Arrr! See CONTENTS for links to the 125 chapters of The Monstaville Memoirs plus introductions, conclusions, postscripts and appendices. This treasure trove also includes a collection of articles offering further insights into the themes explored in the trilogy. Namely, managing suffering and conflict (dealing with hostile people if you are nervous, sensitive or shy) and learning not to react
MotherShip by Sam Wise ___ PLEASE REFRESH PAGE FOR WEB FONTS
Thursday, 18 December 2014
Monstaville Book II. Chapter 46
“I hold it to be the inalienable
right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.”
- Robert Frost.
if you are sad and unhappy for whatever reason, your energy is likely to be
reduced and you might be somewhat subdued or withdrawn. If you are a more
introverted type of person, aggressive or competitive people might regard you
as a suitable - vulnerable and helpless - target for their predatory desire for
power. They want to reinforce the belief that their way of being makes them
happy so they can feel superior and justify their coarse existence while you,
in contrast, are weak and stupid in a world in which survival belongs to the
fittest. Dull Knives are the most dangerous ones.
They might be happier with their
lives but only because they have yet to suffer as much as you and have not
experienced the depths of their consciousness. Their happiness is founded on a
limited, egocentric degree of identity, often a very physical one. They regard
you as weak only because they are clinging to a narrow sense of self and
personal power. Once some crisis occurs to crush that illusion, the tables are
turned. They are cowards, not warriors. For, the warrior also engages in the
great battle of his/her life which is with him or her-self. As ‘all rivers lead
to the sea’ so do all conflicts lead to the war within and, ultimately, to the
triumph of the higher over the lower self.
I wanna live, I wanna love
But it`s a long hard road out of hell.
I wanna live, I wanna love
But it`s a long hard road out of hell.
- Marilyn Manson (from the song
‘Long Hard Road Out of Hell,’ written by Marilyn Manson and Twiggy Ramirez,
If a person is essentially unhappy,
they can be an easy target because they have insufficient power, will,
confidence, joy or energy to express, which are protective forces in
themselves. People with power and who abuse it prey on the weak and vulnerable.
Bullies take what power they have left because they can and enjoy it and have
something to gain from it, even potentially. Some people’s lives are hard. Some
introverted people are oversensitive and feel the pain in their lives more
acutely. Some extroverted people are not sensitive enough and rarely reflect on
the experiences in their lives or how they feel. If you don’t like yourself, or
you don’t enjoy life, or if you are having difficulty coping, some people will
reinforce that. They will give you more suffering as though it is okay, as if
you accept that tortuous existence. They feel that they can have fun at your
expense even though there is no invitation or acceptance of their involvement
in causing you further misery. They have no right to add to your problems but
these people are buried in their unconscious and driven by their animal
instincts. They are like the Borg Collective in Star Trek: no individuals. We live in a time of change where both
young and old souls are having to live together. That’s what we are dealing
with. I believe that many older or more enlightened souls are now being born into
this world and that they will guide others. A higher proportion of old to young
souls on this planet of ours will inevitably change things for the better.
Know your rights!
I probably have aggressors in my
life because I tend to react and may have developed the habit of using power
too impatiently over several lifetimes. Now, I am unable to retaliate at the
time without thinking. My choices are therefore to accept and suffer abuse,
submit and allow them to walk all over me (inviting attack!), or get really
angry and suppress the anger by doing nothing, or get angry and retaliate later
when it is possible, or get angry or depressed and don’t retaliate but just do
whatever I feel like doing (like my selfish, aggressive neighbours), or don’t
get angry or depressed, find something to distract myself so I minimise my own
suffering and then either take revenge, or do nothing or behave selfishly like
them, or don’t get angry or depressed and send them love or positive energy and
either behave selfishly and irresponsibly like them, or let it go.
obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.” – Richard Bach (Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant
Messiah, ArrowBooks Ltd, London, U.K., 1977).
What you need to avoid is:
1. Creating karma, thus prolonging
the misery or continuing the behaviour pattern so this kind of conflict finds
2. Getting into dark moods,
disturbing and depressing your consciousness, making yourself miserable and
3. Being fearful: this makes you
more powerless and unable to sort things out.
4. Stupid, thoughtless behaviour you
will regret later! For example, you need to minimise the violence and
preferably avoid violence on any level altogether. The less violence the
better, the more successful - providing the strategy is effective.
“Only by understanding can we get
the better of destiny.” - Hermann Hesse.
is caused by fears. People fear what they don’t understand.” – Angelica
“Whenever we're afraid, it’s because
we don't know enough. If we understood enough, we would never be afraid.” -
“What is needed, rather than running
away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding
fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it.
We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it.” - Krishnamurti.
“There are no mistakes. The events
we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to
learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach
the places we've chosen to go.” - Richard Bach (The Bridge Across Forever, Pan Books, London, U.K., 1984).
destiny is frequently met in the very paths we take to avoid it.” - Jean de La
“Fear is the Ultimate Prison…The time has come for us to escape
the Fear Prison and walk out into the light of Freedom. To be ourselves
without the fear of what anyone may think of us. To say what we
feel...it is our birthright…Know that many have come before you. Knowledge is
Power. Share it, and use it so that we may together make a significant
difference in this world. We are the generation that has been entrusted with
the future of mankind.” – Julio Gilberto (from a blog on MySpace).
catastrophic moments invite clarity, explode in split moments: You smash your
hand through a windowpane and then there is blood and shattered glass stained
with red all over the place; you fall out a window and break some bones and
scrape some skin. Stitches and casts and bandages and antiseptic solve and
salve the wounds. But depression is not a sudden disaster. It is more like a
cancer: At first its tumorous mass is not even noticeable to the careful eye,
and then one day - wham! - there is a huge, deadly seven-pound lump lodged in
your brain or your stomach or your shoulder blade, and this thing that your own
body has produced is actually trying to kill you. Depression is a lot like
that: Slowly, over the years, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind,
a computer program for total negativity will build into your system, making
life feel more and more unbearable. But you won't even notice it coming on,
thinking that it is somehow normal, something about getting older, about
turning eight or turning twelve or turning fifteen, and then one day you
realise that your entire life is just awful, not worth living, a horror and a
black blot on the white terrain of human existence. One morning you wake up
afraid you are going to live.
my case, I was not frightened in the least bit at the thought that I might live
because I was certain, quite certain, that I was already dead. The actual dying
part, the withering away of my physical body, was a mere formality. My spirit,
my emotional being, whatever you want to call all that inner turmoil that has
nothing to do with physical existence, were long gone, dead and gone, and only
a mass of the most fucking god-awful excruciating pain like a pair of boiling
hot tongs clamped tight around my spine and pressing on all my nerves was left
in its wake.
the thing I want to make clear about depression: It's got nothing at all to do
with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorrow, all of
which, in their right time and season, are normal - unpleasant, but normal.
Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves a complete
absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of
interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major clinical depression is an
attempt on nature's part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the
empty space. But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just
the walking, waking dead.
the scariest part is that if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he
got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know. There is a classic
moment in The Sun Also Rises when
someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt, and all he can say in response
is, 'Gradually and then suddenly.' When someone asks how I love my mind, that
is all I can say too."
– Elizabeth Wurtzel (Prozac
Nation. Young and
Depressed in America: A Memoir,
Books, New York, U.K., 1995).
you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.”
- Walt Disney.
theory: We live in alienating times. However, it is possible that my tendency
to contract rather than expand socially, to shy away from the world, commenced
prior to this lifetime on Earth. Certainly, my childhood experiences caused me
to withdraw completely and escape into my own inner world as an oversensitive
and artistic boy. This, and the fact that I never really fitted into any group,
has meant that I have stood alone for the most part, being both vulnerable and
rebellious in relation to the hostile world outside. I have always enjoyed my
own company and have always had much creative expression and study to occupy
myself with. Over time, however, I lost the balance, particularly as poverty
has trapped me in a ghetto in which I do not belong and as my workload has
attention difficulty I have also experienced has also taught me to appreciate
clear communication as well as conscious awareness. In addition, I have
realised the importance of paying attention to my feelings and sharing them.
This is all very evident as a major learning theme in my birth chart. As a
result of these conditions, it could be that, since I did not actively go out
and meet new people, or embrace people, when I had the chance, or, indeed, appreciate
the friends I had and go and see them often enough, I ended up in an
environment where there is nobody for me to connect with or visit. In other
words, I did not invest enough energy and attention into this part of my life,
my social and emotional needs. Consequently, I inadvertently invited not only a
social vacuum but, since nature abhors a vacuum, actively hostile neighbours in
order to motivate me to find the solution, to go out and establish contact with
the civilised world again (wherever that may be!) or at least to develop a
hunger for fulfilling friendships in contrast to the debilitating effect that
my celebration of independence eventually had on me. No doubt, from a higher
perspective (and much to my disbelief!) where I need to be having drawn this
sorry state of affairs to myself for my own growth.
putting enough energy into the world socially has meant that I am not only
isolated (which is cool with me) but also the recipient of darkness in an area
in which I have not expressed sufficient Light. Consequently, this imbalance is
corrected by social interaction of a nature that is potent enough to get my
attention. Devils have been honing in on my own darkness, trying to extinguish
my Light, and basically stimulating some level of attention and activity. This
means that I am on the lowest rung of the social ladder, the realm of conflict,
perhaps! All because I did not – or could not – do enough to establish or give
enough time and attention to a nourishing, supportive and empowering network of
friends. And I lost the friends I had because I did not actively seek and find
them. They were temporary acquaintances rather than true, like-minded friends.
However, I do not really feel an affinity with English people, at least not
those I have met since moving to London. I mean there don’t seem to be many
people on my wavelength. But perhaps I ought to be more sociable regardless. I
mentioned this dilemma to a friend and she told me that such a negative belief
about English people is likely to create a vicious circle instead of improving
the situation. I guess it became a conscious acknowledgement after moving to
London and has increased over the years as a result of my experience here. On
the rare occasions that I visit people outside of London, however, I am
reminded that I do not really live in the ‘real’ England anyway and I do start
to feel more at home (some people observe that the whole country is now
unrecognisable and has been renamed ‘Come on in’). My friend advised me to
affirm positive social intent. She, however, is very watery and Celtic and
therefore fits in easily with the hippy/New Age social ‘stratum’ here which I
what you know instead of what you fear.” – Richard Bach.
reason for not being more outgoing socially is that I am oversensitive and shun
the emotions of fear and discomfort I often derive from interaction with
people. That fear itself is plausibly what has attracted the very people I most
do not want to interact with – whom, in fact, I have shunned entirely and whose
existence I am reluctant to recognise, thereby casting my karmic net into the
sea of Oneness to catch those who would serve me by showing me the error of my
ways; a cosmic paradigm against which I arrogantly and defiantly rebel! They do
exist and they deserve to be loved equally…apparently. Yet, it is all too easy
to love the lovers and not the haters! The number one issue might well be that
I myself have always been reluctant to receive love. This is undoubtedly an
issue that is rooted in previous lifetimes and might well be the very cause of
being hurled into such a negative arena in childhood.
(the lighthearted, mystical Muslim sect which includes whirling dervishes) say
it is easy to give with an open heart, but to reach enlightenment you have to
learn to receive with an open heart, which is far more difficult.
Kabbalah (the lighthearted
mystical ‘yoga’ of Judaism, involving among other practices, meditation on the
‘tree of life’) literally means ‘to receive.’
In Taoist thought, to give is a
function of yang energy, while to receive is a function of yin. Any
preponderance of one over the other will eventually cause an imbalance
affecting all aspects of your life, including your health, wealth and
Barefoot Doctor (Dear Barefoot. Taoist Wisdom For Everyday Living,
Atlantic Books on behalf of Guardian Newspapers Ltd, London, U.K., 2004, p.95).
are the tears I've been crying my whole life
an ocean of desire
reaching through the noise
the dusk of time
the lilting lies
am singing out to you.
- From >The Crying Tree of Mercury=
(The Smashing Pumpkins, lyrics by Billy Corgan, 2000).
all been seeking love for your entire lifetime. Well, you are about to find it.
You will find an amplified version of that which you have already been
experiencing. Love is a difficult thing to achieve while you are in the
third-dimensional reality, as you all know. You have been trying in many ways
to grasp on to this elusive experience. It has been scarce here. It will be
more abundant in the future, much more abundant. The fact that it is scarce in
the third-dimensional reality is an aberration. It is not the rule in the
universe. Actually, love is the essential ingredient, the essential building
block of all the universe. So you volunteers have come here to bring a little
bit more love to an atmosphere which has been quite devoid of it. You have all
succeeded in various degrees, but now it is time for you to return to your true
state and your true allotment of this precious elixir. For you can only share
that which you have in abundance. Most of you are still struggling to have even
enough for yourselves.” – Sananda (channelled through Eric Klein, The Crystal Stair. A Guide to the Ascension,
Oughton House Publications, CA, U.S., 1990, p.129-130).
“And we should consider every day
lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth
false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.” - Friedrich Nietzsche.