Monstaville Book I. Chapter 16

16

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.”

- Mary Anne Radmacher.

Woman: Do something. Don’t just stand there staring at him!

Man: He’s got to fight me. Otherwise, I can’t kill him. Or annoy me so I’ll lose my temper like I did before.

                - The Seventh Seal (directed by Ingmar Bergman, 1957).

Nightclub doorman: Don’t lose your temper until it’s time to lose your temper.

                - 25^th Hour (directed by Spike Lee, 2002).

You must not react. Someone like Pigsy tries to push your buttons and get a negative reaction to justify his violent temper, blaming it on you. Don’t react at all, even mentally. Ignore him.

The New Sun by Hilda Charlton (Golden Quest, New York, U.S., 1989, p.95).

The New Sun: Why is it we often yell at the people whom we love the most?

Hilda Charlton: It’s a very strange thing that the ones we love the most are the ones we yell at. It’s because you can’t go into your work and yell - you’d get fired. You can’t yell at the garbage man, or he won’t take the garbage. You can’t yell at the superintendent of your apartment house, or he’ll make you lose your apartment. So who are you going to yell at? There’s only one person on whom to get rid of your aggravations from the world, and that’s the close one in your house, and therefore arguments go on. But I give a great edict to this world: I ask couples not to yell at the same time or on the same day. One can yell on one day and one on the other day. Don’t fight the same day. It’s like two hands clapping. If one doesn’t clap, the other one has got nothing to clap against, and it will peter out, and there will be no arguments.”

Domestic violence [Notes from a TV programme I think].

Violence on any level is about power and control.

One in four women will be abused in their lifetime.

One in six men will be abused in their lifetime.

Fear/hate/lack of self-worth underlies the anger.

A distorted feeling of justice. Anger is just energy in motion.

It is how we express that energy that matters.

One feels that one’s boundaries are transgressed. It is okay to feel anger but we must watch how we express it. We have a choice.

A lot of abusers are trying to deal with something that happened when they were children, even before they can remember.

(Two women are killed by their partner or ex-partner in the U.K. every week).

The National Centre for Domestic Violence (www.ncdv.org.uk) offers legal advice victims of domestic violence to help in the long-term.

“Men cause more damage but women hit more than men.” – American psychologist (female).

“There are two ways of knowing someone – through inflicting pain or through seeking understanding. Because so many are afraid of love, they inflict pain – on themselves and on others. Your therapists, through psychological studies of surveying prisoners of war, know that an interesting, if not bizarre, relationship developed between captive and captor. Through the pain, they came to know each other more deeply than either anticipated. Yes, one route to knowing is through pain, but there is another route. Seeking understanding begins with a conscious desire and concludes with a conscious commitment. It involves taking the time to really reach out – tenderly to reach out…to develop the skill of loving, seeking understanding of yourself and others. You are not in this world to be understood. You are here to be understanding.” - Lazaris (channelled through Jach Pursel, The Sacred Journey. You and your Higher Self, NPN Publishing Inc., FL., U.S., 1987, p.110-111).

Where The Heart Is (directed by Matt Williams, 2000).

Novalee’s friend has been brutally beaten by her ‘lover’ Novalee supplies some much-needed emotional support on the front porch that night and gives her some advice in reply to her question about what she should tell her children.

Lexie Coop (Ashley Judd): How did he find me, Novalee? How do men like that find my kids? How'd he know he could do such a thing to us? He had to be lookin'. He was lookin' for women like me...who are alone with children...and women who are stupid. And they saw through him. They could tell he was evil. And all I saw was a Buick Oh, God. What am I gonna tell my babies? What am I gonna say...to Brownie and Praline when they ask me why this happened to them? [Sobbing] What am I supposed to say, Novalee? [Sighs].

Novalee Nation (Natalie Portman): You tell them - you tell them that our - our lives can change with every breath we take. We both know that. And you tell them to let go of what's gone. 'Cause men like Roger Brisco never win. And tell them to hold on like hell to what they've got - each other and a mother who would die for them...and almost did. You tell them we've all got meanness in us. But we've got good in us too. And the only thing worth livin' for is the good. And that is why we've got to make sure to pass it on.

This is such a beautiful film. Both women have a history of going for the bad guy and suffer as a result but they each end up with a guy who is sensitive and makes their lives more worthwhile. Even the beautiful people, whom one might imagine having everything they want, suffer setbacks and persecution, make bad choices and lose their way. There is a general message of hope that whoever you are, wherever you find yourself in life, struggling, burdened, making mistakes, if your heart is in the right place everything will come together eventually. You will pull through and life will turn around. Specifically, women whose hearts are open may need to learn through experience what they want instead of putting other people first all the time, especially people who will only ruin their lives. Know your own heart and do what is right for you.

“Not the ones speaking the same language, but the ones sharing the same feeling understand each other.” – Rumi.

“To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best that you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on.” - Dave Pelzer.

Eddie (Paul Newman) to Burt (George C. Scott): You’re dead inside and you can’t live unless you make everything dead around you.

                - The Hustler (directed by Robert Rossen, 1961).

“Anger is revenge taken on yourself for another’s misdeeds.” (The Fortune Cookie Book, Running Press, Pennsylvania, U.S., 2001).

“Control your temper and the world is yours.” (ibid.).

“Anger is poison. It may hurt the other, it may not - it depends on the other - but it is going to hurt you, certainly.” - Osho.

AAnswer not elders who are angry. Let them have their way. Speak sweetly when they speak bitterly. For it is a remedy that soothes the heart. Contentious answers provoke strife and eventually your will will be broken. Let not your heart be troubled, for they will soon return to praise you when their hour of rage has passed.  When your words please the heart, the heart is inclined to accept them. Seek self-mastery then, and your self-mastery will subdue them.@ - Proverb from the ancient Khemetic (Egyptian) Book Of Ani (an excerpt from The Husia).

“Whenever a person feels the lack of self-confidence, he becomes easily angry. In fact anger is always an indication that you are not self-confident. A person who is confident about himself is not easily angry. It is very difficult for him to get into anger. It is our weakness that leads us into anger. The stronger you are, the less anger will be there. The strongest person goes beyond anger. Anger is weakness. So don't be worried about anger; it is a byproduct. Rather be concerned how to become stronger. Do three things. One is, meditate regularly. Within six months you will feel a burst of energy and a confidence arising in you. But don't be bothered about whether any result is coming or not. Continue for six months. And choose any meditation you like, but stick to that; don't change - one day Kundalini, another day Dynamic. One day it will suddenly happen that you will be full of energy, and suddenly you will see that all unconfidence has gone. You have become sure about yourself, centred. The second thing. Before going to sleep, just stand in the room and feel that you are a pillar of energy from the ceiling to the floor - just the shape of a pillar. Close your eyes and feel that you are a pillar of energy, and that you are melting. Visualise that the energy is falling and you are underneath it, as if taking a shower of energy - just for seven minutes. And feel completely cleansed, purified, bathed, and then go to sleep. And the third thing. Whenever you feel angry, don't throw it on persons. Rather, beat a pillow.” - Osho.

We must greet anger with patience and humility? Well, this is one wise perspective conducive to identifying with our spirit but one should realise that such an attitude coincides with inner confidence and power.

Patience is the way of the intelligent man.

“Patience, the most beautiful of all the virtues, and the least understood.” - Edgar Cayce.

In fact, patience and humility may only be required to calm the tiger; that is, they may only be tools to transcend the ego. Like stabilisers on a bicycle until we are able to express ourselves fully as the love and power that we are, focus and extend our awareness wherever we want to, do and go wherever we desire as divine Beings.

‘Everyone’s under pressure in one way or another. They don’t use it as an excuse to take it out on their families...We are not animals. We are not beasts.’ (Quincy M.E., late seventies American TV series).

If you don’t learn to master your rage, it will master you. Overcome the conflicts in you and you’ll overcome your enemy because they are a projection of something in you. Your inner rage - or lack of strength and discipline to control the fire of anger on some level - attracts them. It is wise to remember that depression is a form of anger directed at oneself!

‘For my children: Spiritual teachings of Mata Amritanandamayi’ (translated from Malayalam by Brahmachari Ramakrishnan, Mata Amritanandamayi Mission, 1987).

p.156. Suppose a man gets angry with you for no reason. Even at that time a sadhak should have the attitude to bow down to him realising that it is a play of God in order to test him. Only then can it be said that the benefit of meditation has been attained.

p.157. Children, even when a man is cutting a tree down from its very root, it gives him shade. A spiritual aspirant should also be like this. Only he who prays even for the welfare of those who torment him can become a spiritual person.

"Meditation may require a lifetime to master, but it will have been a lifetime well spent... If you want to judge your progress, ask yourself these questions: Am I more loving? Is my judgment sounder? Do I have more energy? Can my mind remain calm under provocation? Am I free from the conditioning of anger, fear, and greed? Spiritual awareness reveals itself as eloquently in character development and selfless action as in mystical states." ‑ Eknath Easwaran.

“See through the illusion of emotions and pursue the Tao...The sages say, if the blood is boiling over, you must learn to abstain from arguments. Centre Your will and do not show anger.” (Cultivating Stillness, an important Taoist classic translated by Eva Wong, Shambhala, MA., U.S., 1992, p.142-143).

Dudley: It's best to stay away from a man when his blood is up.

Exley: His blood's always up.

Dudley: Then perhaps you should stay away from him altogether.

                - L.A. Confidential (directed by Curtis Hanson, 1997).

“Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.” - Albert Einstein.

“For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Master Kan (Philip Ahn): Observe the day lily. Each morning with the warmth of the sun it opens in lovely blossoms. Each night, it closes...Once, your anger warmed you and, like the flower, you opened to it. That is long past. It is night.

Caine (David Carradine): Am I then to do nothing, feel nothing, be still?

Master Kan: Still water is like glass. It is the perfect level. A carpenter could use it. The heart of a wise man is tranquil and still. Thus, it is the mirror of Heaven and Earth. The glass of everything. Be still like water. You look into it and see yourself.

                - (Kung Fu, Season 2, Episode 6, ‘The Spirit-Helper,’ 1973).

Two people who see only their anger - and see only the ghost of the past, not themselves, now, and their positive potential - project rather than express.

“A hurtful act is the transference to others of the degradation which we bear in ourselves.” - Simone Weil.

“Today’s idea accurately describes the way anyone who holds attack thoughts in his mind must see the world. Having projected his anger onto the world, he sees vengeance about to strike at him. His own attack is thus perceived as self defence. This becomes an increasingly vicious circle until he is willing to change how he sees. Otherwise, thoughts of attack and counter-attack will preoccupy him and people his entire world. What peace of mind is possible to him then? It is from this savage fantasy that you want to escape. Is it not joyous news to hear that it is not real? Is it not a happy discovery to find that you can escape? You made what you would destroy; everything that you hate and would attack and kill. All that you fear does not exist.” – A Course in Miracles (Jeshua channelled through Dr. Helen Schucman, The Foundation for Inner Peace, CA., U.S., 1976).

The aggressor convinced himself that someone is attacking him. He is ‘defending’ himself from a perceived threat, he thinks, in his delusion. In his own mind, his violence is justified.

“Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.” - James Thurber.

“The point of power is always in the present moment.” - Louise Hay.

Retrospective inserts.

Jeffrey (Kyle MacLachlan): Why are there people like Frank? Why is there so much trouble in this world? - Blue Velvet (directed by David Lynch, 1986).

AThe violent man is another expression of the lack of self worth and self love that has bred like a cancer in the collective human mind. Violent people are those who hate themselves and instead of looking inside to find the cause of that self dislike, they thrash out at someone else. Their victim is a convenient mirror...the way we react to others is merely an expression of what we think of ourselves and violent people are a perfect example of this.@ - David Icke (I am Me, I am Free, Cambridge, U.K., Bridge of Love Publications, Isle of Wight, U.K., 1996, p.89).

“I don’t want to fight anyone. What you fight you become.” – David Icke (‘David Icke and Jordan Maxwell in Conversation,’ Project Avalon, by Bill Ryan, May 2010, www.projectavalon.net).

“This man had been taught early on to keep his pain bottled up. He had stored grief from the past and hid his fear about the future. The source of the argument was his fear. It’s a choice, a habit, to take one’s fear and turn it onto others – but habits can be broken.” [And he “would find someone or something to blame” when he was feeling angry]. - Betty Perkins (Lion Taming. The courage to deal with difficult people including yourself, Tzedakah Publications, CA., U.S., 1995, p.78).

PLAY: ‘Fuck Off and Die’ by The Meteors (2001).

“Laughter restores the universe to its original state of indifference and strangeness: if it has a meaning, it is a divine one, not a human one.” - Octavio Paz.