How to decode a person with an anxiety disorder

things we are trying to do all the time:

• 1. be safe

things we can’t help but do all the time:

• 1. second-guess ourselves
• 2. behave impulsively and reactively
• 3. take everything personally
• 4. worry
• 5. worry
• 6. worry
• 7. have difficulty accepting compliments
• 8. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
• 9. have difficulty finding the courage to respond
• 10.  have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions
• 11.  make a huge deal out of the smallest thing

things you should keep in mind:

• 1. we’re scared of everything
• 2. pretty much all of the time
• 3. it’s an actual disorder
• 4. it manifests as impulsive behavior
• 5. you can’t fix us with words
• 6. telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying
• 7. it’ll only make us feel silly
• 8. and then we’ll worry even more
• 9. “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if she calls me silly again?”
• 10.  like that
• 11.  also, we wear a lot of armor
• 12.  cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
• 13.  we constructed this armor as children
• 14.  we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
• 15.  but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

• 1. stick around
• 2. ask him/her if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
• 3. be willing to change the place or situation if not
• 4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
• 5. talk to them even when they might not talk back
• 6. (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)
• 7. try not to take they’re reactions (or lack thereof) personally
• 8. (the way they expresses themselves are distorted and bent because of their constant fear)
• 9. (and they knows this)
• 10.  give her time to respond to you
• 11.  they will obsess over how she is being interpreted
• 12.  they will anticipate being judged
• 13.  it took me four hours just to type this much
• 14.  even though i sound casual
• 15.  that’s because i have an anxiety disorder

things you shouldn’t do:

• 1. tell us not to worry
• 2. tell us we’ll be fine
• 3. mistake praise for comfort
• 4. ask us if we are “getting help”
• 5. force us to be social
• 6. force us to do things that trigger us
• 7. “face your fears” doesn’t always work
• 8. because—remember—scared of everything
• 9. in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

• 1. be calm
• 2. be patient
• 3. don’t be condescending
• 4. remind us that we’re not crazy
• 5. sit with us
• 6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
• 7. remind us that we are breathing
• 8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
• 9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
• 10.  or breathe through our nose
• 11.  or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
• 12.  ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
• 13.  help us change it
• 14.  usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down

if you have an anxiety disorder:

• 1. it’s okay.
• 2. even if you worry that it’s not okay.
• 3. it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.
• 4. you are not crazy. you are not a freak.
• 5. i know there’s a person under all that armor.
• 6. and i know you feel isolated because of it.
• 7. i won’t make you take it off.
• 8. but know that you are not alone.

♥