Arrr! See CONTENTS for links to the 125 chapters of The Monstaville Memoirs plus introductions, conclusions, postscripts and appendices. This treasure trove also includes a collection of articles offering further insights into the themes explored in the trilogy. Namely, managing suffering and conflict (dealing with hostile people if you are nervous, sensitive or shy) and learning not to react
MotherShip by Sam Wise ___ PLEASE REFRESH PAGE FOR WEB FONTS
Saturday, 7 November 2015
Monstaville Book III. Chapter 25
“And ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.”
- Genesis 3:5.
I saw life as my enemy because my power had been suppressed and I did
not realise that my will that my will had not been activated. I thought that’s
all I was: the gentle leaf being swept around by the wind. Years later, I still
find myself at the mercy of ‘life’ even though I tried to drive a stake made
from forced intent through its heart! It seems life does not like being pushed
around either! But, I’ve tried gentler techniques too and found them equally
ineffectual. Life needs our love and gratitude and cannot be controlled (except
perhaps by those who follow the dark path although this is no longer supported
on Earth). Like a demanding woman, life needs to be loved in each and every
moment, handled gently, attentively. That is the foundation. But, even then, it
is difficult to get her to do anything for you it seems! Especially when, deep
down, owing to past experience, you are convinced she cannot be trusted. But it
was really, perhaps, you who could not be trusted because there was violence in
your unconscious, repressed anger, so much fear, swinging from paralysis to
impatience, never really releasing into life, relaxing into her, surrendering
to the intimacy between you, releasing your emotions - crying and laughing - so
your spirit could shine. You were never really alive, never fully alive, never
fully self-aware, so you never learned how to dance with life, to make love to
the Goddess, to show her the appreciation she needs in order to respond to you.
As a man, you withheld your love by refusing to open up and share your feminine
side with her, reveal your inner beauty.
Our inner beauty and wisdom is brought out through inner conflict, as we
feel more and become more aware, as we remember the bright, pristine pearl we
really are, lying on the riverbed, waiting to be harvested by our higher selves
in other dimensions. This process is being speeded up and, so, the pearl divers
gather and hold their breaths. For, the Goddess has come. She sees the
splendour of the soul that shines. She sees through the shadows and through the
outer garment of the shell for, they are nothing but a dream from which we are
The years go by and the pearl of wisdom results from pain and torment.
Life seems harsh and cruel until this pearl is found. Then you have a token of
your love to offer her. Then you’re in business. Then you can ask her out on a
date! Then she knows that you want her and feels you adore her. Hence, the
Goddess appears to put the hero through so many ordeals but, really, it is he
who has needed to learn through experience and illumine his own unconscious, to
become whole. And, in that (feminine) wholeness, his intent is more effective
because he is no longer hiding in a cave but finally out in the open, no longer
carrying a torch to see in the dark but free from the tyranny of his
unconscious. The shadows have fallen asleep and, finally, he knows himself. And
STILL life refuses to respond! But, by that time, he accepts life the way she
is and appreciates each moment of being fully alive. Life is but an extension
of one’s own consciousness, created from conscious and unconscious threads. The
flower of the heart must be fully open. For, it’s there that both love and pure
intent reside. And, it’s from that place that magic can happen - because life
cannot resist her favourite lover, the magician.
pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." -
always vulnerable and life was always hard. It was hard to survive and I was
too nervous to stand up for myself. My freedom was always under threat, poverty
a hindrance to my creativity and the System ever the oppressor. I never thought
of life as being my enemy though until I was handed a sword, until my will was
handed back to me. Then I thought I could take life on. I was ready for battle
but soon discovered that it wasn’t that simple. I found myself applying my will
just to survive, especially in an increasingly materialistic climate. In some
ways it was useful but I started to look upon life angrily. Leaving my music
behind, I was a fish out of water. The world was still bent on pushing me
around, it seemed, but I was no longer so tolerant.
It might be said that my queen was taken at birth, followed by my
bishops and rooks over time. A pawn eventually slipped behind enemy lines and
made it ‘home,’ protected by the castles (spiritual guidance). A new seed of
hope was born but then the opposition’s army was close to achieving victory:
checkmate. Now, however, I have learned to use the queen (Higher Self) to
greater effect. In fact, of course, I rely almost solely on her power to
survive. Hopefully, I can use it to turn the tide of destiny too.
I had not learned to use that sword with skill. It was an ineffectual
instrument in my hands. Out in the world, I could only be a pawn in someone
else’s game, but I did learn a few moves and the experience was valuable. And
so, into battle had I charged only to be defeated again and again until I lay
wounded in a hostile land. And there I have been ever since, licking my wounds,
hiding and absorbed by my creative work as a philosopher. Yet, in this place
have I been prepared for a great battle in which I am not alone and in which
there is to be no fighting. And I found my purpose and that too has been
constantly under threat from the world of men and matter. I called upon the
Universe for support and there was no response. So I suffered. I endured. And
trust went into total eclipse.
Somehow, it looks like the spiritual crusaders have found me. They knew
where I was hiding and what was doing all along, appreciating my efforts, and
my sacrifices, but they weren’t due to pass by this way until now. And, knowing
my desire to serve humanity, they are now saying, ‘come with us. You are one of
us. Come and change the world with us.’ Indeed, ‘What do you need from us?’
It’s a question that has not fully registered, a question I could only answer
with disbelief. It’s taking time to sink in. I don’t think anyone has ever
asked me what I need before. After all this time, can it be true that someone
cares about me and my mission? Trust comes with familiar experience. It is an
open response to life. Life has shown me that it cannot be trusted. Yet, the
crisis is finally ending and a ray of hope has returned. Am I now a
battle-hardened crusader who knows and no longer fears the enemy? Perhaps. Yet,
still, I cannot defeat a whole army on my own! I learned to be so independent.
I thought there was no choice and no need for allies even though I knew I would
not survive without divine intervention.
life will no longer be my enemy when I find myself riding with the winning
side. There is to be no battle. The spiritual Sun is appearing over the horizon
and people like me are loving it. There is hope at last. The System is simply
to collapse and to be rebuilt in a less elitist fashion. We of the Light are to
create a new world together. It is for this I have been prepared. I need no
longer wield my sword angrily or endure despair. It rests in its sheath as a
symbol of power: of clear intent, of motivation, of strength and desire. For, I
know what I want and nothing less will do. I will no longer settle for second
best. I have to accept the way things are and I’m learning to appreciate
everything just as it is. But I haven’t lost sight of my dreams. I am dreaming
bigger and bolder than ever before. I know we are in a new energy now. There’s
no turning back, no need to go it alone. I am embracing the Oneness. I am aware
of the Light throughout the day. The warrior now cares only for wizardry!
very moment you are a wizard. You are perfected in spirit; you have never separated from God
or nature. All that has happened is that, in your struggle not to feel pain,
you’ve started to block the present moment.” – Deepak Chopra (The Way of the Wizard. 20 Spiritual Lessons
For Creating The Life You Want, Rider, London, U.K., 1995, p.141).
My will was not properly activated
until my late twenties. Now, it turns out, I am not quite the gentle creature I
once was (as a subconscious personality conditioned by childhood). At least I
was provided with that experience of being innocent - until proven guilty - and
to know what it means to suspend one’s will and be very loving and sweet,
albeit incomplete! There was some plumbing work to be done before the water
could be safely switched back on. So, through a crisis of circumstance and
consciousness, my heart has been under pressure to deepen and strengthen its
roots (it is evidently not enough to ‘know everything’ as has been my primary
drive for a long time!). Unconditional love is the ongoing lesson, of course,
in conjunction with self-empowerment, or the resurfacing of buried, or blocked,
relaxing into your true nature. You can’t really get hurt by opening up to this
energy. Sure, other folks operating from fear may give you a hard time, but try
to see their behaviour as fear-based responses, not aimed at you, personally,
but at what you represent to them.
Thus they are acting from their own fears, and their behaviour has nothing to
do with you…
you allow yourself to sense this energy flowing through you, you’ll find that
the flow will increase, and it will inevitably flow from your fields to
everyone around you, changing how you deal with them, and they with you. One
day, the dam will break and you will find your fields flooded with
unconditional acceptance for everyone and everything. Everything is made of
‘god-stuff,’ so what’s not to love?
‘Wait a minute!’ You might say,
‘I’m surrounded by mean-spirited people all day long. How can I love them?’ do
not try to resist their personality quirks or they’ll just get worse. Just open
your heart chakra and sense the energy of love in your fields. If you open your
heart chakra, other people will have to work hard to keep theirs closed. And
thank them for giving you an opportunity to put this simple energy trick to
Hate, jealousy, and so on, are
simply signs of a fear-based personality which can’t sense the energy of love
within its fields. Give that person a jump start by channelling love at them.
If their fear is too great, it may not work, but at least the outpouring from
you keeps their fear from infecting your fields. Without being patronising,
have a little compassion for it, because feeling so cut off from Spirit is a
scary place to be. Remember?”
Serapis (channelled through Tony Stubbs, An
Ascension Handbook, World Tree Press, Lithia Springs, GA, U.S., 1991, p.67-68).
Does love, under any circumstances,
mean that we are duty-bound tolerate any behaviour? I have been pondering such
questions (to which I have no answers), carrying out experiments, not so much
out of choice but necessity. You know, we human beings have other faculties at
our disposal to tackle such dilemmas: reason, intuition, creative intelligence,
to name a few. In other words, gifts of the mind, not just the intellect which
tends to work against the heart but intelligence that seeks to work with the
heart as one heart-mind-feeling and awareness - taking all facets into
Unconditional love does not mean
simply welcoming abuse, not unless one has attained a level of self-mastery
that makes one impervious and/or enables one to influence the situation
immediate. In theory, it means that when love is expressed without conditions
its power has an effect on the abuser. You may have to endure the abuse for
decades or lifetimes before they grow out of such behaviour (so don’t try this
at home)! At least, this is how things have been for aeons. As the higher vibrations
increase on Earth, however, they are more likely to support positive, loving
expression. Hence, exploring this potential within each one of us is more
significant than ever. The same applies to abundance since, with the return of
Light, fortune is more likely to favour the generous from now on.
experiences with neighbours in this flat have also further awakened the warrior
within me in a subtle way. I now have a more powerful presence, a reminder to
certain people in our society that selfish or destructive behaviour does not
always go unchallenged. Essentially, I am simply expressing and demonstrating
the truth rather than blindly conforming or fearfully accepting the status quo.
The throat chakra, which relates to having, living and expressing one’s truth,
may resonate in some way with the fifth dimension. Higher energies mean more
consciousness so we are able to learn more from experience, to release old
patterns that are no longer serving us. Meditation aids this process because it
enables us to get closer to our spirit. We are thus able, first, to attune to
higher dimensions, and then, as we become awaken to that level of ourselves,
the corresponding chakras are activated.
yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine
through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” - John Jakes.
Cool...a friend just sent me a
message that includes the statement: ‘Hoping this finds you peaceful...the
instrument of peace that you are.’ Thanks Anne! (I had mentioned St. Francis in
an exchange regarding Christianity).
The ‘war’ is against my own fears, including the fear of not surviving.
I am fighting a war to express my own power and to develop my will further in
the face of adversity and poverty, to work hard and achieve my goals, to
succeed in spite of the odds stacked against me, the opposition from the
collective, the pressure to conform for practical reasons. Ultimately, however,
the ‘war’ is between the mind and the heart. All misery results from the mind’s
attachment to the body whilst bypassing the heart. Neglecting the heart keeps
us submerged in the soil of limited consciousness, in the physical personality.
And, there we stay, struggling away, pushing this way and that, until, finally,
it dawns on us to move slowly upwards in one direction, to honour the heart and
aim to feel as much love as we can and to know the joy of knowing our eternal
spirit once again.
“Dearest ones, you can even trust the pain that
comes up for you during this time. Whether it is physical or emotional pain, it
is serving a purpose of healing. By accepting it and moving forward in the
secure embrace of God's love, you are being led towards what your innermost
being most deeply longs for. For some souls, you are led through a long period
that feels like you are wandering through the desert. Your faith is tested, and
there appears to be little support or confirmation for what you are going
bless especially all those who are enduring such long and difficult trials, for
the purpose of these often are a preparation for a spiritual level of service
that may or may not be known to the human, embodied self.
ones, may the blessings and peace and the comfort of God's love be upon you now
and in each moment of this new time.”
“You desire to know the art of living, my friend.
It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering.” - Henri Frédéric Amiel.
I have been placed in a flat with very thin walls separating me and a
family of hard-nosed ‘fascists.’ They attack first and I react, whether
initially or eventually, attempting to minimise my aggression, purely as a
deterrent. If I were to simply endure the oppressive disruption of my peace at
home, would the universe be more supportive? Who knows? This isn’t about lying
down and allowing people to walk all over me. However, aside from conditioning
my mind to endure and from finding ways to display power intelligently rather
than violently as a seed struggling in the density and darkness of the soil,
this situation is also a reminder of the suffering that results from the
inertia of third-dimensional attachment. The dark is reluctant to relinquish
its grip on its captive but it is this very gravity which motivates the seed to
ascend towards the Light. For, as the stem rises and awareness increases, the
heart, too, begins to relax and open. First, the leaves of emotion unfold,
releasing all that has been kept locked inside. Then, much later perhaps, that
momentous day arrives when the bud appears.
The seedling is in a vulnerable position, naturally. It feels the tug of
the unconscious and the dark forces therein whilst, at the same time, it often
seems to be besieged by weeds in and around, on the surface, of the soil. Until
we are born again into the Light, we will have to grapple with weeds as they
climb all over the place and seek to strangle us. It is our own spiritual
procrastination which invites such miserable conditions. The weeds have their
nature and we have ours. They are a menace in that they know nothing of the
aspiration to beauty and perfection. They simply, unconsciously, cover the
ground in a sprawling, suffocating mess and pull everything down to a condition
of collective helplessness, stifling any attempt to better ourselves, to live
with dignity, to glow with joy, to dance in the breeze, to combine strength and
sensitivity in an upward thrust of individuality.
We humans have thus far failed to recognise our own power. The dark
energies sense and fear it. Consequently, they do everything in their power to
keep us ignorant of our own potential. What we have neglected to realise is
that, once we make a commitment to move upwards towards the Light permanently,
our DNA starts buzzing, the fibres of our being start resonating to the
frequency of the photons from which all matter is made, and birds can be heard
chirping away in the various optimum futures that we are seeding. Angels and
those who have ascended before us see the straightening of our stems and,
knowing that we are ready to hold and channel more Light, step closer to us in
the subtle energy field that surrounds us. It is a matter of intent – and of
the resolve that often results from long term crisis. The dark has its purpose
as we do ours. The more we focus on our own progress, our own spiritual
unfoldment, the faster we remember that we are Light, Light that has buried
itself beneath the soil, Light which reawakens to full consciousness in the
form of a multidimensional ‘flower.’ Unbending integrity leads, eventually, to
“The individual may strive after
perfection but must suffer from the opposite of his intentions for the sake of
his completeness.” - Carl Jung.
“For a tree’s branches to reach
heaven, its roots must reach to hell.” - Medieval alchemical dictum (which Jung
himself explained, but I have been unable to locate his description of the
Regarding planetary Ascension, we are all just seeds that have been
planted in the ground. We have turned away from the Creator’s Light in order to
grow into flowers and express our full potential as individual extensions of
our sovereign Source. As our petals unfold, we enter into partnership with the
Creator as beings of golden Light, as ‘suns’ in our own right. Now, with the
new Sun on the horizon, many seedlings are appearing above the soil. Many more
will appear in their own time. Some will grow more rapidly than others. A few
will not make it and will remain underground. They will receive another
opportunity to ascend sometime in the future.
“Just suppose, said the Buddha, that
the reign of compassion falls on the dominion of Hell and the light of wisdom
shines on it. Faith takes root and lessons of joy begin to spread everywhere.
Then, the dominion of Hell will turn into Buddha’s Pure Land.
If a man’s mind becomes pure, so all his surroundings become pure also.” (Monkey, Episode 18, ‘Land for the
What is the ultimate solution to the mayhem in which we find ourselves?
To keep going, to be steadfast in our focus on what matters most in our lives,
to say, ‘Enough suffering. This has to stop.’ We must step up the game, not in
our responses to our environment – those are simply defence mechanisms to make life
more bearable along the way – but in our resolve to become all that we can be,
beyond even the partially protective power of purpose. And, that means
flowering in the Light of the Creator and discovering the power (and joy) of
divine love, of our true Being. It means having the intention to be embodiments
of pure love and focusing on the love within us for as much of the day as
possible until, finally, the petals begin to unfurl and that sweet fragrance
wafts into the world around us from our hearts. And now, more than at any other
time in history, do we have a golden opportunity to feel the love and know the
Light of the Creator as it surrounds us more and more potently and strives to
fill us nudging our limiting emotions to move aside, or clear themselves, to
make way for the feeling of pure, loving energy.
“Your willingness, you know, to be open to Creator and be open to
Creator’s love for you – because it really is about returning back to that love
and that’s Creator’s wish, is that we are just back in Her arms again. And, so,
being open to love, and really wanting it again, really wanting to be safe
again, wanting to feel joy again – that desire will actually start to open for
you more and more that you work with this Light.” – Michele Denman (1 December
our lives everything happens for a reason. All events either good or bad are a
piece of our puzzle. If we were to take away even one piece, the picture would
never be clear to us. Even though some of the pieces in our lives aren’t
pleasant and bring us heartache and pain, we cannot learn and grow without
them. They bring us one step closer to wholeness and connect us to the
unconditional Love of our true self." – Paul Adkins.
The New Sun
by Hilda Charlton
(Golden Quest, New York, U.S., 1989, p.94-95).
Hilda: ‘Go back down into that room. Why
have we sent you here? To get strength.’ So I had to go back to that
red-and-black room with the agitation in it. There you grow; it’s in the wind
you grow, under the adversity you grow. When you’ve conquered that, you won’t
have any adversity, I’m telling you. When you have conquered something, it
disappears because it’s no longer necessary for your growth.
Sun: Yes, but most
people are standing up to the other person instead of looking into themselves.
If something annoys you, it means you have some annoyance inside yourself. It’s
like a little ulcer inside yourself that they can touch. If you haven’t got
that, nothing can touch you from outside. You might see something and it might
look very annoying, but it won’t annoy you. The whole of life is like that.
What you see outside is yourself. If you can see it abstractly, without
reaction, it means you’ve already overcome it and haven’t got it inside. If you
still react when somebody annoys you, it means you still have reactions inside
Hilda: The way to eliminate those
reactions is just by looking into yourself and finding out what it is and
changing it there...I changed myself and the view outside changed. It changes.
Either that person is taken out of your life, in the sense that the person
moves on or the person changes; one or the other happens.
Sun: Does it ever
Hilda: Sure. It comes to a place where
nothing bothers you. The world is a strange place.”
Reminds one of the cave scene in The Empire Strikes Back:
Luke: There’s something not right here…I
feel cold. Death. Yoda: [Points to a cave opening
beneath a large tree] That place…is strong with the dark side of the Force. A
domain of evil it is. In you must go. Luke: What’s in there? Yoda: Only what you take with you.
at his dark side]
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes
Back (directed by Irvin Kershner, 1980).
“Be like a steady promontory against
which continually break the waves of life.” - Marcus Aurelius.
It is said that anger and fear
disappear after spiritual attainment: “All of your life you have been carrying
a huge rock on your shoulders. Everywhere you go disturbing emotions are a
crushing burden. Upon enlightenment you put the rock down. What do you do after
enlightenment? You pick the rock back up.” (Excerpt from my MySpace friend
Betty’s blog). Perhaps what they mean by this is that, once you fully realise
your spiritual Being, you transcend all limits to feeling, casting off all
negative conditioning and emotions. You then feel only the depth and beauty of
your divine Being, your eternal joy and infinite love as an expression of the
Creator. In addition, you accommodate other people’s rocks. Not only are you
unaffected by them but, being free of such burdens yourself, your influence may
inspire spiritual growth in others. If I am not affected by your rocks, no
matter how hard you try to dump them on me in order to somehow feel better, why
should you be weighed down by them yourself? One is able to view one’s own
personality and past from a higher perspective and show compassion towards
others, who are still lost in the world of illusion. The pain may still be
there but a new attitude born of a new reality-enriched identity and the love
that emanates from the Higher Self transforms it over time. At least, one is no
longer living exclusively in the lower self. The lower and higher selves exist
alongside each other and the weaker and illusory of the two naturally
fades as a result of continuous comparison through experience.
the Bible say somewhere that divine help often comes at the last minute? I have
always perceived such assistance as coming too late! You know, you do all that
you can, or think you can, and, when you finally give up hope, you fall into a
forlorn state of hopelessness and THEN help arrives. One is then ready to
surrender. Suddenly, emptied of all faith, one’s heart leaps and fills with
joy. Happiness born from a place of emptiness. Sure, you get to live another
day, survive another tragedy, yet, the taste of despair lingers in one’s soul
especially as one grows older and more cynical! Well, this long-term crisis of
mine is starting to close with the ascended masters, through St. Germain,
telling me that they trust me and that they think my books are beautiful. Also,
that they can see me attaining cosmic Ascension. I have allowed them into my
life, as St. Germain said, and I am receiving the help that I need. He also
told me that I need to be loved for me and that this hasn’t been happening,
adding: ‘We know who you are. Others don’t see you for who you are,’ or
something. Oh yeah, he also said, ‘We trust you,’
and I take that to mean that they are empowering me and possibly entrusting me
with an even greater responsibility than these books because they know I have a
loving heart and will endure to the end when I am dedicated.
I suppose that my experiences since moving here have probably awakened
dormant leadership potential in me. It’s like forging and sharpening a sword,
strengthening the steel in preparation to actively use and assert my will in
the world. This has been an energetic training period. The seedling of
will-to-action is just appearing above the surface of my unconscious into
conscious light. It is starting to be applied to life more. I have been
learning to use my wits, accept some difficulties and tackle others, and deal
with the tension caused by people, or evoked by them, by recognising and
“The theme for our entire universe, in terms of the
cosmic day we live in, is courage. To be successful in life and to own one’s
spiritual power, I learned early on that I had to be very tough as well as
loving. It is the integration of this archetype in its positive, uplifting
aspect that truly has made me unstoppable. No matter how many times I would get
knocked down, I would get back up and fight on toward spiritual victory. I have
used all of the adversaries that have happened to me to strengthen me on all
levels. I believe that this has prepared me for my current mission. The masters
know they can trust me and that I am absolutely unstoppable in my efforts.” - Joshua David
Stone (Golden Keys to Ascension and
Healing. Revelations of Sai Baba and the Ascended Masters, Light Technology
Publishing, Sedona, Arizona,
U.S., 1998, p.20).
"What you are, so is your world. Everything in the universe is
resolved into your own inward experience. It matters little what is without,
for it is a reflection of your own state of consciousness. It matters
everything what you are within, for everything without will be mirrored and
coloured accordingly." - James Allen.
Ward): The way we get into these scrapes and get out of them, it's almost as
though someone was dreaming up these situations; guiding our destiny.”
- Batman (created by Bob Kane, 1966).
“For the first time I understood
Goethe’s laughter, the laughter of the immortals. It was a laughter without an
object. It was simply light and lucidity. It was that which is left over when a
true man has passed through all the suffering, vices, mistakes, passions and
misunderstandings of men and got through to eternity and the world of space.” -
Harry Haller in Steppenwolf by
Hermann Hesse (1927).