Thursday, 30 July 2015

Monstaville Book III. Chapter 15


A circle lies in a square
A circle lies in a square
Not understanding
Gradually gaining inches
The dark corners are closing in
Uahaway ho, uahaway ho

Free me from my enemies
Give me confidence and pride
From my heart I pledge my soul
To dance the dance inside

- Excerpt from the lyrics to ‘Ghost Dance’ by Southern Death Cult, written by Ian Astbury and Billy Duffy and inspired by the writings and teachings of Wovoka, the prophet of peace, whose teachings were combined with the traditional ritual of the circle dance to found a religious movement called the Ghost Dance (Astbury lived near a Native American reservation in Canada as a youngster and it made a big impression on him).

I like to make a lot of noise too sometimes but I don’t because it’s inconsiderate, particularly here where the walls are too thin and the neighbours react. So, if they are going to be loud why shouldn’t I? It is just an expression of self-love (when there’s nobody to consider! Otherwise, it’s self-indulgence at the expense of others). If I wanted to, I would continue with my own tactics; that is, hit the punch-bag once, play ‘Light My Fire,’ ‘I Feel Good’ or a loud Motorhead or My Ruin song or two!

January 2009.

During the winter months, I leave the gas fire on the lowest setting all the time because the ignition click is loud and provokes a hateful reaction from the neighbours, usually in the form of turning their TV up loudly for the rest of the day. [Retrospective note: I eventually discovered that an electric bar heater heats the room up much better which is particularly noticeable during very cold spells]. Once they do that, there is sometimes no stopping them. They feel more confident that they can get away with being inconsiderate and then do it more regularly. They do not want to be reminded that they are living next door to a sensitive person who needs to live in a peaceful, civilised environment. They’re quite noisy some of the time but the sound of general living doesn’t disturb me. That’s normal and healthy. What’s not normal and healthy is extreme noise on a regular basis, including loud TV and late night get-togethers, both of which are right next to the thin walls separating us. Since they appear to have a fascistic view of the world, they also do not like to hear me just living, making the slightest sound, because it reminds them that I require them to be responsible and considerate neighbours. They evidently resent having to be more civilised and spit out their hatred at every opportunity, even though the sound coming from my flat is about as minimal as it gets.

I have also observed that, during periods when the neighbours are likely to be thinking most hatefully about me (and, no doubt, wishing they could inflict direct violence or get someone else to do it as I’m sure they would have done back in Pakistan), I become prone to dropping and breaking things. Rationalise away if you wish but thought is energy. If people nearby are aware of your presence and they are thinking ‘evil thoughts’ more frequently than they might be if they were not sharing the same space or environment then those thoughts can manifest materially. Sensing my presence can activate the predator’s animal instincts which, in turn, stimulate thought and, if intense enough, can lead to actual material disruption, perhaps through affecting the victim’s subconscious and body. I have always been interested in minerals and the potential powers and qualities of precious stones. Eventually, I found that carrying a small piece of obsidian in my pocket for protection (as well as grounding) seemed to help. Encouraged, I then replaced it with a double-terminated obsidian crystal (which is 7cm in length. I bought it on Ebay and paid very little for it because one terminal is very slightly chipped. Now, the other end has become stubbed somehow, so it’s very chipped, but I am not using it to give healing to people or anything so not to worry). I have not dropped anything or done anything erratic like that since. It’s difficult to describe but there is a definite feeling of being out of control for a moment, like something is happening as a result of some chaotic intrusion. Like a psychic spasm or something. Well, in my view, this is what’s known as a ‘psychic attack,’ fundamentally, whether deliberate or not. So I don’t just mean regular ‘fumbling.’ I am very familiar with that feeling. Haha. [Retrospective note: the obsidian ended up being parked behind my laptop after I learned that it is said to help counter the effects that this technology can have on one’s system or vibration. Archangel Metatron says that stones like malachite, topaz and ruby are helpful in this respect: “A single refractive gem of 2 cts or more worn on one hand and a double refractive gem on the other helps deflect the fields. Examples of single refractive gems are diamond, garnet and spinel. Double refractive are aquamarine, sapphire, ruby, emerald, tourmaline, topaz or any of the quartz varieties such as amethyst, peridot and citrine. In reference to the double refractive, a carat size of 4 or greater is better. Combine this with noble metals on each wrist, gold, palladium or platinum is best. Silver, copper, brass, titanium and carbon steel will assist if the more noble metals are not affordable. Wear a chain around the neck with a stabilising pendant, such as lapis lazuli, malachite or azurite. Through this process you have a greater ability to increase your field and deflect opposing ones you see. Clear gems are great producers of higher dimensional light waves, and amplify ones field and help hold it intact. Do not wear beryl (emerald, morganite, alexandrite, aquamarine) and corundum (ruby and sapphire) at the same time.” (Channelled through James Tyberonn, Quantum Clarity in Alchemy,’ 22 March 2011,].

If the walls are thin and the neighbours insist on having their TV or stereo loud, it is incredibly stressful. I have tried listening to music at a civil volume but I can still hear their TV even then, even though it is at the other end of the flat. We all need much larger houses I reckon! [In retrospect, I believe that the son may have bought a big plasma TV for his parents at Christmas or that the family decided to buy one. A friend has also pointed out that they could have mounted a speaker on the wall, correction, ‘our wall’!].

Happy New Year!

A New Years' Blessing To All.

May God make your year a happy one!
Not by shielding you from all sorrows and pain,
But by strengthening you to bear it, as it comes;
Not by making your path easy,
But by making you sturdy to travel any path;
Not by taking hardships from you,
But by taking fear from your heart;
Not by granting you unbroken sunshine,
But by keeping your face bright, even in the shadows;
Not by making your life always pleasant,
But by showing you when people and their causes need you most,
and by making you anxious to be there to help.

God’s love, peace, hope and joy to you for the year ahead.

- Unknown.

I had to call the landlord to send someone round to take a look at the boiler because it kept cutting out. The guy came round on 29 December 2008. The neighbours evidently objected to us talking because, afterwards, they turned their TV up a few times and deliberately talked very loudly on a few occasions. For example, Ha Chu made a point of talking loudly on his mobile next to the wall. I’m not a fool. This is not something that happens regularly. Once every couple of years - and it just happens to occur two or three times now? I paid no attention to any of it. Just thought it was weird, petty and seemed to show that they are full of hatred.

The man trying to fix the boiler had to get a part for it and returned on 5 January. It turned out, however, that the boiler would have to be replaced. We chatted for a couple of hours while he tried to fit the new part. We always do since we know each other quite well now. As soon as he left, the neighbours played some Muslim religious music, or chanting (which is very rare) and I said ‘You’re full of hate’ out loud but they wouldn’t have heard what I said. I was simply expressing an observation out of annoyance. After that, they turned their television up loudly off and on for the rest of the day which they haven’t done for a few months. So I made a few noises like kicking the filing cabinet. Someone knocked on the wall of my bedroom at about 4 a.m. with a solid object. They turned their TV up loud again the next day and Ha Chu ‘coughed’ loudly on two occasions which he hasn’t done since their ‘coughing campaign’ last year. The second time, I shouted ‘wanker’ and then played some music for 5 minutes, not loudly, just to cover up their TV. They turned it down and I turned the music off to use the phone anyway. And that was that.

My neighbours do talk loudly and make a racket sometimes but that’s a normal part of life. I don’t have any problem with that. So, why do they express so much hatred if I make just a little noise by engaging in conversation once in a blue moon? It’s evil. I shouted ‘wanker’ because I wanted to nip it in the bud and show that I would be extreme from the outset - rather than wait weeks or even months before taking steps to try and silence their intimidation games as I have done in the past. In addition, my suppressed anger from last time (their coughing campaign) shot out! Possibly for fear of having to go through all that again.

If they think a couple of conversations in the rear of my flat gives them a licence to turn their TV up loud - not during but afterwards (I assume because they didn’t want anyone else to know that they are nasty people, such is their impeccable reputation!) - then I am not going to be able to accept that behaviour. The next day was funny. HoChaChu did one of his violently-loud, fake coughs around 8.30 p.m. and made the baby next door cry. On the following day, guess what? The woman upstairs decided to walk around in shoes for the first time since she was doing that during the coughing campaign. I ought to point out that my reactions to the people next door had been during the day when she was at work so she would not have been aware of what was going on unless she was in contact with them. Henceforth, she took up the habit of walking around indoors wearing shoes again which, I felt, confirmed my suspicions.

So, war broke out yet again. Semi-permanent war this time. I have here before me a record of loud noise being made next door every day, be it coughing, television or knocking on the wall with a solid object at 1 or 2 am or whatever until 20 March which is when I decided I had better things to do than keep a record every day for months on end! That is, peace was not restored but I was really focused on my spiritual practice and researching the subject of Ascension to which I had committed myself since the end of December. It was then on 28 March that I attended an evening with St. Germain, the theme being ‘Self-mastery,’ and had myself ‘emptied,’ which resulted in my crown and 8th chakras opening. At the same time, the woman upstairs (who’s 36 or 37 by the way) was wearing her shoes in her flat and also dropping heavy objects on the floor here and there, not every day but, say, three or four days a week on average.

“In any case, getting yourself feeling good before you take any action is always the best process; and when you do not feel good, you cannot be inspired to any action that will solve the problem.” - Abraham-Hicks (channelled through Esther Hicks, Vortex, Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, CA., U.S., 2009).

I have to constantly strengthen and discipline my mind when this is going on. My studies and creative work both help and hinder in this respect. Concentrating with my mind leaves me quite vulnerable emotionally because I am not there, not feeling enough, not relaxed or open enough on that level. It is quite possible that all this is happening because I have not spent enough time paying attention to my emotions, or Inner Child. At the same time, however, expressing my purpose also centres me in creative power. Being centred and passionately and enthusiastically occupied can generate sufficient contentment to offset the agitation. What this amounts to is being consciously in control of my will so that I can take positive action if I want to rather than reacting angrily. And also that my neglected emotions have plenty of cues to leap up in response and in complaint like piranha fishes that are otherwise at peace - except that they are piranha fishes and will tear your legs to shreds if you happen to pay them a visit and disturb their patch of sea, just as crabs defend their sweet and sensitive inner selves with hard shells and sharp, snappy claws. We are vulnerable and avoid feeling pain and we may not even know that these freaky little fishes are so gruesome until someone invades their space and ‘tortures’ them day after day. These are just a few of the fishes living there in that cove. Most of the others are as sweet as they seem on the outside. Push the wrong buttons though, and keep pushing them...and it turns out that perhaps the visitors were attracted by this latent, lurking, violent bloodlust or that this is what brought them together in the first place. Now, having identified the more aggressive fishes and having seen them in action, I can manage them more consciously, condition them with awareness and integrate them into my consciousness better.

I have to be careful not to participate though. The proximity and thin walls mean that with the slightest noise we sense each other. We are reminded of each other’s presence. As soon as they hear me make the slightest sound the hate is evoked and the TV is turned up or loud fake coughs are blasted in my direction or something. I know this happens regularly so I have to overcome the fear of tempting a fascist response to my every move. Hence, I listen to music in my headphones while cooking or washing the dishes. My mind is then free and not contributing by paying any attention to possible responses from next door.

It’s a shame I can’t convey this record in a better summary than this. Seeing is believing! The great thing about keeping a record, however, is that writing sometimes prompts fresh ideas and inspires new strategies. As I explained earlier, I was also using this as a way to take action, to distract my mind and prevent myself from feeling the impact of the disturbance. I will, therefore, share the longer notes rather than list every incident. What follows is a selection of notes from the record I have been keeping (in other words, I am not including a list of every incident on a daily basis).

"The General will know how to shape at will, not only the army he is commanding but also that of his enemies." - Sun-tzu (The Art of War).

8 January. When [the woman upstairs] got home from work she walked around in shoes for 20 minutes or so for the first time since she did thing during the neighbours’ coughing campaign.

9 January. Someone banged on the wall at 1.26 a.m. An hour after the younger woman/daughter/whoever next door ‘coughed’ loudly (at 8.39 p.m.), I went into the kitchen to cook some dinner. I am actually making a bit less noise than I usually would at the moment in order to avoid any nasty reactions but it did not work on this occasion. The neighbours turned their TV up and I said, ‘Fucking babies!’ although they wouldn’t have heard the words because it wasn’t loud enough. I just decided that saying ‘something’ out loud is a good way to deflect the negative energy. So, I said a few other things as well. I had suddenly forgotten that, during their coughing campaign I was saying ‘God bless you!’ but, you know, I have been sending them love and Light almost every day since then so I am now starting to wonder if it was worth the effort. Of course it is worthwhile but perhaps not the complete remedy I was hoping for. So, now, I am thinking of continuing this practice but praying as well and repeating affirmations and just saying whatever comes to mind out loud - playfully and not so loudly that they can hear the words. Assertively but not aggressively.

Costume design by Eiko Ishioka for the film The Fall

Another interesting aspect of this now is that I’m pretty sure the woman upstairs is involved now. I sense that she may have gone round there the day before yesterday because she came home just after a full discussion next door involving several people. This is another thing that has occurred during these clashes (near the beginning) so I am sure they are discussions about what to do about me!

Jupiter is on my Ascendant, at the beginning of Aquarius, so perhaps I am just being carefree whilst wanting to avoid being victimised and oppressed. Perhaps I should just be mad and eccentric, say whatever comes into my head and laugh a lot, have a little fun. After all, they are communicating something to me. I should talk out loud to myself, or even to them, but positively. They have no idea what I am saying, of course but they will know that, as they ‘communicate’ their hated to me through their loud TV I am ‘saying something back.’ Energy exchange. Be friendly. [Retrospective note: coupled with my enquiries into the ascension process, this eventually led to an understanding that I needed to ensure that I raised my vibration enough each day to endure the harassment and deal with this without either losing my temper or falling apart!].

“Whatsoever you think is going to become your being. Start looking positivity, start looking meaningful. Anything creative is always good. There is no point in continuously thinking of the past. Never cry and weep for the spilt milk. You cannot find a single person who has no problems. Not identifying with your problems anymore, start loving people! Because friendly. Work on your consciousness. Grow a beautiful soul! sometimes it happens that people who have suffered can be more loving than people who have not suffered. You have suffered! You can love can feel more. You can see misery, sadness, unhappiness, more clearly. So don't remain confined in it ‑ come out of it! There is nothing to be worried about. Start loving people, and you will be surprised that the body is not a hindrance at all...You cannot find a single person who has no problems. So don't be worried about it. It is only a question of not identifying with your problems any more. Start loving people! Become friendly. Start laughing.” - Osho.

10 January. 1.46 a.m. Very loud knocking on the wall with a solid object.

11 January. 4.45 p.m. I made a cup of tea and must have made some very, very slight sound that made the neighbours aware of my presence. They turned their TV up loudly. Why? I believed peace had been restored somehow. But, not - they are simply fascists.

For the rest of January, pretty much every day and often apparently coordinated time-wise, I endured a combination of objects being dropped loudly on the floor upstairs and the woman walking around in shoes, the neighbours knocking on the wall, loud ‘coughing’ and ‘sneezing’ and loud television from next door.

‘Accept the rest. Enjoy the best.’

16 January. Late morning: I sang and whistled a bit and made some noise. Not very loudly but loud enough to make my presence felt and just play the game. I woke up in that jovial kind of mood. Evening: The neighbours banged on the wall and talked loudly which just seemed pathetic. I meditated and sent love to them and throughout my flat. There was some noise later on in the evening: talking, knocking on the wall and turning the TV up loud. The woman upstairs then arrived home at 23.20 and walked around with shoes on briefly.

Love amidst hate

21 January. The woman upstairs arrived home at 6.10 p.m. A few minutes later someone posted a funny video in a bulletin on MySpace. I added it to a playlist on YouTube and noticed another video I had found hilarious and hadn’t seen for a couple of years. So I watched it again and laughed uncontrollably just like the first time. I watched it several times in fact because I wanted to find the best version to post in a bulletin. Once I had finished, after 15 or 20 minutes, the next-door neighbours suddenly decided to play some loudish Islamic religious prayer ‘music.’ Also, after a couple of minutes, my landline phone rang (which only the neighbours, cold callers and my father call). As expected, there was no answer. Unfortunately, I had stopped laughing by then or I could have burst out laughing at the sad psycho on the other end of the phone.

“Joy is a mystery because it can happen anywhere, anytime, even under the most unpromising circumstances, even in the midst of suffering, with tears in its eyes.” - Frederick Buechner.

This little scenario seems to depict the perfect contrast between my neighbours and me. Humour versus hate! I wish I could have found their reaction as funny as the video. Their behaviour did leave me smiling for quite a while though. Actually, I think the loud little boy next door ‘coughed’ loudly too as though someone had put him up to it. Hopefully, it wasn’t that, just a strange noise, but it was unusually close to the wall of my main room. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened and I find it quite disgusting that they are raising children to behave as destructively as they themselves do. Then, ten minutes later, the younger woman next door ‘coughed’ loudly a few times. Soon after, the woman upstairs popped out for about one minute in which there was no time to go anywhere or do anything except maybe go next door briefly and then return perhaps? Certainly enough to make me feel paranoid what with all the other ‘coincidences.’

Personally, I love to hear people laughing and being happy, including my neighbours - anyone! My neighbours find humour and laughter most insulting and annoying of all. Perhaps this is because it reminds them how lifeless they are. That is why they hated my singing as well and had to silence me. They just couldn’t stand the idea of someone so different to them enjoying themselves or expressing their potential. They want to remain cocooned in a little world that reflects back to them the image of superiority that they stubbornly maintain at any cost.

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.” - GK Chesterton.

Oh, I love my neighbours. I do. I love ‘em. Someone sent me a flash cartoon which included this funny but dreadful zombie laughter later on so I might play that one day on the dog and bone!

23 January. When I need to make a little noise whilst cooking, I listen to some music in my headphones so I don’t feel inhibited. It takes my mind off the situation and either they do or they don’t turn their TV up loudly but I just don’t want to know while I’m cooking! I mean, it has to be done!

24 January. Someone knocked repeatedly on the wall with an object for a minute. Sometimes, these days, I feel like a strong, wise old tree, just patiently taking it all in my stride, just ignoring the tragically immature behaviour next door. Perhaps this is indeed the dawn or unconditional love. I feel it is the way now. The time of the warrior is ending they say. All must become crystal now, a clear channel for love and Light. El Phaba wore shoes for 45 minutes in the morning and then left her shoes on when she got home later in the afternoon. I am just disappointed in her more than anything else. I thought she might be an ‘old soul’ like me and an energetic ally through harmonious rapport in this negative environment, a fellow warrior of the Light even. But I was mistaken. In the evening the TV next door was very loud. When it is loud I can hear it at the opposite end of my flat which is where my desk is. After an hour, I decided to release some of the tension by punching the punch-bag a few times. I really wanted to release a bit of anger in a positive way. Don’t put negative energy into direct relations with others. Send love. Their TV was on loudly again from midnight to 2.15 a.m. (25 January).

26 January. Yeah, so I really recommend the Jovial Jupiter remedy: listening to some music in headphones and making strange noises, whistling, humming, vocal drumming, laughing, whatever, while I am doing the washing up or something. I have got Jupiter in my First House for a couple of years. Deal with it! You have fun at my expense. I find this uplifting: going mad instead of being driven mad!

“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” - Victor Hugo.

Osho notes that many people want to make sure others feel as miserable as they do. They do not expect or believe they deserve greater joy and happiness and they can’t bear to see others laughing and dancing (or even quiet and at peace with themselves) because it reminds them that they don’t have that higher vibration. They may feel desperate to extinguish other people’s enthusiasm, to quell their joy, to steal the jewel thinking, ‘If I can’t have it then you can’t either.’ Yet, they are equally free to look for joy just as they are free to love themselves more. It is merely a matter of choice. Perhaps it’s also partly a matter of energy and understanding but it’s not dependent on sharing with others even though that, too, helps. Attitude and intention are sovereign to the individual. Some things are funny but the ego gets in the way of the Spirit just as clouds obstruct the Sun. Laughter is a wonderful way to disperse those clouds. Sonia Choquette discusses this issue in her usual elegant clarity. She says it is the way to “escape life’s dramas in a healthy way” and recommends that, rather than becoming ‘misery addicts,’ we "Work to acquire a preference for comedy over drama” and find “good lighthearted material to balance the weight of the world.” (The Answer Is SimpleYlove yourself, live your spirit, Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, CA., U.S., 2008, p.134).

From what she reveals about herself, I imagine that Choquette has a strong dose of fire in her astrological chart like myself so we are both blessed in that way but anyone can laugh. It’s good exercise. It releases energy. “Practice making light of life,” she writes, “Humour and wit exercise the brain. Laugh out loud, often, even if you don’t feel like it. Forced laughter eventually leads to the real thing. And fake laughter is better than none at all. Besides, it makes you aware of just how much your ego has you in its grip and won’t let you find humour. If you fake laughter, your Spirit is at least in the process of breaking free...Laughing is Spirit taking charge of your life. It’s freedom from the ego...To laugh at life, with life, in life, about life is to live your Spirit fully. It’s one of the most soul-affirming acts of self-love you can choose. Practice laughing out loud just for the sake of it.” (ibid. p.134-135).

5 February. 12.36 a.m. The ‘daughter’ ‘coughed’ loudly for a few minutes. Welcome to the funny farm!! 7 p.m., 8 p.m. and later on, the daughter coughed and then Ha Chu ‘sneezed’ extremely loudly.

6 February. Afternoon. Loud TV. I’m trying to resist the temptation to express my anger and try to shut them up. And, yet, I now believe that this is the only way. They persist stubbornly and militantly in a proud, bloody-minded fashion in invading my space either selfishly or callously and resentfully. So, yeah, now I’m listening to Joy Division and so are they! For, this is where noise conflicts lead. If you can be selfish and disruptive so can I, and just simply enjoy listening to music without caring about your quality of life. They care not for my peace of mind because they have none themselves. It is meaningless to them. This time, we have started where we last finished off. Now, I am not doing nothing for weeks before finally accepting that they are not going to quit until I do something. 8.45. Loud TV again. I lost my temper and made a lot of banging noises, shouted, swore and them played some Motorhead! Consequently, after my tantrum, that made a racket for a few hours in the front room - shouting, ‘laughing’ and talking loudly etc. - followed by some loud ‘coughing’ for dessert at 12.08 a.m. They believe that their rowdiness in the front room annoys me but it doesn’t. I don’t mind the occasional late Friday night get-together. It’s when it is several times a week and it keeps me awake or prevents me from retiring at a decent hour that I strongly object. Yes, I have a problem with that. It is a form of torture.

“You shouldn’t try to stop everything from happening. Sometimes you’re supposed to feel awkward. Sometimes you’re supposed to be vulnerable in front of people. Sometimes it’s necessary because it’s all part of you getting to the next part of yourself.” - Cecelia Ahern, The Book of Tomorrow.

7 February. OK, this is fair: if they want to have their TV on loud and continue this stupid coughing campaign, I will simply suspend consideration for them in terms of hitting my punch-bag. So, they do what they enjoy at my expense and I will do likewise. There is no need to get angry, stressed or retaliate. Just accept the trade off. They do their thing and I do mine. And, perhaps, instead of wearing headphones whenever I listen to loud music, I might sometimes listen to it without them. I believe this is called justice tempered with mercy.

“If you want to get rid of your temper ‑ DON’T LOSE IT!” ‑ Alma Gygi (Gifts That Reach Beyond The Sundown, 1975).

9 February. 12.20 p.m. Loud Muslim prayer singing playing on their stereo for ten minutes. The woman upstairs arrived home one minute after it stopped. 1.45 p.m. Loud TV. 2.30 p.m. The woman upstairs dropped a heavy object on the floor. 2.31 p.m. The ‘daughter’ next door ‘coughed’ loudly. At 2.25 p.m., I had kicked the filing cabinet and moved my portable stereo into the kitchen with the radio interference on.

I am powerful. I am expressing my power. I have options. I know what to do. Bang on the cabinet, shout, swear...surely they cannot be enduring this so easily. Put the radio on in the kitchen and/or make a lot of noise whenever you go into the kitchen to do the washing up or cook or whatever. Try listening to classical music softly to hopefully block out some of the noise from their TV. Throw things to make a loud noise in the back garden.

10 February. 11.50 a.m. The daughter ‘coughed’ after I did except that mine was genuine! I coughed louder in return. 12.15 p.m. The woman upstairs came home. 12.18 p.m. Muslim prayer chanting playing on the stereo next door again.

11 February. 11.21 a.m. Repeated loud knocking on the wall followed by the daughter ‘coughing’ loudly at 12.07 p.m. I feel very dominant regarding the situation at the moment. I am intent on displaying power minimally but effectively. I made a loud banging sound with a saucepan in the kitchen at 12.23 p.m. I don’t know why I didn’t think of imitating Ha Chu Wali next door before. It’s only now that I have given up smoking (yeah, a karmic twist of fate: I smoked roll-ups for a few months) and no longer have smoker’s cough (which the neighbours must have loved!) that I realise it’s worse for the neighbours if I blast very loud, fake sneezes and coughs through the wall myself: even louder and more exaggerated since I’m not pretending they are genuine and the noise will affect the whole family. Not that I want to make any children cry but that baby no longer seems to be there now and probably belonged to the youngest daughter who was just staying there for six weeks or something.

PLAY: ‘Bullet With Butterfly Wings’ by the Smashing Pumpkins (written by Billy Corgan, 1995).

12 February. The woman upstairs got home at 9 p.m. and the neighbours turned their TV up very loud at 9.03 p.m. for a while and again at 10.40 p.m. until I threw a snowball at their window at 11 p.m. as I did the other day. Haha.

“What makes an action good or bad? Not how it looks, nor whether it is big or small, but the positive or negative motivation behind it." - Patrul Rinpoche.

15 February. Why should I take all the shit? They have to understand that it works both ways: if you’re going to attack you must be prepared to be attacked back.

16 February. Loud TV in the evening. They turn the volume of their TV up every day now. I went mad and shouted and banged and made a noise in the back garden. They turned it down.

20 February. Lots of rowdy noise in the front room over the past couple of days. Apart from the fact that they are doing it deliberately, believing they are upsetting me, I don’t really have a problem with it at all. I have never minded people living, unless it means keeping me awake at night. Yes, it is louder than the TV was from the other end of the house, but it doesn’t disturb me too much, perhaps because I accept that people have a right to live but not to turn their TV up loudly when there is no reason why they can’t keep the volume down at a considerate level as was their custom previously. Natural sounds are always more absorbable than those produced by technology unless they are audible directly (that is, not through a wall or car something) and, um, they sound good; that is, they are to one’s taste. The sound of people living and ‘apparently’ enjoying themselves is a welcome change to the irritating drone of a loud television set through the wall at the other end of the house, or through any wall for that matter.

27 February. 00.19 a.m. ‘Coughing’ and tapping on the walls. I did my single shout (to release negative emotions) both for my benefit and as a potential deterrent for the neighbours. Actually, I feel grateful for the reminder and justification to release some tension now.

“If you are feeling a large emotional charge within your emotional body, it may not be appropriate to try to meditate it away. It is more important to express it in a non-harmful way. Perhaps therapeutically, or to scream and jump around. At other times you can meditate and ask Sananda to remove it. If you call upon me by name, and ask for the violet flames to surround those emotions with transmuting violet flame, that will assist in carrying it off as well. You can attack it from every different angle, spiritually and therapeutically. Above all, do not be overly attached. For as you release things there is a tendency to seek to reincorporate that experience as a part of yourselves. You will begin to feel perhaps that you are a terrible person because you are experiencing anger and rage, when in fact the anger and rage are leaving you. So don’t pull it back into yourself with self-judgement and guilt. Allow it to go. Maybe it will be the last time you will have to experience this.” – St. Germain (channelled through Eric Klein, The Crystal Stair. A Guide to the Ascension, Oughton House Publications, CA, U.S., 1990, p.119-120).

Extra note. If they hear my TV even slightly at the front (through the wall of the front room) they put their television on loud at the back of the house where it’s located so I can still hear it at the front.

"March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path." - Khalil Gibran.

Retrospective inserts.

During March, Fabala was extremely noisy, walking around in shoes and dropping heavy objects on the floor. Around the beginning of April, the mother returned to England and Ha Chu went to Pakistan [he remained there for four-and-a-half months]. On 28 March, I attended an evening with St. Germain channelled through Ashamarae McNamara and, unbeknown to me, had a clean-up or, rather, a clear-out (of my four bodies - physical, emotional, mental and spiritual presumably). This certainly reinforced my conviction and efforts regarding the ascension process. It intensified my focus although I was already using several different ascension tools each day. Thereafter, I could no longer be bothered to keep a record of every disturbance. Besides, I had started keeping the record whilst anticipating the end of this out of antisocial behaviour within a few months. This time, however, there simply was no end.

‘Don’t try to love everybody. Be yourself’ - Moojiji (excerpts from a one-to-one in a YouTube video posted on 18 July 2008 by Moojiji).

A woman asks how she can love everybody because there are some people she can’t stand. Moojiji counsels: “Don’t try to love everybody. Don’t try to love everybody. Maybe...just try to be fair. But don’t try to love everyone...because there’ll always be one or two.” He goes on to say:

“There’s a love which all-inclusive, and it’s so free, that they say Jesus loved everyone. But when he went to the temple and saw these people selling [motions to suggest greedy or deceitful practices] that moment he was not on a love mission. He was pushes and slaps the air left and right and laughs along with the people present], you see. Be yourself. This is the way. And stay in this place that you’ve been shown [touches his heart], this effortless and...the rest will somehow align itself appropriately.
Really, what I’m telling you, it’s so unburdening. If you try to cultivate good habits...Ramana Maharishi says something very beautiful. He says, ‘All good habits manifest spontaneously in the delivered mind,’ meaning that when you see where you really are, automatically things come right. You don’t have to try to be like this or try to be like this. You see? Because I don’t feel that, if there’s a you loving everyone, I don’t think you’ll be successful. You’ll do 99 but your neighbour: ah! [laughs]. You feel, ‘No, no, I didn’t do it. I failed, and so on, so don’t do it...
It’s alright. It’s alright not to like some people. It’s alright to feel - even the feeling of hatred can happen. It can happen. But, if you’ve not tied to yourself to it. It’s something that also arises. If you see really gross injustice or cruelty, how can you say, ‘I love you.’ How can you say this? You don’t feel. You want to yourself give a good chop [holds his hand in a karate-style chop], isn’t it? It’s natural.
So, in the meantime, just leave that alone. Stay as that which is aware. Just keep staying; stay as awareness always. Don’t go to, ‘What should I do, what should I not do,’ but stay as the awareness. And, immediately in this space of just being awareness itself, everything begins to slow down a bit. And your perspective becomes more clear. Your discernment is much more sharp. And there’s more space in you, more peace. You see more clearly and spontaneously also. You’re not in a space of making decisions, more that you recognise...all the balance, everything is already within you, the potential. If you don’t go through the medium of the mind to try and work things, stay only in this place of neutrality in you.
This is not being blank. It’s not being blank because, even if there’s blank, there’s the awareness of being blank. Stay in the awareness itself. Everything is showing up in this space. And, immediately, you feel the expansiveness in you - that you’d have made five minutes ago - completely thins out. And now there’s space. Five minutes ago you felt like, ‘I can’t spare even two minutes to look and now there’s infinite expanse. This is how changeful the conditions of the environment of the emotions and the mind [are]: it turns on a penny [demonstrates with his hands]...don’t get caught up in that. Stay as the awareness itself. There’s always space. There’s this huge expanse. Stay there. And, when your intention has united with that space, somehow that recognition has a way of blessing every other aspect of your expansion - is touched by it automatically.
This is the easy way. But, if you want to cultivate good habits and do ten steps towards, then this is a different thing. And that’s also a way. That is the snail’s way [chuckles]. I will show you the Samurai way. ‘Ah Ha!’ [feigns another karate chop and laughs]: quick. Because some people like the journey of, ‘Ah, go’ and yes, ‘Check it out,’ and enjoy. This is fine because it’s the same consciousness that’s playing its role. But, for some, there is no more time for dilly dallying. They don’t want to look around. They just want to go to get to that point. What is it? To go to the residue if there is one [pauses to feel and reflect, to give space for his intuitive wisdom to continue].
You can take one year to be happy or you can be happy now. What would you choose...You’re happy now. If you go to your mind to try and work at happiness then you become very miserable. Trying to be happy is the most miserable thing. But, on the contrary, if you’re feeling miserable and you say, ‘Listen, I’m not miserable enough. I’m only 80%. I want to turn up that. Where’s that 20%?’ And go [clenches his fists.] You find, automatically, that this is so ridiculous. But, if you try to be happy, trying to be happy is like trying to act naturally [he mimics this]. You can’t do it. Stop trying and recognise this thing.”

"What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind." - Shakyamuni Buddha.

“The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.” - Woody Allen.

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