Willingness to embrace both the light and the dark sides of ourselves

“The more you allow a person to be - you know, take away all their masks, all this multi-mirror show that they constantly do…like people telling you what they think you want to hear. Just letting them share whatever they want. If they want to cry, that’s fine; I’ll probably cry with you. If you want to be angry, that’s fine; use me as an emotional vomit target; I’m not going to take it personally and, you know, be upset with you later. Just share. Share for the sake of sharing. Let it all out. And this is why we’re in, again, so much discord and so much uck right now – it’s because it’s purging. It’s like everybody’s vomiting an it’s like clearing up the closets, letting everything come to the forefront now - so that we can finally heal and deal with it. Because all those other lives have been running form it. Like, you know, in the Bugs Bunny cartoons: when he tries to escape the hunter, sometimes he puts on a fake moustache, you know, and a hat and a western outfit, and points to the side and says, ‘He went that way.’ That’s what we’ve been doing to our darkness, to that part of ourselves that we’ve been hiding from. The misunderstood. Because it’s all arbitrary costumes…all the different forms we take on in past lives. You can run but you can’t hide.” – Jessica Mystic (‘A Fireside Chat with Zany Mystic,' 14 March 2009, www.bbsradio.com and www.jessicamystic.ca). 

Excerpt from SynchroDestiny. Harnessing the infinite power of coincidence to create miracles

By Deepak Chopra

(Rider, London, 2003). p.188-192.

I am that involves looking at everything in the world, everyone else in the world, and realising that you are looking at another of yourself. You and I are the same. Everything is the same. I am that, you are that, all that is that. We are all mirrors for others, and we need to learn to see ourselves in the reflection of other people. This is called the mirror of relationship. Through the mirror of relationship I discover my nonlocal self. For this reason, nurturing relationship is the most important activity in my life. When I look around me, everything I see is an expression of myself.

            Relationship, then, is a tool for spiritual evolution, with the ultimate goal of reaching unity consciousness. We are all inevitably part of the same universal consciousness, but the real breakthroughs happen when we start to recognise that connection in our daily lives.

            Relationship is one of the most effective ways to access unity consciousness because we’re always in relationships. Think of the web of relationships you have at any time - parents, children, friends, co-workers, romantic relationships. All are, at their heart, spiritual experiences. When you’re in love, for example, romantically and deeply in love, you have a sense of timelessness. You are, at that moment, at peace with uncertainty. You feel wonderful but vulnerable, you feel intimate but exposed. You’re transforming, changing, but without trepidation; you feel a sense of wonder. This is a spiritual experience.

            Through the mirror of relationship - all relationships - we discover extended states of awareness. Those whom we love and those whom we are repelled by are both mirrors of ourselves. Whom are we attracted to? People who have the same traits as we have, but more so. We want to be in their company because subconsciously we feel that by doing so we, too, might manifest more of those traits as well. By the same token we are repelled by people who reflect back to us traits that we deny in our own selves. So if you are having a strong negative reaction to someone, you can be sure that they possess some traits in common with you, traits that you are not willing to embrace. If you were willing to accept those qualities, then they wouldn’t upset you...

            The next time you’re attracted to someone, ask yourself what attracted you. Is it beauty, or grace, or elegance, or influence, or power, or intelligence? Whatever it is, know that quality is also blossoming in you. Pay attention to these feelings, and you can begin the process of becoming more fully yourself.

            Of course, the same is true of people who repel you. In becoming more fully your true self, you have to understand and embrace the less attractive qualities in yourself. The essential nature of the universe is the coexistence of opposite values. You cannot be brave if you do not have a coward inside you. You cannot be generous if you do not have a tight-fisted person inside you. You cannot be virtuous unless you also contain the capacity for evil.

            We spend much of our lives denying that we have this dark side to ourselves, and then end up projecting those dark qualities onto other people in our lives. Have you ever known people who naturally attract the ‘wrong’ people into their lives? Usually they don’t understand why this happens time after time, year after year. The truth is not that they attract that darkness, but that they are not willing to acknowledge it in their own lives. Finding a person you dislike is an opportunity to embrace, and to discover a new facet of yourself. It is another step toward developing your spiritual self. The most enlightened people in the world embrace their full potential of light and dark. When you’re with people who recognise and own their negative qualities, you never feel judged by them. It’s only when people see good and bad, right and wrong, as qualities outside themselves that judgements occur.

            When we are willing to embrace both the light and the dark sides of ourselves, we can begin to heal both our selves and our relationships. Start very simply, with the most distasteful person you can think of. For example, think of Adolf Hitler and say, ‘How could I possibly be like Hitler?’ Most people refuse to accept that they contain even the smallest shred of an Adolf Hitler. But think more deeply. Have you ever expressed prejudice toward any group of people just because they had a certain name, or a certain skin colour, or a certain accent, or a certain disability? If you can think of any example of that in your life, then you must embrace the similarity between yourself and Adolf Hitler. We are all multidimensional, omnidimensional. Everything that exists somewhere in the world also exists in us. When we embrace these different aspects of ourselves, we acknowledge our connection to the universal consciousness and expand our personal awareness.

            There’s a wonderful Sufi story that illustrates how this mirror affects our lives. A man entered a village and went to see the Sufi master, the wise old man of the village. The visitor said, ‘I’m deciding whether I should move here or not. I’m wondering what kind of a neighbourhood this is. Can you tell me about the people here?’ The Sufi master said, ‘Tell me what kind of people lives where you came from.’ The visitor said, ‘Oh, they were highway robbers, cheats, and liars.’ The old Sufi master said, ‘You know, those are exactly the same kinds of people who live here.’ The visitor left the village and never came back. Half an hour later, another man entered the village. He sought out the Sufi master and said, ‘I’m thinking of moving here. Can you tell me what kind of people live here? Again the Sufi master said, ‘Tell me what kind of people lived where you came from.’ The visitor said, ‘Oh, they were the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate, loving people. I shall miss them terribly.’ The Sufi master said, ‘Those are exactly the kinds of people who live here, too.’

            This story reminds us that the traits we see most clearly in others exist most strongly in ourselves. When we can see into the mirror of relationship, then we can begin to see all of our selves. To do this, we need to be comfortable with our ambiguity, to embrace all aspects of our selves. At a deep level we need to recognise that we are not flawed simply because we have negative traits. No one has only positive traits. Recognising that we have negative traits simply means that we are complete. And in that completeness we gain greater access to our universal, nonlocal selves.