A Wise Heart

“You can be foolish and react with negativity, have an emotional outburst, or vent your uncontrolled indignation, but this won’t change the other person and only makes you look ridiculous and feel enraged. Not only does being foolish not give you what you want, a foolish heart makes things worse. It causes you to act before you think, lash out before considering the effects, and become so invested in being right that you sacrifice all hope for peace and tranquillity for a temporary moment of control.” - Sonia Choquette (The Answer Is Simple…love yourself, live your spirit, Hay House, London, 2008, p.96-97).

Excerpt from The Answer Is Simple…love yourself, live your spirit

By Sonia Choquette

(Hay House, London, 2008, p.92-94).

“I learned (accidentally) to engage the wise heart when I was about ten years old. Walking home alone from school one day, I encountered a group of public-school kids who taunted and teased me for being the ‘Catholic girl in the stupid uniform.’

            Embarrassed, afraid and outnumbered, I didn’t know quite what to do. My fearful self wanted to cry. My instinctive self wanted to run. My courageous self wanted to fight back. Yet my higher self even then knew than none of these options would serve to protect me or get me out of the predicament I had fallen into. The only option left was to be quiet and do nothing - in other words, not to react.

            I looked my tormentors right in the eye as they heckled me, but held a neutral expression. I revealed neither fear nor anger, much the way my older brother often looked at me when I taunted him. To my surprise, it worked: My neutrality and absence of reaction disarmed them. In a matter of less than five minutes, they became bored with their game and moved on. I stood immobile for a few more moments as the pack began to drift away, then I continued slowly on my route -or at least until I turned the corner and was out of their sight. Then I ran the rest of the way home as fast as I could.

            The first person I encountered when I arrived home was the very same brother I often attempted to torment. He listened dispassionately as I spilled the details of my frightening story, telling him how I refused to react or show any fear and how, to my surprise, the other kids eventually moved on.

            His only response was: ‘That was wise,’ and he, too, sauntered away. Thinking it over, he was right. It was wise to hold my tongue, to look them in the eye and to wait it out rather than react. And it wasn’t something I normally did. In the midst of the threat, I accessed a wisdom that I didn’t know I had. And that wisdom spared me from a number of possible unpleasant outcomes - it saved me from harm.

            Since then, I’ve often thought about wisdom and how it protects and serves us in all situations. One thing I’ve learned is that in order to access it, we need to forfeit the need to be ‘right.’ The minute we believe we’re ‘right,’ someone else must inevitably be ‘wrong.’ And as long as there’s ‘right’ versus ‘wrong,’ there will be conflict.

            This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have morals, values and convictions and stick to them. It just means that what you feel is right isn’t necessarily what feels right to someone else. Respect these differences in opinion and perspective. While it’s important to live with your inner morals and guidance, it’s not loving to impose them on others - especially by the use of force -and doing so will bring only harm.

            Having wisdom means developing a respectful sensitivity and clear understanding of other people’s rights, too. Simply put, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ That’s it.

            To be wise means to bite your tongue, bide your time, forgive the moment and respond to a difficult or infuriating situation with love rather than fear or anger. Having a wise heart entails being in control of your passion, instead of allowing it to control you. It means channelling your aggression or passive aggression into thoughtful actions rather than being enslaved by your reactions. Engaging the wise heart asks you to embrace the old adage ‘This, too, shall pass’ and choose to live in the peace and calm that comes from using your higher reason, as opposed to constantly facing the damage control that hotheaded emotional reaction necessitates.”