Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Monstaville Book III. Chapter 29


“Oh, well, we almost had a romantic ending!”
- Bugs Bunny (Warner Brothers).

15 May. Sunday. 5.35 p.m. I heard a window smash and went to my bay window to look out and see what had happened. A silver car had pulled up down the road and three young black men wearing hoodies and carrying laundry bags had smashed the lower window pane in the door and then smashed the side bay window. Two of them climbed in and quickly returned with what looked like DVD players, CD payers and stereo equipment from the size and shape of the bags. I had immediately phoned the police and I was standing on the table where the cat sleeps by the window trying to look over the hedge but I couldn’t see the registration number of the vehicle. Then, before I knew it, they were off! I couldn’t believe it, as I explained to the policewoman. ‘They’ve gone,’ I said, in utter disbelief. She told me they are always that quick so there were no surprises on the other end of the line. She then told me that a few other people from my road had called in. So, hopefully somebody managed to supply the police with the car registration number. I was actually in a state of mild shock and explained that I could not have run out there and done anything about it. She replied that I had done the right thing.  Unbelievable! They were in and out like a light! Within three minutes, possibly only two. [I have since learned that there was another car which drove off just before this incident took place and that there seemed to be a dispute. In addition, it turns out that an African man whom no one ever sees lives there on his own (as a tenant) and that he was looking after all the cannabis plants that he and a few other guys were growing in that house! Someone pointed out to me that the wooden frames and large sheets of tinfoil were visible through the window. He said that what could have happened is that once the other vehicle (the other Eastern European men?) had gone these guys decided to break in and run away with what they could carry. So that’s the low down on this situation. Not that it changes anything in terms of what El Phaba and I believed what we saw. So they must have been trays of cannabis plants. On 27 May, our local councillors knocked at every house in my road to explain the situation, saying that they had also been tipped off about two other cannabis factories in this area. They evidently wanted to show that they are doing what they can. A woman who lives next door to this ‘junkie heaven’ complained about having headaches all the time but she does not appear to have notified the authorities, perhaps not realising what the smell was. When they told me that I laughed and said she was stoned all the time and that it’s quite funny really. The police said that a tell-tale sign is the removal of a few roof tiles to let out some of the heat. So I am not sure that anyone actually lived in the house. I was also asked at the end if I had any issues I wanted to share and I mentioned No.32’s ‘street garage’ but added that they appeared to have quietened down now since taking legal advice after my complaint. The more vocal of the three councillors told me they can do something if they are working on vehicles in the street but not if they keep to their own driveway].

16 May. The episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun I watched today had me in stitches again. I know for a fact that none of my neighbours can handle listening to me laughing and being happy! In the evening, El Phaba dropped heavy objects on the floor for a long time. The loudest one was at 10 p.m. This is all far louder than it was up to last September, I should restate. She thinks she’s getting away with it.

17 May. Ha Chu went to Pakistan last week or at the weekend. Maltesers ‘coughed’ loudly at 11.30 p.m. There was also another loud noise. She then repeated it at 11.41. I got a call on my mobile while I was in the dole office and quickly switched my phone off since I couldn’t talk there. The call was from my landlord and I was stuck with panic. I felt kind of ill all of a sudden. This was right when the Full Moon in late Scorpio was taking place; literally two hours after the Sun-Moon opposition was exact. I had done tai chi but had meant to make sure I also meditated in advance of the fatal hour. I didn’t get round to it, however. When I had the interview my mouth was extremely dry and my hands were shaking. The African man who interviewed me turned out to be quite spiritual and I believe this was arranged on a higher level for me to benefit from his healing and calming effect. We seemed to get on very well. I was worrying about it all the way home, wondering if it was another complaint from El Phaba, even though my attempts to defend myself were nothing compared to what she had put me through, or something else. I arrived home to find a note by my door telling me to phone the landlord’s office ‘URGENT.’ So I did…rationalising that it couldn’t have anything to do with Fabala because ‘urgent’ implies something much more serious. It is difficult to believe that she has the gall to complain about the noises I have made, too little too late, after what she has been doing all this time! Nevertheless, when I couldn’t get hold of the landlord with my second call an hour or so later, I decided to go up and ask El Phaba. I left two messages for the landlord, the first saying I hoped it wasn’t anything drastic and the second saying I hoped nothing bad had happened.

By this time, in the evening, I had drunk a glass or two of red wine and had a good rest. I had asked for help and protection and I quickly drank a little more wine so my nerves were held in check (even though I was still in too much of a panic for the wine to really affect me beyond that) and I felt a surge of spontaneous courage propelling me into action regardless of the objections running around like rabbits in my mind. First, I rang on her doorbell, not wishing to scare her. When that failed to get a response I ascended the staircase, knocked on her door and retreated half-a-dozen steps, again, to lessen the impact. When she did not answer, I called out, saying I just had a quick question. She opened the door and I showed her the piece of paper in my hand asking her if she knew anything about it. I explained that the message stated I needed to call the office ‘urgently.’ She told me that she had complained to the landlord. I replied that I was relieved since I thought ‘urgent’ must mean something very serious and I was worried that my father might have died or something. She seemed puzzled by that so I explained that it had happened once before. They notify the police and they come round. OK, so I meant that this happened decades ago when my mother left my father, not after someone had died! Anyway, saying ‘That’s a relief’ must have played down the effect of her evil antics somewhat and showed her that I was not afraid and it would not disrupt my life in any tangible way.

These occasions have really felt like being beaten up emotionally. I am having to fight for my life here now that Pluto is moving slowly over my natal Mars (in my Twelfth House). My long-term struggle to survive is more intense than ever. It is now, more than ever, a matter of life or death. Mars rules my Second House which indicates a financial crisis or fighting for my values. I have, in fact, been beaten to a pulp emotionally three times within the past eight months. I should mention that I was given a little bit of grass in December which has helped me enormously through this period. The first occasion was after receiving a letter from the landlord back in September and I had to phone them regarding El Phaba’s complaint and give up my sole effective defence weapon. The second time was in January when I received news that I was not receiving help for my work in terms of funding on any level whatsoever after feeling positive about the future for a few weeks over Christmas. Among other problems I had at the time, my landlord also demanded the lost one-month’s advance rent and suddenly I found myself facing the street. I also found that the extra £15 rent I was paying had gradually built up and I was actually two weeks behind anyway. After being bailed out by a friend it still took me two or three weeks to recover fully from the shock because other problems lingered.

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” - Walter Benjamin.

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” - Carl Gustav Jung.

“Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you.” - William Feather.

“Every day is an opportunity to face yourself and deal with your shortcomings. It does not matter how far you have evolved, there will always be challenges. These are times when you are sorting out the many beliefs you carry with you. They mould your personality, but are often not in your interest for one who aspires to lift up and ascend. If they do not stand up in the Light, then you may be sure that they cannot travel with you any longer. This is part of the process that has been taking place for many years, as your evolution has advanced. For you as an individual your guidance comes from within, and it is important to listen to the small voice that talks to you. Only your Higher Self knows what is best for you at any time, and the advice should be heeded. What else is it but your conscience prompting you to act on it?
                As best as you can stay calm in all situations and maintain a peaceful demeanour, thereby keeping your vibrations as high as possible. It helps keep you from slipping back into an emotional state that may bring out some response that you would rather not experience. However to sometimes lose control is a very human trait, and you should Endeavour to recover from it as soon as you can. The quicker you can do so, the less harm it causes to your body that produces toxins in such circumstances. Have you not noticed, that after any outburst you feel depleted and often unwell. Going to the extreme, if you were continually becoming angry and aggressive, you would end up with a serious illness. The energy of the chakric centres becomes unbalanced, and you are certain to experience a bodily reaction.
                Dear Ones your body is your sacred temple that is fully conscious. It can only respond to your treatment of it, and when you respect and love it keeps it fully healthy. Much of how you view yourself has a bearing on your well-being. When you are dissatisfied with yourself you actually add to your problems, whereas when you praise yourself you are attracting good vibrations. By being positive you can overcome most problems, particularly when it comes to personal achievements. To get the best out of yourself, always believe that you can do whatever you set your mind on doing. The most successful people are those who firmly set their mind and focus on exactly what they want. With Ascension coming up, do not doubt that once you decide that it is your goal you have every opportunity of ascending. Of course you need to keep it in your sight and envision that Being of Light you are destined to be.”
- SaLuSa (channelled through Mike Quinsey, 18 May 2011,

18 May. The lady from the landlord’s office phoned me around 10.30 in the morning. I made sure I prepared myself as much as possible, anticipating an early call. I had danced to Michael Jackson’s Off The Wall album and Tupac’s song ‘Better Dayz,’ practised tai chi and meditated although Sekhmet was struggling to reach me and didn’t quite make it. I couldn’t really focus and I was still in a state of panic. I asked for help from Tupac and MJ (feeling an affinity with them in what I was going through emotionally), as well as St. Germain and my guides, and asked for protection from Sekhmet and Archangel Michael for the whole day! These are unbelievable stories to many people because it is made to look as though we are the guilty parties both because the finger has been pointed at us and because people find it incredible that so many people could be against us, trying to push us over the edge whether they know each other or not. At least I did not have the mainstream media on my back as well! Then, again, I never had the success I wanted as a songwriter either.

At the beginning of the telephone conversation (to which I am sure the company owner must have been listening) she fist explained that the note related to another complaint from El Phaba and asked me if I had read the letter from the landlord (the main owner). When I replied that I had not and that I often do not open the rent book until Friday she suggested I read it and I thought she said it was an account of my neighbour’s complaint plus notice of two months to leave my flat. It turned out that the letter was very brief, stating:

“We have today received another complaint from the upstairs tenant about your behaviour. Last time it was loud music at unsociable hours, which you admitted, now you are banging on her floors and doors.
She is understandably upset.
If we have any more complaints, from our tenant or other neighbours, we will give you 2 months notice to leave your flat.”

Anyway, I didn’t read this until after the phone call. I explained that I am the victim here and have been enduring incredibly loud noise. She said that El Phaba told them I had stopped playing loud music in the mornings after she complained to them. I corrected the statement, reiterating the fact that I had already stopped and that she had started making ten times much noise a week or so before the landlord’s letter arrived. I added that she had continued to make such a racket, stomping around in shoes and dropping heavy objects on the floor, and I did nothing for months. I simply endured it, I said, which was generally but not wholly true. I went on to say that El Phaba then acquired some kind of contraption which sounded like a rowing machine but I had no idea what it was. It was so loud, I told her, that I decided to take action. And that was when I started knocking on the ceiling. I also stated that it is impossible to make as much noise downstairs and that my efforts to defend myself never rivalled the excruciating volume directed at me from upstairs. I repeated the story of how it all began, how El Phaba had been as quiet as a mouse for the first ten months or so and how I had put up with her walking around in shoes for several months before finally asking her to stop. She then started dropping things on the floor as well. The lady from the landlord’s office (with whom I always get on just fine) explained that these houses were not designed to be divided into flats and suggested that El Phaba was simply making ordinary, everyday sounds. I quickly responded by saying, ‘No. I don’t drop things on the floor. There’s never any need to.’ I repeated my statement that she has been deliberately trying to disturb me. These houses were also not designed for selfish, hostile control freaks to live in either!

When she said that El Phaba had told them she was petrified of me and was prepared to accept another of their flats which might not be as good as the one here I argued that she was lying and wished there was a truth drug they could use. She pointed out that there has been trouble between myself and all of the other tenants who have lived upstairs. I said that was true but that all I had ever done was respond to them; that is, I was never the instigator of any of the trouble (in fact, I have often endured harassment for weeks or months before doing anything about it). She told me that she was now aware that the previous tenant had said she was scared of me as well! Well, she was an over-sensitive, fearful, insecure yet selfish control freak who wanted to know how much she could manipulate and get away with before she went for it! She was out of control emotionally and sought to compensate for it by projecting her weakness and instability on to me. In other words, I seemed like a nice guy and therefore, potentially, a victim, or canvas for her projections. And this, as always, ends up in the belief and accusations that the target is responsible because the last thing someone like that wants to do is look at themselves and acknowledge their delusions.

I also explained that, for the first year, we El Phaba and I got on very well, and even met for cups of tea in each other’s flats. I said I couldn’t believe it had come to this. When they say they are scared of me what they mean is they fear people whom they cannot control because they want power. So, I expect everyone who has lived up in that flat above me has been scared of me! And I called these people into my life aeons ago because I chose to set myself up karmically with them and to go through this challenge of being persecuted as a consequence of believing that I am this limited, fragile human being who can be put in this position at the mercy of younger souls who feel a need to display power to get what they want and be themselves as limited egos who they are not, in reality, either! Yeah, the more you think about life the more you realise it’s all totally insane! Which is supposed to lead to untold laughter but doesn’t because it’s all so desperately serious and painful at the time.

“We stopped checking for monsters under the bed when we realised they were inside us.” – Unknown.

She also added that I have mentioned disturbance from my next door neighbours and I told her that the Pakistani family living next door like to start their get-togethers at 10.30 each evening and that I am also putting up with their fake coughing and sneezing campaign. I said I had also had to contact the council regarding the Pakistani man who had moved into the house opposite to me because he has started a car repair business to avoid renting a garage and his mechanics were dragging metal trollies around and using a loud machine off and on for hours. After that, she made a sound which implied disbelief and told me she had had enough of this conversation. I agreed to go and visit them in the afternoon to find out what they were going to do about the situation after talking to El Phaba. It appeared that the landlord believed El Phaba’s side of the story rather than mine because she is the one who has the GALL to complain even though I was the one who endured endless torture and only responded when I couldn’t take anymore.

Towards the end of the conversation my ‘interviewer’ asked me why I did not go to them and tell them what was happening. I answered, “Because she believes she can get away with it.” I said she was making sounds that ‘could’ be natural but represented deliberate harassment. What I did not mention was that I figured I was better off taking my chances because any noise that I employed in self-defence appeared blatantly hostile and, if the landlord believed her and not me, I could lose my only ammunition and defence strategy! I have simply been dealing with the situation in the best way that I can.

You could say that the solution would have been to simply inform the landlord about the trouble I was in living here. But, would they have believed me anyway after hearing about my conflicts with the people next door, plus Pisgy whom they may have put upstairs partly because the Irish guy before him thought it was me who had thrown a brick through the window of his Mercedes! It was quieter when the two men lived here and there was no carpet until Pigsy finally, after a long delay, laid some down (as part of a deal in exchange for lower rent) not long before he moved out, just bare floorboards! They took their shoes off when they got home! So…here are some reasons why I did not tell the landlord:

  • I was already used to having to deal with the next-door neighbours on my own and also had to cope with Pigsy without any assistance from anyone. So, I toughened up and just got on with it. I had no choice.
  • The landlord wants to sell the property and not only did they not offer me any support after Pisgy threatened me with a knife and intimidated me for two years but they probably placed him here to get me out! If that is their intention then there is a strong possibility that both subsequent tenants in the flat above me have been installed as a subtle tactic to see if trouble arises and I am persuaded to leave (or can be accused of causing trouble and consequently kicked out). I mean, if a drunken psychopath loser like Pigsy failed, perhaps an insane, volatile, selfish or vindictive woman might do the trick! Perhaps they wanted me to complain until eventually they could say that they had had enough and were selling up for this reason. Even if the blame was placed equally on us both it is still a more digestible justification for getting me out than simply wanting to sell the place. This is just speculation, of course. I have no idea what, if any, involvement my landlord has had in this twisted saga. When I visited the office recently I asked the company owner how he was and he replied, “Terrible,” and looked me in the eyes. I detected a wry smile and told him, “Everything’s terrible! I mean how you are in spite of it all?“
  • She believes she can get away with it and simply blame me. Even some of my friends (who do not live here and therefore do not know what they’re talking about) believe that I am over-reacting or being paranoid, over-sensitive or aggressive.
  • I was scared of being thrown out because I knew the landlord wanted to sell the house. So, I did not want the landlord to be aware of the situation if possible, or to know how serious it was. And, being scared of being thrown out amounts mostly to being afraid for my work towards which I am very protective. I need more, not less, space and if I have to leave this place I don’t even have the deposit for a tiny single room let alone another one-bedroom flat and certainly not of the size I have here. Furthermore, as I told the lady at the landlord’s office on the phone, I spent a few grand decorating this flat, and no longer have a job, any money or anywhere I can borrow money from. I wanted to (or felt obliged to) resolve all of these conflicts as effectively as possible on my own so that they did not come out into the open and to the attention of either my landlord or the local council. Why? Because I did not believe that either could help me and were more likely to deactivate my ‘secret weapon.’ My only real weapon for self-defence is my stereo so I wanted to avoid getting into a full discussion and being cornered and asked to keep the music down permanently. In fact, I figured that the result of complaining and stating my case would be the same as her doing it: that is, I would get the blame and be told to stop my ‘bad behaviour. 

If people wonder how or why I put up with it all for so long, the answer is that I had to in order to protect my work for which I needed the space and could not afford to move unless it was to a smaller place. Another reason is that I could! I possessed sufficient inner strength at least to survive and get through my ordeals, just about! There is sufficient love and compassion, patience and humility, strength and self-discipline within me to go through this endurance test, or initiation, even if I may not have come out with flying colours exactly! This was my Indigo Ascension crisis. I practice meditation and tai chi on a daily basis which have also helped. The reason I have remained here and suffered it all is NOT that I am weak, spineless and will put up with anything!

I have stood my ground when I felt I could and had to and I have not done what many men may have which is resort to violence or move in case it came to that. Although I did tell a friend only a couple of months ago that I was scared to go and talk to her in case I did lose my temper. Most people might have told the landlord or confronted her repeatedly so that she would have had to at least argue and deal with that. However, this itself may have led to complaints about me if she believes she can get away with behaving as she does and, again, the finger would be pointing at me. Once I had retaliated through noises that could not be disguised as everyday sounds they could argue that they did nothing wrong. So that would probably have been another one-way street to Palookaville! It just seemed wise not to draw attention to tensions here since the landlord wanted to sell this house. Another thing about me is that, being sensitive and nervous and not being able to rely on my memory or even my brain in relation to other people, confrontation has never felt like a viable option unless it is spontaneous with someone in the same room. Besides, I did confront the African on several occasions and it got me nowhere. If people like this are bent on bullying and can get away with it they will…unless someone forces them to stop. I was not in a position to do that and I did not believe that my landlord would help or want to get involved. I was scared that they would simply sell the place if there was any trouble.

“It's all Love only. Even to be thrown into the fire is pure love. This is your Golden Age of coming home to your own Self. Put down this heavy rucksack of personhood. Leave aside all notions and rest here in the silence of Being.” – Mooji.

Some of my notes from 17 May while considering what I was going to say in the phone call on the following morning:

  • I’m sorry but the question from my point of view is what am I going to do about this situation?
  • After months and months of torture what does she expect?
  • Exactly: that’s her/their intention, to make me lose my temper so they can point the finger at me.
  • I’m not just going to sit here and take it. That just encourages her to do it more!
  • Do you seriously think that I’m the troublemaker here?
  • You simple would not believe what I’ve had to endure here!
  • So, what am I going to do? (What can I do?).
  • She is the evil one and must not win this war which she started and continues to perpetuate.
  • The only thing I regret was shouting – but it was late.
  • Yeah, I lost my temper because I am no longer doing anything much to deter her.
  • There is an ongoing struggle here because she is full of hate.
  • I am merely trying to defend myself and deter people from attacking me.
  • So the question is: What can I do to defend myself? What can I do about the situation. Not what she can do!
  • There doesn’t appear to be any solution. Basically, there is no solution – unless you can get her to stop harassing me. The solution is not for me to suffer in silence. Then there is nothing to deter her.
  • She is still doing it. She was dropping heavy objects on the floor last night to run it in because she believes she can get away with it behaving like that and there is nothing I can do about it.
  • I don’t accept the complaint. I’m the one who has the complaint!
  • I am only responding in kind. I have got to do something to stand my ground in order to try and reduce what she does.
  • I am suffering in silence here most of the time. I only generally play loud music or bang on the ceiling when she goes way over the top.
  • All I have ever done here is respond to harassment. I’m not causing trouble. She is! It is intimidation. I am not the guilty party here. I’m the one who’s enduring incredibly loud noise.
  • The question for me is why is she doing it??
  • She’s got some nerve!
  • Surely, someone cannot get away with such intimidation.
  • You have to be a lion: show your strength and power in this situation and win. No one can do anything to you except tell you off. Have faith.

I also confided in a couple of female friends on Facebook, one of whom advised me kindly and wisely: ‘Just tell the landlord what she is doing. Handle it babe.’ This really helped to simplify the task at hand for me.

I arranged to go to the landlord’s office in the afternoon but I called them first to say I was running late. I was told that El Phaba, who had gone to talk to them in the morning, wanted to move to one of their other properties. Since I have been here for twelve years, they took a decision to sell the property with me in it as a sitting tenant. The Angel Cards I turned over after finding the ‘Urgent’ note were Enthusiasm and Gratitude. I could not see that this situation could be a positive thing in any way, especially after asking El Phaba if she knew what was going on, so I kept picking up other Angel Cards in the hope of receiving some useful guidance. However, when I learned that I was not being thrown out and that El Phaba was moving, I realised that I had every reason to be enthusiastic and grateful! At least in the short-term.

Another interesting thing that happened recently is that I noticed that someone had jumped to the page for the year 2013 in my rent book at some point this year and copied out the previous entries for this year up to the date when I had to borrow the lost four weeks’ advance rent. I decided it was best if I went to the landlord’s office in person to show them and get it corrected right there and then to save any misunderstandings. I joked that I was going to write the rent cheque out for 2013 and my quick-witted landlord replied, ‘What pounds?’ I believe the exchange was important as a reminder of who I am as a human being at this time. It will have reinforced his soul’s perception of me and recognition of me as an old soul and the spiritual power and promise that is, apparently, however subtly, conveyed through my eyes. But we don’t talk about that. Nooo…haha.

An hour or so after the call I headed off for a long walk in the park in an effort to further calm my nerves and release the tension. As ‘luck’ would have it, on my way there I passed someone I know who happens to be a healer and counsellor. I did not register the healing I may have received from her at the time just by sitting and having a chat on a wall but, afterwards, I realised that it was a kind and efficient response from those beings of Light from whom I had asked for protection that day. I love being around trees and still water. Before leaving the park I sat down near two swans and finished writing the poem called ‘Free Spirits’ which is about Tupac and Michael Jackson and their Indigo missions, saying that they fought for their lives (this poem is included in Book 2). Just as I was doing, I felt. Less dramatically, of course, but nevertheless, I don’t have any money whatsoever and could not afford to move. I am always staring homelessness in the face as well as coping with 17 years’ work being under threat. I bought another bottle of red wine on the way home. And I needed it! [In fact, I still hadn’t shifted myself totally out of the panic by the weekend and needed to buy some beer as well on the Friday (I don’t drink these days as a general rule). Again, even the alcohol hardly managed to penetrate very far beyond the lingering panic in my system].

Just before 10 p.m. El Phaba let out a loud, fake ‘cough’ on her way up the stairs after seeing a friend off at the front door. It sounded suspiciously like she was trying to tell me something; namely, that she and the Ha Chus were working together. Then, at 10.30 p.m., Maltesers ‘coughed’ by the wall; very loud and very fake it was too.

19 May. Maltesers coughed and spluttered while I was doing tai chi outside this afternoon. El Phaba moved out today. She was gone by about 7 p.m. I danced to MJ’s album Off The Wall and I really think he was there because my dancing was really groovy! I really got into it and enjoyed myself. Maltesers ‘coughed’ again at 23.38 and 23.54, quite violently, in fact.

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” - Oscar Wilde.

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” - C.S. Lewis.

20 May. Maltesers is doing her fake coughing again and at various times of the day. Later in the evening: the Ha Chus have had a woman from Pakistan staying with them for the past few weeks. From what I have observed, I believe that, for the first week or two, she was sleeping downstairs. However, because I crashed around at 8 a.m. for a few days, the son painted their outhouse so she could sleep there instead. That is how it looks anyway. They had late night get-togethers every night but I played loud music a few times as well, mostly when El Phaba was out, and they stopped. Their guest has packed her case ready to go back. There has therefore been a lot of loud talking all evening and I simply listened to some music fairly quietly, working and staying up late. However, at 22.28, Maltesers made sure she sent a couple of fake coughs my way. In addition, there was some light banging with a solid object on the wall (or a cupboard near it) at 23.51 followed, after a couple of minutes, with some ridiculously pathetic fake coughing. Then again at 23.59, repeatedly and extremely loudly.

You know what it is, I’ve realised? El Phaba has told me a few times that she doesn’t feel safe living in this area because of the junkies. There have been a few fights in this street of late that I have not recorded and there is generally more noise…more people walking around talking loudly at night, noise from the mechanics over the road and more fried chicken boxes and so forth thrown into our front garden. Then there are the cockroaches of course, cockroaches and summers filled with flies! This area is a bit like an unguarded sandwich that East London is gradually munching through. The energy and consciousness that was here for over a century is being slowly devoured. Quality of life, freedom, peace and quiet, mutual respect…just a few characteristics of civilised life on a basic level that our ancestors fought hard for over the course of several centuries! Someone told me that, in some parts of the country, Pakistanis buy property and move into a town, and then make it run-down, even breaking windows and causing damage, so that the prices come down. They then get their friends and relatives to move there because English people do not want to live there. She told me that you can always tell a town has been, or is in the process of being, taken over by Asians because it will have those signs. I thought she meant that it was due to racist attacks by white people at first but, no, the Asians do it themselves, she insisted. 

This lady also said that there are five rats for every Asian (Muslim) person in a town because, to in order to make sure that meat has been prayed over they buy the animals live (which is cheaper as well) and slit their throats in the cellar. If there is no cellar, she added, they use the bath. It is the blood of these animals – goats, lambs, cockerels, etc. – that attracts rats and flies, she explained. I mentioned this to someone from Pakistan and they said that Bengalis eat a lot of fish and that there are so many flies because they throw their rubbish out or leave it lying around for ages. They are used to living in a different environment, mostly outside in warmer weather, not spending so much time confined to the same space, with soft furnishings, suggesting that the place gets dirty but there is no cultural custom or motivation to clean and maintain it.

So, anyway, what El Phaba has done, after we both witnessed that ‘robbery’ (or what looked like one at the time) on Sunday is to transfer that fear to our conflict story and then tell the landlord she wants them to give her another flat because she is petrified of me! The letter is dated 16 May so she must have decided she had had enough, not of torturing me but of living in this area (she has told me she does not feel safe here now). She called their office that day, the day after the robbery. She knows me and knows full well that I am harmless although I did lose my temper and shout ‘You fucker!’ one night towards the end of last week (which I regret). I believed her boyfriend was up there joining in the noise at quarter-past-midnight but it was her stomping around in shoes for no reason other than to disturb me. The last time she was here with her boyfriend, a couple of weeks ago, was a Saturday night and I was just so mad at all of these neighbours I decided to throw a little party for myself! I played loud goth music all evening through all four speakers, in both rooms. El Phaba and her boyfriend quickly went out, like within half-an-hour. A recent strategy of hers has been to make a lot of noise and then, when I get around to turning my music on at some point in the evening (even though it’s not usually very loud at all but can be on occasion if she has been torturing me to extremes), she goes out. So, she is scared of this area and yet all the selfish and negative behaviour by ignorant Pakistanis in this part of the street is attracting rats, cockroaches, flies, violence and now robbery! [Interestingly, the lady from the landlord’s office showed no interest when I mentioned this later. “It’s all water under the bridge now,” she stated matter-of-factly. Well, for them, this matter has reached a conclusion so it is time to move on. I, myself, am left with this nagging suspicion that all of this was a scheme to try and get me out so they could make their money on the property. Terrible! I have no grounds on which to base such an argument other than I can easily imagine them offering the house for sale to the previous three tenants if I happened to move out. I mean, for me, the lingering question is why did these people behave in such a hostile manner towards me? Were they influenced by my next-door neighbours? Or…the landlord could control neither me nor my home and I could only be free by passing all the way through this tunnel to the end of this endurance test. And, this, again, is essentially a dark night of the soul which it is necessary to experience in order to awaken from darkness to Light, misery to bliss, limited ego to unlimited Self. I definitely find it interesting that literally a few weeks after I went to see the landlord about my rent book and revealed my understanding that one ought to rise masterfully above the trials and tribulations in one’s life this complaint is supposed to have been received. And then, within a couple of days, they rehoused El Phaba and announced that they had decided to sell the house with me in it – seemingly because I have been here for 13 years].

Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro): Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore, a man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is someone who stood up. Here is… [The scene switches and he fires a gun: “You’re dead”].
- Taxi Driver (directed by Martin Scorsese, 1976).

At about 2.30 a.m. one of her female friends (or it could be her sister) rang on her doorbell a few times and then banged with the door knocker. I was still up, in fact, so I answered the door. She told me that El Phaba has said she was ill and so she expected her to be at home. I asked if it was urgent and she said yes (unconvincingly!). She went upstairs and knocked on El Phaba’s door calling out to her several times and then gave up and left. It was funny because when I opened the door and she stepped inside she was looking at me searchingly as though she was shocked to discover that I didn’t look like I had been woken up! Hahaha. Inner guidance, darling, inner guidance! Believe it was her sole mission and intention to do just that! Give it up bitches!

Another reason is that I am making a stand and she has done everything she can to make my life hell and probably try to persuade me to move out (or make me react in anger so she can complain to the landlord again and get me thrown out). Interestingly, it was losing my temper and swearing at the Ha Chus loudly that caused the previous tenant upstairs to move out. They don’t wanna play anymore if they find that you’re not quite the pushover they expected. No, I’m not from around here darlings! I bet nobody in the landlord’s office realises that they would not last two seconds here in my flat putting up with all this shit!

21 May. Maltesers fired some loud fake coughing at me at exactly 11 p.m.

22 May. A little teasing goes a long way…

Me: Yeah I know. Nasty business! The evil woman in the flat above me moved out too this week. She lost the war! :D
F: Antraeus I bet you missed her...she was tired of ur ass too ahhahaa
Me: The tension is oozing away. Prolly good for her too although I bet it was better than sex for her lol. Yeah well I never started it. I only end my battles! I believe she moved in to try and get me out on behalf of the other Pakistanis next door who'd really love to kill me! :p
F: oh gosh! you ain't good to your neighbours too.
Me: What do you mean 'too.' They're evil lol ;P
F: yah i would like to hear their version of the story lol
F: [In reply to someone else’s comment] He is talking about his neighbours where he lives...He is acting like he is the victim looooooll
Me: LOL. Their version of the story is they only wanna party every night right next to my bed just as I'm going to sleep!
F: Ohhhhhhh if you can't win just join hahahaha
Me: Sometimes yeah but not every night! :-P
F: hahahahaha lol...been the victim and the neighbours the bad ones...only because they love life MORE.
Me: Well that's one way of looking at it. They're full of hate now though since I had to defend my space!
F: You live in…so East London...U better move luv cos u will have Pakistanis all over ur butt there...U are the one on the wrong place.
F: Going to sleep...Antraeus enjoy your party tonight Lmaoo loll
Me: Very true. East London is gobbling this place up. I can't afford to move though. The landlord is selling this house with me in it as a sitting tenant. I wrote my story though...
Me: k. me too. no, no more parties. or it will be loud goth music tomorrow bwahahaha. nite F: hahahaha you are the house furniture loll; selling the house with u on it loll thats funny sorry...xoxo night luv
Me: Yeah well I hope it's going to be OK. No more nightmares! ~kiss~

OK. OK. ENOUGH ALREADY! When these final events unfolded and El Phaba moved out I was about to say that I cannot be bothered to keep a record anymore because the situation is just completely out of control. There has also been some disturbance from next door over the past few months, some of which I have responded to, but I have not bothered to record. One reason is that I have been keeping a record of the car repair shop over the road for the council and another reason is that it is simply just too much to record everything that has been happening here. Upstairs alone, as I have indicated, has pretty much been a barrage of sustained abuse (extremely loud noise disturbance) ever since Elphie’s first complaint to the landlord last September. Oh, the irony! In spiritual circles, we learn that much of the disturbance in human experience this year can be attributed to unusually wild solar activity; namely, solar flares. These have undoubtedly been affecting me directly as well as through unstable and weak-minded people around me. However, I also added a new line to my morning invocations a couple of months ago – ‘I give all my cares, worries and problems to God’ – at the end before ‘So it is and so be it. So mote it be.’ Around 10 or 11 May I also started invoking the flames of Ascension and Abundance in response to a channelled message form Sananda. The message stated that these are very powerful spiritual tools.

"The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously." - Nicholas Murray Butler.

"Humour is one of the most serious tools we have for dealing with impossible situations." - Erica Jong.

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