Friday, 31 July 2015
Monstaville Book III. Chapter 16
Wilson (John Le Mesurier): They’re awfully well disciplined, sir.
Mainwaring (Arthur Lowe): Nothing of the sort, it’s a slavish, blind obedience, not like the cheerful, light-hearted discipline that you get with our Jolly Jack Tars. I tell you, they’re a nation of unthinking automatons, led by a lunatic who looks like Charlie Chaplin.
U-boat Captain (Philip Madoc): How dare you compare our glorious leader with that non-Aryan clown! [He takes out a notebook and pencil and writes]. I am making a note of your insults, captain. Your name will go on the list, and when we win the war, you will be brought to account.
Mainwaring: You can put down what you like, you’re not going to win this war.
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are.
Mainwaring: Oh no you’re not.
U-boat Captain: Oh yes we are.
Pike (Ian Lavender): [Sings] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, He’s half barmy, So’s his army. [The captain crosses to the ladder, the words die on Pike’s lip]. Whistle...
U-boat Captain: Your name will also go on the list. What is it?
[Mainwaring crosses over, followed by Wilson].
Mainwaring: Don’t tell him, Pike.
U-boat Captain: Pike, thank you.
Mainwaring: [Boiling] Now, look here, I’ve had just about enough. Tell your men from me that they’re going to be here all night, and they’d better behave themselves. Now, get on with it.
The captain shrugs his shoulders.
- Scene from Dad's Army (Season 6, Episode 1: ‘The Deadly Attachment,’ written by Jimmy Perry and David Croft, 1973).
When I lived in a shared house during the mid-nineties, I asked the guy living in the room below me if I ever made any noise that he found disturbing and he said no...
I could not be bothered to go up and say something to the tenant in the upstairs flat over the past year after we had been quite friendly prior to this distance (perhaps caused by her avoiding me, or disengaging from me as a person with any value to offer her) and I always assumed that we would bump into each other. I had not realised that, whether it was the effect on myself alone or an actual intention by her to cause such a disturbance, or both, the noise created a psychic barrier between us which closed this channel of communication. It creates a disturbing energy because it is not of love or concern. Perhaps, unconsciously, I sensed that ‘confronting’ her would be futile and that this would only make things worse for me again. I did not want to have to deal with two sets of noisy neighbours again.
The woman upstairs started stomping around in shoes again sometime in March. It was painful! The contrast was so savage. I had been practising a merkaba visualisation technique in the bath for a couple of months. When she started wearing shoes indoors again the noise in the bathroom was excruciatingly loud and obliterated my concentration. It was then that I decided to approach her. I knocked on her door spontaneously not long after this (on 10 April) and asked if she wanted to meet for a cup of tea. Since we never seemed to cross paths, I figured it would be more civilised to bring the subject up amidst friendly chit-chat resembling our relations in the past.
She mentioned that she was due to start a new job at the Jobcentre and asked me what I was doing. I explained that I had abandoned my other book for the time being and had been working on a book about living here, based on my journals. She said something like, ‘Oh, what, you mean the people next door?’ and questioned whether that would make a good book. I replied that I had had a number of interesting experiences here and that it had been a learning curve for me. She also told me she was moving out soon and, again, I felt her wait and search for my response so I did not give one as is my instinct whenever someone is trying to push, demand, extrapolate or manipulate. She agreed, anyway, and I bought a cake (which I ended up eating myself!). On the day she was due to come down to my flat, she knocked on the door in the morning to say that she had a friend coming over and asked if we could make it the following day, which was a bank holiday. I smiled and said ‘no problem.’ Spookily, she walked around loudly in shoes again after we had spoken on that day after having been quiet for a couple of weeks. It feels like she is trying to communicate something whether consciously or unconsciously. It appears to be such an avert statement yet it is so hard to believe! Alas, on the day we had arranged, she was nowhere to be seen...savagely heard but not seen. She had a visit from another friend, or someone from work, and they were more raucous than I have ever heard before. This time she did not come down to inform me. She did not apologise or anything. I never saw her. On the following day, she arrived home at 10 p.m. Soon after, the neighbours’ TV was turned up and then Twinkle Toes stomped around in shoes for an hour or so which she hadn’t done for quite some time.
A couple of days later (on 15 April), I decided to at least give her the print-out of something I thought might interest her (on chakras) that I had been saving for her. I was a little mischievous in that I deliberately took my mug of tea, which I hadn’t finished, up with me! This time I also rang on her bell before ascending the stairs. I figured that she had been so rude it was too bad if she wanted to make excuses for not answering the door (it is easier for people to say that they didn’t hear the knocking). She ignored the bell, in fact, but I had forgotten that she often does not answer it and did not know it was me. She also ignored the knocking and only answered the door when I called her name. There was a real expression of loathing on her face. She resented having to answer the door and explaining herself. She tried to hide it but the way she spoke suggested that she despised me. I wanted to ask about her walking round in shoes but she was very dismissive and kind of horrid in her expression and face, not words so much. She didn't apologise and just made it clear she didn't want to talk. She asked if it was me who rang her bell. I did not mention her absence at the ‘tea party’ and neither did she. Instead of an apology, however, she did excuse herself for not wanting to talk to me there and then by saying that she had been busy with work. I asked her if that meant she would be earning more money and was the reason she had told me she was moving out soon. She said ‘Yes.’ And that was that.
This is exactly the kind of thing that happened a few times a year ago. We cordially arranged to meet for a chat as we had done several times in the past and each time she simply did not show up. If I remember rightly, she was not around on those occasions. She vanished into thin air even though it was quite rare for her to go anywhere.
She was quiet for a month or so - that is why I approached her. The barrier in my mind caused by her stomping was lifted. It’s like creating a psychic blockade. Another thing that was driving me to approach her now was that I was (I thought) close to finishing this book [the original, single volume] and it was really bugging me that I did not know if the racket she was making upstairs was innocent, indifferent or intentional. I thought she was possibly just thinking about herself, just being selfish, and not caring about me. I needed to know if she had simply forgotten or discarded the element of respect and no longer remembered the fact that I had told her how loud it was when the previous tenant had walked around in footwear with hard soles. I was not 100% sure that the noise was caused by her wearing shoes. It is only when she deliberately and defiantly did it the whole time she was home after our communication that my suspicions were confirmed. Quite often, it is totally quiet up there for four or five hours and then she wears shoes to walk around for a minute or two without going out (at 10 or 11 p.m. for example). Weird! I guess it is possible that she comes home and gets settled, not getting up for an hour or so (or five!). Anyway, I finally realised that it’s definitely shoes because it is quiet the rest of the time. Such a contrast is unlikely to be caused by walking in a different manner, for example.
“Positive energy is integrative. Negative energy is segregative. So, a hundred thousand people positively focused actually outweigh the energy of a million people negatively focused. Because it’s integrative and thus then geometrically more powerful because the million people negatively focused aren’t cohesive.” - Bashar (www.bashar.org).
I can be quite shy and get extremely nervous when I need to express difficult emotions and communicate how I feel to people partly, perhaps, because they tend to put up a wall of resistance to what they don’t want to hear. It is not fear, however, that is stopping me from confronting any of these people but having a naturally kind, gentle, sensitive disposition. Besides that, I know it would not do any good - just cause more trouble, taking the conflict to a new level. [Retrospective note: I am gradually coming to the conclusion, however, that these critters are representatives of latent, or deeply buried, parts of myself which are equally violent, unforgiving or destructive and which I am slowly releasing and transforming by showing more love and forgiveness towards my neighbours. I have quite a way to go but I am beginning to tread the path towards self-mastery and understand That does not mean one simply lies down and takes it whilst they run riot but that one at least try to be patient, compassionate and understanding, turn within for peaceful solutions through prayer and positive intent, for example, and exercise one’s capacity for acceptance, gratitude and forgiveness; qualities of one’s true Self in other words].
I understood that there was not going to be an opportunity to sit and relax and say all that I needed to say and that writing a polite letter was the only course of action open to me at this point. The chief purpose of my letter was to assess whether or not El Phaba was conscious of the effect she and her shoes were having on me (she doesn’t tend to wear high heels by the way, either flat or low heels). I felt that, after learning this, if she followed her heart she would be more aware, compassionate and considerate. On the other hand, if she was selfish, and fearful of the truth because it might require change, and adjustment in her attitude and behaviour, then her ego would react defiantly and aggressively - in wilful denial. I also took the risk of writing to her because I wanted to know where she was coming from and I admit that this is largely because I am writing this book [now a trilogy], which is hilarious really. Intentions, intentions...was Ms. Thropp hostile and therefore likely to react negatively to anything remotely resembling a complaint or criticism?
After returning from work, and having read my letter, Fabala came down to tell me ‘it’s not intentional.’ That was the message she wished to relate, along with the parting sentiment that she intends to do it whether I like it or not. She said she is a girl and therefore wears heels and will not stop walking around so she’s not making any promises. She said simply that this is the problem with living downstairs. You just have to live with it. Elphie added that hopefully she will find a new place and move soon anyway. She also asked me why I did not mention this issue ages ago. I explained that I thought we would bump into each other as we used to. I wanted to discuss it briefly in a relaxed, civilised, even casual manner. I guess I knew from past experience what results from confronting proud, stubborn, resistant people who have no intention of respecting other people’s space. I continued to think of El Phaba in the best light and remained optimistic that it was worth waiting for that window of opportunity to arrive. It would just be like dropping a tiny pebble into a pond. Peace and harmony would be reestablished despite my polite request. Ideally, it would hardly be noticed and the loving listener would simply smile compassionately and show signs of consternation at having caused such disturbance. Of course she would understand. I said all I wanted was for her to be conscious of it. I can’t believe she wears shoes indoors and then smiles about it whilst confirming the fact! She told me that in the winter she wears shoes indoors but she didn’t during the first year. I know she often sleeps when she returns from work. She wouldn’t like it if I wore shoes on the bare floorboards beneath her bedroom. As far as I’m concerned, she only started walking around in shoes after I left my shoes on for a couple of minutes on one occasion after returning from work during February or March 2008. How come she can be quiet all evening and then loud at 11.30 or something yet doesn’t go out. She puts her shoes on at that time of night? Finally, the Wicked Witch turned her head towards me slightly as she reached two thirds of the way up the stairs making sure I saw her smirking overtly, proudly, jubilantly, even triumphantly.
“I owe much to my friends; but, all things considered, it strikes me that I owe even more to my enemies. The real person springs life under a sting even better than under a caress.” - André Gide.
Excerpts from an online conversation in March.
‘Actually I asked her for the chat because she'd been quiet for a while and I relaxed but she's been stomping around and dropping things a lot since then. I don't really let it get to me. It just creates a kind of psychic barrier. It's a disturbance...Well, I don't know many people who wear shoes indoors but it's unnecessary. I also mentioned that she makes a lot of noise after encountering me in person. Another coincidence? It's all quite strange. I really want to get to the bottom of it. Either they're all messing with my head or I'm a paranoid lunatic! Haha. Or it's demons playing games. Well, all I can do is write about how I feel and what I think might be happening. I've taken St. Germain's advice and try to just bless them...unless the neighbours have their TV on very loud in which case I throw temper tantrums. Haha. Well, I use tougher measures.’
Pale Horse Zombie Stomper Heels
1. I know intuitively and through direct observation that when El Phaba says she is ‘moving out soon’ she is lying. And, when she says she wishes she had a garden or is moving out so she can have a garden herself, she has little or no interest personally in having a garden. She is testing and toying with me manipulatively, trying to make me feel guilt or some other emotion that obviously isn’t there - otherwise, I would understand the intention behind her words! Therefore, when she said that her shoe-stomping upstairs was not intentional, I strongly suspect that this too is a lie. And the hastiness of the response simply represents her need for an effective cover of deception. The impact gave the impression of honesty at least on a superficial, physical level. I realise, in fact, that another reason for telling me she is moving out when clearly she has no intention of moving is that, when I did her horoscope, I mentioned that a long period of restriction regarding her home life was at that time finally lifting. I did not know, of course, that the time of birth she gave me was entirely bogus although I did keep saying that I did not really believe the time she had received in a dream was ‘the’ time. I did, however, believe it might be related to, or reflective of, her and her life in some way.
Like many of the Bengali men I used to work with, such people are prone to tell a lie before they even consider the truth because they live in a world of fear and manipulation. We all do to some extent but this is a distinctive quality of their culture generally, I have found. In other words, their ancestors must have mastered the art of manipulation centuries ago. Then again, it could just be the result of having to work at receiving attention or getting one’s needs met when growing up in large families. More than likely, it is a combination of influences, including a lack of discipline. They can be very cunning and know that, whereas truth binds them to reality, deceit can protect them. They can ‘hide behind the veil,’ so-to-speak and choose what they reveal or project to others to control them, potentially, or get their own way. They are, I observe, generally focused on other people instead of expressing their own identity or purpose even on the individualistic level that we have in the West. They are very family-oriented, of course. I do not think it would be unfair to suggest that their beliefs are fundamentally collectivist, based on group superiority complex via group identity, cultural conditioning and conformity. ‘We are Borg. Resistance is futile.’
2. I do not believe that El Phaba had any intention of moving out at all. Otherwise, she would be spending much of her time - or at least some of it - out looking at alternative places to live. She never did move anyway. I believe this is a manipulative ploy that is designed to scare me or something. Or to test my response to judge how much I care or value her although she said it on one occasion without bothering to do this, as though it was something she had decided to tell me at every opportunity for whatever reason. El Phaba is very psychic and claims to be clairvoyant (she offered me a reading but then avoided me - which has turned out to be a permanent situation!). I think she believes she knows or senses my fears, or what I don’t want and would prefer to avoid; that is, another change of tenant and the landlord possibly selling the house which is a threat I mentioned to her during our previous friendly chats.
“Life gets easier actually - after it’s fallen apart...We’ll tell you we may not make your lives easier but we’ll definitely make them better. Easier is not necessarily better. When you decide to follow your spirit with each breath and each step, your spirit will require you at levels you can’t even imagine and you will do it and you will co-create with other beings who are dedicated to living Heaven. One of the main shifts that happens as your consciousness moves what we call 5th-dimensionally you find that you are completely accepting of what you are as a 3rd and 4th-dimensional being. In other words, if you’re being an asshole, you do it with gusto. We talk about doing it with gusto and the reason we do this is because most of the spiritual practices on the planet are designed to keep you denying parts of yourself. You’re probably not operating from your divinity because your divinity will include it. OK? The difference is that if you’re operating 3rd-dimensionally, all you’re focused on is what is wrong with you and you’re trying to earn or learn your way out of here. If you’re focused 4th-dimensionally you’re a recovering human and you are trying to save [? or fix yourself and everybody else with the planet?]. You’re still focused on what’s wrong with you and everybody else.
And, when you go 5th-dimensionally, you become focused on Heaven and building Heaven on Earth with other people. And stuff comes up. It isn’t like instantaneously you’re perfected. ‘Oh, I’ll never be pissed again.’ Ha, right! Not if you use divine will. You’ll be pissed plenty of times. Allowing yourself to be whole: when it comes up, the difference is, as it comes up, you go, ‘Yeah, that’s part of my wholeness but it’s out here; it isn’t your whole vision. It’s, ‘OK Spirit, what do you want me to do with it? Do you want me to ignore it? Do you want me to process it? Do you want me to go work with somebody? Do you want me to go to this workshop? What do you want me to do with it? It no longer is your reality. Processing yourself is no longer the goal. Over the years, Ariel has been known to beg people to quit processing. And the reason for that is if you make processing what is real for you, the Universe will rearrange itself around it ad nauseum. And you will have so much to process that you will have no way that you can follow your spirit or live Heaven because you’ll process all of this life, all your genetic line, every incarnation you’ve got. You’ll start processing the entire planet. Then you’ll start processing other planets. You’re all incarnate on at least 350 other planets - at least. You’ll start processing those. You have effectively eliminated yourself as a person who can co-create Heaven.
Now, this doesn’t mean that stuff doesn’t come up - it does. But it’s no longer the goal. The goal is living Heaven and following your spirit. Anything that gets in the way of that goal will be dealt with swiftly and cleanly.”
- Tashira Tachi-ren (excerpt from the ‘No Rules’ talk at the Star Visions Conference, December 1996).
May 1. She has been walking around in shoes and dropping things very loudly on the floor again (including at 1 a.m. on occasion) almost all the time since we talked (by that I mean all the time that she is awake and at home). As I have said before, it would be impossible to endure all this if I had to get up and go to a job early in the morning. I’m paying a price for my freedom. Ultimately, our society has lost the caring and respectful attitude of my grandparents’ generation. They didn’t have carpets. They laid lino down in every room (on top of newspaper which provided additional insulation). According to my father, the people who lived above my grandparents were also too scared to ever walk around in shoes anyway because my grandfather was an aggressive drunk and would have lost his temper.
All the heavy walking is very unpleasant and does at least seem and feel like the person has turned into some kind of ogre at the top of the beanstalk! I believe it is an unconscious desire to block out my existence (forget that I live here, perhaps even out of resentment for one thing or another) but an unconscious drive for dominion which includes a rejection, a fear of the unknown and subsequent denial of my depth, uniqueness and cultural variance. It is an unconscious projection of a desire for power, callously allowing unconscious antagonism to bubble away. In other words, El Phaba is attempting to dump some of her own pain on me. At the same time, I believe that she is selfish in a similar way to the next-door neighbours as though this behaviour is part of a cultural or genetic belief system. It is a belief that they can do as they wish and are not obliged to show any consideration to others and therefore will simply continue to do as they please without caring about anyone else. It is imported fascism. Self-righteous fascists have a simple rule which is to deny that they are doing anything harmful or unreasonable, to basically lie and not consider other options, to justify their power instead of expanding their awareness. That is the nature of oppression in which they engage.
At the same time that her career ambitions have been launched El Phaba is unconsciously attempting to silence my vibration, to block out my truth, in order to justify identifying with the System which she feels she must do if she is ever to have the security and ‘freedom’ she wants. So, it’s like I now represent everything and everyone that challenges the System, a kind of ‘us and them’ stance. She is blocking out what I represent within herself. She is afraid of it and believes she must sacrifice this in order to survive and ‘get ahead’ in the game. That which would hold her back materially, however, would take her further forward spiritually. It is a conflict by design. The System exists to separate people from their true selves. It divides people; it causes people to dislike each other and compete against each other. People can conjure illusions in their minds. It’s like they listen to that little devil on their left shoulders telling them lies until eventually a negative picture is painted of the other person. Then they are too scared to talk to the person because the truth will be revealed and they will have to face themselves and let go of the barriers they have erected.
Perhaps this is correct: Fabala is just focused on her career and has no time to care about the neighbour downstairs. She has simply switched off having decided that I am not worthy of respect or that I represent something she is fighting against in herself. She may even make more noise when she is reminded of my presence as a release of stress and aggression; that is, she is taking her own unresolved problems out on me. I have, of course, probably invited all of this trouble into my life by accepting and allowing people to express power over me and interfere with my life: being too shy and gentle, sensitive and nervous, for all those years when my will was pronounced ‘dead.’
This is either pure conjecture or astute perception; one or the other anyway!
3 May. 7.30 a.m. El Phaba got up and took a few steps in her shoes. She was then quiet again. She walked around in shoes a lot last night until late again. It sounded like she had gone back to bed again and didn’t walk around again until 9 a.m. [Retrospective note: Ah, well, the mornings are another issue. El Phaba did this a lot from this period onwards - walked around in shoes after getting up and then seemed to put them on again just before going to work - but eventually she returned to putting her shoes on closer to the time of going out. As part of my own ascension practice, I started getting up first at 7.30 a.m. and then at 7 a.m., because it increases my energy to some degree, and I was also starting to go to bed earlier and get sufficient rest, not carry on working and whatnot until I could no longer keep my eyelids open!]
6 May. Someone threw a plastic bag containing the remains of raw fish into the front garden. Darth Maul walked around in shoes EXTREMELY loudly for awhile from 7.30 p.m., deliberately stamping her feet on the floor. So: this is what results from asking the Phantom Menace politely not to wear shoes upstairs. She makes more noise! I simply regard her as misguided, however. She doesn’t seem to realise what she is doing to herself. As with the cake that Buddha refused to receive, she is keeping herself in a low vibration where true joy and happiness remain locked out. It is a little battle between Light and dark and it is evidently going on within myself as well. I am the Light here, however, and the neighbours are allowing themselves to be shrouded in darkness. So be it. Let the Light win. I actually feel grateful for the challenge to be the Light amidst the darkness.
I played some music in the evening; not loudly at all, just to cover up the noise she was making as she stamped her shoes whilst walking around upstairs. Soon afterwards, she popped out for a few minutes again. Personally, I believe that the only place Fabala could have gone in that short space of time was next door, perhaps to ask if they could hear any music. Well, they should be able to hear it at an equal volume although sound rises so perhaps it was a bit louder upstairs. Regardless, as I said, it was not at all loud. The mystery continues! [Retrospective note: this was the first time I had put any music on without listening to it through headphones for several months and it had been only an occasional thing for a couple of years - since the woman moved in upstairs].
24 May. Sunday. El Phaba has been walking around in shoes for much of the day, including the uncarpeted floor in the hall and kitchen. Excruciatingly loud!
Perhaps the best - or easiest and even customary – response is to knock on the ceiling randomly with a big stick!
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Do not despair, sir. All my talk of food was just a dead herring. In fact, I have a cunning plan. This is not food, but an escape kit.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Good Lord! A saw, a hammer, a chisel, a gun, a change of clothes, a Swiss passport and a huge false moustache, I may just stand a chance.
Blackadder: Let's see, what have we here? A small painted wooden duck.
Baldrick: Yeah, I thought if you get caught near water, you can balance it on the top of your head as a brilliant disguise.
- Blackadder Goes Forth (Series 4, Episode 2, written by Richard Curtis and Ben Elton, BBC TV, 1989).