarity of light and dark. The flower closed to the Light and, once again, I was confined to the personal consciousness of stem and roots, of conscious and unconscious, and of leaves and thorns, pleasure and pain.

Socrates (Nick Nolte): The habit is the problem. All you need to do is be conscious about your choices and responsible for your actions.
                - Way of the Peaceful Warrior (directed by Victor Salva, 2006, based on the novel by Dan Millman).

St. Germain, for me personally, is the inspiration and motivation to move forward. I was already responding to the accelerated energies arriving towards the end of 2008 but found myself stumbling, losing my focus. St. Germain ‘knows us.’ He has himself climbed out of the pit we know so well and it is through his efforts that the West embarked upon a new paradigm of consciousness. Although those collective seeds were trampled in their prime they survived and are now responding to the return of the Sun. The gardeners of Earth have been watching and have returned to lend a helping hand. St. Germain is familiar with the cultural malaise into which we have fallen and knows what each of us needs. We are all brothers and sisters and a close relative is here, standing beside us, not aloof in any way, without judgement, offering loving guidance to those who desire that the seedlings of civilisation prosper in the Light above the soil. We are those seedlings, friends; and, after us, others will take the stems higher and higher until the flower of full abundance and enlightenment blossoms.

We need only open our minds and nurture the desire to know more than society and our reason alone reveal to us. There is now every possibility that we – even repressed/oppressed English people - may respond to the increasing levels of Light in this world, in this galaxy, by opening our hearts and minds. St. Germain offered a couple of examples of English politeness: ‘I’m hurt but I won’t acknowledge it’ and ‘I don’t want to work here but I’ll just put up with it.’ (Channelled through Ashamarae McNamara, ‘Connecting to Your Authentic Self,’ 26 June 2009, Violet Hill Studios, London). He also told us, ‘If someone asks, ‘How are you?’ say you feel bad if you feel bad.’ Be real in other words (but don’t share your bad news lest it contributes towards prolonging your misfortunes…which seems a slight contradiction perhaps since people might well ask, ‘Why do you feel bad?’ Well…it’s a long story!).

Beyond the rock pool of personal emotions lies the sea of intuitive awareness. An aspect of chaos or crisis might indeed enter our lives for a while as emotions stir and surface, once they are released and once we become conscious of them, understand ourselves better and move beyond them so they are no longer repressed and holding us back from knowing and being ourselves fully. The rewards, however, make this transition worthwhile as we become enriched with spiritual insight and gifts and that love and bliss, that peace and joy, that is our true nature. We have put up with drama and many have believed this form of ‘excitement’ was the way to happiness and fulfilment. It was, as everything is in its own way, a choice, whether conscious or unconscious (and unconscious choices teach us to become more conscious, to master our minds so that we are no longer at the mercy of the unconscious and its projections onto the screen of life in the form of Pig Monsters and the like!). It needed to happen so that enough people would conclude from experience that this is but a lie. That information has been injected into the collective unconscious where it is readily tapped into by many more people. Now is the time to let the Light shine.

“If you don’t get lost, there’s a chance you may never be found.” – Unknown.

If I could be bothered, perhaps I could think of myself as having just moved here consciously and deliberately in order to study the situation and find possible solutions and explore ideas that might be of benefit to others. Simply erase the past (including the past-life experiences of lashing out against injustice). I may not have fully explored the peaceful, non-violent solution before. I don’t really rate it much, I have to admit. I realise, however, that it is about long-term rather than short-term gain. It is not really about dealing with other people so much as choosing to centre oneself in the inner reality instead of identifying with the external world. It is about learning to express one’s higher nature under negative circumstances, asking the question, for instance, ‘What would love do now?’ And, then, when the ego, or that part that is suffering, protests and exclaims, ‘But I can’t bear it!’ it might be necessary to also choose between raw reaction and power tempered by patience, wisdom and compassion. At least, this has been my experience! Compromise following self-negotiation! Having rejected love as a solution in itself, I am interested in taking practical and effective measures that are creative rather than extreme expressions of power.

Self-mastery is founded on being good to yourself, I feel. We raise and keep our vibrations high through truth, love, fun, joy…fifth-dimensional, or multidimensional, attributes. In relation to others, this involves compassion and unconditional love and spreading joy and inspiration, offering kindness and encouragement. However, it also includes the wisdom of knowing when to be firm and assertive with others, as gently and intelligently as possible, without yielding to anger and allowing one’s heart to close. Neither allowing people to walk all over you nor hurting them. If you allow them to drag you down you are no good to yourself or others and therefore not helping the world, not contributing with your energy and potential, love and power.

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” - Christopher Reeve.

I do sometimes feel like George Orwell on his Down and Out in Paris and London (published in 1933) escapade except that ‘roughing it’ as I am culturally and financially could not be further from what I wish to be experiencing, or writing about for that matter. While I am absolutely no volunteer in this oft-miserable farce, however, it feels like I have finally made peace with the situation. I have learned that my circumstances are a reminder to release emotional blockages and learned to use my wits to some extent along the way. However, it also feels as though I am on a brave mission behind enemy lines. The mission has been a success but the enemy is all around me, as well as closing in on me. I am struggling to endure this precarious situation, waiting to be rescued, waiting for my side to come and get me out of this hellish place.

"If you can cultivate the right attitude, your enemies are your best spiritual teachers because their presence provides you with the opportunity to enhance and develop tolerance, patience and understanding." - Dalai Lama.

It kind of feels like being in a social experiment, in a laboratory (or Big Brother house divided by a screen). Instead of watching me squirm and struggle, weep and yell, on reality TV, you have been privy to my memoirs, my innermost thoughts and meditations, and my private research and efforts to remedy the situation and come out on top, triumphant, whilst endeavouring to keep my integrity intact. Quite a feat, I can tell you! And, I have been studying and grappling with this tormenting experience, this feeling of utter powerlessness and futility, this frustration and despair, for a decade now. This chess game, if you prefer. And, while I have, indeed, come up with some strategic solutions to outmanoeuvre and outsmart my intimidators, I still find myself in the same situation, in the same circumstances, with the same assaults on my dignity, peace of mind and quality of life. And I am still obliged to try new things, to adjust, to exercise my courage, intelligence, intuition and creativity, to love and to assert my power and apply my will, to dig deep and draw on inner strength and psychological resources, to find my way through the brambles, through the dark, and to minimise my suffering as the thorns of malicious intent catch me, tear the outer garments of my psyche and cut and scrape the limbs of my being. When I told a friend that my neighbours had resumed their ‘terror campaign’ yet again without provocation he called it a wound that refuses to heal.

"I play my enemies like a game of chess, where I rest. No stress," Lauren Hill raps in the Fugees’ song 'Ready Or Not' (1996).

The two Angel Cards I just turned over are Tenderness and Grace. Meaning? Meaning, perhaps, that this long, dark tunnel is a process of purging my ego, of cleansing a deep-seated violence inside of myself which, however much I suppress it, refuses to die. It must, perhaps, surface in order in order to be released, provoked to become conscious and transmuted. Everything is energy. Releasing anger can enable us to perceive and redirect it with consciousness, say goodbye to it as we make practical but also loving choices, as we both protect ourselves and use the energy to recreate ourselves, to be reborn as the new skin replaces the old patterns of consciousness which serve the snake in its environment. The new patterns are fifth-dimensional, produced by love and compassion, and feeling the oneness of all life. for, although I appear to have failed in my attempts to bring peace and harmony to my home environment in relation to my neighbours, it is fair to say that, although I despise my neighbours and continue to defend myself begrudgingly, I do not react so much as respond creatively and thoughtfully, asserting my will without sinking into negative thought patterns. I simply do what I feel I have to; although sometimes it’s tense and sometimes fun. I take whatever action I feel is necessary and in this way, rooted in an endeavour to be as patient and compassionate as I can, the training of my mind has moved me into the realm of constructive (or cheeky) action or communication if that route is accessible. I deal with the situation as best I can and have to accept my limitations but also own my power and take responsibility for it. And, although the door to my heart is slammed shut by the gusts of hatred that turn upon me, I do not allow it to remain closed for long. I live my life, enjoy my pursuits, strive to achieve my goals and feel an immense reservoir of love, even for my enemies.

"Where there is fear we lose the way of our spirit." – Gandhi.

I do not consider myself to be inherently fearful but my life has been plagued by a fearful attitude as a result of being over-sensitive and rendered docile and vulnerable (as well as somewhat dysfunctional) by my attention condition although it is likely that this developed as a result of escaping from the world, withdrawing into my shell. A combination of hypersensitivity and fear. As a young boy I suffered from fatally-high temperatures whenever I attended parties and the hosts would have to call my parents to come and collect me. I believe that we come to Earth to experience and learn certain things for our own soul evolution. On a higher level, however, our purpose is also to help others. In my case, I cleared much karma during childhood in order to make myself vulnerable. Through this vulnerability, I have become more acquainted with the realm of emotions and I have also always felt a strong empathy for vulnerable people along with an urge to help them. And I often notice than many do not possess the self-love, inner power and confidence that I do (and which I can’t imagine being without). My heart goes out to those people who are gentle and vulnerable for one reason or another and whom society tends to walk all over or leave behind. That’s when my compassionate soul really takes over.

As a result of my childhood, I have given myself a tough nut to crack, a thick shell separating me from personal emotions even though I’m on first name terms with deep feelings. Or, like a fruit, the husk hardens to protect the ripening meat within. So, through ‘everlasting pain and torment,’ I have been continually acquainting myself with emotions even in my efforts to deny and control them. An unconscious learning process has finally become a conscious awakening.

We each have a higher purpose, a contribution to make to the world, but we tend to get lost in our personal lives. We get tangled up in our experiences and the habit patterns they often produce. In other words, we become so involved in the lower life at the expense of the higher. This time around, however, since we are experiencing the end of 3D identification, it does not matter so much that we may have grown too fond of our personal lives and our lower selves. God is always there within us sending love to remind us who and what we really are, that we are loved and that we are love itself. The Higher Self always seeks to get our attention. Our focus has been so fixed on the material world that our minds, let alone our hearts, have been externalised. Living on automatic pilot has bound us to physical existence, to that which we are not. We have neglected the inner, deeper layers of ourselves, of our consciousness. Our awareness has been restricted to that of the conscious but shallow ego, the limited, physical personality. Now, however, in addition to inner guidance and the God within us shining its Light and seeking our attention, we are joined by powerful and uplifting sources of divine energy encouraging us to raise our vibration and know that we are more than the body, intellect and emotions.

‘Going with the flow,’ I have learned, does not mean being passive or paralysed, prevented from living one’s life, but being open to creative responses from within oneself, holistically combining the three principles of the Triune God/Goddess: Love, Power and Wisdom. To focus on either love or power alone is to neglect wisdom. I have no choice but to listen to my creative intelligence just s I also have no choice but to endure all this at the same time. I have been obliged to stay and confront the situation whilst at the same time surrendering to its volatile energetic and riding the waves when they rise and carry me into a dimension of conflict and chaos that I seek to avoid permanently, penetrating my unconscious and teaching me to make conscious choices in a realm that I would rather run away from.

”Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” – Dorothy Thompson.

One important lesson I have learned is that I have, throughout my life, through fear and through a feeling of powerlessness and a passive will, allowed people to behave selfishly and aggressively without considering my welfare, my peace of mind, my right to relax and enjoy life, to be free. I was too sensitive, shy and fearful. Consequently, it took more courage and strength than I could muster to speak up about how I felt. I did not see any alternative, partly because I did not give sufficient attention to this aspect of my life. I just watched the ship slowly sink without applying either my will or creative intelligence to keeping myself afloat, determined to win the game of life and reach my destination. I have found power in purposefulness and I have found that, rather than being my enemy, however oppressive I perceive the world to be, ‘life is what you make it.’ Until, we take back our power, until we desire dignity and victory and actively choose to stand up for ourselves, we remain lost in the illusion of victimhood. Even if we must spend our whole lives mastering life, even if we must endure years of suffering, even if we end up writing a crazy book like this, we owe it to ourselves to rise to the challenge and learn as much as we can about overcoming our own weaknesses and ignorance. We owe it to ourselves to at least try, to experiment with the tools that have been made available. We must look within and search our souls. For, everything we need resides within us even though we may need a few signposts along the way. It may take a heavy Pluto transit to bore a deep enough hole through our habitual consciousness, but I believe each and every one of us has an opportunity to strike oil eventually and claim the riches buried deep within us, awaiting our attention. ‘Where there’s a will there’s a way.’

“The simplest and most certain guide to anyone’s level of development is his capacity to mind his own business. When we are concentrating on developing ourselves, the desire to interfere in, or judge, the life of others disappears…When we cease to want other people to be like us, we have taken a great step forward, leaving behind the herd instinct of the animal and entering the field of individual human growth. As consciousness develops everything instructs. Another test of our development is the range of attitudes we have at our disposal to apply to any given situation. For instance, if we always use the same attitude every time a similar event occurs, we have not developed very far.” - Richard Gardner (Evolution Through the Tarot, Samuel Weiser, Inc., U.S., New York, 1962 and 1970, p.95).

I have given my consent to injustice by not speaking up, not standing up for myself, not seeking positive solutions, not expressing my anger, not sharing my feelings, not loving myself enough, not knowing and affirming my rights as an individual, not asking for help and not knowing the tricks of the trade, the tools of self-mastery. The disciple asks a question and the Master sends him off to a situation in which he can find the answer first-hand. It may be years before he returns to the Master with the understanding he has attained. Alternatively, he may keep returning each year in need of a further clue. We must at least make an effort before the Universe responds. We are guided but must, ultimately, learn for ourselves because, as I said, the truth is within. I wish, however, that I had asked for guidance. Kryon tells us that one of the most respected of all the questions of life is, ‘God, please tell me what it is I need to know.’ The reason is evidently that we are not asking someone else to live our lives for us, or to do the work for us, but seeking the knowledge we require in order to live up to our potential. Having concentrated on the task at hand, having thrust our roots deep into the ground, we eventually stumble on a few simple but desperately needed gardening tips! Like, ‘Oh, you mean I can grow upwards and reclaim my divine power too?’ ‘I’m a flower waiting to be discovered and admired?’

“You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.” - Shrii Shrii Anandamurti.

First, the semi-conscious, sleeping bud, then the blossoming of intuitive depth and the release of love’s sweet fragrance. It is with strength and wisdom gained from experience that we transcend fear and self-imposed limitations and allow the heart to open fully. I was starting to bloom when I was living in Colchester in my late twenties but I was not ready. I needed to enter the Underworld and grope around in the dark tunnel of my unconscious. It kind of feels like I was lowered down into the well to bring water up to the surface but then felt abandoned as I could not find my way back out again and needed to be hoisted up. It seems that I needed to really take a good, long look at my inner darkness in order to fully embrace the Light when it reappeared. And the rope lifted me up to a certain height and then lowered or dropped me again. There was more inner work to be done but the respite reminded me of the Light again, reminded me that the rope had not deserted me completely. Then, finally, when it seemed that all was lost, I called up and announced that I wished to come up and I set my intention thus, working in partnership with my Higher Self.

PLAY: The second half of ‘Disarm’ by the Smashing Pumpkins (from the album Siamese Dream, 1993).

Having forgotten about the flower, I allowed it to close and wither. I now realise, however, that it was imperative that I put down deeper roots in order to reach greater maturity. There is no longer one flower unfolding on the rose bush but several, all responding simultaneously to the Sun’s wake-up call, to the dawn of the Golden Age. As more people pass such initiations, the resulting wisdom in the collective unconscious becomes available to others so they can move through the process of self-actualisation more quickly. This is usually achieved without a written account of the expedition to provide more immediate access to some of the keys that may be used along the way. It is my hope that this book serves that purpose. Our paths are unique and, yet, they also contain many common denominators. One key may unlock several doors. One account may serve (save?) many souls.


1. Jim Self defines alchemy as Athe ability to recognise all that=s possible and then change or transform one into something else. In other words, the ability to change the frequency or the vibration of your existence as a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical level. In other words, the ability to change the frequency or the vibration of your existence on a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical level.@ Mastering alchemy is Achoosing the most joyful possibility and allowing it,@ he says. Self explains that anger, as an example, restricts our ability to feel happy. AAnger vibrates at a lower, slower frequency whereas happy vibrates at a higher, faster frequency. By holding on to the vibration of anger you are limiting your ability to be happy. You simply operate at a lower, slower frequency that limits access to the higher, faster feelings. This is exactly what happens in lower, third-dimensional reality. Accessing the higher dimensional frequencies simply cannot occur at a lower, slower vibration. You have to raise your vibrational field in order to access the higher consciousness in simultaneous time.@ (>Mastering Alchemy - Sacred Geometry Energy Meditation,= Google Video lecture, 1 July 2007). On the alchemical path of Light, we continue to increase our frequency. We continue to evolve to the highest frequency attainable which includes more love, more joy and more abundance as well as creative intelligence and greater abilities. “Raise your frequency by being even more open to new potentials,” counsels Metatron. “Judge not your experiences nor that of others, for all are experiencing the trial and error growth towards the crystalline Vibration of Impeccability.” (Channelled through Tyberonn, 31 December 2009,

2.  A French diplomat named Joseph De Maistre (1753‑1821) puts it more succinctly: "Christianity was preached by ignorant men and believed by servants, and that is why it resembles nothing ever known."

3. A good biography of St. Germain can be found in Magicians, Seers and Mystics by Reginal Merton which is reproduced here:

Continued in Part 2

St. Germain channelling in full trance through Ashamarae NcNamara (Corfu 2010 I believe)