Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown.”
I have no money, very few friends, no girlfriend, no house, no car, no social life, no (worldly) ‘career.’ I am simply an artist forever on the cusp of worldly life. In Western terms, in modern terms, I have nothing. And, yet, I have everything! I have a creative purpose; I have deeply fulfilling interests, especially music and dancing; I have a daily meditation and tai chi practice and more; I enjoy nature and I am highly visual and appreciative of beauty and enjoy profound feelings of pleasure and bliss. In this respect, I am unusually fortunate. I have a rich inner life. But, I struggle to survive, to be free and to avoid persecution out in the world. And, on a spiritual level, perhaps I need to surrender, to let go and relax my will more, and just allow all this insanity and cacophony to gurgle around me, and train myself not to be affected by it. Perhaps.
Incidentally, on the subject of British people and spirituality, I once asked an American friend in a MySpace message how she blesses food and water after she informed me that she always does this:
I am human but that is, I suppose, no excuse to remain one. Always we must strive to express our higher potential, to centre ourselves in the Divine. And, they say, in the midst of worldly activity...with all its raging ‘madness and mayhem.’ And that, I guess, is why the universe continues to place me in challenging circumstances. Power must be expressed but, always, it should be that of the true Self, not the animal ego, not the restless tiger and not even the lone leopard that simply wants to survive and be left in peace. The ego may not be active but by its very nature it is ready to take action if it feels threatened. It is there somewhere and needs to be mastered if we are to elevate ourselves spiritually.
What we fear is our own inner pain which we have blocked out. Each strand of our efforts to cope with life slowly becomes crystallised, or so entangled that the result is a tight knot. It is difficult to know where or how to start loosening it. Each becomes ‘another brick in the wall’ that divides us from this pure foundation of feeling and consciousness that is the pure soul. Osho describes a process of getting in touch with one’s feelings through his Primal exercise, of returning to “the primal pain that everybody passes through while coming out of the womb.” The ‘door of feeling’ is ‘very shy,’ he says. We judge with our (masculine) minds and this creates an obstacle to getting touch with our (feminine) feelings...which are so taboo in a patriarchal world and have been denied for millennia. Increased awareness, however, is now helping us to recognise the need for, and importance of, feeling. It is overriding the limitations of the rational intellect and affording us a higher perspective which is not confined to shallow states of mind or influenced by emotional responses. “The mind is never shy, the heart is always shy. Once the mind is looking at it, the door to feelings closes, you cave in,” he explains. “It is natural in the beginning to judge so don't be worried about it, because that worry about the judgement will be more harmful than the judgement itself. Don't judge the judgement - just take note that you have judged and that is why the door has closed. Forget about the judgement and start working. Next time the judgement comes it will not be so strong or so harmful or so certain; it will be more hesitant. Just by your being aware, by and by the judgement will disappear. Look at this: if thinking looks at feeling, feeling closes; and if awareness looks at thought, thoughts disappear. So just look, watch the judgement, and by and by it will go.” (Above All Don't Wobble, Chapter 14, 29 January 1976, Chuang Tzu Auditorium, Rajneesh Foundation, Pune, India, 1976, p.226). Prior to this explanation, he says: