Sunday, 29 November 2015

Monstaville Book III. Chapter 28


“Well, what did you expect in an opera? A happy ending?”
- Bugs Bunny (Warner Brothers).

Neighbour Notes March to April 2011.

1 March. Evening. El Phaba came home about quarter to twelve and stomped around in shoes, and then again at half twelve.

The Dude (Jeff Bridges): Look, we all know what’s involved here. What the fuck are you talking about, huh?
Walter (John Goodman): Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here…They pee’d on your fucking rug?
The Dude: They pee’d on my fucking rug.
Walter: That’s right Dude, they pee’d on your fucking rug.
- The Big Lebrowski (directed by Ethan and Joel Coen, 1998).

I now have active hostility with Pakistanis living next door, above me and across the road. Crazy warrior shit, man! I mean, I’m just doing the best I can within the law but can you imagine what I’d be driven to if I was free to in a more primitive society? Well, of course, they all belonged to the same tribe and probably respected each other, a little bit at least! But, here, it’s like I am in prison (or a mental home) with inmates who belong to the same tribe outnumbering me and doing what the hell they want at my expense.

On 1 March, I got home at 4.30 p.m. and, at 5 p.m. they started working on a car in the driveway next door to me just as I was intending to relax for the evening. I simply went outside and complained, saying something like, ‘You’re not starting that at this hour are you?’ Interestingly, when I spoke to him this time, the guy turned round and complained about my having asked his mechanic to go away previously. Two days later, the mechanic sat in his van for ages with the window down, chatting away on his mobile phone. [A week later: however, he has not been back since I wrote down this vehicle registration number while he was sitting in his car shortly afterwards]. I listened to him intently, realising that he really is not capable of considering my point of view, and then said, simply, ‘Ok, this is the last day.’ To which he grumbled and turned away. Agreeing as though agreeing to disagree, or being bitterly sarcastic. So, I am now writing a letter to the council to see if anything can be done about the situation. Although I am now officially battling against three sets of Pakistani neighbours, which has caused my mood to drop somewhat, I also feel more hopeful now that I am actually doing something about it and not just putting up with the noise. It also helps to calm my fury and latent desire to go out and do some damage. There is no need for violence, ever!


There is a Spike Milligan sketch titled ‘Pakistani Daleks’ which portrays life at home with the Daleks. Daddy Dalek (Spike) comes home from work wearing a white handkerchief on his ‘head’ and crashes into the dinner table several times as his human wife attempts to lay out the cutlery (almost as if he is drunk). The dalek eventually pushes the crockery onto the floor and she attempts to lay the table with what remains on it. “I’m sorry I’m late,” says the dalek. “The tubes were full of commuters.” When his wife asks how he got on (the train) he explains that he exterminated them. She makes him a cup of tea and asks how Mr. Banaji is. The dalek replies, “HE’S-NOT-VERY-WELL.” “Why?” asks his wife. “I-EXTERMINATED-HIM.” The dalek then exterminates the dog when it barks and says, “PUT-HIM-IN-THE-CURRY.” He then exterminates granny who is sitting in an armchair. Then a smaller dalek enters from another door. It’s their son. “Johnny, have you finished your homework?” asks the mother. The son replies, “YES-I-HAVE-DESTROYED-IT.” She then says, “Someone has exterminated granny!” To this, daddy dalek responds predictably, “YES-PUT-HER-IN-THE-CURRY-AS-WELL.” A bird in a cage then starts talking: “Hello sailor. Hello sailor.” And is promptly exterminated! “PUT-HIM-IN-THE-CURRY,” says the dalek. His wife then ends the sketch, telling the audience, “Now you know what’s wrong with the country.” Daddy dalek continues firing randomly around the room and says, “PUT-IT-ALL-IN-THE-CURRY.” His wife adds: “Now you know what’s wrong with the curry!”

A comment on YouTube: “The sketch is in fact mocking the social attitudes to mixed relationships in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Spike Milligan wasn’t racist but would often take racial stereotypes and make them so absurd as to be ridiculous.” In view of the title, the main dalek is clearly meant to be a portrayal of a Pakistani man who is married to an English wife. The association being so absurd, Spike Milligan, who was born in Pune, India, is showing us how blaming immigrants for everything is equally absurd. In the 70s, there were a large number of bigots who had never even met a coloured person and regarded them as aliens and less-than-human and harboured many false beliefs about how they lived. It is as though it were daleks who ‘come over here, take all the jobs and breed like rabbits.’ Then we might have something to complain about. Ordinary Asian people, however, are just human beings. And, it is not as if we have anything to fear such as them destroying everything and killing everyone in sight – and putting it in the curry! (Because, of course, another popular myth has been that Asian people put ‘goodness knows what’ in the curry - a new phenomenon for many Brits at the time – possibly even dogs).

5 March. From about 12.45 a.m. the noise coming from a silver PSV parked next door kept me awake. It belongs to the guy over the road. The noise sounded like a loud fan. I went outside to see what it was and the lights in his house, upstairs and downstairs, were on. This has never happened before so I am assuming that it is deliberate after our exchange the other day. The noise lasted about an hour and I couldn’t sleep until it stopped although I kept telling myself it was not too loud to prevent me from sleeping.

I’m surrounded by bandits from the same country who have come to this town expecting to do whatever they want. It is like living in a hornet’s nest! I feel like I have been ambushed by the Japs during WWII and they are closing in and want to take over and throw me in a POW camp. I do feel like I am out of my depth here. It’s starting to get to me again, to be honest.

I feel a bit like Rango the chameleon in the children’s cartoon film that has just come out in the cinema. According to a description in a local newspaper, Rango is “a new twist on the classic Western legend of the outside who saves a town – and himself in the process.”

“When Rango (Depp) accidentally winds up in the gritty, gun-slinging town of Dirt – plagues by bandits – the less-than-courageous lizard finds he stands out. Welcomes as the last hope the town has been waiting for, new Sheriff Rango is forced to play his new role to the hilt until, in a blaze of action-packed situations and encounters with outrageous characters, Rango starts to become the hero he once only pretended to be.” 

 There's a new sheriff in town

6 March. Oh, my favourite pastime: being woken up at 7 a.m. on a Sunday and listening to Fabala stomping around and dropping things on the floor for half-an-hour before going out! As I have already pointed out, the stomping and dropping things often go hand-in-hand. They either occur at the same time or there is some stomping followed immediately by objects being dropped on the floor. This is usually just for a minute or two, morning and evening (often more than once), but sometimes longer. If she is off work - at the weekends, for example - she makes sure she drops things on the floor periodically. During the evening, the Ha Chus were knocking on my wall with a solid object for 5 or 10 minutes at 10.15 p.m. this was followed by noise off and on for an hour.

7 March. In the morning, of course, I received my daily dose of torture from upstairs! In fact, I ended up going to bed very late again and, being woken up early, appears to have triggered this cold that has been lingering in my body for the past month or more. At least it’s all coming out now but I did feel like a total wreck all day today!

10 March. I have a cold at the moment and I am receiving the same treatment as last year. It has not been so noisy this year, however, so Fabala only learned about it yesterday. She let out a loud fake sneeze last night and again this morning along with a whole circus show of dropping items on the floor for ages. She definitely earned her sugar lumps!

12 March. Saturday. I have no idea what El Phaba was doing upstairs this afternoon but it was unbearably loud and I hope it is a one-off rather than a regular act in the circus. It sounded like a rowing machine or similar exercise apparatus. I heard a sliding sound followed by a loud thud on the floor repeated over and over and over again. I happened to watch a comedy programme afterwards and I was killing myself with laughter. As a result, El Phaba dropped something on the floor that was the loudest noise to date, I swear! She also did another fake ‘sneeze’ as loudly as possible a little while later.

13 March. Very loud knocking on the wall with a solid object next door at 10.25 in the evening. I got up and went over to the wall and shouted, ‘You do NOT want to do that, fucker!’ I doubt if they could hear the words but, hopefully, they got the message anyway!

14 March. Evening. El Phaba put some music on when she got home in the evening which was just loud enough to be annoying. She then tried her new exercise machine at 7.30 which is ludicrously loud! I put some loud-ish music on. She stopped but then started again. I stood on the bed and shouted up, ‘Shut the fuck up!!’ She stepped again and put the radio on in her bedroom. It was loud but not earth-shattering like the other times.

15 March. Ha Chu, a grown man, let out a fake sneeze at 4.10 p.m. I’m pretty sure it was the most fake-sounding one to date! He is out of practice! In fact, he did it three times in a row perhaps to make up for his blunder. The third one was much better. Haha.

On 16 March, at 1.07 a.m., I had a fleeting but powerful vision of wearing a white robe (with some purple on) and being some kind of priest on a higher dimension (perhaps with M and co?). There was a faint feeling of joy and fulfilment associated with this plane of who I am. If I could raise my self-awareness to this level and then relate to my earthly life from there I might have more self-love and faith as well as a deeper sense of purpose and interest in living on this planet.

16 March. El Phaba is just very noisy every morning and today she, too, tried a couple of fake sneezes whilst dropping things on the floor at the same time.  Then, at 6.05 p.m., Ha Chu followed suit with another loud ‘sneeze.’ And again at 9.26. Getting some practice in.

17 March. I got home early and Ha Chu let rip a really, really loud ‘achoo’ right by the wall at exactly 4 p.m. So, it was worth all the practice after all! lol.

Rattlesnake Jake from Rango

“Learn to love with all your heart and accept the unlovable side of others...For anyone can love a rose, but only a great heart can include the thorns.” – Unknown.

19 March. Someone next door heard me turn the light off when I went to bed at 12.40 am (I’m usually quieter just in case) and knocked on a wooden cabinet or something for about 40 seconds. At 11.08 a.m., there were three sneezes in succession upstairs which actually sounded real even though I’m sure they weren’t! Perhaps she has been taking lessons from Ha Chu! This was followed swiftly by solid objects being dropped on the lino floor. She then put on some loud dance music at 11.30 which she then turned up six minutes later. It is the radio as usual. She turned it down at 12.40. This was inevitably her response to the full moon. Sad! Loud knocking on the wall next door at 11.17 p.m.

Yeah, Fabala can only handle loud music for an hour and even then she just listens to any old crap on the radio! People who are not really into music cannot go the distance. I could listen to loud music (of my choice) all day if I wanted to. There is so much music I love. I was talking to two black guys once and they got on to the subject of rap music, at which point my interest in the conversation started to decline until I eventually offered an opinion. One of the guys asked me what music I’m into and, when I told him, he smiled and his eyes lit up. He told me he couldn’t relate to anyone who was not passionate about music in one form or another, as though he were suggesting they had no soul!

20 March. El Phaba arrived home just as the neighbours’ 4x4 was pulling into the driveway at 5.32 p.m. Maybe there is a sneezing training centre I am unaware of.

21 March. 4 or 5 young Asian guys parked outside at 2.50. They must have stopped for a fag I think. They were talking and laughing loudly right outside my window. Having been woken up by the assault, I got out of bed and banged on the window. I was too tired to go out and tell them to fuck off. One of them asked what I wanted and I replied, ‘Sleep!’ which he heard and understood immediately. They drove off after that. I was unable to get back to sleep, however. In the evening, El Phaba had her TV on fairly loud and then used that rowing/exercise machine around 8.30 p.m. My God! It’s louder than I remembered. Response: very loud Motorhead for an hour. No Sleep Til Hammersmith. An all-round war is kicking off here again. I swear the Ha Chus made a young child cry purposefully at 11.20 p.m. in an effort to piss me off! They also knocked on the wall off and on until 12.30 a.m.

22 March. A loud fake ‘sneeze’ from Hachu Hichu at 11.35 a.m.

23 March. I came home for lunch and some Asian men were building a brick wall down at the end of the road. They were playing Asian music full blast! On my way out again, I went and talked to them. I was just going to write down their company name and telephone number but there was no sign on their PSV so I asked one guy for a business card. I was going to explain that I intended to ring the company to complain about the noise if they asked (albeit after they had given me a card). It turned out that it was a local family helping relatives so I simply told him that if they didn’t turn the music down I would call the council out. He smiled and turned it off asking me if that was alright, by which time I was walking away and simply turned round and nodded. Actually, I don’t think I nodded because I had not asked him to turn the music off. I just warned him what would happen if he didn’t turn it down. It was more like a subtle shrug. I was bluffing on this occasion anyway although partly because I was not at home.

“Love God and He will enable you to love others even when they disappoint you.” - Francine Rivers.

26 March. El Phaba came home with some people, including children, and immediately used the ‘rowing machine’ for five minutes. It IS incredibly loud! And just as I was about to meditate!! I was tempted to go and ask what the noise was but I was scared of losing my temper. Such is the impotence of English men in our time. I don’t seem to have recorded the other instances of this noise. I have just played loud music in response each time.

28 March. I got home at 11.30 p.m. and her boyfriend’s car was parked in the street outside. My path was blocked in the dark hallway. I bumped into something and couldn’t seem to move it out of the way. So, I switched the light on to see what it was. There were two sections of a retail clothing rail and the one that was in my way I simply lifted up and threw on the stairs with the other part. After a few minutes of being in my flat Elphie’s boyfriend rushed down and took the contraption out to his car. I am wondering if that is what she was rolling around the floor!! Very strange behaviour though. And what was the loud clunk on the floor at the end of each lap? Perhaps she was using it purely as some kind of torture device!

29 March. El Phaba appears to have a week off work and, foolishly, she is making more noise than ever: last night and this evening. And, this evening, whilst I meditated, she walked around and crashed about for the whole hour!

30 March. El Phaba got home just after 9 p.m. and again spent quite some time dropping things on the floor to try and annoy me. I just put Mendelssohn’s Violin Concerto in E Minor on loud enough to prevent it from affecting me. I can just about deal with the idea that someone is being that nasty towards me it if does not do any other harm. These are people who want to ruin my quality of life, not that it is in tip top condition anyway! Late in the evening, the Ha Chus were knocking on the wall. I said to myself that if they did it once more I would get up and do something about it (I hadn’t yet gone to bed). They knocked much louder than before so I got up, banged two metal trays together in the air in the other room to wake El Phaba up and shouted ‘Fuck off!’ Force being the only language these lowlife idiots understand.

“Right meditation has to become a strength in you, not a weakness. It has to make you so strong that you can sit in the marketplace and yet be meditative.” – Osho.

“Everything that you do in meditation, spiritual practices, with your intentions and loving actions throughout the day influences those around you as well as enhancing your own spiritual growth. When you meditate you are not only meditating for yourself but for all of humanity, for all that is the Creator on the Earth and inner planes. Know that you are being of service at all times through your simple desire to connect with the Creator. Many people ask us what their purpose is. We say to you that you are already living your purpose now you are already being of service; you just have to realise and believe this.” – The Ascended Masters (channelled through Natalie Glasson, ‘Being of Service, Part 3,’ 28 March 2011,

31 March. Yes, things have turned nasty here! Some as yesterday: in the evening, El Phaba spent a good deal of her time walking around in shoes and, not so much ‘dropping’ things as throwing things at the floor and just whacking it with something. At one point, this was excruciatingly loud. I meditated through it all again but I did not enter a deep meditation so there was some unpleasantness to experience. This lasted for an hour or so but there was a bit more to come before she went to bed. At 10.45 p.m., I stood on a chair and made some noise of my own for a minute or so in close proximity to where she sleeps. After that, the cat wanted more food and, as I bent down to place it in his bowl, I felt a sneeze coming. Consequently, I stood up and let rip!

There has been no repeat of that awful noise so I guess it must have been the clothes rail and not a rowing machine! Crazy! Thank God for Motorhead and Mendelssohn!

[Note: 5 minutes after writing up this week’s notes the phone rang. I paused to see if anyone spoke, which they did not, and then said ‘Hello’ and they hung up].

“Don’t give in to hate. That leads to the dark side.” – Obi Wan Knobe.

As for the guy over the road, he has resumed business again but in a less conspicuous way which includes not working on vehicles in the driveway next door. In fact, he has removed the empty bottles of oil, dirty rags and so on, and moved the car bumper to his own driveway. I took some photos of the mechanic and a couple of their customers while they worked in the street which was quite amusing. Just in case I need to provide any evidence of what they have been doing here. The mechanic is seriously worried about this for some reason and has pretty much stopped coming here. Interestingly, as I passed a newsagent’s on the bus one afternoon (23 March), I saw a headline advertising a local newspaper which read ‘Death In Unlicensed Garage Home.’

3 April. The Ha Chus have a couple of their daughters and their friend over for the weekend. One of them ‘coughed’ loudly as they always do now before they start such a get-together. I find this behaviour quite stupid because that is more likely to make me angry than anything. They started talking about ten minutes later and El Phaba magically arrived him at that precise moment. Part of me (my ego) wanted to play some loud music in protest but I simply was not in the mood and did not allow this reaction to take over although, the usual plan, is to deter them from doing this kind of thing in the future.

5 April. A guy from the Noise Abatement team at the council called today in response to my second enquiry and reminder that it was three weeks since I wrote to them and no one had contacted me (they said someone would call within 5 days). He claims to have called me a few times and also visited the street to check the situation, hoping to get lucky. In fact, he reckons he was here yesterday morning. I told him it’s a shame I didn’t have his number because the mechanics were working on a vehicle for about 6 hours yesterday afternoon and only finished at 7.15 p.m. I pointed out that there are often two or three cars parked there which slows the traffic down and could cause an accident one day. We agreed that there are many issues besides the noise at stake here and he said he can notify the appropriate departments (Trading Standards, street cleaning and parking) once he has observed things firsthand. He gave me the numbers for his office and told me to call them out when they are working in the street again. He implied that this situation is not so unusual and that Asians sometimes prefer to repair vehicles in the street for cash in hand than rent somewhere purpose-built which they could easily do.

10 April. Sunday. There must be some kind of wedding or something because the Hachoos have being going out and coming back for little parties for the last couple of days. I stayed up on Friday night and was lucky that the noise ceased not long after I had gone to bed. Last night, I wore ear plugs but woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep again. One thing I have noticed whenever the Ha Chus have people over for a Friday/Saturday night party, El Phaba always stays in and is mysteriously quiet for the whole evening. I crashed around when I got up not long after 8 a.m. I am aware of having lost the battle with El Phaba who is now going all out and abusing her power exuberantly, making as much noise as possible, dropping things on the floor for half-an-hour in the mornings and frequently dropping things on the floor throughout the weekends when she is at home. I have no real deterrent anymore. Only extremes will work. All I can do is show her that there are still some consequences of her destructive actions at least in the hope of reducing the number of ‘bombs’ dropped in my direction! Damage control, in other words.

Facebook friend: One good thing about fb is if you wake up in the middle of the night…you always have someone to talk to ;) Love you all! xoxo
Her friend: Yeah all is good here. So have you just got in from a night out??
Facebook friend: Ha! No..I life isn't that exiting these days..I just woke up because the neighbour has been roaring up and down the road on his bike...
Me [later in the morning]: We should all have our own sweet little community somewhere peaceful and sunny. Cities are for visiting not living in. I woke up at 3.30 a.m. because my neighbours had another party and I find ear plugs uncomfortable. In fact, I had a dream that I met an old friend who was telling me he drives diggers and bulldozers for a living and he has trouble with his ears from wearing ear plugs all day. LOL.

13 April. 16.50 p.m. An Asian man has been walking up and down the pavement outside my house talking so loudly on his mobile. I eventually went out and told him, ‘Oi, mate, if you’re going to walk around shouting would you mind doing it outside your own house?’ After ignoring me initially he signalled ‘OK’ with his arm when I turned round again. The truth is, many people living round here now are loud and ignorant. I often hear Asian men talking loudly as they walk past late in the evening or in the early hours of the morning which just never happened at all until the last year or two really.

"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am not, of course, as stated previously, including a record of every time the woman upstairs made my life hell by dropping things frequently and repeatedly as well as ten times more loudly than she used to in the past. It would just be ridiculous because she did it practically every day ever since that week when she got the landlord to stop me playing loud music in the mornings. This period was sheer mayhem and surpassed any period of such length in the past in terms of noise.

17 April. Sunday. El Phaba had her sister’s kids to stay overnight. This morning at 9.10 a.m. she made that phenomenally loud noise again with whatever the contraption is that she has acquired. It is not a rowing machine or the clothes rail. There was much less of a rhythm on this occasion. Less sliding and more clunking!

24 April. Easter Sunday. During sunny weather the quality of life should increase! Often, however, it doesn’t because selfish, ignorant and aggressive people pollute the atmosphere with loud noise from the stereos in their cars and homes and ruin it for everybody. Consequently, despite the sunshine, there was no tai chi or relaxing in the garden this afternoon. Ruined. What gives you the right to ruin everyone’s Sunday afternoon - or Easter? Jamaica: coming to a garden near you!

27 April. A young child was making a lot of noise in the front room near my bed from 11 p.m. onwards. Ha Chu then made a loud, fake sneeze at 11.30 p.m. I was in bed trying to get to sleep.

28 April. When I went out to do tai chi in the garden around midday the neighbours came outside and made a lot of noise just for 15 minutes or so to disturb me. Then, in the evening, Maltesers did some fake coughing. Oh yeah, because I also released a loud shout and rattled a few pans in the kitchen this afternoon when I heard someone in the toilet next door. So I played a Motorhead album loud in both rooms. El Phaba must have come home after a couple of songs and fuck her too! At 6.36 p.m., I heard lots of shouting in the street and climbed up onto the table to look over the hedge, out the window, to see what was going on. A well-built Asian guy had stopped his 4x4 (Land Rover, I think) and he was furious with a black youth who must have kicked or thrown something at his vehicle I guess. He kept repeating, ‘Why did you do that?’ And went for him a couple of times but there were a few other black youths with him. I am not sure if they were all together because they went off in different directions afterwards (in pairs). A Bengali man in a smart light-grey suit, in his 30s, who happened to be around at the time was bravely distracting a couple of the youths and deterring them from possibly attacking the driver. Kind of weird because I just cut the hedge on the other side today after breaking a two-day fast (i.e. I was BEAT!). So, it would have been much easier to see over. I wanted to know what the trouble was and if anyone was getting a rough deal and may need help. Later, at 10.45 p.m., Maltesers’ loud, fake cough was met with me dropping the cat’s metal tray on the floor in the other room beneath El Phaba’s bed. I also slammed the kitchen door handle against the metal filing cabinet a couple times.

PLAY: ‘One of Those Days in England by Roy Harper’ (1977). Why? Cuz this ain’t England!

Retrospective insert.
‘Condone or Condemn?’ by Sananda (channelled through Christopher Sell, 21 February 2013,

If you love unconditionally, does this mean you condone harm?
Should you not condemn a hurtful act? Let us unpack this so that it becomes clearer.
                When you harm another, you harm yourself. How are you best to be helped from this behaviour? Let us consider why you might bring harm to another. The only reason is that some part of you is crying out for love; that part feels so bad about itself that it lashes out in despair. It believes it cannot be loved. So your unconditional love for that part or that person who brings harm is the beginning of a healing process.  
                Does this mean that you must stand aside when harm is done? No, for you are free to act from love also. Your love may prompt you to step in and do whatever you may to stop further harm and to heal what has already happened. You can do this most effectively without recourse to blame, for blame begins to create a separation of one from another that unconditional love seeks to dissolve. 
                Above all be kind to yourself, for in kindness to yourself you model the love of the Source of All.

King Arthur (Graham Chapman): [After Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight (John Cleese): Yes I have.
King Arthur: *Look*!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail (directed by Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones, 1975).

No comments:

Post a Comment