Monstaville Book II. Appendix IX

Appendix IX

A routine from comedian Chris Rock’s 2008 tour, Kill the Messenger

Chris Rock also said that white people now have to watch what they say as they can get into trouble if they say the wrong words – ‘nigger’ being the prime example. The only advantage to being a black man, he says, is being able to say what he wants.

“Wanna change places? You scream ‘nigger’ and I’ll raise interest rates.”

“The people with the least shit get to say the most shit. So, if you want to say more shit, get rid of some of your shit. That’s how the world works, man. Some people get to talk about other people. That’s just how it goes, man…Sometimes the people with the most shit get to say the least shit.”

Rock adds that it is not the word, however, but the content in which it is used.

“Skinny girls can’t talk about fat girls. Short people can’t talk about tall people. Rich people can’t talk about poor people. Fat girls can say whatever they want about skinny girls but skinny girls can’t talk about fat girls. That’s just mean!”

“Speaking of words, now they’re trying to get rid of the word ‘nigger.’ Trying to get rid of my beloved ‘nigger’…We live in a crazy time when Dr. King and Mr. Mandela’s dreams are coming true. When black people and white people and Asians and Indians and everybody’s hanging out together. We have interracial posses. It’s unbelievable what’s going on, man. All my black friends have a bunch of white friends and all my white friends have one black friend.”

Chris Rock says it is a sad sight to see his white friends singing along to Dr. Dre songs in his presence because Dr. Dre says ‘nigga’ a lot. They want to sing along but mumble the word instead.

“It’s sad seeing a white person trying to do a niggaless rendition of a Dr. Dre song. It’s just fucking depressing…Don’t worry white people. Get your Dre on, get your Jay on, get your Kanye on. It’s OK. It’s all good. It’s got to be in the song though. It’s got to be in the song. It’s got to be in the song.”

If you’re fighting or arguing with someone, however, and you want to hurt them, then you can say whatever you want according to Chris Rock because that’s natural!

Can white people say the word ‘nigger’? The answer, according to Chris Rock, is ‘not really.’

“There are some exceptions – like, ‘Fuck me harder nigger!”

“There is one exception…The only time white people can say ‘nigger’ is if it’s Christmas Eve and it’s between 4.30 and 4.49 in the morning. If you white and you on your way to Toys ‘R’ Us to get yo’ kid the last Transformer doll and, right before you walk into Toys ‘R’ Us, some black person runs up beside you, smacks you in the head with a brick, knocks you to the ground, stamps on your face, ‘Take that you crack-ass motherfucker [repeatedly]…takes your money, pisses on it and runs away. If you white, at that moment you can say, ‘Somebody stop that nigger!’ Matter of fact, if you white and that happens to you, you can say nigger for a whole month. But you’ve got to walk around with the police report in your pocket in case any black people catch you saying ‘nigger.’ The police report will act as your freedom papers. ‘Hey, I heard you saying ‘nigger.’ Let me see your papers. Give me the papers. Show me the papers!...[Reads the report] ’Christmas Eve. 4.48. You just made it motherfucker! Pissed on you. I hope they catch that nigger!’ [Hands papers back].”