Saturday, 7 November 2015

Monstaville Book III. Chapter 25


“And ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.”
- Genesis 3:5.

I saw life as my enemy because my power had been suppressed and I did not realise that my will that my will had not been activated. I thought that’s all I was: the gentle leaf being swept around by the wind. Years later, I still find myself at the mercy of ‘life’ even though I tried to drive a stake made from forced intent through its heart! It seems life does not like being pushed around either! But, I’ve tried gentler techniques too and found them equally ineffectual. Life needs our love and gratitude and cannot be controlled (except perhaps by those who follow the dark path although this is no longer supported on Earth). Like a demanding woman, life needs to be loved in each and every moment, handled gently, attentively. That is the foundation. But, even then, it is difficult to get her to do anything for you it seems! Especially when, deep down, owing to past experience, you are convinced she cannot be trusted. But it was really, perhaps, you who could not be trusted because there was violence in your unconscious, repressed anger, so much fear, swinging from paralysis to impatience, never really releasing into life, relaxing into her, surrendering to the intimacy between you, releasing your emotions - crying and laughing - so your spirit could shine. You were never really alive, never fully alive, never fully self-aware, so you never learned how to dance with life, to make love to the Goddess, to show her the appreciation she needs in order to respond to you. As a man, you withheld your love by refusing to open up and share your feminine side with her, reveal your inner beauty.

Our inner beauty and wisdom is brought out through inner conflict, as we feel more and become more aware, as we remember the bright, pristine pearl we really are, lying on the riverbed, waiting to be harvested by our higher selves in other dimensions. This process is being speeded up and, so, the pearl divers gather and hold their breaths. For, the Goddess has come. She sees the splendour of the soul that shines. She sees through the shadows and through the outer garment of the shell for, they are nothing but a dream from which we are awakening.

The years go by and the pearl of wisdom results from pain and torment. Life seems harsh and cruel until this pearl is found. Then you have a token of your love to offer her. Then you’re in business. Then you can ask her out on a date! Then she knows that you want her and feels you adore her. Hence, the Goddess appears to put the hero through so many ordeals but, really, it is he who has needed to learn through experience and illumine his own unconscious, to become whole. And, in that (feminine) wholeness, his intent is more effective because he is no longer hiding in a cave but finally out in the open, no longer carrying a torch to see in the dark but free from the tyranny of his unconscious. The shadows have fallen asleep and, finally, he knows himself. And STILL life refuses to respond! But, by that time, he accepts life the way she is and appreciates each moment of being fully alive. Life is but an extension of one’s own consciousness, created from conscious and unconscious threads. The flower of the heart must be fully open. For, it’s there that both love and pure intent reside. And, it’s from that place that magic can happen - because life cannot resist her favourite lover, the magician.

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." - Kahlil Gibran.

I was always vulnerable and life was always hard. It was hard to survive and I was too nervous to stand up for myself. My freedom was always under threat, poverty a hindrance to my creativity and the System ever the oppressor. I never thought of life as being my enemy though until I was handed a sword, until my will was handed back to me. Then I thought I could take life on. I was ready for battle but soon discovered that it wasn’t that simple. I found myself applying my will just to survive, especially in an increasingly materialistic climate. In some ways it was useful but I started to look upon life angrily. Leaving my music behind, I was a fish out of water. The world was still bent on pushing me around, it seemed, but I was no longer so tolerant.

It might be said that my queen was taken at birth, followed by my bishops and rooks over time. A pawn eventually slipped behind enemy lines and made it ‘home,’ protected by the castles (spiritual guidance). A new seed of hope was born but then the opposition’s army was close to achieving victory: checkmate. Now, however, I have learned to use the queen (Higher Self) to greater effect. In fact, of course, I rely almost solely on her power to survive. Hopefully, I can use it to turn the tide of destiny too.

I had not learned to use that sword with skill. It was an ineffectual instrument in my hands. Out in the world, I could only be a pawn in someone else’s game, but I did learn a few moves and the experience was valuable. And so, into battle had I charged only to be defeated again and again until I lay wounded in a hostile land. And there I have been ever since, licking my wounds, hiding and absorbed by my creative work as a philosopher. Yet, in this place have I been prepared for a great battle in which I am not alone and in which there is to be no fighting. And I found my purpose and that too has been constantly under threat from the world of men and matter. I called upon the Universe for support and there was no response. So I suffered. I endured. And trust went into total eclipse.

Somehow, it looks like the spiritual crusaders have found me. They knew where I was hiding and what was doing all along, appreciating my efforts, and my sacrifices, but they weren’t due to pass by this way until now. And, knowing my desire to serve humanity, they are now saying, ‘come with us. You are one of us. Come and change the world with us.’ Indeed, ‘What do you need from us?’ It’s a question that has not fully registered, a question I could only answer with disbelief. It’s taking time to sink in. I don’t think anyone has ever asked me what I need before. After all this time, can it be true that someone cares about me and my mission? Trust comes with familiar experience. It is an open response to life. Life has shown me that it cannot be trusted. Yet, the crisis is finally ending and a ray of hope has returned. Am I now a battle-hardened crusader who knows and no longer fears the enemy? Perhaps. Yet, still, I cannot defeat a whole army on my own! I learned to be so independent. I thought there was no choice and no need for allies even though I knew I would not survive without divine intervention.

Perhaps life will no longer be my enemy when I find myself riding with the winning side. There is to be no battle. The spiritual Sun is appearing over the horizon and people like me are loving it. There is hope at last. The System is simply to collapse and to be rebuilt in a less elitist fashion. We of the Light are to create a new world together. It is for this I have been prepared. I need no longer wield my sword angrily or endure despair. It rests in its sheath as a symbol of power: of clear intent, of motivation, of strength and desire. For, I know what I want and nothing less will do. I will no longer settle for second best. I have to accept the way things are and I’m learning to appreciate everything just as it is. But I haven’t lost sight of my dreams. I am dreaming bigger and bolder than ever before. I know we are in a new energy now. There’s no turning back, no need to go it alone. I am embracing the Oneness. I am aware of the Light throughout the day. The warrior now cares only for wizardry!

“At this very moment you are a wizard. You are perfected in spirit; you have never separated from God or nature. All that has happened is that, in your struggle not to feel pain, you’ve started to block the present moment.” – Deepak Chopra (The Way of the Wizard. 20 Spiritual Lessons For Creating The Life You Want, Rider, London, U.K., 1995, p.141).

My will was not properly activated until my late twenties. Now, it turns out, I am not quite the gentle creature I once was (as a subconscious personality conditioned by childhood). At least I was provided with that experience of being innocent - until proven guilty - and to know what it means to suspend one’s will and be very loving and sweet, albeit incomplete! There was some plumbing work to be done before the water could be safely switched back on. So, through a crisis of circumstance and consciousness, my heart has been under pressure to deepen and strengthen its roots (it is evidently not enough to ‘know everything’ as has been my primary drive for a long time!). Unconditional love is the ongoing lesson, of course, in conjunction with self-empowerment, or the resurfacing of buried, or blocked, power.

“Love is relaxing into your true nature. You can’t really get hurt by opening up to this energy. Sure, other folks operating from fear may give you a hard time, but try to see their behaviour as fear-based responses, not aimed at you, personally, but at what you represent to them. Thus they are acting from their own fears, and their behaviour has nothing to do with you…
Once you allow yourself to sense this energy flowing through you, you’ll find that the flow will increase, and it will inevitably flow from your fields to everyone around you, changing how you deal with them, and they with you. One day, the dam will break and you will find your fields flooded with unconditional acceptance for everyone and everything. Everything is made of ‘god-stuff,’ so what’s not to love?
                ‘Wait a minute!’ You might say, ‘I’m surrounded by mean-spirited people all day long. How can I love them?’ do not try to resist their personality quirks or they’ll just get worse. Just open your heart chakra and sense the energy of love in your fields. If you open your heart chakra, other people will have to work hard to keep theirs closed. And thank them for giving you an opportunity to put this simple energy trick to work.
                Hate, jealousy, and so on, are simply signs of a fear-based personality which can’t sense the energy of love within its fields. Give that person a jump start by channelling love at them. If their fear is too great, it may not work, but at least the outpouring from you keeps their fear from infecting your fields. Without being patronising, have a little compassion for it, because feeling so cut off from Spirit is a scary place to be. Remember?”
– Serapis (channelled through Tony Stubbs, An Ascension Handbook, World Tree Press, Lithia Springs, GA, U.S., 1991, p.67-68).

Does love, under any circumstances, mean that we are duty-bound tolerate any behaviour? I have been pondering such questions (to which I have no answers), carrying out experiments, not so much out of choice but necessity. You know, we human beings have other faculties at our disposal to tackle such dilemmas: reason, intuition, creative intelligence, to name a few. In other words, gifts of the mind, not just the intellect which tends to work against the heart but intelligence that seeks to work with the heart as one heart-mind-feeling and awareness - taking all facets into consideration.

Unconditional love does not mean simply welcoming abuse, not unless one has attained a level of self-mastery that makes one impervious and/or enables one to influence the situation immediate. In theory, it means that when love is expressed without conditions its power has an effect on the abuser. You may have to endure the abuse for decades or lifetimes before they grow out of such behaviour (so don’t try this at home)! At least, this is how things have been for aeons. As the higher vibrations increase on Earth, however, they are more likely to support positive, loving expression. Hence, exploring this potential within each one of us is more significant than ever. The same applies to abundance since, with the return of Light, fortune is more likely to favour the generous from now on.

My experiences with neighbours in this flat have also further awakened the warrior within me in a subtle way. I now have a more powerful presence, a reminder to certain people in our society that selfish or destructive behaviour does not always go unchallenged. Essentially, I am simply expressing and demonstrating the truth rather than blindly conforming or fearfully accepting the status quo. The throat chakra, which relates to having, living and expressing one’s truth, may resonate in some way with the fifth dimension. Higher energies mean more consciousness so we are able to learn more from experience, to release old patterns that are no longer serving us. Meditation aids this process because it enables us to get closer to our spirit. We are thus able, first, to attune to higher dimensions, and then, as we become awaken to that level of ourselves, the corresponding chakras are activated.

“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” - John Jakes.

Cool...a friend just sent me a message that includes the statement: ‘Hoping this finds you peaceful...the instrument of peace that you are.’ Thanks Anne! (I had mentioned St. Francis in an exchange regarding Christianity).

The ‘war’ is against my own fears, including the fear of not surviving. I am fighting a war to express my own power and to develop my will further in the face of adversity and poverty, to work hard and achieve my goals, to succeed in spite of the odds stacked against me, the opposition from the collective, the pressure to conform for practical reasons. Ultimately, however, the ‘war’ is between the mind and the heart. All misery results from the mind’s attachment to the body whilst bypassing the heart. Neglecting the heart keeps us submerged in the soil of limited consciousness, in the physical personality. And, there we stay, struggling away, pushing this way and that, until, finally, it dawns on us to move slowly upwards in one direction, to honour the heart and aim to feel as much love as we can and to know the joy of knowing our eternal spirit once again.

“Dearest ones, you can even trust the pain that comes up for you during this time. Whether it is physical or emotional pain, it is serving a purpose of healing. By accepting it and moving forward in the secure embrace of God's love, you are being led towards what your innermost being most deeply longs for. For some souls, you are led through a long period that feels like you are wandering through the desert. Your faith is tested, and there appears to be little support or confirmation for what you are going through...
                We bless especially all those who are enduring such long and difficult trials, for the purpose of these often are a preparation for a spiritual level of service that may or may not be known to the human, embodied self.
                Dearest ones, may the blessings and peace and the comfort of God's love be upon you now and in each moment of this new time.”
(‘A New Chapter Begins,’ from

“You desire to know the art of living, my friend. It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering.” - Henri Frédéric Amiel.

I have been placed in a flat with very thin walls separating me and a family of hard-nosed ‘fascists.’ They attack first and I react, whether initially or eventually, attempting to minimise my aggression, purely as a deterrent. If I were to simply endure the oppressive disruption of my peace at home, would the universe be more supportive? Who knows? This isn’t about lying down and allowing people to walk all over me. However, aside from conditioning my mind to endure and from finding ways to display power intelligently rather than violently as a seed struggling in the density and darkness of the soil, this situation is also a reminder of the suffering that results from the inertia of third-dimensional attachment. The dark is reluctant to relinquish its grip on its captive but it is this very gravity which motivates the seed to ascend towards the Light. For, as the stem rises and awareness increases, the heart, too, begins to relax and open. First, the leaves of emotion unfold, releasing all that has been kept locked inside. Then, much later perhaps, that momentous day arrives when the bud appears.

The seedling is in a vulnerable position, naturally. It feels the tug of the unconscious and the dark forces therein whilst, at the same time, it often seems to be besieged by weeds in and around, on the surface, of the soil. Until we are born again into the Light, we will have to grapple with weeds as they climb all over the place and seek to strangle us. It is our own spiritual procrastination which invites such miserable conditions. The weeds have their nature and we have ours. They are a menace in that they know nothing of the aspiration to beauty and perfection. They simply, unconsciously, cover the ground in a sprawling, suffocating mess and pull everything down to a condition of collective helplessness, stifling any attempt to better ourselves, to live with dignity, to glow with joy, to dance in the breeze, to combine strength and sensitivity in an upward thrust of individuality.

We humans have thus far failed to recognise our own power. The dark energies sense and fear it. Consequently, they do everything in their power to keep us ignorant of our own potential. What we have neglected to realise is that, once we make a commitment to move upwards towards the Light permanently, our DNA starts buzzing, the fibres of our being start resonating to the frequency of the photons from which all matter is made, and birds can be heard chirping away in the various optimum futures that we are seeding. Angels and those who have ascended before us see the straightening of our stems and, knowing that we are ready to hold and channel more Light, step closer to us in the subtle energy field that surrounds us. It is a matter of intent – and of the resolve that often results from long term crisis. The dark has its purpose as we do ours. The more we focus on our own progress, our own spiritual unfoldment, the faster we remember that we are Light, Light that has buried itself beneath the soil, Light which reawakens to full consciousness in the form of a multidimensional ‘flower.’ Unbending integrity leads, eventually, to decisive victory.

“The individual may strive after perfection but must suffer from the opposite of his intentions for the sake of his completeness.” - Carl Jung.

“For a tree’s branches to reach heaven, its roots must reach to hell.” - Medieval alchemical dictum (which Jung himself explained, but I have been unable to locate his description of the analogy).

Regarding planetary Ascension, we are all just seeds that have been planted in the ground. We have turned away from the Creator’s Light in order to grow into flowers and express our full potential as individual extensions of our sovereign Source. As our petals unfold, we enter into partnership with the Creator as beings of golden Light, as ‘suns’ in our own right. Now, with the new Sun on the horizon, many seedlings are appearing above the soil. Many more will appear in their own time. Some will grow more rapidly than others. A few will not make it and will remain underground. They will receive another opportunity to ascend sometime in the future.

“Just suppose, said the Buddha, that the reign of compassion falls on the dominion of Hell and the light of wisdom shines on it. Faith takes root and lessons of joy begin to spread everywhere. Then, the dominion of Hell will turn into Buddha’s Pure Land. If a man’s mind becomes pure, so all his surroundings become pure also.” (Monkey, Episode 18, ‘Land for the Locusts’).

What is the ultimate solution to the mayhem in which we find ourselves? To keep going, to be steadfast in our focus on what matters most in our lives, to say, ‘Enough suffering. This has to stop.’ We must step up the game, not in our responses to our environment – those are simply defence mechanisms to make life more bearable along the way – but in our resolve to become all that we can be, beyond even the partially protective power of purpose. And, that means flowering in the Light of the Creator and discovering the power (and joy) of divine love, of our true Being. It means having the intention to be embodiments of pure love and focusing on the love within us for as much of the day as possible until, finally, the petals begin to unfurl and that sweet fragrance wafts into the world around us from our hearts. And now, more than at any other time in history, do we have a golden opportunity to feel the love and know the Light of the Creator as it surrounds us more and more potently and strives to fill us nudging our limiting emotions to move aside, or clear themselves, to make way for the feeling of pure, loving energy.

“Your willingness, you know, to be open to Creator and be open to Creator’s love for you – because it really is about returning back to that love and that’s Creator’s wish, is that we are just back in Her arms again. And, so, being open to love, and really wanting it again, really wanting to be safe again, wanting to feel joy again – that desire will actually start to open for you more and more that you work with this Light.” – Michele Denman (1 December 2007,

"In our lives everything happens for a reason. All events either good or bad are a piece of our puzzle. If we were to take away even one piece, the picture would never be clear to us. Even though some of the pieces in our lives aren’t pleasant and bring us heartache and pain, we cannot learn and grow without them. They bring us one step closer to wholeness and connect us to the unconditional Love of our true self." – Paul Adkins.


The New Sun by Hilda Charlton (Golden Quest, New York, U.S., 1989, p.94-95).

Hilda: ‘Go back down into that room. Why have we sent you here? To get strength.’ So I had to go back to that red-and-black room with the agitation in it. There you grow; it’s in the wind you grow, under the adversity you grow. When you’ve conquered that, you won’t have any adversity, I’m telling you. When you have conquered something, it disappears because it’s no longer necessary for your growth.
New Sun: Yes, but most people are standing up to the other person instead of looking into themselves. If something annoys you, it means you have some annoyance inside yourself. It’s like a little ulcer inside yourself that they can touch. If you haven’t got that, nothing can touch you from outside. You might see something and it might look very annoying, but it won’t annoy you. The whole of life is like that. What you see outside is yourself. If you can see it abstractly, without reaction, it means you’ve already overcome it and haven’t got it inside. If you still react when somebody annoys you, it means you still have reactions inside yourself.
Hilda: The way to eliminate those reactions is just by looking into yourself and finding out what it is and changing it there...I changed myself and the view outside changed. It changes. Either that person is taken out of your life, in the sense that the person moves on or the person changes; one or the other happens.
New Sun: Does it ever end?
Hilda: Sure. It comes to a place where nothing bothers you. The world is a strange place.”

Reminds one of the cave scene in The Empire Strikes Back:

Luke: There’s something not right here…I feel cold. Death.
Yoda: [Points to a cave opening beneath a large tree] That place…is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.
Luke: What’s in there?
Yoda: Only what you take with you.
[Luke looks at his dark side]
- Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (directed by Irvin Kershner, 1980).

“Be like a steady promontory against which continually break the waves of life.” - Marcus Aurelius.

It is said that anger and fear disappear after spiritual attainment: “All of your life you have been carrying a huge rock on your shoulders. Everywhere you go disturbing emotions are a crushing burden. Upon enlightenment you put the rock down. What do you do after enlightenment? You pick the rock back up.” (Excerpt from my MySpace friend Betty’s blog). Perhaps what they mean by this is that, once you fully realise your spiritual Being, you transcend all limits to feeling, casting off all negative conditioning and emotions. You then feel only the depth and beauty of your divine Being, your eternal joy and infinite love as an expression of the Creator. In addition, you accommodate other people’s rocks. Not only are you unaffected by them but, being free of such burdens yourself, your influence may inspire spiritual growth in others. If I am not affected by your rocks, no matter how hard you try to dump them on me in order to somehow feel better, why should you be weighed down by them yourself? One is able to view one’s own personality and past from a higher perspective and show compassion towards others, who are still lost in the world of illusion. The pain may still be there but a new attitude born of a new reality-enriched identity and the love that emanates from the Higher Self transforms it over time. At least, one is no longer living exclusively in the lower self. The lower and higher selves exist alongside each other and the weaker and illusory of the two naturally fades as a result of continuous comparison through experience.

Doesn’t the Bible say somewhere that divine help often comes at the last minute? I have always perceived such assistance as coming too late! You know, you do all that you can, or think you can, and, when you finally give up hope, you fall into a forlorn state of hopelessness and THEN help arrives. One is then ready to surrender. Suddenly, emptied of all faith, one’s heart leaps and fills with joy. Happiness born from a place of emptiness. Sure, you get to live another day, survive another tragedy, yet, the taste of despair lingers in one’s soul especially as one grows older and more cynical! Well, this long-term crisis of mine is starting to close with the ascended masters, through St. Germain, telling me that they trust me and that they think my books are beautiful. Also, that they can see me attaining cosmic Ascension. I have allowed them into my life, as St. Germain said, and I am receiving the help that I need. He also told me that I need to be loved for me and that this hasn’t been happening, adding: ‘We know who you are. Others don’t see you for who you are,’ or something. Oh yeah, he also said, ‘We trust you,’ and I take that to mean that they are empowering me and possibly entrusting me with an even greater responsibility than these books because they know I have a loving heart and will endure to the end when I am dedicated.

I suppose that my experiences since moving here have probably awakened dormant leadership potential in me. It’s like forging and sharpening a sword, strengthening the steel in preparation to actively use and assert my will in the world. This has been an energetic training period. The seedling of will-to-action is just appearing above the surface of my unconscious into conscious light. It is starting to be applied to life more. I have been learning to use my wits, accept some difficulties and tackle others, and deal with the tension caused by people, or evoked by them, by recognising and releasing it.

“The theme for our entire universe, in terms of the cosmic day we live in, is courage. To be successful in life and to own one’s spiritual power, I learned early on that I had to be very tough as well as loving. It is the integration of this archetype in its positive, uplifting aspect that truly has made me unstoppable. No matter how many times I would get knocked down, I would get back up and fight on toward spiritual victory. I have used all of the adversaries that have happened to me to strengthen me on all levels. I believe that this has prepared me for my current mission. The masters know they can trust me and that I am absolutely unstoppable in my efforts.” - Joshua David Stone (Golden Keys to Ascension and Healing. Revelations of Sai Baba and the Ascended Masters, Light Technology Publishing, Sedona, Arizona, U.S., 1998, p.20).

"What you are, so is your world. Everything in the universe is resolved into your own inward experience. It matters little what is without, for it is a reflection of your own state of consciousness. It matters everything what you are within, for everything without will be mirrored and coloured accordingly." - James Allen.

Robin (Burt Ward): The way we get into these scrapes and get out of them, it's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations; guiding our destiny.”
- Batman (created by Bob Kane, 1966).

“For the first time I understood Goethe’s laughter, the laughter of the immortals. It was a laughter without an object. It was simply light and lucidity. It was that which is left over when a true man has passed through all the suffering, vices, mistakes, passions and misunderstandings of men and got through to eternity and the world of space.” - Harry Haller in Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse (1927).

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