Channelled through Alexandra and Dan, September 2012
This channeling is part of a Soul purpose reading with Saint-Germain.
It's reprinted here with our client's permission.
"Dear Saint-Germain, How am I supposed to feel? When I listen to my heart, so often I hurt myself, sometimes unbearably. Right now I want to call my ex-husband and tell him that I do not despise him, but that I understand how the heaviness became too much for him and sucked him down into its darkness.
"But if I do that now, call him and talk to him, I will be broken again for many days to come, carrying in me his pain as well. Would it heal me to free him? And free myself towards others? I do not understand men. How am I supposed to feel? In my worst times I feel rejected; a fool for having come out and made myself vulnerable and trusting. I should have known better by now.
"Help me to believe that it is God’s Will that I have a life of joy without the underlying grief in my heart that I have carried for most of my life."
Indeed my friend, I AM Saint-Germain. It is time for joy now. It is time for joy to enter your life, and for the underlying tone of sadness you have been experiencing to leave.
You've been going through these intense, transformational changes for such a long time. And you have been living with grief for much of this, as well. You might say that the experience of grief has become second nature for you. But now I am asking you this -- Is grief your true nature?
My friend, grief has become so familiar to you that you have come to identify yourself with it. You have come to believe that sadness is an inevitable part of your life, and that relationships without suffering are not really relationships.
You have created the potential for love, followed by suffering and grief, to be the underlying tone in all your relationships – no matter what type of relationships they are.
What is Passion?
You live your life and your relationships with great “passion,” this is true. But with the dualistic confusion that often accompanies the energy behind this word.
Passion can be expressed as strong love and fervent desire. But passion was equally and originally meant to express suffering. Consider the Passion of Christ. This kind of passion was the love that was expressed by a man who was martyred for Love’s sake.
Is this you?
Do you really need to play with these notions?
I am asking you now to be honest with yourself, and to look at all of your relationships.
Viewing Relationships as Tragic
Look at the hidden beliefs and assumptions that you hold about relationships, for these are setting the emotional tone for all of your experiences.
Does part of you believe that “true love” is meant to be? That this is the truest longing of your heart and soul? That this is your destiny?
Do you believe that there is a perfect love, or a perfect lover for you? That all you need to do is align yourself with this deeper longing of the soul, and it shall be so? That this is your destiny, and that you will do everything in your power to cooperate with it?
Is there another part of you that believes, with equal fervor, that fate is cruel and ironic, especially to those who love?
Is there another part of you that believes your portion of good and evil was allotted to you at birth. And that despite everything you do to collaborate with your destiny, certain outcomes are fated, unpleasant, and unavoidable for you?
Do you believe that even the will of the gods can be thwarted by the fates?
Do you believe that destiny and fate, good and evil, are in conflict… and that human beings are nothing more than pawns in this game? Something to be sacrificed? Something expendable?
This is tragic thinking, pure and simple.
If you have been allowing these kinds of thoughts and feelings into your life, then there is no doubt that your experiences will have been quite intense. Especially your experiences with love.
My dear friend, you have been living a Greek tragedy. You have been living life with the passionate expression of a classic Greek drama.
The ancient Greeks understood dramatic structure very well. They invented it, and they were masters of it. It is compelling. It is evocative. And it is powerful.
It is filled with noble love, compelling destiny, and cruel fate.
But it is a construct. A story.
It is not a formula for living.
Let it go.
Who Are You, Really?
Now, let's have a look at where this disappointment is coming from.
Your difficulties are coming from an over-identification with the ego, and with one or more of its dominant sub-personalities.
[Sub-personalities are strong beliefs about who you are that seem to have a life of their own. They are the roles that you play and the masks that you wear to feel acceptable. They are part of the “false you,” the ego, which believes it has been abandoned by God. They are not Who You Are in Truth.
You are a Child of God, and God also. This is the Truth About You. Remembering this Truth often, is a way to free yourself from the pain and suffering caused by the ego. – Alexandra and Dan]
Throughout the years, you have held onto a grand vision for your life… and you were expecting things to appear accordingly. You’ve worked faithfully to turn this vision into reality
But there is a part of you, a sub-personality, that has been confronted with a different situation. This part of you has felt challenged and has said, “I don't know how to make this vision work. How can I make it into something tangible and real?”
As you shared this vision with others, including your partners, you have met with resistance. This part of you began to feel badly about itself and say, “I suppose people don't really understand me after all, and I guess I don’t really understand them, either.”
The differences between the expectations supported by the “visionary you,” and the fears experienced by the “misunderstood you,” have created great discomfort, pain, and even suffering in your life. This has placed a high emotional cost upon you, as you continue to hold onto your vision. It has ensured that certain important experiences in your life have felt heavy and limited, and that there is little room for the free expression that you value so much. This has caused you to feel alone in the world with your dreams.
My dear friend, as you started to feel alone in the world, a part of you began to identify strongly with this experience of life. This sub-personality called “Misunderstood” has believed deeply that you are alone with your dreams, and that there is no one to share them with, as much as you might desire it. This same part of you has begun to feel resignation toward experiencing love in your life again.
This sub-personality has seen to it that every time you try to experience love with a friend, a partner, and sometimes even with yourself, you feel alone, misunderstood, and abandoned. It does this to protect you. But its motivation is confused.
Because this sub-personality believes that you are really “Misunderstood,” it tries to protect you in the only way it knows how. First, it populates your life with people who will likely misunderstand you, because these are the only kind of people it is able to recognize. Then when you feel the desire to relate to them, it is virtually guaranteed that they will not be able to relate fully to you or support your vision. “Misunderstood” has seen to this!
“Misunderstood” keeps you from forming close relationships with people, because she chooses people for you that are consistent with her belief about who you are… a “Misunderstood Visionary.”
In this distorted way, she believes that she is loving you and protecting you from harm. But she does this at the expense of the other parts of you that have to suffer alone.
Who Is Protecting You?
“Misunderstood” only sees the potential for experiencing pain in relationships, so even before you have the chance to experience yourself in these situations, she is reminding you to be careful. To be watchful, and wary, because the life of a misunderstood visionary is hard.
This consistent experience of identifying yourself as “Misunderstood” has given rise to another sub-personality. Because “Misunderstood” has felt weak, unappreciated, and unable to enjoy relationships fully, she has given birth to the companion that she feels she needs.
She has given birth to a strong “Individualist”… someone who can hold the vision, keep the flame burning, and stand alone, despite the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,” as our good friend, Hamlet, might say.
So, another sub-personality of yours has come into play. A part of you that you know so well. A little sarcastic, a little bitter, and even cynical. And especially in relationships with men, it needs to show them (and you) how strong and wise you are. You might have startled yourself at times, when you recognized that this sub-personality was telling you how unworthy they were of your love.
And all these ego games were part of your relationships. You would feel great love toward these people, and then you would feel how they didn’t deserve you. You would want to share your love with them and be vulnerable; but at the same time, you would want to let them know that you are strong, and that your love is incorruptible.
All your life, these sub-personalities have played games with you… this “Misunderstood Visionary” and the “Disapproving Individualist.” Each of them has been giving you their best take on your life. You listen to them at times, but when you do, they always lead you back to the same experiences again and again. The experience remains the same. Only the relationships change.
Breaking Down the Pattern
My dear, now is the time to break down this pattern. It is time for you to step into remembering your true nature, Who You Really Are in truth. It is time to bring Love and Truth into your life again. It is time that you step up and acknowledge the Truth of your Identity.
None of these games that have been played represent Who You Really Are. None of them actually expresses your Divinity. They are just games conjured up by your ego, with players who compete for turns in endless and painful succession.
When you are ready, I ask you to sit for a moment in silence, and breathe. Remember again the truth of your Divinity. Breathe deeply and evenly. Receive the guidance that is offered to you from your Soul. Breathe and feel us all there, by your side, reminding you that you are loved and cherished, and how wonderful you are.
We are here to guide you, and to remind you of the True Love that you hold in your heart. This True Love is your Divinity. It is Who You Really Are.
Bring that Love to the surface, and let it wash away all the pain, cynicism, and suffering that you've endured for such a long time.
And as you do this, feel the peace that you can surrender to. That you can release yourself into.
Please, accept this peace into your life, and let go completely of the need to understand what is going on.
Be still, and listen to the still, quiet voice within your heart. It is whispering words of love and encouragement to you.
And when you are done, and you desire to come back, let’s take another look at your relationships.
A Second Look at Your Relationships
From this new place of silence and peace, please bring into the light these conflicting parts of yourself. These sub-personalities that have been playing this game of hurt, abandonment, and pain with you.
Call them here, and look at them now. They’re exhausted by the roles they've been playing. They have been trying to protect you from being hurt. Trying to protect you from abandonment. Trying to keep the pain of separation away from you.
They don’t realize that the very thing they claim to protect you from, they are actually calling into your life.
So, let’s look at them again. Look at the tactics they use to hold onto you, so fiercely. They are not willing to let go of you so quickly. How else would they survive without the energy of belief and credibility that you provide them?
In order to be free of their dominance, you cannot struggle with them, judge them, or reject them. They are part of you. You birthed them in moments of stress, fear, and doubt. Instead, they need to know that you love them, that you accept them, and that you welcome them back home into the integrated Being That You Are. They need to know that they will be fine.
Can you feel how scared and frightened they are? This is the energy they've been serving you with for so long.
Now, turn back to yourself… Back to your peace and silence. Feel it deeply. Feel that from the depth of your Being, how the love and compassion in your heart comes to embrace these parts of you. It is there for them – completely. Without judgment. It is not forced upon them.
As you embrace them, you are able to make a new decision for yourself.
You choose to let the “integrated you,” the whole and perfect you, be the guiding force in your life.
Feel this, please.
As you resume leadership over your inner life, please recognize that these sub-personalities have scattered and dissipated your energies for years with their unfounded doubts and fears.
Look at the fear – the anger, pain, hurt, and resentment that they have used to keep you cowed and cornered. These are tactics that they use, and you know them so well. They’ve been part of your life for so long. But now you understand them, and you no longer need to bring them in your life.
You no longer need to use them in your relationships. Your relationships can be easy. They can be fun, and flowing.
They don't need to be difficult, or emotionally demanding. They don't need to squeeze the life out of you, or depress you.
As you live your life from this renewed and integrated place, you will discover that there is nothing you really need to forgive of others. The “integrated you” – the one who remembers your Divinity – knows that forgiveness is just the act of correcting any misperceptions that you’ve held about yourself and the world.
Remembering your Divinity is the heart of forgiveness; for the transgressions you perceive against you, the hurts and the injustices, are just illusions. They are not Real.
Experiencing forgiveness means that you have remembered your Divinity. And in doing that, you realize that all struggle and pain is unnecessary and non-existent.
Forgiveness does not require you to martyr yourself for the sake of love, as so often it is represented in the mis-portrayed life of Christ. Instead, it is a simple remembrance of Love and Truth.
From this place, can you look at your relationships again, and at the questions you had?
Can you see that by releasing your allegiance to these various sub-personalities, and identifying with the Truth About You, instead, you can end this pain and suffering?
Then, you will no longer need the approval or understanding of the ones you are involved with in a relationship. Instead you take charge of your inner life fully, knowing that nothing can hurt you, and that you will never be abandoned.
And so, you will progress, step-by-step. From re-affirming your Divinity, you will begin to feel more confident about sharing your Divinity with others.
The recognition of your Divinity will be the standard that you use to invite new relationships into your life. You will no longer use the old and worn-out tactics of these sub-personalities. You will choose to share your Divinity, and not your fears and misgivings, with others.
You will open the doors to relationships that respond to the Truth About You. You will invite people and situations into your life that resonate with your awareness of your Divinity. And as you do, any previous relationships that you have will change, too. Their purpose will become clear to you – as the gift of clarity is one of the attributes of your Divinity.
And so, my dear friend, I see the doors opening for you to experience joy again in your life. I see that you have great potential to experience flow and ease – with yourself, and with everyone who might be invited into your life.
And so it shall be, my dear. And so it shall be.
I Am, indeed, Saint-Germain.