Sunday, 11 May 2014

Monstaville Book II. Chapter 16


AWhatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth.@
- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Black to the Future III

“can i please be a rapper? i want to get paid to talk about sex and whine about my problems and diss people i don’t like. so far this post has earned me multiple racism accusations and a death threat.” – A tumblr post.

1 June 2009. ‘Why is everyone looking at me like I’m crazy?’

I was sitting upstairs on a double decker, about halfway from the front, when a youth boarded the bus, sat at the back and switched on the mp3 player on his mobile. It was so loud and I grew so angry that after only about five minutes I decided it was preferable for me to go and sit downstairs. I was actually so angry that I could feel myself losing my temper and might well have just gone and thumped him if I’d remained sitting there helplessly. So I found a seat downstairs and knew I had made a wise decision.

After only a few minutes, a young black guy aged 20, whom I believe was already on the bus when I sat down, started ‘singing’ a rap song that he was attempting to write himself. He was loud and his lyrics were so atrocious that I had to laugh. Because I laughed, I felt relaxed and any anger that might otherwise have appeared slipped away. In actual fact, I do not mind people expressing themselves like that, someone talking or singing, so much. It is mobile phones (loud one-way conversations) and personal stereos that drive me nuts. Moby was also shutting out the world in a way that left him open and approachable.

So I had this conversation with him until we reached his stop. He remained standing throughout, first at the back of the bus and then, as the bus approached his stop in the dense, slow-moving stream of traffic, near the middle doors. Any tension that would otherwise have been allowed to build up, I had immediately diffused and I prevented him from creating any by constantly engaging him in conversation (which, from his point of view, as defiant as tried to be, was preferable to me constantly laughing at him). I decided, in earnest, to take the opportunity to try and understand where he was coming from. An hour earlier, I had found myself walking in Stratford whilst feeling a sweet, mysterious wave of forgiveness for everyone and everything that appeared from nowhere. [Retrospective note: The last time I had to go to Stratford, I was walking through the shopping precinct to catch a train and passed a fight that had broken out between a black girl and a group of other black girls. It was so violent that the Police had to step in and break it up. They had to come to the rescue of a lone security guard who was caught in the middle taking all the blows! He was a softly-spoken Asian man and seemed too gentle to restore harmony to such a situation.]

The first thing I said to him was that if he sang from the heart and raised his thoughts to a more refined level of beauty and love or something he might find that the quality improved accordingly. He was rapping about people getting stabbed and trying to make the words as shocking and violent as possible. He told me that was the only way to get started as a rapper. Then you could move on to rap about other subjects once you had won respect from other rappers. I never quite understood whether he was referring to an actual scene in East London that was based on the American rap scene or whether he was just living in fantasy land and glamorising the rapper’s version of the American Dream. How do you tell someone like that what they are doing is entertaining and merging with negative, violent, criminal energies in the fourth dimension, in the lower astral planes, by taking drugs and believing that feeling a sense of power through negative energy is somehow going to protect you from the System and enable you to make friends and amass wealth?

“Some rap and some country is just people with no schooling talking about exactly what happened to them that day. That's all it is. In country, it's like, 'I woke up, something bad happened, I got drunk.' You know, it's usually something like that. Rap's the same thing. They just brag more: 'I woke up. Y'all can't wake up like me. I wake up like 10 motherfuckers. That shit in my eyes is diamonds. I get up to pee - it's liquid gold.'” - Howard Kremer, American comedian.

At one point, he started drawing attention to his style of dress and the quality of his jeans and trainers. He was particularly proud of his blue Nike tracksuit top and laughed when he pointed to all the stars on it suggesting that it meant he was superior to everyone else on the bus. One thing is for sure: he was stoned! He said he prided himself on not working and smoking weed all day instead, mocking everyone else, assuming that they belonged to the System as its faithful slaves. So, one can understand that as a young black man who was on another planet (and possibly a starseed or something from another planet!) and felt the immense burden of socio-economic hopelessness whose presence made such an impact on the environment in which he was born and raised, he was defiantly resisting the gravity which always threatened to drag him down. Where a more introverted person like myself often became deeply depressed with life he has not necessarily turned into an angry young man but has learned to mimic anger and other violent emotions as a key to self-empowerment, a way of generating confidence and power and shutting the world out. He was bent on annoying everyone, knowing that no one would force him to shut up or kick him off the bus, and it gave him a feeling of power, of being invincible. Towards the end of our interaction, he asked, ‘Why is everyone looking at me like I’m crazy?’ He then scoffed that he didn’t care if everyone hated him. He said the more people hated him the stronger he grew and that our objections to him only served to make him more powerful, more invincible. Perhaps because with each such experience he realised to an ever greater degree that no one could do anything about his behaviour. He was, in fact, protected by law, by the very System that he shunned.

PLAY: ‘So Ghetto’ by Jay-Z (written by Carter/Martin/Cropper/Miles, Roc-A-Fella Records, 2000).

I kind of liked Moby because I like playful, mischievous rebels who are not violent. He had spirit. I got the impression that he was essentially a gentle, friendly and probably quite evolved soul who was doing his bit to explore his own individuality and destroy the System. He was no fighter and, physically, he would never have risked getting into a fight. He would have jumped off the bus and run, I’m sure. But, then, so many young men suddenly feel ‘brave’ once they’re in a gang. This guy, however, I’m sure he was hiding a heart of gold really (just as I always did in my own way to protect myself). He was happy to engage in discussion and whenever he resumed rapping I kept laughing (partly to shut him up) and he had trouble keeping a straight face as well because my critique was obviously accurate: it was bloody awful!

He was impressionable, I expect, and could follow either of two paths depending on those who influence him. He did not seem to feel that there were other roads open to him, no other role models to inspire him, no other cultural or musical avenues worth exploring. It is as though, if he did branch out, he would dilute his external source of power - as though he relied so completely on this illusion for his own sense of survival, his own sense of emotional comfort and security and his own sense of power. He would become more of an individual, expressing more of his creative power and unique potential, and find himself stranded from his peer group, as isolated and outlawed as I have been, really all my life save a couple of brief forays into social cohesion which were not founded on a deep affinity.

“That’s my friend who got stabbed in the back. And they made him stand up.” – From a conversation between two teenage girls (possibly from Turkish families) sitting at the back on the upper deck of a bus.

It does feel like I am living in the vicinity of a clan of Klingons sometimes. It feels like the provocatively loud music is designed to tempt challenges. Or, perhaps they are proudly celebrating their ‘bad motherfucker attitude.’ Taking revenge on the world. A way to feel powerful. Evidently, it is catching too judging from what one observes in British youth culture generally. On a more humorous note, most of these young people have enough self-esteem or manners to wash themselves and keep themselves relatively clean. They would not want to go around smelling like a pig sty! And, yet, what they do not realise, is that, although they might think they are being defiantly rebellious or something, the stench of their selfishness can be considered the equivalent of a few oinkers snorting in the mud! Seriously, you know, you get some poor souls who stink of urine on the bus. That I can live with, because those people cannot look after themselves properly. Loud, inconsiderate people, on the other hand: I’m sorry, but they might just as be equally smelly, and in fact they are smellier because it is their personalities that stink!

I felt an affinity with black men most strongly on the New Deal course. I did not find any switched-on Asians there but a few white (English) people and half a dozen black guys, including the ‘tutor’ (prison warden)! They had one white guy there towards the end of my ‘stay’ whom I felt to be the worst kind of English person! A real jobsworth! He had no training or experience yet stood in for the others at times. He was quite young, tall and whistled quite a lot, which I found irritating. He was also condescending towards us ‘jobseekers’ as a whole when referring to us to his colleagues, as though they were herding cattle. We had a bit of a joke with him at one point and it felt like he somehow expected to come out on top because he gave me quite a mean look. In fact, it was quite funny since ‘we’ in this case refers to three very intelligent white English men which has to be the most white people I can remember seeing in the room at any one time. Anyway, he also appeared to follow the rules as stupidly as the lady at the other end of the corridor whose ‘class’ were stuck there in a small room with only a few computers all day, keeping tabs on where people were and making sure they did not skive off early. When I left that day I sort of grunted ‘goodbye’ and he replied in a sarcastic voice, ‘Goodbye, Sir!’ as though he was expecting to receive more respect as a stand-in ‘tutor.’ No chance!

 I do not have anything against anyone simply because of their race or skin colour. As something of an outcast myself, I feel an affinity with anyone who feels alienated from the System, but individually rather than collectively. Disenfranchised minority groups tend to spawn a number of very creative, individually-minded people who think outside the box providing they also value individuality and that is something I really like about the black community generally. I have met so many with big, warm hearts. Some of my best songs, which are from a certain period in my life, have a reggae rhythm. I found out at some point that this rhythm is the closest musically to that of the human heartbeat. I do understand that negative genetic programming has resulted from the collective experience of feeling that there is no hope of profiting from the System or using it to express one’s full potential. I sympathise to a degree. Again, however, Yoda’s wise words spring to mind: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” I just cannot tolerate aggressive, ‘fuck you’ attitudes which include loudness and violence. That is a primitive form of individualism and, really, has nothing to do with true individuality.

“If someone behaves negatively towards you, it helps to remember that he or she is a human being like you and to distinguish between an action and the person who does it. If counter measures are needed to prevent someone doing harm, it's always better to do it with a calm rather than an agitated mind. If you act out of anger, the best part of your brain fails to function. Remember, compassion is not a sign of weakness.” - Dalai Lama.

The working classes have similar conditioning but this process has had centuries to become pathologically inhibited. Anger and aggressive behaviour does spew out of some people and this is a serious cultural problem, it is true. Yet, the British peasantry remains largely buried beneath layer upon layer of ancestral fear and disillusionment after many attempted protests and aborted uprisings. To their credit, our forefathers (and mothers) secured certain rights (and a fa├žade of ‘democracy’). Materialism is little more than an expression of fear encouraged by Uno-Hu, the Elite. I observe that this has fuelled corruption and halted the movement towards true freedom, reining in the ascent of individual expression and heading in the direction of totalitarian control. I also know, however, that the Dark Hats are being removed and that this is merely the dark before the dawn. The Elite have tampered with our hearts and minds and we must emancipate ourselves from mental slavery and develop a loving attitude. (See Appendix VII: ‘Those who would control humanity are rapidly losing their ability to do so’). Day follows night and what a glorious, golden epoch we are about to create together! I know that we are all returning to a state of Oneness. We are all starting to ‘live from a foundation of love,’ as St. Germain expresses it. Fear will soon be a thing of the past! [1]

First, however, we all need to get to work on clearing out our personal and cultural shit! Sure, we have all been poisoned emotionally by our parents and their parents, and so on. A portion of negative behaviour can be attributed to junk food and all the chemicals we ingest through processed foods. We all need to purge what we can. You know, if we breathe deeply all the time, try to drink as much water as possible (admittedly this is harder in the winter but one ought to bear in mind that boiled water taken alone is the healthiest drink there is), include some raw fruit and vegetables in our diets, invoke the Violet Flame daily to transmute negative energies within ourselves and then fill up with golden Light, practise meditation as well as yoga or tai chi, as well as dance, have fun, nurture our Inner Child, then, as all this junk inside us surfaces, we will be in the right space to release rather than resist, remove rather than repress it.

We all have a wash each morning. We all clean our teeth and take a crap! Well, that takes care of the outside but no one has encouraged us to practise the equivalent internally. Yet, as more people develop such a practise, this, too, will become a collective custom that no one will question. Who, in their right mind, would neglect to clean their teeth and have a wash on a daily basis? We all want optimum health and we all want to feel good. We also need sufficient rest and exercise. Apparently, a few strands of DNA do not allow our intelligence to stretch even that far. As we expand our DNA, however, we become more multidimensional and actually gravitate towards maintaining spiritual health first and foremost. After all, it is natural for us to be centred in our original Self. It’s just that human consciousness has been fractured for so long and we are rediscovering all the lost parts of ourselves, returning to wholeness. That is something for us all to celebrate! And, as we all realise – through personal experience, through individual knowing - that we are expressions of One Creator, that we are all brothers and sisters, one family, the conflicts of the past will also appear as absurd as they do to those on the inner planes who have awakened to their true nature.

Transcending the ego means that we must begin to tap into a new source of self-esteem and power and that we might have to choose freedom over security. Moreover, we might have to endure the agony which that can cause in a System that is based on fear and control rather than love and liberty. It was at this point that I recommended he search ‘Astarius’ the next time he went on the Internet. I explained that Astarius is the real thing when it comes to ‘cool’ because he is a spiritual rapper and brimming with love, wisdom and positive vibes. Moby looked genuinely interested, in fact, to my surprise. I could see him making a mental note and he asked me for the name again to record it in his memory. I really hope he did check out Astarius! Just that one choice could have changed his life! [Retrospective note: My focus at the time was mostly spiritual. Now, I wish I’d told Moby to go listen to Prodigy and Prof. Griff (why isn’t everyone listening to this guy? That’s what you call a ‘cool mother’!), the real leaders in the rap game in America].

“One of the aspects of unconditional love that is a requirement for this path is that we stop criticising ourselves. We all carry within us ways of criticising or judging our behaviours and levels of success. It is time for you to all love yourselves unconditionally, as well as you can, regardless of how well you are performing against your ideal goals and expected ways of being.” - Sananda (channelled through Eric Klein, The Crystal Stair. A Guide to the Ascension, Oughton House Publications, CA., U.S., 1990, p.30).

I believe that all that divided Moby and I was experience, or exposure. He was emotional and vibrational like me which is why we were able to communicate quite well. We both intuited where each other was coming from. He knew when I was being open and kind, and that I meant him no harm, and he also knew when I was attacking him, or retaliating. He pointed to everyone else’s clothes and announced that no one else had any style (or ‘expensive taste’ as he also implied). I was dressed a bit gothy that day (and I tend to wear my long leather overcoat if rain clouds are hovering in the sky) and I told him quite aggressively (which I regretted because it was a negative energy I fired back at him, devoid of the laughter with which he managed to convey his own remarks, although he was stoned and I was not!) that his tastes were the opposite of mine and didn’t make any impression on me. Unfortunately, people who like a lot of noise, and even need it, or rely on it to fill the vacuum in their heads, also (in my experience) have crude tastes which they also subject the public to. I told him that I had more gothic tastes both in clothes and music so of course it was only natural that we disapproved of each other’s tastes. Unlike him, however, I did not have such an inferiority complex (concealed by a cultural superiority complex) or feel the need to openly look down on everyone else as sheep even if I agreed that the part of town through which the bus was travelling was steeped in poverty, oppression and a vibration of lovelessness and hopelessness from which certain people believed the only antidote was to project an aggressive, selfish attitude towards everyone beyond their own peer group.

I spoke about deriving a sense of self-esteem, power and purpose from collective identity and disputed his believe that he was asserting his individuality. I said he was merely using someone else’s identity and source of power to get started. I added that I hoped he would one day truly discover his own individual identity and purpose in this world. Because, I said, the way he was going at the moment, focussing so single-mindedly on an illusory means of escape from the System, he would eventually end up powerless and enslaved to it. He needed to keep his options open and really look into his own heart to express his own potential, I explained charitably. “Man is so made that when anything fires his soul, impossibilities vanish,” said Jean de La Fontaine. It is equally true that insecurities vanish when we fire ourselves up with aggression and the false, temporal feeling of power we derive from it.

He was listening. He knew who I was. We were conversing in the fourth dimension while some of the other passengers seemed lifeless in their static, desensitised 3D cultural costumes and others smiled here and there at what was being said. Those who smiled knew it was harmless banter and might do some good. Perhaps they were relieved that someone was challenging the guy’s selfish, narcissistic attitude. Half of me is equally docile in that I can feel paralysed by my own oversensitivity and the impact on my emotions. 


“Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyse you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.” – Bernice Johnson Reagon.

This book addresses social conflicts. It is based on personal experiences in a certain environment. These entries are just about the loud and/or aggressive black people I have encountered. It is important to add that I already had my fill of the aggressive types of white English males where I grew up (a village that has been dubbed ‘Dodge City’ according to some!). What I am essentially doing here, I hope, is helping to diffuse and even transform some of this (mostly) male aggression by expressing my own truth, sharing my own story and my own stance on this issue as well as contributing to the balancing of the scales that is due now with the return of the Goddess as well as the higher male principle on Earth.

It is unfortunate that when the mass of people are rendered powerless through passivity and fear they are at the mercy of the few wolves among them who would terrorise them in some shape or form. It’s just that, in this instance, it was more like a sheep in wolf’s clothing, a puppy sheepdog whom someone like me could actually talk to without the danger of real verbal or physical violence being provoked. Perhaps we, as a society, will observe more and more that younger generations, while they might continue to lose themselves in emotional negativity under the influence of drugs and/or the lower astral realms, do not pose a physical threat to members of the public. Like the edge has been taken off the rebellion of youth. As people’s DNA is activated and expanded, the more dramatic behaviour that results from extreme physical identification is softened. That means more love, particularly self-love, and more awareness, is shining in each and every soul now. That is, every soul that has chosen to ascend with the planet. Duality is being toned down as we move slowly but steadily towards Oneness.

6 July 2009. Botanical buttons.

I was practising tai chi in the garden one afternoon and I heard people talking and moving the branches of my buddleia and ceonothus plants which hang over the fence into the garden behind. I guessed that someone had finally decided to prune them from the other side or attempt to fix the fence which originally broke under the strain of children kicking it when the previous family lived there several years ago and made use of the swing (which now sits rusting in a disused garden). So I went to have a look and see if they needed any help and, for the first time, shook the father’s hand and exchanged introductions. His parents have come to visit for a couple of months. I’d met his mother a few years ago and she is a really, really lovely lady. We chatted about gardening amongst other things. Some Caribbean mothers have the biggest, sweetest hearts. They’re beautifully sensitive and caring whilst also being strong and often smiling and seem full of joy. Wonderful! I also met his father who was very talkative and trying to get his son into action because, although he’s a muscular fitness fanatic (his father is a very fit, physical man as well), he has no interest in doing anything whatsoever to the garden. An old greenhouse (that I’d love to have!) sits on one side, full of junk, and he wants to concrete over the small areas of grass to save having to mow them (also partly because it appears that either my cat or someone else’s finds such a derelict space to be an ideal toilet!).

I offered to cut some of the branches from my side of the fence and fetched my wood saw. His father and I then worked together to cut down what we could. He was very talkative and clearly has the gift of the gab like my father. He asked me a few direct questions which I didn’t mind and we discussed a number of social issues, I guess, briefly. We agreed that negative news in the media across the world is a deliberate campaign to prevent people from feeling joyful and powerful. He asked me a couple of personal questions loaded with preconceptions which I accurately diagnosed in a buoyantly reviled way as the symptoms of pro-life Christianity to which he quietly confessed! After a few agreements and disagreements, he asked if I minded him discussing such things openly. I replied that I am always up for talking about life. In his attempt to suss out the neighbour, he concluded that I am a philosopher. A slight understatement perhaps! How far can someone who props themselves up with any orthodox religion really appreciate the meaning of that word? Well, I was soon to find out!

As we worked hard to cut the branches, my rear neighbour’s father invited me to the Caribbean. I explained that I had initially allowed these shrubs to grow in an attempt to block the intense brightness of the security lights on their back wall and that of the house next to theirs. I added that I believed those lights were no longer working. However, since the buddleia had grown so tall in the past year, it had also succeeded in hiding me from the kids who often shouted at me from a loft window whilst I practised tai chi! He talked a bit about how he feels safe enough in the area he lives to leave his door open or something and how he borrows a neighbour’s car sometimes. I’m pretty sure he brought the subject of loud music up first. He told me he got on with all of his neighbours and, if ever there were any problems, he was usually able to go and talk to them to sort things out. He also mentioned, however, that the guy whose car he borrows is a policeman and often plays loud music which, he added, many people there are fond of doing. He said it’s fine if people play their music loud at certain times, just not late at night, which he has had to go and discuss with his neighbour who’s a policeman because he occasionally does that! I then explained that I have found whenever I’ve asked people to turn their music or TV down around here that they usually do it even more. He asked me, ‘What they get angry you mean?’ My belief is that he deliberately worked his way to bringing up this subject because he knew about the time I had asked his son’s wife to turn her music down. She was sitting near the fence with her daughter, that is, at the end of the garden, with music playing on the stereo in the house at such a high volume! The area was, in fact, very peaceful until they moved in. She asked me if it was just during the day or in the evening that I didn’t like them playing loud music. It seemed such a weird question! I answered, ‘In the daytime’ purely because that was the time I was protesting about. Later, I realised that her question contained a query about her husband’s music. I eventually understood that the loud music in the evenings was her husband. Although it was even louder, the door was always closed and I was not usually outside to be directly affected by it anyway. However, I felt sorry for their next-door neighbours and still felt threatened by it and wished I had answered that loud music at any time is antisocial and likely to upset a lot of people, or at least stress them out on some level. That is why headphones were invented.

Dave Chappelle Comedy Half Hour. Best Comedian Ever

Anyway, a couple of days later, I heard the parents talking in the garden and towards the end of my xingyi set I heard the mother say that I was doing my exercises. So I stopped to find out what she wanted. They had purchased several tomato plants and offered four of them to me, claiming that they had too many. The first thing I said was that I recognised those quiet voices as belonging to the gentle, peaceful people that they were. I received the tomato plants gratefully. They were very welcome because I was growing several varieties of vegetable but had not included tomatoes. The father asked me if I needed help cutting the rest of the buddleia down. I knew that he had attempted to persuade me gently that I wanted to cut it right down to the fence level as though he was used to getting his own way with weaker minds or young people! I had no intention of reducing its height, however. I like the way that my garden is now relatively private on all sides for a start. For some reason (well, it was morning!) I told him I’d had a problem with his son playing loud music in the past and allowed the plant to grow so big to ‘pretend that they’re not there,’ which is also true. It’s a case of killing ‘several birds with one stone.’ It therefore doesn’t bother me that I’d have preferred deep rather than pale and mediocre purple flowers!

He then complained that there was so much litter in the streets around here. I told him that’s because certain Asians seem to throw litter in the street quite freely. He agreed but in an emotional way that implied animosity to Asians generally, as though he’d like to have shared a good rant and really put them down. But he sensed that I was not joining in the build-up of negative emotion. In response, I said, ‘But at least they’re not physically violent like some black people’ (meaning that I would rather be surrounded by Asians generally). He strongly disagreed with this, claiming that Asians are violent and black people aren’t! I replied that, in my experience, I had not found many Asian people to be violent whereas I had ‘some’ black people were certainly violent.’ He had loved in England for many years and probably returned to Jamaica when he retired or something. He told me that they had quite a peaceful existence there and I said, ‘Yes, because they’ve formed more of a community.’ I added, ‘Yeah, so who are they and where are they from?’ He was appalled by my statements and couldn’t deal with the subject. Opting for total denial, he asked me, finally, ‘Do you know your history? Do you know about slavery?’ I answered that, yes, I knew a bit about it. I said, ‘I suppose it’s still in the genes after ten generations,’ but he was already walking away from me with an air of chagrin, whether real or for effect. That was a far as he wished to go.
“America is all fucked up have no idea…the racism here in California is actually dangerous and life threatening at times. If you’re caught with let’s say a Dodgers hat on (baseball team) on the wrong side of town or wrong day you can be killed...not over team spirit bullshit mostly gang territory...Hispanics are called ‘cholos’…the blacks are ‘crips.’ And so on. ‘Just a little local taste of the town.’ The slavery thing was a big mistake.” (Excerpt from a MySpace message from an American friend).

Very interesting. I understand that low self-esteem and high over-compensation has resulted from self-denial and attitudes and beliefs developed since the days of slavery. Anger issues that have not been attended to down the generations have to be dealt with on an individual basis. That is really the only way to break the chain and prevent them from being carried over to the next generation, and the next, and soon. It is all a choice on some level and we also choose our cultural roots and any negative thought forms associated with them as part of our life lessons. One assumes that such anger results from the same kind of helplessness I have experienced throughout my life as an outsider. Yes, I have anger too, anger and frustration, but I am more introverted, caring and creative so I generally succeed in channelling it constructively. I feel an affinity with people in the same boat as me whatever the reason but I am polarised with those people whose anger explodes freely or who behave selfishly (including loudly) and aggressively.

On an even deeper level, there could be an underlying and even more obstinate pride that also forms a cultural wall over which only strong and inwardly-mature individuals can see. Yeah: ‘Stand tall, have a ball. Don’t drive people up the wall!’ All of it, regardless, is simply a dependence on ancestral misfortunes (AKA karma) from which all peoples suffer in some way. People, I’m sure, are prone to associate their personal weaknesses and difficulties, victimhood and chips on shoulders, with a collective cause or shared grievance. This provides temporary release of the negative emotions but whilst avoiding the deeper wound because that would be too uncomfortable to bear although you know that, in reality, our fear of fear is the only real issue, as Bashar mentions (quoted in full in book one). “Being afraid does not stop you from doing what you want,” he says. “Being afraid of being afraid stops you. Understand the difference. Just being afraid about something does not ever stop you from doing what you want.” (Channelled through Darryl Anka,  It is not fear or suffering but mental attachment to them that causes our unhappiness because this closes the heart. Paradoxically, the solution is to feel more not less. [See my short e-book Karma and Emotions for a discussion on the importance of releasing emotions that have been denied and repressed for many lifetimes]. As a race, we humans have adopted the habit of going round in circles in this way. Until we turn towards the centre and face ourselves through feeling and attain a more balanced perspective through increased awareness of who and what we really are in relation to who and what we really are not, we settle for the transient satisfaction provided by instinct. We take refuge in a collective resistance to, or fear of, true, inner love, power and self-expression which is further perpetuated by those who are successfully enslaving humanity in its entirety, or have been until now.


The Earth Mother, channelled through Mila (Lilliya Nita Mahalani), counsels human beings to “Intend to release all karma for the imbalance in brain chemistry associated with your biological and biochemical nature so that future generations yet unborn shall not experience such an insane state of being into the future.” (25 November 2003, Previously In meditation, says the Earth Mother, we have an opportunity to attune to the Great Central Sun to which we are gradually returning and to its new counsels (the new blueprint for Earth and humanity). You can also attune to the karma for all kinds of genealogical disturbances, physical or mental, “and intend to release these genes in your personal ascent and for your own ancestors” (we are all related to billions of ancestors She notes). This also helps release the karmic conditions for other people incarnating in the future. [Retrospective note: I now include my own ancestors – along with my emotional bodies in this and previous lifetimes - in the Violet Flame visualisation work I do during meditation each day in order to transmute negative energies associated with their lives].

Sadly, for a few days afterwards, loud music could be heard far and wide through the open back door for a few days. The music? Michael Jackson! It was one week after his death so he clearly didn’t feel strongly enough about it to release something at the time. It could have been a reaction to his father sharing what I had said. His father was quite happy to condemn all Asians but then it becomes racism if you say anything negative about ‘some black people.’ Not that the father himself was accusing me of that but it did appear that his son may have reacted on that level by playing Michael Jackson loud and proud with the door open for a few days.

With that idea in mind, I felt like going over there and saying, ‘What, you think I’m some kind of racist all of a sudden just because I said ‘some’ black people are violent? What, owing to slavery in the past which, really, has nothing to do with us but should have died with our ancestors, you’re not able to face who you are in this moment as an individual and celebrate that you’re a beautiful, loving human being? And I’m therefore out of line mentioning that I have a problem with you playing loud music and not considering your neighbours, including me? You’re playing Michael Jackson loudly with the door open not because he’s dead, or that he was probably killed by the Illuminati, but because I have a problem with you playing loud music with the door open! What’s so sad is that I’m a big fan of Michael’s myself and part of me wants to say to you, ‘Look, I prayed to Sai Baba every day for three months during his Gavin Arvizo trial in 2005 and, directly afterwards, I had a vivid dream in which Michael shook me fervently by the hand and thanked me. I wonder if you took any positive action yourself as ‘good Christians.’ Anyway, using Michael’s music to get to me is like rubbing his nose in the peace he always wanted for humanity. It also implies that you were possibly indulging in such behaviour all along out of some kind of racial self-pity, telling everyone else you will behave however you want whether they like it or not taking your own personal shit out on other people - your own neighbours. It’s just an excuse, a way to justify power and deny the love in your heart.’

But I didn’t. Haha. I just indulged in a little rant. Certainly some anger surfaced from somewhere but, as usual, it quickly subsided. [2] I don’t really mind people playing loud music for up to 20 minutes or having the occasional party with loud music on for a few hours. It’s the habitual inconsideration that is bothersome. My concern was principally with the fact that, only a few weeks prior to this, I had managed to ‘persuade’ THEIR neighbours to close their back door if they insisted on playing loud music or having the television on that loudly. I preferred to keep myself out of range for a while, just hoping that it did not go on for too long or become a regular habit. Indeed, I’m pretty sure it was only one album at a time, and only a few songs on the third day. It probably had nothing to do with me but it kind of feels like a time bomb ticking away over the back there with those people. If one explodes and decides to say, ‘To hell with all the neighbours,’ then the others will follow suit and, instead of a train journey being ruined by mobile phones and personal stereos, most gardens in the whole area will be out of bounds for hours at least every weekend, perhaps every day.

“Millions of people have decided not to be sensitive. They have grown thick skins around themselves just to avoid being hurt by anybody. But it is at great cost. Nobody can hurt them, but nobody can make them happy either.” – Osho.

Where there are selfish, undisciplined, irresponsible, thoughtless or insensitive people who want to make a lot of noise, an environment is doomed to lower vibrations, to a feeling of helplessness in the respectful (and fearful or successfully conditioned) majority. In effect, it is an urban war zone, even without the threat or existence of physical violence. Just on a more fourth than third-dimensional level perhaps. The ignorance, the crudity, relates more to consciousness than matter. The gates of Heaven are securely locked with a ‘Keep out’ sign on!

[Retrospective note: In fact, a year later, in June 2010, the guy over the back observed that he had not seen me practicing tai chi in the garden for a while. I handed him some cherries from my tree and chatted for a while. I told him that I tend to practice earlier nowadays. He said he was used to seeing me at the weekends and I explained that his house and the one next door to his left often have loud music blaring out at the weekends. I added that I like to sit in the garden and relax or eat my lunch but can’t because of all the noise. He informed me that it is his wife who plays loud music! He says he likes the house to be quiet when he comes home from work in the evenings so that he can relax but that is when his wife likes to listen to loud music, particularly on Fridays when he really needs to relax as well. This is her way of relaxing, he explained. I said, yes, because when music is loud it stops people thinking. I mentioned that I like to dance to music wearing remote headphones but that they are not loud enough and explained that I mostly like dancing to funky black music, which I do. I confess I had assumed that it was his wife who was playing loud music during the day and then him during the evenings when he got home from work. The music did stop during the daytime for a few years after I had had a word with her but it has crept back over the past two or three years. When she asked if it bothered me in the day or evening I somehow thought she meant that her husband played loud music in the evenings. I don’t know why I thought that. Perhaps she wanted me to think that! I just wouldn’t have expected a wife to play loud music when her husband arrived home from work – particularly since, as I now know, he himself finds it annoying! 

In my view, if you are going to be hostile, manipulative, controlling, aggressive, loud or bothersome and unwholesome in any way that is uncalled for, it should not come as any surprise if someone links it to other negative incidents that turn out to be unrelated or even accidental. Tension on some level may result. Uncomfortable experiences can appear to be connected and to share the same source when odd ‘coincidences’ are involved. One may perceive a connection where there is none and this may create a belief based on the highest probability, rationally and intuitively (I’m not talking about paranoia), until one has all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. They are a nice couple, in fact, but as a friend tells me, Carribean women have a fiery temperament! He should know. He’s on probation for two years, basically, for being a big old softy! Haha. This sweet and very friendly black guy told me the story of how he ended up in this situation. He lived with his Jamaican girlfriend and their two children in a flat not too far from where I live. He and his girlfriend used to argue every day. Eventually, they were having an argument and his girlfriend got totally out of control because, he says, he had the sharper mind and she couldn’t win. She went to the kitchen and took a sharp knife from the cutlery drawer. When he saw the knife he immediately slammed the door to keep away from her because his instinct was to use force to remove the threat. He knew that was only way he could survive a knife attack. In the end, however, he did confront her and received a few minor cuts on his arms in the process which he hardly felt due to adrenalin. All of his pent up anger suddenly came out and he found himself wanting to strangle her. He had his hand around her neck and increased the pressure but did not lose control and the quickly released it. His girlfriend threatened to call the police and, feeling justifiably enraged, he called them on his own mobile and offered it to her. She declined the offer and he hung up. However, the police had his number and soon showed up on his doorstep and arrested him. Talk about Indigo self-sabotage!

The day before I heard this story, I was queuing to get on a bus locally and the black girl in front of me suddenly kicked the driver’s door and spat at him through the holes in the window. This was about 4.15 p.m. and she was with a few of her school friends who fully supported her actions and joined in taunting him as he refused to drive again and sat making out a report. I evidently missed the cause of this teenage tantrum. However, whilst we were waiting for another bus, she laughed about it and her excuse was that she was only 15 years old. I told her that I would ban her from buses for the rest of her life. I then added that I would, alternatively, make her do the bus driver’s job for 40 years. However, I smiled at that suggestion, showing that I was exaggerating just slightly! I was just trying to convey the gravity of the situation because she and her friends were saying they didn’t know what all the fuss was about. They said it was ‘nothing’ and wanted the driver to get going and take them home.

A few days after hearing the story, a highly sensitive Eastern European lady, a friend of a friend, shared another story with me relating to a Jamaican woman. She had lived in Brixton for a while and was accused by her landlady of something she did not do and was thrown out of the house. In fact, the woman was shouting and swearing and she locked herself in her room and said she could not leave the house until she felt safe. Afterwards, down in the street with her belongings, she met a Jamaican lady she had talked to previously and explained the situation. This lady asked if her landlady had been Jamaican and was not at all surprised by the answer, saying that Jamaican women are like that!

Interestingly, I now have a friend online who is a lady from Jamaica and she is a highly creative and intelligent Indigo who moved to the United States in her late 30s and has since experienced major race issues both by black and white people. Since, like me, she is not originally from that country she finds many people’s attitudes bewildering. But quite different to the general superiority complex one sees in many Asian people. As a Bengali friend of mine observes, they often tend to look down at English people and accuse them of things like corruption, domestic violence and sexual wantonness when these are rifer within their own communities but they simply hide their faults more determinedly for fear of what others may think. Update: Ohh! This woman turned out to be one of the nastiest people I have ever met. Let me rephrase that: one day, she allowed demonic forces to attack me through her, using her projections, just as they have through another lady who was also a potential friend. But, you know, on both occasions I observed vitriolic supernatural genius at work!].

There were a couple of other small incidents after this but after that I had what I perceive as little ‘tests’ along with some very positive, friendly encounters with black people. I believe that Michael Jackson had a lot to do with those experiences (no doubt St. Germain was involved as well). I can only imagine that he wanted to see just how non-racist I am because he seems to have offered to ‘light my way’ in the future, meaning, I expect, that he will be there to assist me whenever he is needed and particularly in areas with which he is familiar and I am not. So if you are somebody who is jumping the gun and taking offence here, think again! Haha. Actually, it has been a healing process. I have also considered that, in these low-vibrational urban areas, it is easy for unseen dark entities to interfere with our lives by playing puppeteers with negative people. But, now I feel more protected or guided away from such situations whether by Michael or Isis or simply because I experienced what I chose to and that period of my life came to an end. I probably needed these experiences as well – probably to throw some fear and anger to the surface to be faced and released - but I’m glad they appear to be over now. It was just for this period when the dark planet Pluto was transiting my Moon and all is as it was before this period. Yes, there are more black people living in the area now and it feels like somehow my experiences were related to the influx from areas like Hackney and elsewhere in East London as some kind of awkward integration period. White English people like me just don’t live here anymore and I do feel that, on a soul level, I agreed to hold an energy here that has all but gone from the area. 

“Jackson didn't simply cross racial barriers, he crossed national and linguistic barriers as well. He certainly earned the rank of world icon. What stands out about the King of Pop is that he achieved this feat simply by introducing the world to music and dancing that filled them with joy. Not only is that sentiment infectious but it knows no colour.” - Nadra Kareem (Nadra's Race Relations Blog, ‘Michael Jackson: Race Relations Pioneer,’ 29 June 2009

28 July. When I got off the bus at five to eleven (at night) and a group of young black men started walking as I passed. One of them deliberately stepped forward quickly to kick my shoe and turned round to tell me to watch where I was going as they walked away. I just looked at him. I felt no fear and felt my ancient barbarian wanting to, well, probably wanting to kill him or something! However, I just smiled since it was only someone behaving like an insolent child, someone who is caught in the dark and barely knows the Light. Besides, I didn’t have my Ghetto Gang Mega Blaster with me! Yet another opportunity to say goodbye to the past, to my angry fuckwit killer I guess!

27 December. OK, one final anecdote! Last night before falling asleep I requested to visit Michael Jackson again. It’s the first time I have done this for two or three weeks because I have been exploring, asking to go and see Mother Sekhmet, Sananda or St. Germain (and also going to bed too late and forgetting!). After waking up this morning I vaguely remembered part of a dream in which myself as a little boy (that is, my Inner Child) received something shiny and black for Christmas and felt very excited about the present. I actually thought it was a pair of shoes but I think my rational mind, in the absence of clear recall, gravitated to this as the most obvious choice of ‘something shiny and black.’ Well, this afternoon I paid the local designer discount shop a visit because I noticed some groovy trousers when I popped in last night. I also wanted to buy a presents for a couple of people. In addition to accomplishing my mission efficiently enough, however, I came across a black, shiny lifesize model of a jaguar head (and neck). Not quite a leopard or panther although the colour gives it that black panther feel. It looked spectacular on the shelf. I could not pull myself away from it. [Retrospective note: Much later, one afternoon, a couple of hours after I had posted letters and synopses to several publishers with regard to getting Monstaville into print, I came upon a collection of essays by my favourite novelist Hermann Hesse. I noticed that the book, My Belief, was published by an imprint called Panther Books that was around in the Seventies. Astrologically, Pluto had moved on from my Moon and started to nudge my natal Mars. That week, the Sun was also Trine to this Conjunction. There was a definite message being sent to me, reinforced by the fact that I had previously had a dream in which, getting this book out was symbolised by the panther (power) in me pouncing from within me].

“A black panther symbolises strength, power, control over territory, freedom from oppression and often signals a time of rebirth after a period of suffering.” – Farhan Khan (YouTube video: ‘The Music Industry Exposed – Michael Jackson’s Vitiligo (Part8/11)’).

A lady noticed me admiring the model and commented that she would have bought it for her mantelpiece had it been smaller in size. She added that it was a fraction of the price it would sell for in a non-discount shop. I said to her, ‘You just want me to buy it don’t you?’ It did seem odd that, while I was mulling it over in my head, this customer should appear ‘as if by magic’ and do a better job at selling it to me than anyone else could! I was trying my hardest to resist the temptation to buy it because I couldn’t really afford it. Anyway, I wandered off to look for the other things I needed to buy but I had already made my mind up to go back and collect it afterwards (the base is heavy!). That woman’s influence tipped the scales in favour of being good to myself and accepting that it was a must have for me!

On the way home, carrying my shopping, I passed a black guy (in his thirties, I’d say) in the dark and narrow aisle which some builders have created on the pavement alongside the site on which they are building a block of flats. He was talking loudly to himself and, at first, I thought he must be using a hands-free mobile device. As we approached each other, however, I realised that he was either crazy or ‘loud and proud.’ I did not think it was threatening behaviour so I smiled at him although my smile was partly a friendly one (in case he really was mad) and partly one that carried the message ‘I’m not intimidated by your rude behaviour’ (in case he did have a ‘fuck you’ attitude). As we passed each other, his loud ranting included the question, ‘You understand me?’ Yes, I finally got the message: here we have an aggressive nutter who is going around deliberately trying to scare people and, through his behaviour, state that he does whatever he wants whether people like it or not. By making other people feel afraid of him he feels more powerful and free to do as he pleases without having to consider anyone else. Perhaps he was on drugs as well. Who knows? Anyway, I let out a momentary laugh in response which carried the thought, ‘OK, you think you’re powerful but I’m not scared of you and I think you’re off your trolley!’

As I walked home after that I suddenly remembered that I had requested to pay MJ a visit during the night and I recalled the dream and noted that I had, in fact, just bought something shiny and black! So, it would appear that our mischievous King of Pop wrote a little story for us! A little giftwrapping for this emotionally-empowering gift. [Retrospective note: I have since discovered – or rediscovered – that Michael Jackson turns into a panther at the end of the music video for his song ‘Black and White’ (on the Dangerous album). There is a really cool clip of a panther descending some stairs and then changing into Michael Jackson. He then performs a wild dance without any musical accompaniment and let’s rip, angrily smashing an old, abandoned car up. When the video came out, there was some fuss about the effects of violence onscreen, suggesting that the video could influence people to behave destructively. Michael explained that he was simply trying to interpret the animal instincts of the panther into a dance. The car he attacks with a baseball bat bears a Nazi swastika on one of the side windows, the words ‘Nigger go home’ on the rear windscreen and ‘No more wet backs’ on the front windscreen (there are some rituals and  other symbolism, too, such as the destruction of a hotel sign with the word ‘Royal’ in with holy water). He then throws the steering wheel at the door window of a building on which the words ‘KKK rules’ are displayed. It is a passionate expression of defiance and power with great depth of feeling. At the end, the phrase ‘Prejudice is ignorance’ appears on the screen. The video’s intention is clearly to send a strong statement, nothing more. It is a positive rather than destructive message.]

Since Michael Jackson’s death I have had mostly positive experiences with black people because I no longer find myself encountering the ‘bad eggs.’

In fact, I have noticed that, when I am out and about around here now it is often black people I talk to. It is as though, now, those whom I appreciate are drawn or guided to me and I am inspired or prompted to say something humorous (usually). Well, as I have said before, there are hardly any people living here now who share a similar background to me. Many black people have moved here from East London in search of a better quality of life so I am more likely to warm to them than the white English people who have been left behind’ so-to-speak. Particularly those who are not bound to, or compensating for, cultural beliefs that chain people to negative emotions and low vibrations. The outsider in me still feels an affinity with the wiser souls just as it feels wary of ‘whities’ who conform or live more by their animal instincts. As I keep saying, the more an individual is the more I consider them to be a brother or sister because unity more apparent even though the masses still seem to regard unity as a result of lowering their heads in the sheep pen. We are experiencing the final stages of the dream, the last scene of the old play, the old world, before the final curtain. Suffering now has a specific purpose: it is something to wake up from. It is something we want to wake up from now that the Light is here and can enter our hearts, minds and bodies more easily. Learning to think and be more conscious now has an immediate effect on our energy and, therefore, potential for happiness. It makes us more aware and places the choice of remaining stuck through fear or facing ourselves in clear view. It is therefore harder to deny or run away the issues and we now have more of an incentive to attend to them.

So, now I guess I am back to occasional incidents like this which means there’s no longer anything ‘to write home about.’ Although…I’ve gotten in the habit now!:

August 24 (2010). Passed a tall young black guy wearing a hoodie and he expected me to get out of the way. Once I realised his intention I didn’t turn my body bagua-style until the last minute, narrowly missing him. As he crossed the road behind me he said something like ‘Fuck you brov’ and I just let out a loud laugh. At least he’s not one of these pussies who always have to hang around with mates or in a gang and are rarely if ever seen alone just to feel more confident and compensate for their insecurities by bullying people who may be alone and more content and/or courageous in their vulnerability as individuals.

I passed a black street preacher outside the station one day in March (2011) and heard the words, “You’re clean outside but inside you’re dirty. Dirty. You’re dirty.” Mmm, charming lady, I thought, and expected her to be there regularly but never saw her again (thank God!).

15 April 2011. I was in the local supermarket and a pretty young black lady told a middle-aged Asian man off as he was about to weigh his shopping on one of the automated machines. She told him there were two queues, meaning that he was pushing in ahead of her instead of waiting in his own queue. He mumbled that he didn’t know and went to queue up at a manned till. While I was weighing my items I just quietly mentioned to the girl since she was at the machine next to mine that there is always just one queue, not two. She said she didn’t know that because she doesn’t go there very often. I said that at least she would know for next time. She then said she was glad she wasn’t from here because she does not like some of the people one encounters. I cannot remember her exact words but there was an interesting psychic flourish at the end of her sentence. She meant Asian people but could just as easily have meant people like me. I think she realised this when she paused either to see if I responded by believing she was referring to people like me or to see whether I was somebody who merited equal disapproval for putting her straight, not quite believing I could be just pointing out the facts without any hint of judgement or criticism whatsoever. Essentially, however, upon reflection, she was waiting to see if I registered her meaning and agreed that Asian people (or older ones) are generally detestable.

27 June 2011. A hot summer’s day. I stopped at the pedestrian crossing (traffic lights) on my way into town and came to an abrupt halt on the kerb. The young black lady who was talking on her mobile phone just behind me to the left suddenly screamed, pretending that it was for the benefit of her friend on the other end of the line. I turned around a smirked, telling her calmly that she could have killed someone. In fact, I believed at the time that was what she intended! Like, perhaps she thought I was an Eastern European and made a mistake, suddenly realising that I was about to step into the road, but I often do that, stop there at the last moment without slowing down because you can’t really see if there are cars coming until you get there anyway since the crossing is on a tight bend. After we had crossed the road, the young woman spewed all kinds of abuse at me and I just laughed which seemed to shut her up quite effectively because it seemed to me that she was one nasty psycho! In retrospect, however, I think she was just an excitable – and loud – drama queen who exaggerated the apparent danger of my sudden halt on the edge of the pavement as if I myself was indulging in a little drama.

I don’t want to give the impression that it is all bad living here. I have good relations with black and Asian people out and about on a daily basis. People are people, generally speaking, and all are my brothers and sisters. We are all one and we are all Love, deep down, in Reality. That is the truth that underlies all experience and interaction in the realm of duality. Indeed, it is all that matters in reality. Also, I may judge many of the strange and annoying things that people do but usually this soon turns into love and laughter of the situation is not deliberately disruptive which, thank God, it usually isn’t.

I sat behind a very drunk Australian guy (who kicked his last glass of beer over on the floor) in a comedy club once and, when fellow countryman Benny Boot was on the stage doing his hilarious act, this guy said, in a voice just loud enough for the comedian to overhear in part, that he was too white for an Ozzy (later, he told me he meant that Mr. Boot is not tanned). Benny chuckled and responded by asking if this was some kind of reverse racism! Like: ‘Oi, white guy!’

Benny Boot

Master Kan (Philip Ahn): If while building a house, a carpenter strikes a nail, it proves faulty by bending, does the carpenter lose faith in all nails and stop building the house?
Young Caine (Radames Pera): Then we are required to trust, even if we are reminded of the existence of evil?
Master Kan: Deal with evil through strength, but affirm the good in man through trust. In this way, we are prepared for evil, but we encourage good.
Young Caine: And is good a great reward for trusting?
Master Kan: In striving for an ideal, we do not seek rewards. Yet, trust does sometimes bring with it a great reward, even greater than good.
Young Caine: What is greater that good?
Kahn [gently]: Love.
                - Kung Fu (Season 1, Episode 5, ‘The Tide,’ 1973).

AIn the time between now and when this technology appears in your world, seek out a way to reach anyone you can with your smile, your heart, and your unconditional love. Judge no one for their path or actions during this time. Forgiveness will be one of the most important tools on Earth during these times. Figure out ways to empower every person around you, no matter what your relationship to them and without regard to your history with them or their status. Now is the time to reach out and have your light felt on planet Earth in some way. Offer assistance and empowerment to those around you, paying special attention to those who may have fallen and have difficulty getting back in the game. In this way, you will be the light at the end of the tunnel.
You never know when you make the big connections. It is easy to look at another=s life and think of them as a low vibration. Yet we tell you that it not possible to see another=s soul path and the life lessons they have already mastered. You may be looking at a master in hiding and never know it until you do something to help them in some way. Some of you think, ‘Who am I when I go Home? Why would anybody celebrate my life? I did not win the Nobel Prize, and I did not create peace on planet Earth.’ But you never know. It could be that the stranger your smile briefly catches in passing may be the one who has the big hand that reaches out and touches the rest of the entire world, who could not have done that until you activated and empowered them.
This is the time for you to carry your power as a conscious creator on planet Earth : the time to know you are an activated Human Angel. You are the arms, legs and mouth of god. You reflect that to people through your laughter and joy, and through the smile of a spirit pretending to be human. This is what will make the difference in this technology being able to take hold.@ - The Group (channelled through Steve Rother, >Technology Download: A Cosmic Event,= 15 March 2009,‑TechnologyDownload.php).

“True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.” - Henry Miller (The Time of Assassins;

“Andy (Ricky Gervais) to Maggie (Ashley Jensen): You have a hate rating of 9.8. That’s one more than Hitler.
                - (Extras, Series 1, Episode 5, BBC TV, 2005).

“For the present, the comedy of existence has not yet ‘become conscious’ of itself.
For the present, we still live in the age of tragedy, the age of moralities and religions.” - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Foot notes

1. My somewhat less solid advice is to aim to establish a foundation of love which includes gratitude and forgiveness and to be sweet. Then, if this comes first for you through your intent and feeling, express yourself freely and hope for the best!

2. During the first week of January 2010, I received the Dangerous Remixes Collection CD in the post from Japan having found an affordable copy on Ebay. My old one gets stuck on the best track, ‘Who Is It: Moby’s Raw Mercy Dub’ which is phenomenal and certainly my favourite version of a Michael Jackson song (although it is far from my favourite MJ song. ‘Invincible’ is certainly right up there while ‘Heartbreaker’ is the one I most enjoy dancing to). I walked to the Post Office depot in the snow only to discover that it had to be collected at my local Post Office which is a 20-minute walk away (since the closer one closed down…of course). On the way, I encountered my neighbour from the house at the back. This was the first time in eleven years that I had seen him out and about anywhere (I pass his wife and daughter in the street regularly and we usually smile or greet each other…well, I say ‘usually’: she stopped for a couple of years after passing me on Halloween night dressed as Uncle Fester, with white face paint all over my bald scalp and two large black eyes!). He was surprised that I recognised him in his beanie (he didn’t stand a chance of recognising me in my furry trapper but I was crossing the road to his side anyway)
3. I would add that Michael was sweet and spiritual enough to get out of his own way. He was, as a result of this gift of tuning into a higher dimension of consciousness, free to feel and channel the music that brought joy to so many and which he could further ground so magically through dance. He was also compassionate enough to intend this very consequence. Matthew Ward said that Michael had demonstrated unconditional love throughout his life including towards his persecutors with whom he had ‘soul contracts.’ He explained that these experiences had, however, had a more stressful effect on his physical health than had been anticipated. I mention this because it does make me wonder if I myself have karmic soul contracts with my antagonists here. To me, if feels more like I have agreed to these experiences at a soul level both for my own growth and to aid collective society in some way but that I may not have a karmic bond with these specific people. Just certain issues to resolve and blockages to shift/emotions to release.

Ali G interview - Parkinson - BBC

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