Saturday, 18 January 2014

Monstaville Book II. Introduction

  “There is no one on the Earth plane at this time who is not impulsed toward evolving. No one without this impulse would have come here. All the portals that were opened and the blueprints that were laid out for this time were conditioned to work toward self-motivating, self-accelerating, rapid evolution.”
– The Pleiadians (Bringers of the Dawn by Barbara Marciniak, Bear & Company, Inc., Santa Fe, NM., U.S., 1992, p.235).

I’d prefer it if these books didn’t wind up in Stewart Lee’s ‘Tragic Life genre’ (Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle: ‘Toilet Books,’ BBC2, 16 March 2009). The subject matter – positive and harmonious self-empowerment - is something I needed to finally look into, consciously and deeply; something that needed attending to. My personal circumstances over the past decade have, I believe, reflected this need. There has been no ‘tragedy.’ Really, the experiences included here are things most British people would probably just moan about until some other gripe came along but which I have both moaned about (to some degree, I expect) and written about for the purpose of contemplation and comprehension (and to remedy some constitutional constipation). I suppose the Monstaville books will end up in the Self Help section (perhaps I should rename it Someone Help Me Pleeease!). ‘Psychology/Spiritual’ appears to be the most appropriate category even though, for myself, these are works of philosophy (just not ones that belong with all the toilet paper on the shelves of mindboggling ‘academic’ crap aka ‘Western Philosophy’!).

“When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do - well, that’s Memoirs.” – Will Rogers, American humorist and entertainer, 1879-1935 (The Autobiography of Will Rogers, selected and edited by Donald Day, 1927)

If you read the first book in this series, you will be familiar with the concept – and hopefully reality – of ‘ascension.’ This is the process of self-healing which primarily requires clearing out and transmuting density from our lower three chakras (lower self) and the associated realms of 3D and 4D consciousness in order to elevate ourselves to a higher frequency of self-awareness, or 5D conscious being. As such it is a return from the illusion of physical separateness to the Reality of divine Oneness. Serapis explains in the introduction to An Ascension Handbook, “We know that you’ve been bombarded with metaphysical books since the printing press was invented, but never before has this type of book been so important. Planetary ascension as fact is not negotiable, and a time frame has been set, one that doesn’t leave much time for debate. So please treat this with the same urgency that we who are off the physical plane do.” – Serapis (channelled through Tony Stubbs, An Ascension Handbook, World Tree Press, Lithia Springs, GA, U.S., 1991, p.xv). It is helpful to know something of the underlying ‘what, why and how’ of our trials in life. We cannot afford to ignore the essential truth underpinning our experiences on Earth at this time if our intention is to grow and become all that we can be…of even just minimise suffering in our lives.

I would also like to point out that Monstaville represents a one-off ‘share,’ not, as the Pleiadians (through Lauren C. Gorgo) say, ‘a 365-day Broadway run.’ I am endeavouring to knock this whole saga on the head if you don’t mind! Indeed, where I go from here personally has little bearing on the nature of this project. The whole idea is to scramble out of the tangled mess we have gotten ourselves into (third and fourth-dimensionally) and then, once free, we simply walk away. In fact, we do not need to. The illusions simply give way to a higher state of consciousness. At the end of this journey one learns to let go of the past to prevent the weeds from growing back and spoiling one’s nice new flower bed (life and consciousness when tended from fifth-dimensional self-awareness).  [1]

And, so, the sage continues. It would be reasonable to suggest that the contents of these pages are the result of having spent most of my life denying and trying to control my emotions (‘as you do’). Finally, I have learned to give them priority and, for me, this means releasing negative emotions instead of holding onto them as was my custom previously and also feeling the love that is there deep in my heart which is a ‘flavour’ of my true self as a divine being. [See Appendix V: ‘Being in Service, Part 2’]. The Monstaville Memoirs, you could say, is also the product of not sharing with people enough or not having enough close people in my life to share with emotionally. I have tended to stick to the self-sufficiency dirt track whatever the weather. Sure, it gets quite muddy sometimes and, yes, waterlogged too in recent years, but, the truth is, we are never alone. We are, in fact, surrounded by beautiful beings of Light on the inner planes and we have forgotten that we exist there too. So this journey of life that I am on, and that you, the reader, are on too, is one of spiritual self-awakening (however much you might want to deny it or refuse to let go of social programming and linear thinking). This is just ‘my way.’ Personally, I learn better on my own and my depth and insight are derived from introverted reflection which is a precious gift in today’s externally-driven lifestyle. All that is about to change. Anyway, let’s just say that I learn more from my inner self than from other people.

“The next couple of years are going to be just the most interesting and the most full of growth, opportunities for people, dark night of the souls for many people and an opportunity not only to change the way we live but also…change our perspectives or how we want to live. And really think about what really is important…what’s important is who we are, where we’re going with ourselves.” – Alex Collier (Interview on ‘The Program,’ 9 April 2009). 

According to Barbara Korte and Iris Barkhuysen, around June 2009, “a rupture occurred between the ‘drama-oriented' people and the ‘love-oriented' people. Neither are less evolved, just on different sides of the coin, creating a whole.” (‘Adjusting to Change,’ June 2010, This has also been referred to as the Separation of Worlds and indicates that the forerunners of a new, multidimensional consciousness have broken off from the old world to help establish Earth’s new 144 Crystalline (Christ Consciousness) grid. This is a choice that more and more people are making as we start to lay the foundation for a Golden Age. With regard to drama, as more Light shines through and around us from the spiritual realms, the shadows we cast – our mental and emotional projections onto the canvas of life - appear darker. The question that we are being asked is, ‘Have you had enough or do you want some more?’ (to paraphrase Rick in The Young Ones). It is time to awaken from our slumber and end these nightmares that keep us separated from our true selves through low-density vibrations (negative energy and limited, finite consciousness).

Kryon tells us that we must move beyond the old energy of human consciousness (3D) in which we instinctively react to life and into the realm of pure intent (5D) and a "peaceful existence with wisdom." - Kryon (channelled through Lee Carroll, ‘The Process,’ 4 December 2011, The Monstaville Memoirs represent an attempt to get out of survival mode and tentatively testing the water of the power of intention. The survival layer, they say, depends on us reacting to the outside world as well as responding as we think we should. They suggest that being brought to our knees through sorrow or health can help by stopping us in our tracks. A survival agenda “breeds hatred and war, disappointment and depression,” says Kryon. “It carries self-doubt with it and always makes you feel alone.” (ibid.). They ask: “Do you really wish to wallow anymore in this?” (ibid.). Once survival goes away we can move beyond the conscious level and see the love of God in all. We become grateful for those around us and feel a “peacefulness of just being alive and well.” (ibid.). From that position we can start the process of engaging on the level of Being rather than life, of Reality rather than the holographic projection in which we have been believing everything is real. The Masters know better than to defending themselves from criticism. Instead, they listen and consider if there is any truth in what has been said. They turn within and observe their slice of the divine pie and see only love. Jesus, for example, when doing this “would love you into a place where you would see the face of God.” (ibid.). The masters worked “with an energy of softness from within.” (ibid.).

"See only what you want to see. It doesn't matter what the body's eyes show you. Gradually the world, which is really on the inside, not the outside, reflects that which you decide to see." - Elizabeth Anne Hill.

Despite its appearance, perhaps, Monstaville has more to do with understanding than self-pity. This is what I am sharing with the reader, the game of growth through deeper understanding derived from an aspiration towards a higher perspective. It is a quest for wisdom as an aid to living on this planet and coping with some of life’s more uncomfortable experiences. One thing you need to understand before we go any further is that it contains a range of beliefs, attitudes, behaviour, emotions and ideas. This is a holistic, alchemical journey of transformation to a higher state of awareness, from duality to oneness. It also represents a quest for the highest expression which is itself multifaceted in that all of my strengths and weaknesses appear to have been tested and I have approached situations from a variety of angles. Consequently, Monstaville does not reflect a singular approach to dealing with conflict or torment. It might be likened to a spiral staircase in that it may provide inspiration and insight on many levels of consciousness depending on where one is currently located on one’s own journey. This is a very unusual book which ranges from the mundane to the magical and mystical. In fact, the descriptions of actual incidents that took place are really only included for background purposes even though that is how it all began. They are not the focus but form the foundation for contemplation and potential understanding. They are the boat, if you like, but not the journey and not the destination. Let’s just say it’s a bit of a kaleidoscope. You have been warned!

Essentially, this is a task I have undertaken for myself but which (God help me) I decided to share with the wider community. This is a very personal project and part of me would prefer to keep it private. Part of me thinks that offering this material as a series of books is totally bonkers and I have had a few laughs over that! Basing a book on journal notes is such a risky venture and, since this series of books is teeming with quotations, let me just cover my ass with the first one before we get going. In the words of Marshall McLuhan: "I don't necessarily agree with everything I say." So true! I’m a chameleon-like explorer. I hack my way deeper into the jungle of consciousness than most (I feel my way) but it is certainly not a tidy business and the outcome is not a basket of pretty petunias hanging in a porch or a bed of roses lying adjacent to a white picket fence. That garden path everyone seems to be frightened of going down in case they get lost – that’s my runway!

“I’ve been laughing ever since I picked up your book. Some day I’m going to read it.” – Groucho Marx.  [2]

Something drove me to write Monstaville and I am grateful for this because it has inspired me to delve deeper into the subject and also to return my focus to the area of personal growth and the restoration of my own spiritual development. Writing this book [trilogy] has, therefore, been a catalyst for transformation and rebirth. Moreover, many insights and sources of information and inspiration would not have come to my attention without this concentration. I am an enthusiastic explorer and the love with which I have created this book [trilogy] has nurtured the seeds of change within myself just as the Sun’s warmth and light in Springtime finally awakens the seed that was planted in the soil in darker times.

Monstaville should certainly not be regarded as an expression of self-mastery. What I am offering here is a seed of self-mastery which, hopefully, will sprout for the reader as well as for me (when the river of tears is followed by sunshine and the rainbow arches over the valley that was once a living hell). It represents a bridge, an exercise book rather than a text book, scruffy notes taken down during my trials rather than the ten commandments passed down from the mountaintop. I’m simply halfway up the mountain and still climbing, just as we all are in our own way. Some have fallen asleep or forgotten what they came here for, and why they are choosing to go through crisis and initiation. This book [trilogy] might therefore serve as a reminder that, at least on a higher level, we choose our experiences because we need the lessons we can learn from them, because we need to grow. There is a reason for everything.

I want this book [trilogy] to be a rough diamond, more masculine than feminine. Crunchy. Yes, the rougher the better because then these pages provide some grit to connect with personally, to latch onto, rather than something more glossy or plastic or ‘nice’ and comforting, like a cabbage leaf for caterpillars to safely nestle into or munch on. As human beings, you and I have two things in common: we are both perfect and flawed at the same time. I’m not just out to inspire here but to provoke to some degree as well through pure, unadulterated honesty, warts ‘n’ all. It’s not about the book. It’s about what moves inside you, who and what you are and how you are growing as an individual. Books are merely levers, tools that we use to recall what we already know, to awaken to our own truth.

“Write your troubles in dust, your blessings in marble,” they say. I see these pages as brightly-coloured leaves falling from a tree in the autumn. Already, their colour is fading for me, but, then I tend to perceive everything I create in this way. I never live in the past; I’m too forgetful for that, besides. I like to move on, feeling passion and enthusiasm for the new. Yet, Monstaville will always be with me because it represents a time when beauty gave way to wisdom. Like the roots of a tree, it signifies an enduring wisdom, a never-ending process. But this book represents a period when I had to concentrate on pushing those roots down into the ground, when life stopped me in my tracks and made me realise I couldn’t go on postponing the confrontation with certain aspects of my own unconscious that I was repressing and which needed some attention. It took a long time to get there! Things had to come to a head. It has not been a pleasant journey by any means but there is beauty in wisdom. And, the deeper the roots, the higher can the tree ascends, so we all need to face our fears and our negative egos sooner or later in order to reach up and realise our highest potential.

"He who learns must suffer
And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart,
And in our own despite, against our will,
Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God."
- Aeschylus (The Oresteia).

In my case, it seems as though I was lying in a semi-conscious state on the operating table for a whole decade. It hasn’t all been. I am a dreamer after all. I live passionately and I celebrate my creativity each and every day. We choose our paths in life and, often, too often, our choices do not reflect our higher purpose. We roll with our minds and allow them to take over. Patterns of consciousness are woven into tapestries over many lifetimes. Or, like runaway trains whose drivers eventually die or whose brakes eventually fail, unless they pull into the Works for some special attention, they eventually crash. And, of course, unlike Thomas the Tank Engine, trains generally do not know what’s good for them! These patterns gather momentum and eventually we run into ourselves as the situations in our lives, the experiences we have either caused or allowed, become too much for us to handle.

Maturity comes with the falling leaves of autumn. Only then can we go forth and achieve a higher level of self-mastery. And we are Masters, all of us. Yes we are. Why else would we put ourselves through such trials, or bury ourselves in the dung heap of duality? Deep down, we are highly motivated spiritual beings dedicated to strengthening our roots, increasing our strength and wisdom, that we may ascend ever higher, that each branch may bear fruit, that we may realise our full potential as the co-creators we are. We are beautiful, powerful, radiant trees of Light whether we know it or not, whether we remember who we really are or not. No one is lost to themselves forever.

Stop feeling like a victim. What is left is the alternative - a Master.” - Sandy Stevenson (‘Is Ascension really happening?’ 9 September 2007, [See Appendix VI: ‘Dissolving Victim and Separation Energies’ by Goddess Isis and Goddess Hathor].


Experiences come and go and only the lessons and the wisdom remain. The Sun never dies. Love never dies. Upon each leaf is written the story of death and rebirth, of transformation, of letting go of an unconscious resistance to life. Never has there seemed any reason to trust life and, while my mind turns this into a big drama, I can always feel in my heart, that my inner being knows why these experiences are needed for my growth. “If we look at our stuff from the perspective of the ego,” writes Sonia Choquette, “we take it quite personally. We get overwhelmed, demoralised, weakened and fearful. If we choose to view our challenges and lessons from self-love and Spirit, we see them as the game and sport they’re intended to be. This doesn’t mean we won’t feel pain – pain goes with the human experience. Rather, it just reminds us that our Spirit is greater than any hurt the ego or body will ever feel…Filled with self-love, you’ll discover that the sweet love your Creator has for you will ease your way, remove obstacles more quickly and help you navigate everything on the human plane with grace. The greater the problem, the more critical it is to love yourself. Problems aren’t your fault. They just are. And solutions can always be found through love." (The Answer Is Simple…love yourself, live your spirit, Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, CA., U.S., 2008, p.145).

Keeping a journal is one thing. Turning it into books is quite another. And, it is this second, more conscious project which has enabled me to delve deeper, to teach myself, to focus and to fathom he meaning of my experiences.

This is a book for you - and it is also a book for me. It is a continual process of learning. I am, as I said, teaching myself and I hope to inspire you at the same time. I have created a foundation from which I hope to learn more and more over the years, and on which I seek to build a tower of higher consciousness. I have also created something that may enable you to teach yourself, to consider, understand, practice and, ultimately, awaken your inner potential - just as I am doing. Equally, I am sure there are many insights and anecdotes on this subject that you could share with me. Indeed, you may possess a more advanced understanding of the realm of human conflict than I. Incidentally, where I have employed rhetorical language in this book [and others], it could be misconstrued as instruction but it is chiefly a means of advising and reminding myself. Often, it is a dialogue between my heart and my mind. Monstaville is a product of our times and I am sure there must be countless people in similar situations or who can relate to the experiences and lessons contained therein.

We are all in the same boat, on the same journey, we are all one consciousness but we each bring out own unique patterns of thought and personality into the equation. We are each trying to unravel these threads that have brought us to this huge cruise liner with its enigmatic name Destination Unknown: another name for the Titanic perhaps! Where are we going? Pure Being. Plato remarked that, “The true lover of knowledge is always striving after being.” How do we get there? By unravelling these patterns within us and transcending both our own minds and the boat of collective consciousness to become one with the ocean of infinite, universal consciousness. The simpler our consciousness becomes, the more depth it has and, consequently, ironically even, the greater is our individual awareness of the Sun - God - shining everywhere. Hence, we are ‘gods in the making.’

Merlin: “A day will come when you will realise that the entire universe can be found inside you, and then you will be a wizard. As a wizard you don’t live in the world, the world lives in you.
                Century after century the wizard has been sought out wherever he lived - in deep forests or caves, towers or temples. The wizard also has travelled under different names - philosopher, magician, see, shaman, guru. ‘Tell us why we suffer. Tell us why we grow old and die. Tell us why we are too weak to bring about a good life for ourselves.’ only to a wizard could mortals unburden themselves of so many difficult questions.”
                (The Way of the Wizard. 20 Spiritual Lessons For Creating The Life You Want by Deepak Chopra, Rider, London, U.K., 1995, p.19).

Now, we all need to become our own wizard (male or female - the term is gender-neutral) and look within to find our own power, our own wisdom, our own source of miracles.

The Monstaville Memoirs are a philosophical enquiry comprised principally of journal entries over a three-year period. It represents a major learning curve in my own life which accelerated the development of strength and wisdom for me. This has been an important step in my own (ongoing) path to self-mastery and a significant result is that I have learned to give more attention to my emotions, my responses and reactions to life, and shed the light of conscious awareness on them through greater honesty and understanding (as opposed to denial and repression). It is a book which I hope offers sufficient inspiration and food for thought (rather than instruction) to other potential targets of victimisation, people who are similarly vulnerable for one reason or another. "Of all that is written, I love only what a person has written with his own blood," wrote Friedrich Nietzsche.

As with the other books in this series, this is not a book of permanent or quick-fix solutions. Quite the opposite, in fact. This project is very much about going the distance and figuring the situation out as much as possible in order to increase one’s chances of surviving and winning, coping and reaching the light at the end of the tunnel. This is a marathon! “It's not that I'm so smart,” said Albert Einstein, “it's just that I stay with problems longer.” Monstaville does not suggest ‘how to’ deal with confrontations although it explores various ideas. It relates more to building a philosophy, deepening one’s identity and increasing one’s awareness. In other words, it is an attempt to sort out where I stand in relation to aggressive people and what kind of tools can be employed to deal with them - most importantly, in terms of my own mind, which is not something that is easily put into words, let alone set in stone. It is these thoughts which I offer lovingly to those who might benefit from them. Fellow students of psychological warfare, those who are similarly sensitive and reticent (and noble too, I trust) and who are keen to ‘win without war,’ as the infamous martial strategist Sunzi would say. I would feel most honoured if anyone finds any of the information in these pages helpful in their dealings with destructive forces.

For anyone who is seeking solutions I would recommend studying with the masters, doing directly to the teachings of Osho, St. Germain, Jeshua and others. I also recommend that you consider reading a book by Betty Perkins which I came across after the completion of Monstaville. The title is Lion Taming. The courage to deal with difficult people including yourself. “As you gain skill and come to understand that people are either in a state of love or in a state of fear (and asking for help),” she encourages, “you will feel increasingly secure in situations that previously sent you reeling. You will be able to take a stand and deliver your truth as a peaceful warrior. Do not underestimate the importance of this step. By improving your relationship with the difficult people around you, you will improve the world because what you do affects not only the people in your life but the people in their lives, multiplying outward, creating a growing community based on peace and understanding.” (Tzedakah Publications, CA., U.S., 1995, p.16).

If you are looking for insights and ways to process your own crisis of consciousness to help you across the river via a few stepping stones of a more human level which is limited yet easier for you to relate to through familiarity and affinity, then you have come to the right place. For, I am simply someone who has been attempting to cross this river myself and this book [trilogy] represents such a journey. It ends on the other side, on the river bank that takes us into the territory of the divine and it is there that we can only continue our journey with the help of guides, angels, masters and other luminaries.

There is only one tidy solution and that is to move! I would then be sacrificing what I have here however because I cannot afford to move. I might also end up continuing the ordeal with some other nutter living above me or next door (or both). So, really, the only answer is to try and manage the situation on different levels by adjusting my own attitude, not reacting, increasing my awareness, releasing tension and taking effective action without being dragged down to their level or allowing them to make me feel miserable. Living with hostile neighbours is a tricky affair and the default response, after realising that reaction only makes matters worse, seems to be a feeling of utter helplessness. This book’s importance, as I continue on my inner journey towards deeper understanding and self-empowerment, lies in its attempt to move beyond that state of paralysis. The shift may be slow and subtle but at least, in this book, the reader is able to observe the process as it has unfolded in my life, taking me out of my comfort zone and eventually opening me up to employ a greater portion of my consciousness than I previously acknowledged. It is, as I explain in the Conclusion, through a combination of love, wisdom and power that we can achieve harmony in our lives, even where contentious people who just won’t quit and from whom there is no escape are concerned. All of this is also managing our continued exile in the illusion of duality until we know what we want and ‘enjoy the evolution of our desire’ as Abraham-Hicks puts it.

“It's not the troubles that trouble you. It's the way you react to them. What if you could choose not to let the troubles get to you? What if you could work your way through them while remaining positive and joyful? Life's difficulties do not need your help. They are plenty difficult on their own, without you adding to them. So make the choice not to add to them. Acknowledge their reality, deal effectively with them, but don't allow them to pull you down. The way you feel is the way you choose to feel. Choose to feel powerful, choose to feel in control, choose to feel purposeful, abundant and joyful because at the heart of you, you are. The living spirit in you is stronger than any trouble you'll ever encounter. Remember that, feel its truth, and live your joy no matter what.” - Ralph Marston.

A Polish friend has this to say about Monstaville: “I feel in your case it may be some sort of hidden task to bring knowledge to a specific group of people…don't you think?” I told him it is ‘is perhaps primarily for gentle, sensitive men like me who are going through experiences I have passed through in my life although I hope and believe it has much wider appeal than that’ (he started out by telling me that the subject of ‘human conflict and suffering’ must have been beaten to death in the course of history - to which I replied that the context is always changing and pointed out that I am endeavouring to bring a more Eastern approach to a Western world that is currently learning to integrate the realm of consciousness into its experiences). Personally, I cannot think of anything more universal than the issues of suffering and human conflict on our planet even if it is starting to shift up a gear. In fact, to understand what this book [trilogy] is really about, and why I have been prompted to create it, please read the transmission by the Higher Light Council in Appendix I (‘Reflecting consciously’) which suggests that it is time for human beings to stop reacting and start finding creative solutions to conflicts. Sonia Choquette, in her inspiring book The Answer Is Simple…love yourself, live your spirit, explains: “Living your Spirit allows you to see beyond life’s immediate drama and points you toward solutions. Self-love helps you access your creativity and solve problems. It reduces conflict and eases fear. Your Spirit is your best ally when facing pain of any sort. It gets you past, through or over your ‘stuff’ more quickly." (Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, CA., U.S., 2008, p.140).

The Monstaville Memoirs are more about psychological adjustment and options for coping with tormentors but also with suffering in general. The theme is essentially communication both with oneself and others on levels that are not customarily addressed (at least in the West). It is also about altering one’s attitude and opening up avenues of understanding which are often subtle and deep but can aid transformation in the long-term. If your orientation is not so physical, but more mental or emotional (or even spiritual) what options are available to you to increase your confidence and ability to cope with people who are bent on throwing their egos at you and overpowering you? What is an appropriate response to such pressure beyond the immediate, instinctive passive or aggressive reactions that are triggered by such behaviour? Some people do not aspire to rise above the animal level. I am sure there are many books that offer solutions for dealing with confrontational people directly. My martial arts instructor told me he has found that the best way to do that is to be cheerful but in a powerful way, to simply be confident and perhaps include a dose of humour, neither of which are easy things to do. It is important to communicate in a way that neither provokes nor reveals any fear or insecurity that can be targeted. It all depends, of course, on what kind of person one is dealing with as well as what one’s own capabilities are. 

"The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom." - Osho.

The situations to which this book relates are less immediate or direct. I did not maintain a diary of incidents. Rather, I analysed and studied appropriate ways to respond to less direct forms of harassment which, taken in isolation may not cause much disturbance but, as part of a persistent, long-term campaign in a place from which you cannot escape - such as your home - amount to nothing less than psychological torture. Many situations out in the world with strangers are avoidable. When aggressors (bullies) themselves are unavoidable on a regular basis it is vital to increase one’s awareness both of oneself and one’s own potential. It is prudent to form strategies for coping with them and, hopefully, countering their behaviour effectively.

Writing is an effective, powerful, liberating tool for self-healing and self-awareness. It enables us to pull latent information and wisdom out from our unconscious depths for a more intuitive and profound insight, combining the conscious and subconscious parts of the mind. It is a means to know ourselves more intimately, an innocent process through which to explore, release negative emotions and purify unconscious patterns of thought. All is just as it is. Totally relaxed, just you and your inner you, it provides opportunities to move on from the past. Writing can produce shifts of consciousness. In addition, of course, it is a method of exchanging information.

“Whenever we experience life, whatever it may be, we must share that experience. That is our responsibility.” – Unknown.

Paul McGee explains that some people he knows “find value in keeping a ‘feelings diary.’ Rather than record what they did on a particular day, they record how they felt,” he says. “Writing down their feelings may help us gain a greater insight into ourselves and also help us notice how our emotions vary from day to day.” (SUMO (Shut Up, Move On). The straight talking guide to creating and enjoying a brilliant life, Capstone Publishing Limited, Chichester, U.K., p.69). The journals I kept for a few years were colourful meditations, spiritual enquiries, observations of both a poetic and practical nature, and insights from various sources, sprinkled with pictures cut out of magazines and so forth. Coursing between this artful discourse was a consistent thread which can be described as ‘training the mind’ out of necessity since I had become a target for two separate neighbours. As one friend noted, “You’ve had everything haven’t you?” I have literally had to train my mind, to strengthen and discipline it, in order to endure both my neighbour conflicts and financial as well as emotional crises. It is this feather which I have plucked out to form this book [trilogy]. I am not offering anyone a ‘system.’ The value of these journal entries lies both in their fumbling through personal ordeals and in their quest - and often urgent need - for greater wisdom. It is my hope that, together, we can defeat the enemy both within and outside of ourselves by learning the art of self-protection, of defending our space, dignity and peace of mind both from attack and from fear, and developing the strength and wisdom to transform darkness into light.

‘Training the mind’ is a spiritual discipline. I found the Buddhist book titled Training the Mind by Chögyam Trungpa in a book shop during the week I went away directly after a heinous display of hostility from the tenant in the upstairs flat where I live. It ‘jumped out’ from the shelf and, really, found me. It was a gift. The book opened my eyes to alternative ways to respond to antagonistic behaviour. Although I am not a Buddhist and did not take on the practices outlined in this wonderful little gem, it provided the inspiration for me to explore the potential within my own mind in relation to nastiness in others. I am just not someone who will adopt another’s teachings or set of principles, religious or otherwise, willy-nilly. I will, however, absorb ideas with which I feel an affinity in order to increase my own understanding as an individual with my own unique purpose and path. One may not need to live an ideal in order to benefit from it. I gradually attained my own balance over a long period of time and consider this process of training the mind, of learning and practice, to be a lifelong endeavour. When our awareness broadens, we are exposed to more options and we are able to experiment and find out what works for us in certain situations.

Remember: “A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defence, never attack.” He or she does not use it to choke or hurl lightning at people because such methods are open to abuse. The Jedi derive power through positive focus and intent, the power of higher vibrations, of the Source, which is Light and Reality beyond all form. The Sith are hate-filled, drawing power from lower frequencies, from negative emotions, particularly the intensity of hatred, and unleashing the Dark Side by suspending discipline. The chaos and destruction of the Dark Side represent the shadow of fear that is caused through attachment to form. The dense matter of the physical body itself is our box of darkness which we are to light up with cosmic frequencies and trans-form.

Purity is the Way of Heaven and Light finds expression through conscious identity, not through the chaos of unconsciousness. Appropriate behaviour is a matter of strength and self-discipline. Simply being meek through fear, or even moral duty, is likely to mean that aggressors could target and reach you, throw you off-balance to weaken you and turn you into a victim. Thus, we must be trained, or train our minds to prepare ourselves to endure difficulties and overcome fear, or to counter-balance negative conditions with positive and empowering states of mind. At least, if we aspire towards an ideal, we can improve ourselves and climb some way up the ladder of achievement. After the trauma that initiated the journal entries in this book [trilogy], the universe quickly drew my attention to three Buddhist texts that opened my eyes to the possibility of rising above instinctive or conditioned reactions to situations. In his introduction to the chapter ‘Self-transformation’ (from the Visuddhimagga, IX. 17-22), Acharya Buddharakkhita explains:

“The approach of positive response calls for self-transformation through a sustained process of self-admonition and self-correction. Unless one has brought about a measure of transformation in one’s conduct and beliefs, attitudes and thinking, it is impossible to respond positively, leading to one’s own well-being as well as that of others. But transformation cannot come about without a reorientation of one’s motivation. That is where self-admonition and self-correction play a crucial role...Says the Visuddhimagga: ‘If by striving and putting forth effort (in the manner mentioned already), his resentment subsides, well and good. If it does not, he should then consider some of the qualities of the person which express calmness and purity and which inspire confidence when recollected, and after reconsidering in this manner, he should make resentment subside...For someone, however, not even one of these three actions is calm. For such a person compassion should be aroused thus: ‘Although he is now going about in the human world, after a certain time he will surely find himself in any of the eight great hells, or the sixteen minor hells.’ For through compassion, resentment subsides also. For someone, all these actions are calm. For such, whichever one likes one might consider. Towards such persons the cultivation of universal love is easy.’” (Positive Response. How to meet evil with good by Acharya Buddharakkhita, A Buddhist Publication Society booklet, Sri Lanka, 1987).

I ought to mention that it is only as I finish writing up these entries in my journal some years later that I am beginning to take this advice seriously and regard universal love as a principle that warrants loyalty. This provides a relatively conclusive answer to my search for wisdom on this topic. I am finally realising that we can protect ourselves from harm through self-confidence with the help of conscious intent and the generation of positive thought and energy under threat. I have also found that what one may lack in terms of egocentric drive to conquer, rule, invade, compete, win or retaliate, one can and must make up for in internal power by focussing thought and energy. Love, on the level of true, eternal Being, is the ultimate power but it is also possible to use affirmations and to assert power through intention and honest, righteous identification with truth. Ah, yes, the rational trajectory of the humanist genre. There are, in fact, simple facts (and unimaginably complex ones) that exist on a deeper and therefore less tangible level (physically and intellectually at least) than material facts. The assumed protocols of Christian beliefs and the politically-correct victim mentality of our time, as well as libertarian and atheistic perspectives, are not under consideration in this book. Specifically, Monstaville is a spiritual quest for alternative solutions to age-old problems by thinking outside the box. People who are unable to stand up for themselves physically or lawfully need not feel totally powerless. We are not animals and neither do we need to be restricted to a purely human mentality! We need to start thinking as beings of cosmic consciousness because that is essentially what we are and we are here on Earth to realise and express the Divine Self, particularly now that the Golden Age is on the horizon. Time to shift gears!

Being cheeky, I often still make sure people are fully aware that their behaviour is unacceptable and try to prompt people to change their ways. I do not profess to be a saint! They might then become more, or less, problematic, but the acknowledgement that they are being very selfish and barbaric might do something to increase their self-disgust and eventually, through other experiences, wake them up. Whether right or wrong, I always think that if ‘everyone’ (enough people) did that, just gently made it clear that such disturbance is unwelcome and has no place in a civilised society, those individuals would feel more out of place. They would become more conscious of regressing to some creature that belongs more in a swamp, some ‘thing’ which is still waiting for their ‘thumbs,’ to evolve, as the late comedian Bill Hicks would say. We are expressions of God and we have the power of God (including, ultimately, love) to express if we so choose. That’s what we are here for, in my view. By employing our minds we can chose to meet anger and hatred with compassion and patience. Nevertheless, at the time, it was something of a revelation to me that it is possible to make certain adjustments to one’s own way of thinking in order to minimise suffering and strengthen one’s position by resisting the temptation to worry or give one’s attention to trouble. The person I am now, after this learning process, is someone who has made a habit of this exercise since I find that life must be lived from a position of inner strength if we are to avoid being overwhelmed by misfortune. Moreover, this is the very root of making progress towards the spiritual perfection of our eternal nature. Suffering exists, essentially, to make us stronger and wiser. ‘No tree can reach all the way to heaven if its roots don't also descend into hell.’


18 July 2008, 1.47 a.m., towards the end of The Last Samurai (directed by Edward Zwick, 2003). Afraid in battle but never accepting defeat, Algren (Tom Cruise) fights like a tiger to the death and survives to the end. Updated early 2009 when, in addition, the following feline perspective also ‘slunk into the hallway and lay down in the middle of the floor’:

I have written a series of books on something I do not fully understand, which I am constantly trying to fathom: how to deal with selfish, disruptive or hostile people, neighbours in particular. I have written it because I want to understand what’s going on. This is an attempt to figure it all out, not just why the ‘nightmare’ is occurring but what I can do about it. And that means both how I can learn to cope with it better within myself and what measures I can take to deter my enemies from persistently harassing me and refusing to acknowledge my right to a peaceful existence.

It is certainly a challenge living here and I cannot say that it is one I consciously agree to because I absolutely do not! I never heard anyone ask me to sign on the dotted line and I am unaware of ever submitting to martyrdom unless it is simply an unconscious impulse that I need to overcome. I certainly never volunteered for such treatment, unless one gives one’s consent to whatever initiatory experiences, social responsibilities and clearance of collective karma that those in the higher realms see fit to impose. I mean, I can understand if all these things are worked out on the level of the Higher Self. So much for ‘free will’ though, eh? The only thing that is keeping me here is poverty, in an external sense, and on an internal level, my Higher Self and guides I expect. They would probably like me to believe that they have only produced these circumstances using the raw materials of my own unconscious, all the negative emotions that I have blocked and refused to feel in this lifetime and others (and that they have been created by my Inner Child, or emotional self, purely as a way to seek attention). I mean, if I am not a victim of circumstance, then what exactly can I do to change things? Apparently nothing! At least nothing I’ve tried has had any effect.

“Our friends show us what we can do. Our enemies teach us what we must do.” - Goethe.

I understand that my experiences are probably necessary to my own spiritual growth and I have always been interested in that side of life. I do realise that everything happens for a reason. It never seems to really help matters though! Perhaps that very awareness is what exposes one to heavier tests, to purifying doses of torment and despair, to episodes of ego paralysis. Like, ‘Take your medicine, it’s good for you’ (or as the school master in Pink Floyd’s The Wall hollers, ‘How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?’). However, being surrounded by selfish, ignorant, aggressive people each and every day, and at home, albeit on the other side of the walls and ceilings, is a slow poison and a subtle form of torture that causes pain and tension through the very duration in which it is administered. Or does it bring emotional pain and physical tension that is already there to the surface so it can be released? (It is possible that, having failed to release it automatically through numerous sessions of spiritual healing during the early 90s, I was resigned to endure the traditional, manual operation of external conflict). This is something I explore later in book three. In the Conclusion to book one, I attempted to embrace the notion that love is the solution to all problems. For a while, at least, it looked like I had hit the jackpot. In practice, however, either I have not succeeded in tapping into that source of power and positive abundance adequately or it has had little or no effect on my external life (hence, I felt that this book needed a more ‘down-to-earth’ Conclusion).

Having said that, my understanding is that it is a matter of love, yes, and it is also a matter of power and wisdom and awareness, intelligence and intuition, courage and patience, and many other qualities besides. Human beings are gloriously multifaceted and multidimensional. So, there is no ‘in-a-nutshell’ conclusion and no ‘cul-de-sac’ introduction to go with it. Welcome to life: there’s no absolute beginning or ending. “You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the deepest inner mind to…The Outer Limits. Please stand by.”

Oh, yeah, and did I mention that there is much discussion on ‘cultural differences’ in this volume? I have witnessed the creation of a ghetto firsthand. From a silly fucking group thread:

- It's not very fucking often, in Amerika, that white people enter a situation where they are the fucking minority! I experienced such feelings for the first time in my early 20's - it changed my perspective a lot!
- Haha. Where I live the fucking white people moved away and it's more of a fucking ghetto with a few Eastern Europeans, the white drunks and pensioners who got left behind - and me! Holy fuck! [Retrospective note, 2011: My local councillor is now receiving tons of complaints from the Asian community about crime, prostitution and flytipping by Eastern Europeans. I detect a general hostility or disapproval, even racism. I mean, I have seen the way Asians often look at them, or look down on them more like, and treat them like second-class citizens, and they just put up with it. Those Asian people who are horrified by such behaviour do not look at the problems in their own community but continue to sweep them under the carpet with its proud and sanctimonious design. I expect that these newcomers are all being tarred with the same brush. It is likely, however, that the Asian community generally feels threatened by the invasion to their ghetto which is comfortably established now. In other words, they have gained control over the area. It belongs to them. It would appear that they do not approve of the gypsies from Romania and are painting all Eastern Europeans with the same brush. One man from Bulgaria, however, informed me that, in his country, they treat Indians and black people the same way that the Romanians and, in fact, look down on them AS gypsies. He was a Protestant, he told me, and his opinion was also that ALL Muslims are hostile or violent. Finally, along the path that leads to the park where I like to go for walks during the summer months, graffiti has appeared since 2010 warning, ‘Dog thieves about.’ One actually says, ‘Eastern European Scum à Dog thieves.’ Whether this is for real or racism by young, local Asian lads I have no idea].

Please note that the Introduction and Conclusion as well as all Retrospective Inserts and Notes have been written several years after the journal (between 2008 and 2010). They therefore provide perspectives that are more prevalent in book three of this series. I would also like to take the opportunity of adding a message here that was channelled from Sananda (through Christopher Sell in Suffolk, 14 October 2010, because it seems to sum up the core of this learning experience which, for me, is establishing, or re-establishing (periodically), peace in my external environment at home, beyond ‘these four walls,’ employing, variously, expressions of love, power and wisdom:

‘More about Peace.’

You are a creator of peace. This is a very valuable gift.

One reason all of you have chosen to incarnate on Earth at this time is to develop this gift. You have chosen a reality in which there is a certain amount of turbulence and you discover this turbulence in the world around you and within yourself also. This gives you plenty of opportunities to develop your gift.
Therefore when you find turbulence within or around you, recognise it as an opportunity to develop an already highly developed skill. You have cast yourself into a world you find unpredictable; it presents you with surprises, twists and turns in the path. That helps you to be in the moment, to respond to the surprise, rather than to something you'd already planned for. You become like tightrope walkers, finding your balance anew in each moment, and this helps you to feel fully alive.
Sometimes it can be useful to forget whether turbulence is coming from inside or outside yourself and to treat it simply as a change in energy that you can respond to in any way you please. You can add or subtract energy from any situation to create peace, no matter what the energy might be like to start with. This adding or subtracting of energy is not just a matter of arithmetic, of more or less, but a highly creative process. In this process you are more like an artist, choosing the perfect colour to balance a painting or a musician choosing the perfect note to create a harmony.
Sometimes it might be as if you are a cook presented with a selection of unusual ingredients and you ask of yourself, 'How I can make a delicious meal out of these?' When you let your creative imagination free, you will often find that you can indeed create something beautiful and perhaps surprise yourself at the same time.  You live in a time when energies around you are more fluid than they have been for a long time. Perhaps sometimes that can feel a little unsettling, but it also means that change is easier to accomplish. And if you are willing to surprise yourself, even more change is possible than you may have believed.


  • ·         Think back to a recent situation when you felt taken out of your sense of peace.
  • ·         In your imagination, and giving yourself freedom to be creative, explore how you might create peace out of all that made up that situation.
  • ·         Acknowledge your creativity and let go of the situation.


1. My experiences here in ‘this part of town’ relate to what’s ‘known in the trade’ as 4D experiences. Direct physical and verbal exchange are third-dimensional experiences in which it can be difficult to see what is being projected, what is reaction, what relates to that which is already within ourselves and what relates specifically to the situation. Our way of responding tends to be habitual (based on unconscious conditioning). I have had trouble focussing fully on the third dimension. The fourth dimension is what is within us regardless of what occurs in the external world (although it is said to be projected onto the canvas of life outside). It is here that  energies from the past, from childhood and past lives, is brought to the surface and which needs to be released, and transmuted into Light, into the love, happiness and conscious awareness of the Self in the Eternal Now beyond the illusion of time and space. Shifting into 5D consciousness – love and creative intelligence and expression - is largely about learning to manage our own consciousness, letting go of stuff that drags us down and responding with clarity and, again, with love and awareness. The physical and emotional layers continue to exist but they have been purified. We are no longer in denial of how we are feeling and neither are we at the mercy of energies that are not expressions of who we truly are. We gravitate to the Light, to the Truth, and centre ourselves in Reality, in the energies of joy and of love as well as creative power. We are reawakening to higher levels of ourselves and expressing all that we can be in each moment.
2. “Quote me as saying I was mis‑quoted,” as Marx said. OK, so his actual words were: “From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”

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